Not very well.
After a long hard day in 100 degree weather I finally made it home looking forward to some down time. But no, reading the email I found out that I needed to send $500.00 to cover some unexpected business expenses. No problem, sign into the Western Union account, five minutes later the transaction is done but I get a follow up email. Money on hold, call this number to fix the problem
And I get a Philippines call center. Usually good to start off with the basic question; why are you wasting my time tonight? Imbecile agent doesn’t know why the transaction got held. Okay, then send the money. Can you do that? Yes sir, one moment sir…. you know the imbecile is going down the call center logic tree software trying to figure out what to do next. After about a minute the Pinoy is back on the line “Would you like to send the money sir or get a refund?” I ask the loquacious symbian “Why would I want a refund. Can you send the money or not?” Yes sir, one moment sir….”
A bit faster this time, maybe twenty seconds to find a slot in the logic thread. “Sir would you like to send the money over the phone at this time?” No, I already sent the money. Your system put a hold on it. I would like you to release the hold and send the damned money. “Okay sir. One moment sir…. ” And I get passed off to “John”. Go through the info again, transaction number, verify my name…. “Sir, would you like to send the money over the phone at this time?”
Getting pissed about now, a good fifteen minutes into the call. No, I have already sent the money, you have already charged it to my card. Can you send the money or not? “Yes sir. Can you give me your credit card number?”
HELL NO!!!!!!!!!! I am not giving out my credit card number over the phone. Let me guess, this call center is in the Philippines, right? “Yes sir.” Get your supervisor on the line you imbecile if you can’t send the money. “Yes sir…. one moment sir….
So the supervisor comes on line, a young girl, but obviously with some intelligence or at least some experience. Calmly go through the dumbfuckery I’ve had to deal with and ask one question. CAN YOU SEND THE MONEY OR NOT? “Yes sir. Sorry for the problem sir…. your money is now available to pick up at the agent sir.” Thank you. What was the problem that you couldn’t send the money when I placed the transaction? ” Well sir, we wanted to ask you what the money was for sir.” NONE OF YOUR DAMNED BUSINESS. And that will always be the answer if you ask that question in the future, got it? “Yes sir…” Now is the problem fixed, will I have this same problem next time I want to use your company to send money or should I just use MoneyGram? ” No sir. Please use Western Union next time.”
You know that their training system has got to be a lesson in hopelessness. Few of the morons are bright enough to look at the facts in front of them on the transaction and solve the issue on their own. So they are left skating down the logic tree on their software system…. desperately looking for a slot to slide into and blindly grasping for anything that might fit. The one thing that appears to work, the one thing that short circuits the muddled train of thought or an attempt at a train of thought is profanity and casting aspersions on their intelligence. Nothing else will escalate the call past the $1.00 per hour college graduate that is wasting your time.
The lesson is go profane early and often.Published in