Best divorce ever

divorceIt’s taken a while to write this post as I’ve been waiting on the final elements of my divorce plan to fall into place. Didn’t want to Jinx it by crowing about it.

Filipino’s make great candidates for divorce, which is probably no surprise to most of you. The reason why they’re such good candidates is pretty much down to displaying the traits you see mentioned in nearly every thread. Divorcing a Pinoy is a picnic and if you keep your head straight you can easily engineer your dream divorce.

I’ve seen so many guys do this and end up with a maintenance free divorce. To illustrate why I’ll relate my story.

I first visited the Philippines as part of a work assignment initially due to last 3 weeks but extended to 6 months. The job would have taken 3 weeks in any normal country but lets just say after the 1st day, the schedule and timetable was shredded. During this time I met and fell in love with my Ex-Wife. We married after 18 months. Like any marriage, it has it’s ups and downs and you learn to adapt and make the best of the situation. We had two lovely kids and I was content.

My wife and the kids visited the Philippines every year for anything from 3 weeks to 2 months. Often I would join them for 2 or 3 weeks. Invariably this cost me a small fortune as on top of flights, my wife required anything from $200-300 a day to survive in her home place. Never understood why, as never seemed to have anything much to show for the cash. Mind you she used do crazy stuff from time to time, like sponsor beauty pageants just to hear her name called out during the pageant.

Well during one of these visits, she met and fell in love with an ex-classmate, surprise, surprise. When she returned from this trip she was silent for he first 5 days, not speaking much. Now it isn’t unusual for her to be a little depressed, after a few weeks living the millionaire lifestyle, but this was different and more like a tampo. She stopping dong tampo 5 years prior to this, as I just learned to enjoy the peace and quiet, a tampo can bring. Then she dropped the Bombshell, she had an affair and under questioning told me all about the guy she had met, 95% half truth and lies. She wanted to leave me for this guy and live in the Philippines.

I digested the news for a couple of weeks, re-accessed my situation, gave her the opportunity to change her mind, then proceeded to hash out a divorce agreement. No need to waste money on expensive lawyers. She wholeheartedly agreed,as she still felt guilty about how she was treating me, this guilt wore off quick. Her Pinoy friends advise her take the deal, while it’s on offer, they all got burned bad in their divorces. When all sides lawyer up, the lawyer can get  the wife good deal, but then mysteriously all the assets have disappeared and the guy is unemployed and on welfare, so no pot of gold at the end of that rainbow and she’s stuck with the kids to feed. If she had played hardball this would have happened her too. The courts always give the kids to the mom, so I did well to keep our son, I reluctant knew I had to accept defeat on our daughter.

All she wanted was to live in the Phils with her new beau, and just keep one of the kids as ransom, to ensure a good flow of cash. She couldn’t have done this with a lawyer as although she would get custody of the kids, I would have visiting rights, so she won’t have been able to return to the Phils.

I went on the internet bought a divorce agreement template and filled in the details, deleting anything I didn’t much care for and put in a few subtle clauses of my own. Given that I wrote the agreement, it was one sweet deal for me and she believed a sweet deal for her. She was too lazy to read it fully and too dumb to understand anything but the cash she would get. she gets to live in the Phils and have an income that’s several times what an educated professional earns there. All she got was a regular maintenance payment, which was 25% of my salary but the way our tax law works this actually costs me less as I get to pay this from gross income, i.e. tax free, tax man ends up paying 45% of my maintenance. This was less than she was costing when we were married. I get to sell the house and keep proceeds, keep my pension another $200,000 and our son gets to live with me (his choice). No Lawyer could ever have got me this deal.

We went to the attorney and got the agreement finalized. Attorney (female) wasn’t happy, repeatably asked Ex if she wanted independent legal advise, but I had prepared her for this eventuality, so she told him no need. Attorney only got fee for witnessing and certifying the document. Certification wasn’t necessary by law, but Filipinos are so impressed by the extra stamps, especially the colorful wax one, that it’s well worth the  extra $50. Makes it more legal in their eyes. All her friends were impressed.

She then left for the Phils with my daughter leaving our son behind. I stuck to the agreement and after a year the divorce was finalized. The house sold and I ended up $200,000 richer. I now have enough cash and income to do anything I want. I visit my daughter in the Phils 3 times a year, staying for 1-2 months a time. Work have been very flexible, as they know they need me more than I need them. While no-one is irreplaceable, I’ve been there long enough (20 year) that replacement is a very tough option.

When in the Phils I live the life of Reilly. Enjoying life with the kids by day, dropping them at their moms in the evening. I now met a lovely woman, but now that I’m experienced battle hardened veteran, as soon as it sours, it’s time to wave goodbye and move on.

Meanwhile my Ex is constantly broke, as she never learned to manage money always looks for a $100 here or there, for one bullshit excuse or another. I never pay any more or less than what’s in our divorce agreement, as that would be a slippery slope. Gotta hand it to her though she is very imaginative. The kids seem to enjoy the arrangement too and are thrilled with their new brother and another sibling on the way, yep that’s right no need for birth control in flip relationships.

So hopefully you can all learn from my experience and remember when the inevitable happens keep calm and reasonable above all stay on speaking terms. Work out the best case scenario for you and then patiently explain how they are getting a great deal, low ball them on the settlement, allowing them to feel accomplishment when they negotiate more.  The settlement is all they will care about, besides returning to the Phils to show their big success and spend all that loot. Remember always express maintenance as a yearly amount, that way it seems like they have hit the jackpot, remember math is not a strong point in the Phils. If kids are involved pay the maintenance weekly, otherwise the kids will suffer while she waits for payday to arrive. I would pay daily if I could, but didn’t think that would fly in court.

The reality is the agreement wasn’t worth the paper it was written on, if she ever contested it in court. Key is not to get to court until she’s left the country and the agreement has been adhered and been in place long enough for the court to accept it. Then you can get your divorce, which she didn’t contest as suited her be be divorced so no longer living in sin.


Published in Filipina Wife


  1. Profile gravatar of BLX2

    Better to just say no to marrying them. It isn’t only money, they’re a loss of time, energy, emotion and if you stay around them long enough, sanity. They’re empty, hollow, my cat has more depth. I’ve lost count and really not interested in forcing myself to remember how many. 98.8% may be too low, 99.999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999% may be too low. Filipinas making good wives has got to be Lucifer’s biggest lie.

    1. Profile gravatar of IrishPat
      IrishPat Post author

      You’re right but no point telling that to anybody that hasn’t experienced it, is a waste of time. So guys will always marry them and then it’s too late. The best you can hope for after that is a good exit strategy

  2. Profile gravatar of Newq

    You did a good job making it sound like a great deal but really, your daughter is having just as bad a deal as her mother (or worse), having to grow up in the Philippines instead of in the US, separated from her sibling and father, raised by the cheating mother and her relatives, influenced by all the retardation around her.. I wouldn’t want to grow up in such brokenness if I’m the child. All these problems begin when we choose an incompatible soul for a spouse/partner

    1. Profile gravatar of IrishPat
      IrishPat Post author

      Yes my daughter was a sacrifice, but no way I was going to get custody of both kids. Hell if was up to the courts both kids would be stuck with their lousy mother.

      Besides my daughter is young and loves her mom, my son is a lot older and doesn’t really get on too well with his mom and all his friends are here.

      Once my daughter is older, then she will gt to choose where she lives, but for now she’s where she wants to be.

      Broken homes aren’t fun but pretending it ain’t broke doesn’t fix it either.

      1. Profile gravatar of BLX2

        IF your daughter does not end up with the disorder. This is NOT name calling. It is a very real disorder. There are basically two types of people that come out of childhood with a Cluster B parent. Either a Cluster B or a “Target”. The third you can hope for, the normal, still carry the pain, one nasty roll of the dice…

  3. Profile gravatar of Angeleyes

    This story really highlights the laziness and stupidity of Pinays and reminds me so much of my wife’s intellectual ability. I laughed where you wrote that she didn’t even bother to read it. My wife has a visa paper and it is one piece of A4 paper with the visa type and her details on one side and the other side of the paper has the visa conditions. I still don’t think she has read the conditions side because she still asks questions to which the answers are clearly written on there and as there are only 5 basic conditions which you would think she would of known them before she even got on the plane but no. What you did would be so easy to do. Only a Pinay would get all excited and accept such a one sided deal and she would probably be boasting to her friends and family who would be so proud, and also so stupid, that not a single one would pick up on it as their minds would be all consumed by what they might get. I would have problems keeping a straight face at the Lawyers office when they are asking her if she is ok with it and she keeps saying yes. The ability of the Pinay to even be able to think it through is simply to much for their minds, it is like they simply can not read and process information. You could probably even sit there and tell her she is getting a shit deal and even if she read it from front to back she would still sit there and agree to it; I often wonder if their memories can recite anything more than 2 minutes old. I have never met a race/culture/nationality of people with such empty heads. The average Pinoy has absolutely nothing to talk about. Like the remote Andaman Islanders the Philippines should of been left alone.

    1. Profile gravatar of IrishPat
      IrishPat Post author

      too true, I still under estimate the depths of my Ex-wife stupidity. It’s incredible. Yes, all her friends are jealous of her deal, but for good reason compared to their marriage breakups she hit the jackpot.

      1. Profile gravatar of Angeleyes

        I dont know how much you earn but 25% of your income sounds like you got the rough end of the Pineapple. Where I am from, The Land of the Long White Cloud, you only have to pay 50% of the childs expenses you dont have to pay her an allowance until the child reaches 18. Sure you got a good deal but your Mondays and 2 hours of your Tuesdays are gone to pay for her lifestyle, something her beau will enjoy especially when you point out it is more than a professional gets over there.
        As for the kids, I tell my wife this “Unless you can prove you can provide this child with the lifestyle they get here then get a judge to tell me you can take them out of the country”. In the interest of the child the judge would have to let them stay. Got to admit though my setup is slightly different. I hid my assets before we got married and my wife can not ever get citizenship and if we break up and I dont renew her visa she is gone. Also we got married in the Phils so go get the divorce papers and I will get the lawyers on to it….. oh hang on the Phils doesnt have divorce and fucked if Im paying for a annulment so go for gold lub. An annulment means the marriage never happened, GOLD.

        1. Profile gravatar of Random Numbers
          Random Numbers

          In the USA the amount of child support is dependent on your income, not the child’s expenses. For one child, it is 16% of your pre-tax income, for 2 children it is 25% of your pre-tax income. It sounds to me like he is paying more than he should, but there might be more to it than there is in his post.

          You only pay 1/2 the child’s expenses? It sounds like the custodial parent gets the shaft there!

          1. Profile gravatar of Angeleyes

            Here in Australasia it works a bit different. You are expected to nut out your own deal like Irish did. If you fail to do a deal your ex can claim a benefit from the Govt but then they tax you for it. The thing is she only gets her benefit and the money you pay goes into a pool to pay for the benefits. For some people on lower incomes it works because what they pay compared to what she recieves is less whereas if you are on a high income you will pay more than what she recieves so best to work it out. The rule of thumb though is you pay half the childs expenses. My sister got all pissed at her ex one time as it was school holidays and he took the kids for two weeks so didnt send her money for them for those two weeks which ruined her holiday plans. But fair enough as when you split you do not have to pay her an income for herself which stops the gold digging. If she wants to leave fine but you are expected to pay half the childs expenses, not a income for her to spend on herself. My sister has to prove all expenses before she gets anything from the ex but it works out better as the benefit is peanuts.

          2. Profile gravatar of IrishPat
            IrishPat Post author

            I pay 25% of my gross, but could have been caught for a lot more as wife never worked and I had visible assets.

          3. Profile gravatar of Pinay Lover
            Pinay Lover

            In the western courts, women get everything. House, children and most of the money. This guy got a killer deal. Got the house and a child and pays a little child support. In the western world that is a jackpot

          4. Profile gravatar of snakebitbytheflips

            Yeah, in america, she will get the Gold Mine and you will get the Shaft; she will get the Ring and you will get the Finger 🙁

          5. Profile gravatar of BLX2

            And she sits on her ass living off of the children’s money while singing it’s “All for the sake of the children”. Well my children grew up and are aware what she did to them, without a word of my opinion. Luckily, somehow they are successful, doing the right things for their own families. I do not know how that happened, but am thankful for it. Still, they carry the pain only a CB can inflict on those who love them.

  4. Profile gravatar of Eau de Tourette
    Eau de Tourette

    quite some story. just one of the stupid sobs that ex-wife. 2-300$ a day. what the hell…. the sad part is for anyone with a partner like that ex wife it feels like totally wasted time – then on the other hand at least your son stayed with you being smarter. pity for the daughter as she probably adapts some of her mother…

    1. Profile gravatar of IrishPat
      IrishPat Post author

      Strangely doesn’t feel like a waste of time. Feels more like a masters degree on living with a Filipino, cost about the same too. But now fully educated and can live in the Philippines and just marvel at the beauty of the sheer ignorance displayed there on a daily basis.

      1. Profile gravatar of BLX2

        The cost of your daughters soul is too high a price. I understand that is the best you can do, even better than most, better than me, at least you could save your son. Sorry, you are not close to your masters degree. I know, I am working on mine. You know you have your masters when you know you will never step into this shit hole again. The sight of maggots should make you puke, not marvel.

  5. Profile gravatar of Mike

    Could be worse. Look at Johnny Carson. Had to gice his wife millions in the divorce, some houses and $60,000 a month living expenses for 2 years.

  6. Profile gravatar of snakebitbytheflips

    Reminds me of the one about the Divorced Barbie Doll….

    One day a father gets out of work and on his way home he suddenly remembers that it’s his daughter’s birthday.

    He pulls over to a toy tore and asks the sales person, “How much for one of those Barbie’s in the display window?”

    The salesperson answers, “Which one do you mean, Sir? We have: Work Out Barbie for $19.95, Shopping Barbie for $19.95, Beach Barbie for $19.95, Disco Barbie for $19.95, Ballerina Barbie for $19.95, Astronaut Barbie for $19.95, Skater Barbie for $19.95, and Divorced Barbie for $265.95”.

    The amazed father asks: “It’s what?! Why is the Divorced Barbie $265.95 and the others only $19.95?”

    The annoyed salesperson rolls her eyes, sighs, and answers: “Sir…, Divorced Barbie comes with: Ken’s house, Ken’s truck, Ken’s boat, Ken’s rifle, Ken’s fishing gear, Ken’s furniture, Ken’s computer, Ken’s dog, one of Ken’s friends, and a key chain made with Ken’s testicles.

  7. Profile gravatar of Eau de Tourette
    Eau de Tourette

    it depends in western courts quite some what the deal is.
    for example if you set a marriage contract that separates what you earn/acquire in your marriage then the wife has bad cards.
    if you have no setting – then hide your paycheck and savings.

    my cousin got divorced. background on it was that the cunt cheated on him and then she thought she’d get the house which he said ” no. i paid the most of it and you get paid out only what you put into it.” that is a thing set by law. what you have saved bought ect before getting married cannot be touched.

    what’s worse aside from the divorce imo – if your own mom loves the ex a lot even if she is a cheating stupid cunt.
    his son is on his side and she gets no cash from him at all and the new lover turns out to be the great deal. good thing he got rid of her. and for a low price.
    by any chance avoid a lawyer because they are hot for divorces as it is always easy earned money for them

  8. Profile gravatar of Pinay Lover
    Pinay Lover

    There’s one thing I’ve learned about Filipino’s when it comes to thinking for themselves, and it’s something they resist often-preferring orders and direction from another adversary. Their minds can often be co-dependent to those of higher power, whether that higher power is abusive or not, they will put themselves in that superiors hands and the superior can do as he/she pleases. It’s so funny how she did not read anything and denied assistance from an attorney who would have advised her to milk ya dry! This is where their stupidity really shines.

    I have come across very similar instances with my wife. For instance: I separated accounts about a year back and went over with a descriptive typed layout for her to follow which stated her costs and what she owes each month. Never did she look at this and truly observe, nor did she do the math herself and figure out how much money she had left over, how much she could budget and save leaving everything in my hands giving me the upper hand. Instead she did the same Pinoy absent minded action of doing without thinking, spending what she had and then finding out the hard way “Oh, what happened to my money, I’m poor, I don’t make enough”. She’s never and WILL NEVER learn proper money handling, since most of them have no forethought or ability to think about future. They worship the mentality of “live in the moment” and never plan to make every moment comfortable and stable where preparing is completely absent. Instead they become reckless and childish and prefer never to think about planning because “I could die tomorrow”. And fuck do I ever hate that weak, victim mentality because it’s utterly selfish if they are like that with their loved ones since it’s a victim role that is negative, pulling themselves and those around them down.

    I think this submission to the common superior is ingrained since birth from their childish adult parents. The childish adult parents who keep fucking like rabbits and procreating like roaches, have little responsible roles other than grooming their children to obey and take orders like a good soldier, thus creating a subservient, absent minded slave. They don’t question their masters, and when they do, as long as it seems to benefit them and make them feel good, they take what they get. Since many of them think in feelings and not logic, they will take the bait when given and not question, which was your case in your divorce. All you have to do is garnish the coil of poop with pretty shiny things and they’ll take the bait without any thought, because why question the superior who can think for you?

    That’s what the culture harbors-Filipino’s wish for others to think for them which their superior parents have trained them to do since birth. Never have I seen such exploitation with this culture, training their kid’s to be good pets and appease their masters.

    1. Profile gravatar of Angeleyes

      So true Pinay Lover. My wife’s mother is dumber than a box of hammers yet anything she says my wife believes unconditionally. Dumb shit like you can not get pregnant when breastfeeding (even though she did herself). But here is the best one; apparently you can’t sit in front of an oscillating fan with a new born because the wind blowing at the babys face will make it impossible for the baby to breath and they will die. WTF. Yeah sure lub, that is why the fans come with warnings to not do that yeah, because so many babies die like that every year. But that is what her mum said so it is true and “I should shut up and listen and maybe I will learn something”. I swear to G-d that if 2 flies were sitting on a dog shit eating their lunch they would have more brain cells between them than my wife and her mother combined. I will write a post soon on all the dumb shit my wife says and I am sure I could top the comments record with all the crazy shit other member can add.

      1. Profile gravatar of Mike

        Filipinos know everything about everything and I can prove it.

        When I first got here I picked up some potatoes and was going to fry them up with some onions. So they ask me how I’m going to cook them and I show them. Am told they did not know they could be cooked like that as they watched. So the first time they saw potatoes being fried right. Well few days later I was frying up some more and was told by the filipinos I was not doing it right. So after watching someone fry potatoes one time that made the filipinos experts.

        So here we are in the pi, electric goes out in the morning so no TV, internet, a/c, fans or books. The only thing to do is lay around and try to stay cool in the heat. So stretch out on the couch catching a breeze whenever I can sweating my ass off. Along comes the wife, feels my forehead, dabbles the sweat and then promptly declares I have low blood sugar! Her medical experience? Cutting herself with a knife, ingrown fingernail and so forth but now all of a sudden she’s a doctor full of medical knowledge! The thought that there was absolutely nothing to do never even entered her mind nor did the fact that I am not diabetic.

          1. Profile gravatar of Angeleyes

            I bought my wife a rice cooker, not one of them cheap Chinese ones but a Breville (Probably made in China). Best investment ever as all the pots were burnt black on the bottom from her over cooking the rice all the time. Now the rice is always cooked perfect. Hate to admit it but I kind of like rice now, especially the Basmati from Nepal. Am I going native? I never used to eat rice. I used to always give the wife shit as she would have cravings for rice and I would explain how we don’t crave potatoes like they do rice but I really like rice now, even have it for breakfast occasionally. Might have to get Al to shoot me if this continues as I have shaken off all the other shit that comes with their culture.

          2. Profile gravatar of JanIIISobieski


            “Hate to admit it but I kind of like rice now, especially the Basmati from Nepal. Am I going native?”

            Nope, Basmati rice is just better than the local bs they selling here. Just the price of Basmati here is a way too high. Alternativ is Jasmin rice which is not as good as basmati but cheaper. Try to cook it one day like turkish pilaf.

          3. Profile gravatar of 86andBelow

            My wife and I only eat basmati, Thai jasmine and arborio (occasionally). . If you clean and get the amount of water right then rice is delicious!

            Local rice is so so sooooo (did I mention so?) starchy it is just a stodgy mess once cooked. It really defines a nation when they export the best of their primary food source and cannot cook the shit properly when they eat it every meal!!

          4. Profile gravatar of Mike

            What I really like is the look you get when you go to fiesta, invite to a dinner and so forth. They get a shocked look on their face if you tell them you don’t want rice. Then the looks you get if you mixed the rice in with your afritata. I read that in WW2 the UK bought all the worlds tea supply for the entire war for their soldiers. Be interesting if someone like Bill Gates bought the entire worlds rice supply for 2 years straight wouldn’t it? Yes,put it all on ships to the U.S and most of it accidentally falls over the side. Watch the filipinos go nuts then!

          5. Profile gravatar of JanIIISobieski

            Last time I tried to buy some roasted beef in SM. But as much I dont trust any food here instead of buying a whole roast beef they had what they called roast beef meal with rice which was a smaller portion of it and also cheaper so if it was not good I could alwys through it. Guess what they didnt have rice. When I told them its fine its my lost I will take it anyway and pay the whole price I got a blank stare and Sorry sir its not possible. I didnt bothered to ask why, they will not have unerstood my logic that its me that will pay the full price even without the rice.

          6. Profile gravatar of DingDong

            Be careful of the Beef @janiiisobieski! – Or any meat for that matter bought from ‘Shit Mart!’ Most is frozen, put on display (it thaws), and is then put back in the freezer at the end of the day! I had the same problem with a Housemaid, who thought it was necessary to turn off the Freezer at night, to save electricity! – Many small shops do the same thing!

          7. Profile gravatar of Mike

            Have you ever seen the brown meat on display at stores like SM and gaisano? I went to Gaisano once to get some celery and did find some in the cooler section, about 5 or 6 of them. Well EVERY one was so bad that they were rotted and filled with brown juice. Yet Gaisano still trying to sell them.

      2. Profile gravatar of Pinay Lover
        Pinay Lover

        @angeleyes It’s on Angel! I was going to do the same post! I have to try and document on my phone all the dumb shit and list it off someday! These people deserve some sort of credit, and if it’s credit for laughing at their sheer stupidity, well, let’s at least do that for them, hey?

  9. Profile gravatar of 30-30

    To Angeleyes.
    I worked in saudi arabia for many years. We had chicken and rice 3 times a day for 14 years. I see the cajuns have red beans and rice. Plain white rice can be very boring quickly
    If you want an early death, just live by edsa. Lung cancer is surely to kill you!!!!
    To Mike. I have not had scalloped potatoes or perogies for years, that should be on the menu for the gang when we arrive on your doorsteps, and absolutely no ice in the free beer,,,, just chill it in themfreezer.

    1. Profile gravatar of Mike

      Funny I have been thinking about scalloped potatoes too. As for the beer. Rest assured I would never stoop low enough to put ice in beer. I’m an ice cold beer in a frosted mug man myself when the opportunity presents itself.