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Families , OFWs, Deciding the future

Jul 3 | By Perplexed | Views: 450 | Comments: 4
Hello all, suffice to say this will be another rant on my observation of the filipino family dynamic.

My wife has an aunty, who until recently was an OFW, she had a somewhat hard life as he first husband (whom she was forced to marry in shotgun fashion as they got pregnant and the layabouts in the province wouldn't approve of an unmarried couple) was an asshole and about as useful in providing for a family as an empty pizza box. Her second partner who seems a nice guy has also been known to have affairs (my wife knows of four confirmed but estimates the number to be higher) so they seperated (for six years but then got back together when they were both OFWs) but being single with two children (one from husband one, one from defacto husband two) she needed a job so my wife helped her find one where we live and she set about earning money to help pay for her sons educations.

But then I started to notice a somewhat controlling nature towards her children from abroad, despite them being in their late teens, she tried to enforce curfews on them going out (a futile exercise) then her eldest son got a girlfriend, this caused consternation as this girlfriend was seen as a potential obstacle to him passing his exams (despite the fact she was on the same course as him) so when back on holiday in the philippines she accosted this poor girls mother and gave her a talking to, t ensure her son wasn't distracted for his exams !! When my wife told me I couldn't believe it and when I explained to her about how I would feel if some fuckin stranger who thought they were above me tried to talk to me about my daughter in that manner then the conversation would have ended very quickly upon hearing this my wife agreed with me.

Anyway the son passed his exams (despite still spending time with his girlfriend) and then the second son also finished his course, now phase two of the grand matriacal plan was ready, she had got back together with defacto husband and now the sons were going to move in with them and they would all become OFWs, there was a hitch though, the first son didn't want to be an OFW as he knoew that he would end up becoming a waiter and he wanted to work in his field (IT) and his classmates were having success in finding jobs in Manila, but no mother knows best and don't worry she knew people in IT in Dubai where he would get a great salary etc.. Of corse this was all nonsense and all these so called contacts did was take his CV and submit to HR, and of course as I had mentioned, these companies in Dubai don't hire graduates and if they do the salary is so low you wouldn't be able to save a dime so the only interviews he could get were for waiter jobs, which he didn't want, but no the dream (for her) had to move forward but eventually she relented and he returned home after sulking around for six months to his girlfriend and had an IT job in Manila within two weeks of arriving.

Now son number two was different he wanted to be OFW (and still does) so he supported the grand plan, problem was he couldn't a job in his field (hotel) he did get one for a few months but they wouldn't process a work visa for him so he left and he effectively had a two year holiday, taking overseas trips every three months and going out to night clubs on the weekends but no job. Also the auntys job had ended as the comany had gone bankrupt, we helped her out a little bit by paying her to babysit our children but it wasn't going to be enough money for the dream to be realised so eventually her visa was cancelled and she had to leave.

So the grand dream is in disarray with 2/4 of the family back in manila and 1 son unable to get a job and more interested in partying and the affair prone defacto husband left unsupervised.

Now the dream gets further shattered when the oldest son (now 27 but still sleeping in the same room as his mother, cousin and aunty and uncle) and his girlfriend get pregnant, this also led to a rift between my wife and her aunty when my wife ''foolishly'' asked where they would stay - apparently this was insulting as it inferred that they didn't have any money (which they don't really) or any place to stay but this has since been patched up as my wifes mother (who had previously supported their family) told her to stop being dramatic and get on with it.

So now there is a wedding going ahead (lest an umarried couple offend the layabouts by having a baby out of wedlock) The second son has returned with no job but straight away headed to the beach to party and has a return flight booked to Dubai (despite his previous 24 month stay yielding no results) - so the great dream is now in its present state.

 - Affair prone defacto husband is completly unsupervised

 - First son is now going to be fully in the grasp of his girl friend (soon to be wife) for ever

 - Second son is still not an OFW but is still receiving money from his father and partying it away and will head back to Dubai with no expereince in a tough job market against those with previous experience who will work for the same salary his mother feels he is worth (I foresee another two years of clubs and holidays for the golden boy)

- No money is being saved as it is needed for the baby, the wedding (smart financial choice there !) and son number twos partying and holidays so the OFW dream of 'house and lot'and 'business'slip further away.

When my wife was having this rift with her aunty i explained all of this to her, about how she was just angry because her grand plan hadn't worked out and a mist lifted from my wifes eyes and now she sees that the traditional filipino matriacal ways are not always the best !!

So you see sometimes you can get through that the filipino way isn't always the best way !

Rant over. 

Jul 3
In the Philippines every family is dysfunctional and everyone is out to get whatever they can from whomever they can. It's a miserable existence.
Jul 3
How sad. :(
Jul 4
@schindle...too true
Jul 7
So true, and I am sure every Filipino can relate to this article. However, they complain about it, but bows to pressures to give. I will be on holidays in about 24 hours, I will have more article about Filipino family dysfunction. :)
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