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Dinner at a Filipino's house (NEVER AGAIN)

Jun 26 | By GShockandnikesocks | Views: 489 | Comments: 9
One day on the weekend getting groceries for my house to get me through the upcoming week I got a call from Oscar my USA-raised Filipino pal inviting me to come to dinner, as it was around 4 in the afternoon I thought "Ehh what the hell" hoping they had a tasty (and to this white boy, exotic) spread of some lumpia and pancit and such ready to go so I come by and Oscar and the Mrs. were like "We're making spaghetti" (tbh I can't stand spaghetti but I will eat it out of manners as a polite guest) so I am like "Sure, ok" and THIS IS WHERE THE FAIL KICKED INTO HIGH GEAR

They couldn't be bothered to use premade sauce from a jar like most sane people and went about pureeing tomatoes and adding spices and seasonings and whatnot and measured out the water down to the ounce in a Pyrex measuring cup to boil the noodles like it was some science experiment, this goes on to the 2 1/2 hour mark and remember I have a trunk full of mostly frozen type groceries thawing out in the back of my car. As I hadn't ate lunch that day I was pretty ravenous at this point so while they were fiddlefucking with their seasoning inputs and testing the pasta hardness I had to excuse myself a few times to quietly raid some of my non-frozen groceries to keep from feeling like my insides where gnawing on themselves instead. At the 3 hour mark the Mrs. yells from the kitchen "It's ready!" and starts to bring it out, to be gracious I eat about a 1/3 of the usual portion as it was salty as all get out and very acidy as they left out adding any carrots in with the sauce which balances out the acidity of the tomatoes and bid my goodbyes as I reminded them of my trunk full of thawing out groceries and the Mrs. is like "Okey doke, here we packaged up the rest of the spaghetti so you can eat it for lunches at work!"

Its like Filipinos have the inverse-Midas touch: anything they put their hands on turns to shit

You can't invite people over to dinner to have them wait 3 hours for any food, that is just inane, but then again try explaining manners and consideration of others to folks that are genetically incapable of such things.

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doc
Jun 26
Hmmmm i wonder about the mentality of anyone who leaves "frozen" food in the trunk of their car in this country for 3 hours and still feels it is safe to eat when they get home and REFREEZE it...second, having sat through more meals at other peoples houses than I care to recall, some of which made me feel like a "god" as I was being given burnt offerings, I NEVER looked down on someone who was extending themselves in my behalf. It sounds like they were a far better host than their guest was a guest.Hmmmm i wonder about the mentality of anyone who leaves "frozen" food in the trunk of their car in this country for 3 hours and still feels it is safe to eat when they get home and REFREEZE ...See more
Arcane
Jun 27
I don't really trust any frozen goods in this country. In some supermarkets, if you shop around the time of closing, you may notice that they turn off the freezers to conserve electricity.
dundalli
Jun 27
Well it could have been worse. it could have been Pinoy sphagetti. have you tried that? Next time ask them to make it for you. Get the shittiest hotdogs (no real meat allowed...be sure it has extra red food colouring). Slice and fry. Add pinoy style sauce...banana ketchup with added 2 ton of sugar...mmmmmmmmmm, sarap. NOTWell it could have been worse. it could have been Pinoy sphagetti. have you tried that? Next time ask them to make it for you. Get the shittiest hotdogs (no real meat allowed...be sure it has extra re...See more
DingDong
Jun 27
@dundalli - And serve cold!
schindle
Jun 27
That reminded me of my first time at a Filipino house where many different dishes were sitting on the dining table getting cold and covered in flies. I remember going round the table looking at the different dishes and trying to choose the safest dish to eat. I was running out of time thinking about it for too long and other guests were starting to look at me strangely so I chose the chicken liver. It was as sour as shit so had to wash it down with beer after every swallow. You can always rely on a Filipino to make the most out of all their garbage off cuts and rotting meat in the kitchen when preparing a buffet.That reminded me of my first time at a Filipino house where many different dishes were sitting on the dining table getting cold and covered in flies. I remember going round the table looking at the di...See more
DingDong
Jun 28
@GShockandnikesocks The timing of your article could not have been better! – Yesterday, we had a ‘Birthday’ in the Office! – One of my Senior Partners reached a ‘Milestone!’ We had planned to bring forward our usual ‘Thursday Junket’ and I despatched a couple of guys to Town for Shopping, late on Monday Afternoon. Proceedings would not commence until the end of the day on Tuesday – However, there was a ‘Frenzy of Activity’ in the kitchen from around 07:00! I had already spied what was on offer (Fridge and Freezer), and was anticipating the worst! – Yet, I was told “Don’t worry Boss! – We’re cooking Fish and Chips for you and Boss Ollie!”

I had already devised ‘Plan B!’ - During a quiet spell on Tuesday Morning, I dropped into Town. I had a hankering for ‘Beef Stroganoff!’ So I bought LEAN Beef Strips and other ingredients, enough for 2 good servings. Meanwhile back at the ranch, the ‘Office Kitchen’ looked like a ‘War Zone!’ Dirty Pots and Pans, Stained Ceramic Hob, Grease Splashes on the wall behind the Hob, yet another Exhausted Bottle of Extra-Virgin Olive Oil, and the usual 10,000 Gallons of Cold Water spilled liberally around the Kitchen! The Videoke Machine was also in the process of being set-up!

The Beef Stroganoff took me around 10 Minutes to prepare, in my own kitchen. A single pan was all I needed, with a serving of Rice in the small Rice Cooker. I returned to the Office at around 18:00 for Drinks. The food was all laid out on the Terrace Table – It was ‘Unremarkable!’ Fat was beginning to congeal, and everything was ‘Stone Cold!’ I asked “Where’s the Fish and Chips?” – Only to receive the response of “Ran out of Budget, Boss!” – ‘Plan B’ was obviously a ‘Sensible Option!’

After a couple of Drinks, Ollie joined us. He did his usual ‘Temperature Test’ by touching the dishes on the table! – Only to comment “Even the Fucking Rice is Cold!” I then told him “No Fish and Chips either, Bud!” His jaw dropped, and I poured another drink, He then added “It looks like another ‘Gin and Mighty Supper,’ then Bob!” I wished him ‘Happy Birthday’ and told him about my ‘Plan B!’ I excused myself for a couple of minutes, served the Stroganoff (HOT), covered it with foil, returned, and we both sat down to eat.

As the first morsel approached my mouth, the telephone rang! – It was a Client from the UK, and I had to take the call. I told Ollie to keep an eye on my food, and I would be back as soon as I could. In the event, the call lasted for nearly 40 Minutes. When I returned, my plate had disappeared! – The Hounds from Hell had ‘Scoffed the Lot!’ So, as the Videoke got into full swing, I made my way home (Next Door) for a ‘Gin and Mighty Supper!’
@GShockandnikesocks The timing of your article could not have been better! – Yesterday, we had a ‘Birthday’ in the Office! – One of my Senior Partners reached a ‘Milestone!’ We had planned to bring fo...See more
Balancinghead
Jun 28
It must've really suck for having a meal interrupted.
GShockandnikesocks
Jun 28
@ Schindle That is one thing I never understood about Filipino food handling, stuff that should be piping hot is served room temperature and stuff that should be served warm or at least room temperature is served dried out and cold. Also for being from a tropical place they should know keeping meats and eggs and the like on a counter for hours on end is dangerous. A restaurant would be shut down in a second for doing that (well in the USA to be fair) but Filipinos will do that all day long with the very food they feed to their kids and relatives and themselves! As a former cook it makes me want to put my fist through a wall its so irritating and risky@ Schindle That is one thing I never understood about Filipino food handling, stuff that should be piping hot is served room temperature and stuff that should be served warm or at least room temperatu...See more
Balancinghead
Jun 28
It's so unfortunate for you folks, to encounter this kind of gathering that's a total organizational disaster.

Maybe it's a blessing that I attended family gatherings that the food is served nice & hot, and the party flow is solid smooth, thus had a good time.
It's so unfortunate for you folks, to encounter this kind of gathering that's a total organizational disaster.

Maybe it's a blessing that I attended family gatherings that the food is ...See more
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