Hope you enjoy this one. Call it KARMA 🙂
A Filipino senator is driving his Pajero down EDSA in Manila, wangwang blaring, when he gets broadsided by a jeepney with failed brakes and a drunk Pinoy driver at the wheel. As soon as emergency personnel arrive, they see the senator so they ignore the other victims and rush the senator to a hospital, but he dies because of substandard medications and incompetent doctors who got their degrees and licenses through cheating and bribes. So the senator finds himself at the Pearly Gates before St. Peter.
“Ahh, Senator Dingdong,” says St. Peter, “We have quite a file on you. So here is the plan: You will spend a day and a night in Hell, then a day and a night in Heaven, then we will let you decide where you will spend eternity.”
“It’s OK, po,” says the senator, “I made my decision na. I want to be in Heaven sirrr. I’m a proud Pinoy. I’ve been a good person. I was baptized, I had my confirmation in the church, I always went to Sunday mass. And I did many great things for my people.”
“Sorry,” replies St. Peter, “I have direct orders from the Boss Himself.”
So before the senator has a chance to respond, he is placed in an elevator and goes down…down…down…down…to Hell. The doors open and he finds himself in the middle of a beautiful tropical resort–similar to the upscale tropical resort he received as a gift from his rich friend Lucido Tan in return for political favors. He walks alongside a babbling brook and a lush green meadow with birds chirping softly all around him. Looking ahead, he sees a group of people walking toward him. As he gets closer he sees that they are Filipino politicians, party bosses, and rich business owners who passed away before him, with his old friend and hero Ferdinand Marcos leading the group. They greet him with big smiles, big handshakes, big hugs, and big backslaps. They then walk to a championship-grade golf course where they play a friendly game of golf.
After the game, they head to the clubhouse where they dine on filet mingon, lobster, caviar, and Dom Peringon while bragging about how they all got rich and powerful at the expense of the poor and the gullible fools in their country.
Following dinner, they relax poolside at a tiki bar where the Devil comes to greet him with a frosty drink.
“Have a margarita and relax, Senator Dingdong!” says the Devil.
“Wow, sir!” replies the senator, I never expected this in Hell!”
“Don’t believe any of that stuff they told you in church! This is the REAL Hell, the best is yet to come, and you will live like this for all of eternity!
So the senator relaxes on a lounge chair, enjoys his margarita, and puffs on a fine cigar, all the while noticing how much he and the devil have in common. Then, as if things could not get better for the proud Pinoy, Ferdinand Marcos comes to escort him to a cottage where he finds 18 of the most beautiful young ladies he had ever seen–one for each of the 18 mistresses he had in his life–waiting inside. He spends the night in the cottage enjoying the best sex he ever experienced.
Morning comes, and after feasting on a sumptuous breakfast, his friends escort him to the elevator and, after bidding a hearty adieu, the happy and prideful senator goes up…up…up…up…back to the Pearly Gates.
“Now then, Senator Dingdong,” says St. Peter, “Time for you to experience Heaven.”
So the senator enters Heaven, and as soon as he passes through the gates, he finds that his pride–the one thing that defined him as a Pinoy–immediately disappears, making him feel very uncomfortable. The first person he meets is a Catholic priest, and something within the senator makes him realize that this is the priest he arranged to have murdered because the priest supported a rival political candidate. He felt really uncomfortable as soon as he noticed who he was, but the priest greeted him with a hearty “Welcome!” and a big hug as if the senator never did anything bad to him.
Then the senator recognizes an Australian missionary who he had thrown in prison because the missionary hurt the senator’s pride by calling him out on his corrupt activities; that missionary eventually died from food poisoning while in prison. He also meets a young German humanitarian worker/environmental activist who was killed when she tried to block the expansion of one of the senator’s illegal mines. After greeting him and showing abounding love and forgiveness toward him, they escort the senator to an area where he sees multitudes of young Filipino children. Suddenly, something within the senator makes him realize that many of these children died from illnesses that could have been prevented or cured if they had access to affordable health care, vitamins, clean drinking water, and nutritious food, but instead of helping these poor children he squandered government money and contributions from humanitarian organizations on pet projects to get him re-elected, vote buying schemes, kickbacks to contractors, and free circumcisions.
Others standing before him died because of complications associated with botched circumcisions at the “Operation free tuli” events he sponsored. Many others were killed in landslides or mudslides due to the illegal logging and illegal mining operations he unofficially permitted. He becomes extremely uncomfortable at the sight of all of these people whose deaths he was directly or indirectly responsible for, but to his surprise, they show no animosity toward him–instead they all extend unconditional forgiveness and abundant love–a love he was never familiar with as a Filipino. The group then escorts him to a huge banquet table where they enjoy a fabulous meal with Jesus at the head of the table showing the same love and forgiveness that everyone else showed. He enjoys it all, but he felt it lacked the party atmosphere he experienced in Hell.
There is no darkness in Heaven, but he still rests comfortably through the night on a cloud with angels all around him singing softly–something that he feels is quite boring compared to his experience in the cottage in Hell.
The next day, an angel escorts him back to the Pearly Gates. “Now then, Senator Dingdong,” says St. Peter, “You experienced Hell and you experienced Heaven. Time for you to make your decision.”
The senator mulls it over for a brief moment then says, “Well, sir, Heaven is very nice…but I really fell I should be in Hell with all my friends.”
“You made the right decision, Senator” says St. Peter, as an angel escorts him to the elevator where he goes down…down…down…down..to Hell.
The elevator doors open and he is suddenly knocked off his feet by an overwhelming stench of stale urine, much like the stench in the streets and alleyways in any city in his country. He stumbles back on his feet, steps out of the elevator, and finds himself in the middle of a disgusting slum–just like Tondo. The only light comes from the many fires burning all around him. He looks ahead in the dim light and sees a river filled with garbage, toxic waste, and raw sewage–just like the Pasig River. All around him is thick smog and an acrid stench of burning trash–just like Smoky Mountain–which fills his lungs and makes him gag and vomit. In near disbelief over what he sees, he trudges through the mud and sludge and finds his friends, all carrying red hot coals of burning sulfur, slumped over, moaning in great agony, as venomous serpents, surrounding each of them, bite them relentlessly.
He continues on, hoping to find the resort that he enjoyed so much on his last visit, and he comes upon the young ladies who so passionately “serviced” him in the cottage, but the ladies now have disfigured faces, scars and burns on their skin, and worms crawling in and out of their nostrils, eyes, mouths, ears, and nether parts. Each of them let out blood-curdling, ear-piercing screams–just like the screams he used to hear from young boys as they were senselessly circumcised at the many “Operation free tuli” events he once proudly sponsored.
In desperation, he searches for the Devil, who he finds a short distance away, looking at the senator with an evil grin. “Please, sir!” cries the senator with a pathetic cry similar to the cries of the child beggars on the streets of Manila, “Where is the resort, sir? I’m a proud Pinoy and I deserve the resort! Please take me to the resort, sir! Please, sirrrr!”
The Devil, with a look of Pinoy-style pride on his face, places his hand on the senator’s shoulder. “Ahhh, Ssssenator Dingdong!” says the Devil with a serpent’s hiss, “Do you not remember anything from your days in Philippine politicssss?
“Two days ago, we were campaigning…
“Today, you voted for us!”Published in