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forawhilesir's blog

The recent talk about Filipino "education", and the ingenuity of Filipino inventors who created the fluorescent lamp, the moon buggy, etc etc reminded me of a true "only in the Philippines" classic scam. The reason it would only work here is simple: Filipinos are so disastrously uneducated, and so gullible (exhibit A: Iglesia ni Cristo), that something this dumb would get you laughed out of the room anywhere else. You could probably go to the fucking Congo and not get very far with this one.


I'm speaking of the "Deuterium Deposits". The story here is a bit vague, but apparently a couple of American industrialists thought it would be fun to yank Cory Aquino's chain. They pretended to be have some secret information from a minerals-prospecting company who had found a "massive deposit of deuterium" in the Philippine trench, a vast area of deep water off to the west of the Philippines. Or it might have been Edward Teller, who supposedly had a similar conversation with Imelda Marcos. Either way, Filipinos got pwned.


I'm sure most of you actually went to school and studied a bit of science there, so you probably know that deuterium is nothing more than an isotope of hydrogen with an extra neutron. It does have physical properties slightly different from hydrogen, and therefore has some commercial applications. It's also the critical element in a fusion bomb. But it's basically just hydrogen, and D2O is just water. It occurs naturally as 0.01% of ordinary water (ie, as D2O instead of H2O), especially seawater. Since this heavy water is, well, slightly heavier than ordinary water, it does tend to sink to the bottom. So there's a grain of truth in the scam. Unfortunately for Pinoys though, who describe it as "white gold", it's not a "clean fuel" which is set to replace gasoline.


It turns out that someone told Aquino (or Marcos) that deuterium is used in every car engine in advanced, mystical countries like Swedenland and Northway, and that the Philippines could be rich beyond their wildest dreams if only they would dig out all that deuterium and sell it to the white people, who have limited supplies of their own. This stupid story has persisted among the chattering Pinoys for 30 years. They're now convinced that there's some conspiracy which will give all that deuterium to the Chinese.


Of course, Filipinos will never admit they're idiots, and the smarter ones know a good scam when they see one. Google BongBong Marcos's Senate Bill 2593, "an act creating a hydrogen research and development center and providing funds therefor", which was approved by the Senate. I wonder how much cash was funneled out of the tax coffers to pay for a fictitious deuterium mining and research program? I bet plenty of well-connected types got a new Lexus out of that one.


The complete and utter retardation of Filipinos is put nicely on display in this dumbass article, but there are many many others which you can turn up by Googling:


http://www.philstar.com/opinion/261918/they%C2%92re-talking-deuterium-again


Fun Fact: Filipinos also claim to have invented Karaoke, despite 'Karaoke' being a Japanese word.



I'm starting to wonder if there's some foreigner running a T-shirt company in this hellhole. His or her mission in life is to make Filipinos mock themselves by exploiting their "best English in the world" abilities.


Here's a few I've seen over the past few weeks. 


I'm probably lying


No, really? I would have never guessed by myself.


I would be awesome if I wasn't so lazy


Unlikely, but you might at least have a job instead of walking around the mall at 3pm on a Monday.


I'm slightly stoopid


Statistically, yes, you probably are, so no need to buy the T-shirt. Thanks for the heads-up anyway.


These are all completely real. Hopefully these will also add sunshine to your day at some point, if you go out among the teeming masses. I might have got the wording of the second one slightly wrong: feel free to add a correction if you see it.


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