A Joke? Or Hopeful Poetic Justice?

Hope you enjoy this one.  Call it KARMA 🙂


A Filipino senator is driving his Pajero down EDSA in Manila, wangwang blaring, when he gets broadsided by a jeepney with failed brakes and a drunk Pinoy driver at the wheel. As soon as emergency personnel arrive, they see the senator so they ignore the other victims and rush the senator to a hospital, but he dies because of substandard medications and incompetent doctors who got their degrees and licenses through cheating and bribes. So the senator finds himself at the Pearly Gates before St. Peter.

“Ahh, Senator Dingdong,” says St. Peter, “We have quite a file on you. So here is the plan: You will spend a day and a night in Hell, then a day and a night in Heaven, then we will let you decide where you will spend eternity.”

“It’s OK, po,” says the senator, “I made my decision na. I want to be in Heaven sirrr. I’m a proud Pinoy. I’ve been a good person. I was baptized, I had my confirmation in the church, I always went to Sunday mass. And I did many great things for my people.”

“Sorry,” replies St. Peter, “I have direct orders from the Boss Himself.”

So before the senator has a chance to respond, he is placed in an elevator and goes down…down…down…down…to Hell. The doors open and he finds himself in the middle of a beautiful tropical resort–similar to the upscale tropical resort he received as a gift from his rich friend Lucido Tan in return for political favors. He walks alongside a babbling brook and a lush green meadow with birds chirping softly all around him. Looking ahead, he sees a group of people walking toward him. As he gets closer he sees that they are Filipino politicians, party bosses, and rich business owners who passed away before him, with his old friend and hero Ferdinand Marcos leading the group. They greet him with big smiles, big handshakes, big hugs, and big backslaps. They then walk to a championship-grade golf course where they play a friendly game of golf.

After the game, they head to the clubhouse where they dine on filet mingon, lobster, caviar, and Dom Peringon while bragging about how they all got rich and powerful at the expense of the poor and the gullible fools in their country.

Following dinner, they relax poolside at a tiki bar where the Devil comes to greet him with a frosty drink.

“Have a margarita and relax, Senator Dingdong!” says the Devil.

“Wow, sir!” replies the senator, I never expected this in Hell!”

“Don’t believe any of that stuff they told you in church! This is the REAL Hell, the best is yet to come, and you will live like this for all of eternity!

“I promise!”

So the senator relaxes on a lounge chair, enjoys his margarita, and puffs on a fine cigar, all the while noticing how much he and the devil have in common. Then, as if things could not get better for the proud Pinoy, Ferdinand Marcos comes to escort him to a cottage where he finds 18 of the most beautiful young ladies he had ever seen–one for each of the 18 mistresses he had in his life–waiting inside. He spends the night in the cottage enjoying the best sex he ever experienced.

Morning comes, and after feasting on a sumptuous breakfast, his friends escort him to the elevator and, after bidding a hearty adieu, the happy and prideful senator goes up…up…up…up…back to the Pearly Gates.

“Now then, Senator Dingdong,” says St. Peter, “Time for you to experience Heaven.”

So the senator enters Heaven, and as soon as he passes through the gates, he finds that his pride–the one thing that defined him as a Pinoy–immediately disappears, making him feel very uncomfortable. The first person he meets is a Catholic priest, and something within the senator makes him realize that this is the priest he arranged to have murdered because the priest supported a rival political candidate. He felt really uncomfortable as soon as he noticed who he was, but the priest greeted him with a hearty “Welcome!” and a big hug as if the senator never did anything bad to him.

Then the senator recognizes an Australian missionary who he had thrown in prison because the missionary hurt the senator’s pride by calling him out on his corrupt activities; that missionary eventually died from food poisoning while in prison. He also meets a young German humanitarian worker/environmental activist who was killed when she tried to block the expansion of one of the senator’s illegal mines. After greeting him and showing abounding love and forgiveness toward him, they escort the senator to an area where he sees multitudes of young Filipino children. Suddenly, something within the senator makes him realize that many of these children died from illnesses that could have been prevented or cured if they had access to affordable health care, vitamins, clean drinking water, and nutritious food, but instead of helping these poor children he squandered government money and contributions from humanitarian organizations on pet projects to get him re-elected, vote buying schemes, kickbacks to contractors, and free circumcisions.

Others standing before him died because of complications associated with botched circumcisions at the “Operation free tuli” events he sponsored. Many others were killed in landslides or mudslides due to the illegal logging and illegal mining operations he unofficially permitted. He becomes extremely uncomfortable at the sight of all of these people whose deaths he was directly or indirectly responsible for, but to his surprise, they show no animosity toward him–instead they all extend unconditional forgiveness and abundant love–a love he was never familiar with as a Filipino. The group then escorts him to a huge banquet table where they enjoy a fabulous meal with Jesus at the head of the table showing the same love and forgiveness that everyone else showed. He enjoys it all, but he felt it lacked the party atmosphere he experienced in Hell.

There is no darkness in Heaven, but he still rests comfortably through the night on a cloud with angels all around him singing softly–something that he feels is quite boring compared to his experience in the cottage in Hell.

The next day, an angel escorts him back to the Pearly Gates. “Now then, Senator Dingdong,” says St. Peter, “You experienced Hell and you experienced Heaven. Time for you to make your decision.”

The senator mulls it over for a brief moment then says, “Well, sir, Heaven is very nice…but I really fell I should be in Hell with all my friends.”

“You made the right decision, Senator” says St. Peter, as an angel escorts him to the elevator where he goes down…down…down…down..to Hell.

The elevator doors open and he is suddenly knocked off his feet by an overwhelming stench of stale urine, much like the stench in the streets and alleyways in any city in his country. He stumbles back on his feet, steps out of the elevator, and finds himself in the middle of a disgusting slum–just like Tondo. The only light comes from the many fires burning all around him. He looks ahead in the dim light and sees a river filled with garbage, toxic waste, and raw sewage–just like the Pasig River. All around him is thick smog and an acrid stench of burning trash–just like Smoky Mountain–which fills his lungs and makes him gag and vomit. In near disbelief over what he sees, he trudges through the mud and sludge and finds his friends, all carrying red hot coals of burning sulfur, slumped over, moaning in great agony, as venomous serpents, surrounding each of them, bite them relentlessly.

He continues on, hoping to find the resort that he enjoyed so much on his last visit, and he comes upon the young ladies who so passionately “serviced” him in the cottage, but the ladies now have disfigured faces, scars and burns on their skin, and worms crawling in and out of their nostrils, eyes, mouths, ears, and nether parts. Each of them let out blood-curdling, ear-piercing screams–just like the screams he used to hear from young boys as they were senselessly circumcised at the many “Operation free tuli” events he once proudly sponsored.

In desperation, he searches for the Devil, who he finds a short distance away, looking at the senator with an evil grin. “Please, sir!” cries the senator with a pathetic cry similar to the cries of the child beggars on the streets of Manila, “Where is the resort, sir? I’m a proud Pinoy and I deserve the resort! Please take me to the resort, sir! Please, sirrrr!”

hell_forever_and_everThe Devil, with a look of Pinoy-style pride on his face, places his hand on the senator’s shoulder. “Ahhh, Ssssenator Dingdong!” says the Devil with a serpent’s hiss, “Do you not remember anything from your days in Philippine politicssss?

“Two days ago, we were campaigning…

“Today, you voted for us!”

Published in Corruption, Humor


  1. Profile gravatar of Pissnoy Allergy
    Pissnoy Allergy

    Very enjoyable indeed. But I hope Hell uses demons as avatars during campaigning and not actually give its residents a day off from torment now and then to enjoy it 😉

    1. Profile gravatar of Pissnoy Allergy
      Pissnoy Allergy

      Angel: “Oh, I’m sure they’re just demons in disguise”

      Yes, I think the evidence speaks for that, because there was no mentioning of him having to make a compulsory big bet, and then loose on purpose, when he played golf with “Ferdinand Marcos” in Hell, so it surely can not have been the real Marcos.

  2. Profile gravatar of Pissnoy Allergy
    Pissnoy Allergy

    Maybe the Devil should have rephrased the question: ““Do you not remember anything from your days in Philippine politicssss?” to “Do you not remember anything from OUR days in Philippine politicssss?” 😉

    1. Profile gravatar of Angel

      C’mon, don’t take it too seriously. It’s supposed to be funny. And as with all jokes, the punchline is of course at the end.

      1. Profile gravatar of emrys

        yeah angel, I guess it’s funny. but any pinoy with a brain can replace all of this with American or Canadian figures. I sort of feel it’s offensive from my point of view because it can be switched with any political figures. not that I care a whole lot about political figures. but seriously, catholic political figures? ummmm, a lot of the united states figures are catholic? so really, the op is just setting them selves up for people to bash this post. I agree with a lot of the articles and posts on here. but this Is just something that can be augmented to make first world countries look so stupid too.

        I respect a lot of the users on here and their own views on the Philippines. but this post is sort of useless in making a fail of the place since it CAN be replaced with first world leaders names as well. our first world countries aren’t so great that their names could be replaced in this article. so not to show disrespect to this site filo has made at all, but this article is open game for proving how stupid the west is…..by way of replacing the names in it. just saying this as someone who see’s a potential fall out with this one article. not offence to filo, or any of the other users. just my opinion on that there are probably better things to post to make the point of this website.

        but maybe you guys will have a good time placing united states and Canadian politicians into the spaces provided. I don’t know to much on what is fun on this site. but maybe you will get a kick out of replacing names. I mean no disrespect to you angel. just saying I had to really force myself to finish this article to post this to you. this site deserves better than this. no offense to the user for writing this. but I actually visit this site for more than this. it’s conjecture. I want to read on peoples experiences. I could make up all kinds of shit on here in “stories”. but I actually want to read peoples experiences of an actual place. that’s what I think filo’s site is about. it’s experiences of fails experienced by real people. not just made up stories. that’s where I think this site’s credit is. but yeah, filo can post anything he wants. but for me, it’s the real experiences I’m interested in, not stories of stupid shit that can be turned around by Filipinos. it’s boring for me to read this shit. it’s conjecture. so for me, it doesn’t really do this site justice as a fail blog.

        1. Profile gravatar of Angel

          I just took it as how it is, a joke. The setting just happened to be based on Catholic theology, we can just as easily replace that as well. I just liked the way the punchline delivers the moral of the story. That even though Senator Dingdong knew better (that the Devil is a liar, and that Hell isn’t a resort), he still chose to believe what he was seeing in the then and now.

          I’m actually quite interested in social psychology and psychiatry, I read up on those subjects whenever I could. Trying to understand why people act the way they do. And growing up in the Philippines, I have first-hand experiences living with your “typical” Pinoys. I had “typical” traits myself growing up. And still do. I’m trying to change those though. Adopting the things I’ve seen here in the States. The things that work for people. Like respect, courtesy, and honesty. Simple things, but growing up, things that were seen as “weaknesses” to be exploited. In the Philippines, it’s YOUR fault when you get scammed. We have a saying “Walang manloloko, kung walang magpapaloko”, which roughly translates to “There will be no scammers if there are no people to scam”. I can tell that you’re actually quite smart yourself, and like you, I don’t agree with everything that gets written in this blog. Being a Filipino myself, it saddens me that Filipinos have such a negative image. But I try to keep an open mind, even with all the criticism. It’s because I’m trying to understand the underlying root of the Filipino problem. And maybe come up with some sort of solution. Maybe not for the entire country, but hopefully enough for myself. I can’t change others, if I can’t change myself first.

          1. Profile gravatar of Mike

            Here in the states. Compare the states to the philippines for this.
            Your in a line at the store and after all you groceries are rang up you are $5 short, but there are no snacks or unneeded in you items. What happens?

            You Are short a dollar or two for taxi fare after arriving at you house and don’t have the rest of the fare $2. What happens?

            You break your leg and go to the hospital even though you can’t pay and no insurance. What happens?

            In these case and many more the person behind you at the store would pay the extra.
            Cabbie would say ok this time and take the loss. Hospital would treat you anyway. Can same be said in the philippines?

            Come up with a solution? What? It seems as though filipinos in the philippines do not want a solution. I’m not trying to hack on you or anything like that.

          2. Profile gravatar of BLX2

            “Walang manloloko, kung walang magpapaloko” Ah, so they have a idiom for that. We grew up with a penny saved is a penny earned, what goes around comes around, an idle mind is the devil’s playground, an ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure, as honest as the day is long, as ye sow, so shall ye reap, they pedestal good behavior and scorn bad behavior. Positive reinforcement of right over wrong. “There will be no scammers if there are no people to scam”, this blames the victim for being stupid enough to trust someone, it reinforces the right to be dishonest. I only wish I could accurately pronounce it so I could repeat it every time a pinoy expects trust. “it saddens me that Filipinos have such a negative image”, it saddens me they have earned it. It saddens me that if I were to meet Filo on the street and he acted like he wanted to be my friend I would have to turn my back for my own protection. It really sucks almost every time I extend a little trust I end up feeling like an idiot.

            “There will be no scammers if there are no people to scam”

          3. Profile gravatar of Angel


            It’s ok, the animosity with Flips is well deserved. It’s sad, but it’s also reality. And I HAVE seen how society is so different here in the States. Like one of my previous posts about a “self-checkout grocery”, which if someone would try to start in the PH, would go bankrupt instantly. And what I’m concerned about right now is changing the negative Flip attitudes I grew up with, trying to come up with a solution to what is wrong with me first. It’s like that Bible passage about trying to get rid of the sawdust in somebody’s eye, when I got a plank stuck in mine. Maybe I can’t change the country, but I can change myself. And that’s where it should start really. If everyone would only change THEMSELVES, improve THEMSELVES, instead of relying on others (like the corrupt politicians), then there would be real, and effective change.

        2. Profile gravatar of Mike

          Try this.
          Bill Clinton dies and is waiting at the pearly gates for St. Peter who arrives 10 minutes later.
          Peter: You are Bill Clinton, former president of the Untied States.
          BC: Yes.
          Peter; Ok, our records show you were not worthy of heaven so we have to send you to hell.
          Off Bill goes to hell where the devil meets him with the same greeting as the Peter did but the devil welcomes him to hell.
          Devil: Hey Slicky Willie, I mean Bill let me show you around. I will show you three rooms where you will spend eternity and you get to pick the one you want.
          BC: Ok.
          So off they go and devil opens door number one where Bill sees people carrying heavy loads a coal in a furnace, sweaty, hot and the odor. so Bill ask to see the next door.
          In the next door are people cleaning toilets, scrubbing floors and cleaning shitty diapers (no it’s not philippine ofws).
          Bill: I was president of the greatest country in the world. Cleaning toilets is beneath my status. Show me door three.
          Devil: Ok.
          So off they go to door three and the devil opens it. What greets Bill’s eyes but his worset enemy chained to a wall getting a blow job from Monica Lewinsky.

          Bill: This is the door for me. Yes I want to be here for eternity.
          Devil: Are you sure?
          Bill: Yes!!! Blow jobs 24/7? Who would not like that?
          Devil: ok, if that is what you want so be it. Monica! Get up, your replacement is here.

          1. Profile gravatar of Pissnoy Allergy
            Pissnoy Allergy

            A good catholic shows up at the pearly gate some time in the not too distant future.

            He is greeted by St. Peter.

            “Wow the man says, I cant’t wait to see the virgin Mary.”

            St. Peter gets an expression of awkwardness on his face and says: “I am afraid you are a little too late for that. You, see, we already have Bill Clinton here”

          2. Profile gravatar of Pissnoy Allergy
            Pissnoy Allergy

            By the way, the afterlife does not seem very heavenly to St. Peter. Imagine having to work as a bouncer for eternity. 😀

        3. Profile gravatar of BLX2

          Actually I think it was taken from either the West or the USSR and changed a little. Heard it long ago… Still it was a fun and fitting redo. On a religious note, I have no problem with there not being a heaven to go to when it’s over, but it really bugs the fuck out of me that there isn’t a hell for dirt bags to pay for what they have done to other people.

          1. Profile gravatar of Pissnoy Allergy
            Pissnoy Allergy

            You are right about that. The first time I read a story following a similar plot, it was about the Soviet leader Leonid Bresjnev. The punch line being the Devil telling him: “You see, the first time you were here, you were here on a tourist visa” 😉

          2. Profile gravatar of Pissnoy Allergy
            Pissnoy Allergy

            I once told a pinoy that I am an atheist. He asked me: “Do you have special churches for atheists where you come from?”

            I forgot for a moment how analogies are wasted on them, happens now and then, so I replied: “No, that would be like having a fan club of people who don’t like basketball”

        4. Profile gravatar of Mike


          On this site we joke with each other a lot. We have Al the seal basher and trash importer from The Great White North, Sarah who makes house calls and rides to work on a kangaroo, Beavis who is obsessed with a 1990’s cartoon and so forth. Yes we joke and prod each other but rarely is anything taken personal. We have a sense of humor to help deal with the crap we go through each and every day. What was put up that everyone replied to was a joke and as you say can be said about a lot of other countries and their leaders. Here at PFB we do not single out any one group. We are EOPO’s (Equal Opportunity Pisser Offers).

          1. Profile gravatar of emrys

            yep, I’m not the type to know it’s not a joke. I respect you and others you have stated, and their comments and published articles. I’m not so fun to most of you so I will keep my posts to a minimum and only on a needed basis.

        5. Profile gravatar of TightWired

          When I read the first paragraph I thought it was a True story…LoL
          The Pearly Gates/Devil was hilarious because it was so reflective of RP life. Swap Heaven/Hell with LTO/BI/BIR/etc… and this story still reflects RP life.
          Their was a Fil-Am quite a while back that said something like “I don’t disrespect American life”…My question back was “Why the Puck not…Isn’t their something that pisses you off in America ???”. The difference between the Deniers and myself, is even though I love my country (20 yrs Military), I am still big enough to admit to it’s short comings. And if you can joke about it…that just make it even more in your face.