Aussie Turned Native?

Now you might think this post is about me but it is not. It’s about an Aussie fellow whom I have met and am getting to know which lead to the title of this article. This guy whom we’ll call Mr. Oz has been in the philippines under 5 years but more than 3 years, has a live in girlfriend whom he has taken to Oz a couple of times. Now as far as Mr. Oz knows I just arrived from the states but have been coming since 1982 and kinda figures I’m a newbie to this land of delusional enchantment and therefore offers advice. I pretty much play dumb. Advice from Mr. Oz:

1.) If you are going to get a pinay for a wife, get an orphan and one that has no interest in going to your home country.  Otherwise when she gets to your country there is good chance she will take off as soon as she get citizenship, green card or such. In the event she can’t wait that long then she might accuse you of molesting her children in order to take off.   Granted this is good advice from Mr. Oz who is paying for an annulment for his girl friend so he can marry her and take her and her son to Oz. But Mr. Oz says the,,,, all together now “NOT ALL FILIPINOS ARE LIKE THAT.”  “SHE’S NOT LIKE THE OTHER FILIPINOS.”


2.) Never trust a filipino you don’t know. After you get to know them then be very careful about trusting them. Most filipinos don’t steal, scam (Mr. Oz words, not mine) but this keeps you out of trouble with the ones who do.     Mr. Oz then goes on to tell how filipinos broke into his house and stole several items, he then put bars on his windows and tells me the area is safe.  I think for the most part it is SAFER than a lot of other areas, the filipinos just noticed he had no bars and saw a free buffet.

3.) The filipinos are trying to make their country better. This said while we were looking at trash piled up and Mr. Oz saying that filipinos have very poor hygiene. I told him they have good hygiene inside their house and person but outside the house they are dirty. Mr. Oz corrects me and says they are dirty in all areas of their lives. So just how are they making their country better if they do not clean up after themselves?

4.) Most filipinos do not pissed in public as much as they use to (In a 10 minute taxi ride I counted 4 filipinos pissing in public). Mr. Oz will stand in his front yard and piss in the grass and in plain site of the house across the street.

5.) The philippines is a wonderful place to live. Make friends, make foreigner friends but also a few filipinos friends.

6.) If you go down the street and are attacked, most filipinos around will come and defend you.

7.) Don’t go to Mindanao as it’s not safe. But you can go to Davao.  Mr. Oz then goes on to say that when he was in Davao his woman would not let him leave the house alone, always had 6 to 8 filipinos with him in case of kidnapping attempt.

9.) Corruption is not that bad.

8.) You don’t have to go native to have a good experience in the philippines, just learn/adapt the culture, chill and take it easy.  Wife said same thing to me once to which I replied “ok, I’ll start stealing, scamming, overcharging and get 2 or 3 mistresses.” Odd thing, wife said no mistresses.

There are some more Mr. Oz has said but slipped my mind at the moment. But rest assured Mr. Oz will be offering more nuggets of wisdom which I will share with you all. Why the title you ask? Well at times when talking to Mr. Oz it seems as if he is going native without knowing it. I will bring up an experience or something I read, saw on tv and he will say it’s not like that then turn around and tell me stories that happened to him that shot down his “it’s not like that.” Mr. Oz talks like a member of PFB about experiences in the philippines then denies it’s that bad, therefore the title.

Published in Expats


  1. Profile gravatar of Mike
    Mike Post author

    Regarding #6, I like how it relates to the new post where the pinoy is cut in half by a train and the filipinos just stand and gawk and did not even offer a rosary.

    1. Profile gravatar of Tacitus

      Great posting, Mike! #6 make me laugh out loud at the sheer absurdity. Yes, there may be a few who’ll come to defend you but they were probably the ones that called their gangster buddies and set you up and don’t be surprised if you find your wallet missing after they help you out. There’s nothing like a good distraction to make pick-pocketing easy for those thieving bastards.

      I often like to “play dumb” to weed out bullshitters and sure enough I’ve come across more than my fair share to last me a lifetime.

      By the way, thanks for making the distinction between a Nazi party member and a German military soldier with regards to Rommel in an earlier comment. It annoys the hell out of me when people say stupid things without knowing their history better.

  2. Profile gravatar of Esteban Magtaka III Jr
    Esteban Magtaka III Jr

    I suspect that Mr Oz’s brain has become pickled by excessive consumption of Red Horse and too much watching Wowowee.
    Best quote :”The Filipinos are trying to make their country better”

  3. Profile gravatar of FilamboredinthePH

    If you want to see a white expat who wants to be a native SO BADLY look up Kyle Jennermann known locally as KULAS on youtube. I mean I get what he’s doing. He’s sucking pinoy pride dick HARD with two hands with plenty of attention to the balls because it’s gaining him national fame and now recently a TV show deal with a national tv station. I’m just trying to figure out if the act is really for real or he sees an untapped money making oppurtunity. Youtuber’s with thousands of subscribers and tens of thousands of views tend to get a decent paycheck.

    1. Profile gravatar of Esteban Magtaka III Jr
      Esteban Magtaka III Jr

      Talk about painting a target on his own back though….. Having tens of thousands of Pinoys knowing your name, and that you’ve got cash, probably isn’t the best recipe for a long and happy life.

    2. Profile gravatar of kalbo

      That guy looks totally fake or sick in the head. Or maybe both. I think he’s been angling at getting some TV work for years. Hence all the bullshit.

    3. Profile gravatar of Esteban Magtaka III Jr
      Esteban Magtaka III Jr

      I just took a look at the guy on youtube – Just an attention-seeking wanker …. Eventually he’ll piss someone off and get stabbed , get some psycho girl pregnant,and/or get accused of being a being a paedo…. Filipinos love to build someone up and then see them fall, because they already know that the person who scandalizes or implicates a ‘celebrity’ will become even more ‘pamous’ and get their 5 minutes on “whoooosh!………Tv patrol”

    4. Profile gravatar of pulubi

      There is another person name travis kraft superman of the pinoy pride who is doing the same thing. He even lived for a week with the squatters and showed it on youtube. LOL What a unggoy. LOL

        1. Profile gravatar of Esteban Magtaka III Jr
          Esteban Magtaka III Jr

          Obviously a crack baby. ” I recently had a starring role in a Filipino movie… in theaters”… Clearly this brag-worthy ‘starring role’ paid extremely well for him to be begging for a few bucks over the internet.

        2. Profile gravatar of Sarah

          Sure beats flipping burgers where he comes from, plus Pinays going gaga over him is a bonus. I supposed white skin / long nose and lather of BS is all you need to make a living while “working” and living in the Philippines. I supposed Travis has an e-book for sale to accompany his videos?

          1. Profile gravatar of Mike
            Mike Post author

            And charge $100 USD an hour to answer questions about the philippines?

      1. Profile gravatar of 30-30

        Who would live in a sqautter’s sewer hole for week ????? Give me some of that dope he is smoking!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I really need it to stand this shithole

        1. Profile gravatar of pulubi

          Well if you’re losing all the attention from regular fans you will try every way to find those idiots that will praise and adore you. In this case the squatters. LOL That shit is a powerful drug. Why do you think Imelda with all her money went back to the PI? Not because she wants to be buried in that shit hole or make the country better. LOL She wants all the adoring fan praising her. When she was exiled in USA no one gives a shit what she was doing.

          1. Profile gravatar of Sarah

            I saw a documentary about Imelda Marcos a few years ago. Must have been an election year because she was campaigning. And her idea of a campaign? ride in some aircon van, and hand out photos of herself to her adoring fans. Really? Who’d want to look at the face of an 83 year old obese Filipina woman?

      2. Profile gravatar of pulubi

        Guy has Imelda syndrome going back to philippines or in this case go to philippines and feed off the illiterate adoring unggoy fans. Travis goes to philippines and becomes an instant model(LOL) from adoring illeterate unggoy fans. Can’t do it in the USA because, as you said, just a burger filpper or maybe minimum wage worker with no skills. LOL

  4. Profile gravatar of Barry Smyth
    Barry Smyth

    He is not on his own I can assure you there are plenty here on the advice you need to have for a better life in the Philippines ….

    Expats are experts on everything from solving the worlds problems to where the cheapest booze is mostly correct on the booze.
    And some of the biggest experts are Americans and Aussies you just have to ask them sometimes they volunteer it without even asking.

  5. Profile gravatar of

    I bet that this guy is only saying it in a polite way in the outside, but in the inside he wants to explode and say what he actually thinks about the country

  6. Profile gravatar of Catabisis

    No one bullshits about this place more than Gary McMurrain, a former moderator at livinginthephilippines3.
    That total asshole led me down a fucking pipe dream about this place before I arrived. After I got here it was a constant stream of WTF.
    This asshole actually had me convinced that if you have a Filipino as a friend, you have a friend for life. That has to be the stupidest thing I have heard any foreigner say about this place, and has the be the stupidest thing I ever believed.

    1. Profile gravatar of Esteban Magtaka III Jr
      Esteban Magtaka III Jr

      I can only think that these jokers must be on the run from something or somebody in the civilised world.

    2. Profile gravatar of


      “That total asshole led me down a fucking pipe dream about this place before I arrived. After I got here it was a constant stream of WTF.”

      I know similar story with one my friends living here that was listing to the YT videoes of one those fuckers and later moved here.

      In the other side I had one filipino “friend” that never asked money from me even he was only a tricycle driver. We drank 3 times a week making half half. He was not so inteligent but still not a shit talking one. Still have contact with him on fb even though we moved far away.

    3. Profile gravatar of Sarah

      What a load of bull! Filipinos don’t even have loyalty to their own blood relatives, much less a foreign person in which he is not even tied by kinship? Filipinos can not be loyal – ever! They might appear loyal in the first place till they figure out what or how much they can bleed off you!

      1. Profile gravatar of

        Well believe or not but the guy never asked money or talked how poor he is. He mentioned once only that when he was working all his money went to the other siblings that was studying. I called him a friend but its more like a filipino drinking buddy I guess.

    4. Profile gravatar of Mike
      Mike Post author

      I’m just waiting for one of the Westerners mislead by Mindanao Bob and other assholes like him who paint this place as perfect to show up pissed and kick the shit out of them.

      1. Profile gravatar of Sarah

        Well, that’s how Bob makes his living…. painting the Philippines as a paradise. In one of his old articles, he even mentioned he contemplated applying for Philippine citizenship! Now, that’s what I’d call “gone native!”.

          1. Profile gravatar of Mike
            Mike Post author

            A few years ago Wowowee went to do shows in the states. I know one was in Reno and there were a few other cities as well. I saw one but can’t remember which city. So happened Willie had this kano up on stage and the kano kept saying how great the philippines was, the people honest, helpful and so forth. Willie asked him if he had ever been to the philippines and the kano said no ( maybe a victim of Mindanao Bob huh lies); He then took off his watch and handed it to Willie and told hi to give it to a needy filipino when he got back to the philippines. What does Willie do? Ask how much he paid for the watch ($100) and then Willie shoves it in his pocket. Then dipshit kano says he would give up his U.S. citizenship right then and there for philippine citizenship and go back with Willie and live in paradise.

        1. Profile gravatar of Angeleyes

          I bought one of Bobs e books about a year ago called “49 ways to make a living in the Philippines”. What a waste of $15. His best idea is to buy products on Amazon and drop ship them on e bay (which you cant actually do anymore and if you could there is no profit at all), that was his best idea; well that and to write e books and sell them to suckers like me. The rest of his ideas were crappier. At the end of the book he goes through all his ideas and tells his experiences with each. Well he had tried the first 3 or 4 and the rest were just ideas other people had told him about. With his wife and kids I think he is just stuck there and trying to make the most of a shitty situation. His love for the Phils is like being stuck on a island with someone you hate but getting along with them because there is no other option. He has to do what he does, the Muslims down there love giving behead jobs.

          1. Profile gravatar of Sarah

            Angel, did you ask for a refund??

            I re-watched that Chris Wren video again because I wanted to make sure his facts are recent, as in costs of rent in Naga (Cebu). I think the guy is bullshitting. No way a 2 storey house even in Naga would be that cheap. The ex lives in a provincial run down, 2 bedroom no garage apartment , pokey apartment and he pays P3000 a month. Chris Wren’s rented house looked a lot like one of the Deca project row houses. Deca houses are the cheapest if you want subdivisions. Even assuming Chris Wren’s apartment was a run down Deca home, it’s way underpriced. They normally fetch from at least P6000 unfurnished in Mactan island alone.

            An expat watching misleading videos like those of Chris Wren’s and buying MB’s e-books would end up being misled big time. Are guys like MB, Chris Wren, Travis Kraft etc are able to sleep at night? It’s simply criminal!

      2. Profile gravatar of Hey Joe
        Hey Joe

        Being I am in Davao, I always keep a eye open for him. Bob has all his youtube vids with his “expert advice” about Davao shopping , food and so on where he is in some of the local malls.

        In my 6-7 yrs here, I have never seen him. I for one sure would love to tell him what i think of him.
        Sadly. I had no clue how full of shit he (and others) are until it was far to late.

  7. Profile gravatar of Esteban Magtaka III Jr
    Esteban Magtaka III Jr

    Been looking at another guy on YouTube – Chris Wren ‘a Brit in The Philippines’ . I have never seen such a tragic character.
    He ran away from the UK after being fucked over/fucking someone over…. Arrived in the Philippines and promptly got fucked over by locals, a Filipina ‘single mom’, and expats alike. He is like a rabbit caught in a car headlights, and his naivety is actually painful to watch.

    1. Profile gravatar of kalbo

      Just saw his video of him and his cutie faced silent pinay. He doesn’t know what’s inshore for him.

      I often wonder how it’s possible to spend your life with someone that never speaks and looks totally gormless. Well gormless except the skills of pressing buttons of the kano atm machine.

      1. Profile gravatar of Sarah

        Just saw the video too. P2,500 month for an apartment? yeah, but look how pokey it is! And P6300 a month for food? I wonder how often he eats rice and dried fish?

  8. Profile gravatar of Phil Doh
    Phil Doh

    Idiot expats-gone-native are ten times more annoying than your typical pinoy. I joined a few expat groups on FB and the majority of the ass lickers in these groups really wind me up. They can obviously see the blatant stupidity, incompetence, inconsideration but keep telling the world they’re living in paradise. The other day, a guy posted about the noise in his neighborhood – fireworks after midnight on a school night. Obviously not normal considerate behavior on any planet, but nobody sympathized and just shot him down for “whining”.

    1. Profile gravatar of Hey Joe
      Hey Joe

      Just 2 days ago I meet a expat, a German national. We had a very nice conversation. But the more I talked to him the more I could see he has gone full native. His English is very good, but his Filipino is even better according to my wife.
      I would never belittle him for learning 2 other languages besides his native German. He is obviously a intelligent guy to do so.

      BUT, the constant crazy eyebrow raising, and strange facial expressions that dongs do, was driving me nuts !!
      Their were times I had to stop my self from cracking up over the CrAZy eyebrow thing going on. What made it even more funny was the fact he has very thick eyebrows. Kept thinking to my self a pinoy Groucho Marx.

      WTF, man… just be your self..why, just why???

  9. Profile gravatar of 30-30

    Who’d want to look at the face of an 83 year old obese Filipina woman?
    Imelda rented a house from Doris Duke for 25,000 USA dollars in Hawaii. Then I seen their pics on the wall of some bamboo shack in Ilocano country. Of course the sheeple were dirt stinking poor. They could even find Hawaii on a world map!!!!!!!!!!

  10. Profile gravatar of 30-30

    I should have added that it was 25k a month!!!!!!!! Then the exchange rate was 20 to the dollar and the biggest bill was a 100 peso note…..

  11. Profile gravatar of Kevin

    I run into a lot of problems with my current girlfriend. As the post states it is Aussie, but my real issue is with a Norwegian. Po-tay-to po-tah-to. Just recently my girlfriend’s sister started to go bat shit crazy. She had this idea that since she had a french guy boyfriend in the past and he helped with money to the family that now that her sister (my girlfriend) has a foreigner boyfriend that I should help with the family’s money situation. My girlfriend told me before she started to date this Norwegian that she was somewhat sane. Now she is completely off her rocker. Also, I have notice that the Norwegian is going native as well. He does have a pension but he is trying to have me spend my money so he doesn’t have to use his own money. I think he is convincing his girlfriend to guilt my girlfriend into spending my money. I don’t give in so easily. I am not that stupid. My girlfriend’s sister will never go through me to ask for money nor will my the girlfriend’s sister’s boyfriend come to me. I just don’t understand how you can lower yourself making people feel guilty for your own gain. Where is your pride?

    1. Profile gravatar of


      “Also, I have notice that the Norwegian is going native as well. He does have a pension but he is trying to have me spend my money so he doesn’t have to use his own money. ”

      I guess a military guy or just some old guy, how old is he gf sister?

      “. I just don’t understand how you can lower yourself making people feel guilty for your own gain. Where is your pride? ”

      Well, there is none… In the beginning I was trying to discuss this with my wife over and over again. She always said I should not look after it here. Its doesnt excist. People talking about it but nobody ever saw it. Something like the wind. Sorry the wind you can actually feel.

      The whole story very sad but true. The moral is that its us THE FOREIGNERS that spoiling them and making them think we are all rich and are willing to give the money away. I dont believe that they got all the shit thinking that we have money, we will give out of nothing. Greedy filipinos + naive older foreigners+ young girls= hmmm…. money? Or am I wrong?

  12. Profile gravatar of Kevin


    The Norwegian just turned 40 years of age. His pension is disability for his back. As he claims. He has been in the country going on 6.5 years. His girlfriend is 35 years old.

    I find it very childish that I, 31 year old, schooling them on the difference on what is considered right and wrong. I don’t mean to sound pompous when I say that but no other way to do it, but just come out and say it. I have no problem helping, but I also need to be assured that everything has to be fair. If I will help with family them everyone puts in their fair share. I don’t believe that just because I make more money than everyone that I get to be president of the “pay for everyone’s meal ticket” fan club.

    I agree with you about foreigners coming in putting that ” foreigners are rich” idea in their head, but they also should use their brains and doesn’t grown on trees. Also of that money was saved and also the exchange rate has also to do with it.

    1. Profile gravatar of


      “I agree with you about foreigners coming in putting that ” foreigners are rich” idea in their head, but they also should use their brains and doesn’t grown on trees.”

      I know that you know tha the problem is they dont know that. I was jsut saying its that us the created that problem.

      About the rest; I 100% agree.

  13. Profile gravatar of FAFI

    Yeah, my most recent friend I met here in Philippines is subconsciously going native and he doesn’t know it. He is 100% against gossip and hates it with a passion. He tells me about how all the guards in his condo will gossip about him, yet at the same time when he invites me over to his condo to show that he does have an expat friend, he goes out telling everybody there my name, my previous work, my age, and the fact that I have a Filipina wife and the embarrassing facts about her. He is quick to gossip for a guy who really dislikes gossip. He is known to be a complete nutcase where he lives at, and on the note of him gossiping about me right in front of me make me believe that slightly. It’s very fuckin annoying, now I have pinoys knowing shit about me that they have no business knowing! I really gotta be careful with the type of expats I hang around with. It seems that some of you are decent, but gotta be cautious of those who aren’t. A foreigner is easier to trust, but they can fuck you over way more than a pinoy can, because they have the intelligence to do so.