DFA Web-Based Scheduling System – Utterly Useless

 The Philippines DFA (Dept of Foreign Affairs) uses a web-based scheduling system for passport applicants, both new applications and renewals. The system is pretty simple to use. It won’t take you more than 15 minutes to get a schedule. Their system issues you a number and the option to pick a schedule from the available time slots. I selected the DFA’s Alabang Field Office.

DFA (Department of Foreign Affairs)

The DFA Headquarters in Manila is a majestic building which keeps in tune with the thematic black soot covered 3rd world look of buildings in Philippines. FILIPINO PRIDE!

On the appointed day, I was at their office one hour ahead my time slot which was 2:00pm. I was told to wait in the 2:00pm holding area with the rest of the applicants numbering around 40. The folks with the earlier schedules were moving into the queue in what seemed like an endless procession. And so the long wait began.

 To make a short story even shorter, my first interaction with the  documents checker was at 4:30pm. That’s a two hour and half wait from my 2:00pm schedule. Then I went to next window where they cancelled my old passport after which I paid my passport fees at the cashier. Next stop was at the data encoding and the passport picture section. Last stop was the passport delivery courier – LBC. I was done by 5:30pm.

 wtf-smWhat caused delay?

2pm Holding Area - Gosh, I just don't know what caused the delay!

2pm Holding Area – Gosh, I just don’t know what caused the delay!

I have no clue and I have no patience getting an answer from the flunkeys at the DFA. It doesn’t make any sense to ask people to comply with a schedule only to have them wait two and half hours without any explanation for the delay. A waste of time.


Published in Filipino Stupidity


  1. Profile gravatar of CebuBear

    Three and a half hours to renew your passport? Wow! They are getting good! I remember when it was line up from dawn in a queue stretching around the corner and hope you are close enough to the front to be allowed in and served sometime that day. With luck you wouldn’t have to come back unless you needed more photos (like sixty two of each side of your face or something), ‘xerox’ your documents on pulp paper five more times but no, we don;t have a photocopier in the office, no budget and then maybe come back in two weeks and wait in line etc.

    The 2pm thing merely splits you up into more manageable groups to whom the impression of order and efficiency can be suggested. It is all about keeping up appearances here in The Land of Lip Service.

    As for the black soot covered architecture… you will need to do something about the ‘belchers’ and cheap diesel and… aw fergit it, all too hard. bahala na!

    1. Profile gravatar of Captain PFB
      Captain PFB

      You beat me to the illusion point CebuBear. But I’ll add a bit anyway.

      The “web-based” scheduling is NOT there to be useful or beneficial to the applicant OR the DFA. It is, as most things in Philippines, only there to give the ILLUSION of organization and process. It looks cool. And that’s were it stops.

      One thing to keep in mind at all times Dick Head;
      Filipinos are incapable of efficiency, order, or anything that makes any sense or logic. They are incapable of understanding the concept of service to each other as a people…as a nation.

      You are expecting entirely too much from a people who’s national IQ average is 86. And that statistic is really only based on those smart enough to even take the IQ to begin with. I say realistically the average Filipino IQ is MUCH lower based on living among and dealing with the clueless idiots for nearly 10 years.

      One would expect a bit less mind-boggling stupidity with an 86 IQ. I’m surprised the average Filipino IQ is even measurable! Because I don’t see a single milligram of intelligence in the vast majority. All I can see is blank stares.

      1. Profile gravatar of Fr. Bong Bong Jolog Jun III
        Fr. Bong Bong Jolog Jun III

        To steal an analogy that you’ve used before FiloFail, the web based scheduling system is like ornamental fruit. Completely useless in terms of its function – just there to “look good”.

        I’m personally yet to experience ANY web based system deployed by a Philippines government department that ultimately does what it purports to do, or makes transacting business with them easier. I’m sure that the foreign governments and NGO’s that hand out money to the Philippines would be impressed by the “appearance” of the Philippines government bringing their interactions with the public into the 20th (note I didn’t say 21st) century.

        Take the website of the SEC. At first glance it offers an impressive array of functionality for business people seeking to incorporate in the Philippines. In reality, the legislation concerning incorporation is so complex, and the bureaucracy supporting it is so cumbersome and utterly mindless that the web portal is all but completely useless for all practical purposes.

        Another thing I’ve noticed about Philippines government web portals is the lack of relevant information that they provide. It is not even that unusual when their websites provide misleading, out of date, or completely inaccurate information. I’m yet to see a single example of a Philippines government website that didn’t offer up pages of self-aggrandizement for those individuals fortunate enough to be employed as directors, etc. You look at similar western websites, and you wouldn’t even know that those organisations had directors!

        Again, ornamental fruit.

        1. Profile gravatar of Richard aka Dick Head
          Richard aka Dick Head Post author

          ” I’m yet to see a single example of a Philippines government website that didn’t offer up pages of self-aggrandizement for those individuals fortunate enough to be employed as directors, etc. You look at similar western websites, and you wouldn’t even know that those organisations had directors!

          Again, ornamental fruit.”

          The pinoy youth have a derisive term for this phenomenon :EPAL
          It manifests itself during election season when every nook and cranny, every public vehicle, every “piss wall”or any device that can accommodate a face and a name is covered with a tarp that carries the photoshopped image of some ugly politician and what the MFIC has done for his constituents.

      2. Profile gravatar of Richard aka Dick Head
        Richard aka Dick Head Post author

        ‘The “web-based” scheduling is NOT there to be useful or beneficial to the applicant OR the DFA. It is, as most things in Philippines, only there to give the ILLUSION of organization and process. It looks cool. And that’s were it stops.’

        I agree 101% :=)

  2. Profile gravatar of Captain PFB
    Captain PFB

    Here is where I get to help out a Filipino in their cluelessness.

    Let’s take a closer, more in-depth look at some of the FUCKING OBVIOUS CLUES as to what could have caused your delay;

    Clue #1: You’re in a Philippines Government office run by clueless Filipinos.

    Clue #2: 40 Clueless Filipinos scheduled for 2pm to have passports processed by other clueless Filipino government workers.

    Hope that helps.


    Your selfless helpful Philippines Fail Blog friend

  3. Profile gravatar of Captain PFB
    Captain PFB

    “I have no patience getting an answer from the flunkeys at the DFA.”

    Considering the pathetic education system in Philippines which only teaches students how to pass exams, and does not bother teaching problem solving, logic, reason, etc…, you end up with “Flunkeys” teaching “Flunkeys” therefore outputting “Flunkeys” into the work force. Hence you end up with “Funkeys” who can’t see or figure out the bloody fucking obvious clues as to delays in government offices run by “Flunkeys” because all anyone has to choose from for workers in this country of “Flunkeys” is “Flunkeys” who refuse to recognize the “Flunkey” in themselves, only others.

    The simple explanation for delay is simply FILIPINO.

    And Filipinos, unable, unconcerned, incapable of solving problems, tend to think that an explanation for a problem fixes the problem. Explaining the problem with a “sorry sir” fixes all in Philippines. Unfortunate that if they are able to explain the problem, why they are completely incapable of using that information to SOLVE the problem can be attributed to their inability to use logic and reason.

    Call PLDT or Globe (or any utility) when there is a service failure. What do they tell you? “There’s a problem sir”. And then they expect you to say, “oh well that explains it, ok, thank you.” But every time they say that to me, I say, “uuhhh, yeah, FUCKING DUH! I know, that’s why I’m calling again…..for the 5th time this week Einstein! What the fuck are you doing about the problem, and when, if ever, will the problem be resolved????”

    “We’re working on it sir.” Translated: We don’t fucking know, but we’re trying a bunch of guessing and pushing buttons to see if it will fix it for a while until it goes down again.”


    1. Profile gravatar of FAFI

      Yeah that irritates me the most about this place is when I seek answers, and the only thing I get in return is a long explanation of why something failed or didn’t work. It gets even more frustrating when I bring my idiot wife with me to solve the problem, and sometimes I already know the solution to the problem, I just have to get clearance from these fuck-heads just to troubleshoot the issue. I bring my idiot wife with me as a translator, because sometimes these so-called “Good English Speakers” can’t understand a single fuckin English word I have to say.
      OK, so I end up bringing my wife to talk to someone about solving a problem, then they end up speaking about the problem, then they end up engaging in small talk that is irrelevant to the situation, then when they are finished talking, I ask what they recommend for a solution, but tells me there isn’t none. SO THEY DID ALL THAT DAMN TALKING WITH NO RESOLUTION!!!? I simply gave my input, and everything was quickly solved. Scenarios like this happened on numerous occasions, and it bothers me how Filipinos can’t just quickly get to the point instead of talking about a whole lot a nonsense which doesn’t contribution to any solution at all! Even planning anything with them goes the same way. They do a shit load of Tagalog talking, and nothing in the plan describes the simple; Who, What, When, and Where. One time my idiot classmates talked for 30 minutes straight about planning a party, and after their nonsense talking, I simply asked when and where the party will start, and they simply had no idea. So what the fuck were they talking about the whole time!!!???

  4. Profile gravatar of heyjoe

    Does anyone know of a travel agency in Manila that will perform the service of renewing a Filipino passport? If so, please list the name and location. It would be worth paying extra just to avoid dealing with these incompetent A-Holes. My wife’s passport needs to be renewed this year and just the thought of going to a Filipino Government Agency to have that done gives me nightmares.

    1. Profile gravatar of FAFI

      If I knew of a travel agency ran by non-Filipinos, I would tell you. As far as I know, any travel agency ran by them you can expect incompetency. Good luck heyjoe

  5. Profile gravatar of roadking

    Well though it kills me to report it , But I have found a efficient Philip[pine govt dept !!!!…
    My wife has recently renewed her passport at the shiny new DFA office here in Bacolod, it took barely 20 mins to do all the application procedures, & The new passport duely arrived 2 weeks later via LBC as promised,
    now I know that this is not in the sprit of the filfail site, But this is so incredible , that I thought I had to report it ….

    1. Profile gravatar of Captain PFB
      Captain PFB

      My partner has dealt with the Bacolod City DFA office even before their shiny new one, and even then it was pretty quick and easy. Why? BECAUSE THERE’S SO FEW APPLICANTS. I’ve hardly ever seen any Bacolod City govt office very crowded. It’s not a very big city, relatively speaking.

      I think that could explain a lot.

  6. Profile gravatar of HawkEye

    a bit off topic but this year all “aliens in the Philippines” (yes those of us from mars – what a fucking term to use!)had to report personally according to the bureau of immigration (BI); couldn’t do it through lawyers. Anyway we go to a satellite BI only to find that there is not record of annual fee paid for 2012 but there is for 2013 (oh for fucks sake!!!). This meant we had to go to INTRAMUROS office – now there’s a FRIDAY THE 13th if I ever saw one. So I get copies of the 2013 annual fee payment from the lawyers and off we go to BI INTRAMUROS. One WHOLE FUCKING day later everything is sorted. Well almost, some of us have to go back an collect renewed ARC cards – that’ll be another WHOLE FUCKING DAY. Why cant BI just send them via courier for fuck sake, that way they’d at least be sure we live where we claim. My wife, a Filipina, has a residency VISA from my country, but my country doesn’t ask her to go through this BULLSHIT annual renewal. I feel like calling my local representatives to do to Filipinos what Filipinos do to me, to fuck their lives every fucking years for a few days!!!!

    PS I overhead a conversation from a foreign guy who had no record of a 2010 annual fee payment even though there was a record of 2011, 2012, nd 2103. This poor cunt was told to go to manila to sort it out. HE WAS FROM FUCKING PALAWAN complaining to the fuckers at BI intramuros why the satellite office there couldn’t sort it out.

    Honestly fuck this place it can DRIVE YOU FUCKING MAD!!!

    1. Profile gravatar of 30-30

      i can relate to the bi being a pisshole of corruption and ineffiency
      I was apply for a permanent I-CARD but they said I needed a criminal record from my country
      This idiot hands us a piece of paper stating the record check,,,,, but we later found out that the criminal check was not in force for another 6 months,,,,,,this piece of paper did not have a date or a proper signature ,, they just cut that part out….(maybe to save paper),, but most probably to screw me over..
      There for i have to go thru the ””’probationary period” all over again,,, blah blah
      A white eyes can never get a break in this shit hole of a country..
      be careful in bi’s office,,, once they gget their fangs into you for tong,, they never let go…
      especially if your wife is from the provinces and does not knwo thein and outs of BI assholes,
      message me if you need help with these bloodsuckers

    2. Profile gravatar of 30-30

      I am going to ask my local politician in my home country,,, if he realises the money we send for foreign aid to this craphole,,, just gets sent to swiss and usa homes,,
      just build a concrete wall around the phils,,, so the local trapos will not get their tong from the usa,, and you will see things start to change. maybe

      1. Profile gravatar of 30-30

        there are dfa offices ,, one old and one new,, the old one taht is empty has the arabic translator in it if you need to english to arabic..

  7. Profile gravatar of CantFixStupid

    So yea i get to return to the hell that is Pinas on Saturday. My overseas prison term is up and i get to enjoy Hell with a little bit of Heaven in doses. Anyway, back to my fantastic condo in Global City, surrounded by shit lol…. We’re moving to Davao, thinking I’ll lose my mind at a slower pace there. 🙁

  8. Profile gravatar of montreal_dude

    That reminds me something. As I planned to stay more than 27 days in the Failippines, I needed a visa so I filed a demand and got it in 5 days (I’m sure I could have written anything on the demand. Anyways Filipinos are so retarded and lazy that they will never verify my real information. When I came back from the Failippines, weirdly I received tones of phone calls from failipino telemarketers trying to selling me some shit. So basically this is my fault! I underestimated the filipino idiocy and figured out they were honest lol. Naa! It`s not Canada or USA tabarnak! It`s the Philippines! Those assholes sold all my personal information to telemarketer companies! It`s so fucking more fun in the Failippines!

  9. Profile gravatar of 30-30

    God help you if you need the DOH and DFa to rubber stamp and blue ribbon your documents, comke back tomorrow and five working days,, have they never heard of online processing and verifying