Hey people, it’s just me, your friendly bloghood FAFI again! I’m just here to enumerate some of the most common ways on how you can get seriously fucked up in Philippines, and these consequences will usually end up with a result of death, injury, or you getting seriously ill. Either way, you will end up at the hospital or the morgue. If anybody notice that I left anything out, feel free to add to the list, I’m sure there are more out there.
1. Stressed to Death – It’s been clinically proven that stress can kill you. This may be the number 1 cause of death by foreigners who travel to Philippines is because some of us can’t handle the psychological pressure of inferior intelligence bombarding you everyday with ass-backwards solutions to solve ass-backwards problems that shouldn’t have been presented in the first place. Excessive therapy is highly recommended while residing in the Failippines.
2. Death by Crosswalk – This is a no-brainer. How often have any of you has actually seen a ‘working’ crosswalk in this country? If anything, it’s just there for decoration so Philippines can look similar to a modern day country.
3. Blind Revenge – Filipinos are vindictive little critters who will stop at nothing to get what they ‘believe’ is rightfully theirs. They are very possessive with materialistic objects or anything that poses any potential value. Expect to engage in violence if they suspect that you are short-changing them, even when you think you’re not. If’ it’s theirs, once theirs, or once belonged to someone they knew, then ultimately in their mind, “it’s theirs” and they will stop at nothing to get it back, so be careful!
4. Unprotected Sex – It’s no secret that most Filipinos don’t practice safe sex since they obviously don’t know what a condom is, which explains the many parent-less children or irresponsible parents who keeps having children in Philippines. With that said, it must be a common practice or belief that most Filipinos are against using condoms, which also raises the issue of people contracting STDs from numerous sources. So my advice to you is, wrap it before you tap it. If not, then you will just get the gift that keeps on giving.
5. Stray Animals – Dogs and Cats universally cute and adorable….. but not in this country. Most of us see these huge-uttered and un-neutered dogs roaming the street hoping for some irresponsible pinoy to liter their trash on the street for their own taking. Well don’t mistake these dogs for the pets you have at home, they will snap at you in a minute if you attempt to make any gestures at them. In this primitive land of monkey-medicine, good luck trying to find a cure for rabies here.
6. Street Food – You can get seriously ill by eating at one of these unregistered food stands here in Philippines, or even purchasing your meats at these fly-infested meat markets. You don’t know where their food comes from, and especially if they are conducting business out in the open where proper sanitation is limited. If you don’t see a restroom anywhere near their food stand, then most likely they don’t properly wash their hands after taking care of business (if you know what I mean). To reduce the odds of getting sick and earning yourself a trip to the hospital, buy your food from retailers where their food is held to ‘some’ proper sanitary standards.
7. Jeepneys – you can get sick for a number of reasons while riding in a jeepney since it’s one of the most unsanitary vehicles to commute in while traveling in the Philippines. With each jeepney occupying over 1000 passengers a day for poor class citizens, jeepneys becomes a health hazard due to it’s large amounts of CO2 blasting out of their exhaust pipes. On top of that, this is the ONLY moment in day where a Filipino would display some level of respect by circulating the change from the passenger to the driver. With that continuous amount of money passing, I’m sure that driver catches a few germs throughout the day from the handling of dirty money. Chances are if you rode in a jeepney, you might’ve caught something by touching dirty coins as someone who didn’t wash their hands after shitting that day. Sorry to fuck up anyone’s jeepney riding experience.
Now I’m quite certain there are plenty more examples out there, I just didn’t touch on everything because my articles tends to be ignored or half-read if I prolonged it too much. I encourage anyone to add to the list, because there many other ways out there that can cause death, sickness, or injury that I don’t know about yet, and I would love to know about it before having to find out about it the hard way.Published in