Hey buddies, I know it’s been 5 weeks since I last been on here, but I can’t run away forever. I knew I would be back on here eventually if I ran into a Filipino-related problem (which is inevitably inescapable). Actually, I had negative Filipino encounters during those 5 weeks with my first one being within the first week of my absence from PFB.com, so don’t be too surprised that it took 5 weeks. During my encounters, needless to say that it deals with their questionable ability to get shit right. I’ve been put into endless amounts of inconveniences and broken promises, and I realized I had no one to turn to talk about these problems. I’ve managed to hold it all in until this ONE foreigner told me the funniest fucking joke of my life. I met him at the HyperMarket and this is how it went.
(I was in the canned good isle, and this foreigner walked pass me)
Foreigner: Good evening, how are you?
Me: Oh great! Finally a smart person!
Foreigner: Excuse me, but what did you say?
Me: I said I finally came across a smart person, it’s been a while.
Foreigner: Oh, you must be indicating that Filipinos are not smart. What makes you think that?
Me: I deal with them on a regular basis from all types of social statuses. And I mistakenly married one.
Foreigner: Ahhh, they are not so dumb. I think they know more than we do.
*That’s when I totally lost it mentally, to think that a foreigner would have the ability to say that is mind-blowing*
(With my eyes wide opened in amazement, I continued the conversation)
Me: So how long have you been in Philippines?
Foreigner: About 2 weeks
Me: I wish you luck man, after a while you may reconsider your stay here. Enjoy it while you can.
*We shook hands, then went on our separate ways, later on I saw him with this model-looking Filipina (no wonder he can’t have a negative/realistic opinion of Philippines, that old coot had a hotty).*
Coming across a delusional short-term foreigner like him, who I thought I could connect with, I NEEDED to come back to PFB. Know more than us? What a joke! Well anyway, let me get to the point of this post.
Lately, I had been encountering scenarios where Filipinos thinks I should be like them. Some of these scenarios may even apply to you. It’s like PHILIPPINES is the ONLY country that exist in the world, and FILIPINOS are the only humanoids (I refuse to use the word ‘human’) that roams this planet. To them, if you do, say, or believe anything opposite of them, they are outlandishly amazed, and YOU would be considered as ‘abnormal’ in their point of view. I’m not surprised that Filipinos are narrow-minded, but when it gets to a point where it affects me, then we have problems.
We are already familiar with the characteristics of a Filipino, and when a Filipino thinks that I am as Filipino as he is, I begin to question myself, “how have they ever came to that conclusion?” Here I have enumerated a few examples below on how Filipinos think you are as FILIPINO as they are.
1. Rice – You walk into a Jollibee, place an order, and the first fucking thing that comes out of their mouth half the time is, “EXTRA RICE?” Ok, what the fuck? Just because these rice-a-holics eats rice 3 times a day 7 days a week, don’t mean that I am as addicted to rice as they are. What if I fucking wanted EXTRA CHICKEN, or an EXTRA CUP OF COLA? Why don’t they ever ask that? I don’t know about you guys, but it annoys the fuck outta me.
Just to add more to this part, I’ve been questioned by a friend of mine here (Filipino) about why I don’t eat rice. He specifically asked me on facebook, “why don’t Americans eat rice everyday?” I replied, “because we know that rice is not the ONLY food in the world, and we wont die if we don’t eat rice for a day. I can survive a week without rice.” I still have this conversation saved on my facebook (which only happened last week).
2. Telling a lie – Most Filipinos are notorious liars, and most of us know that. And they think that other Filipinos are stupid enough to believe their lies, a foreigner would too. I want to dedicate this example to my Filipina idiot wife. She lied to my foreign buddy who came to visit me last month about our Aircon (AC) not working just so we can save a few pesos on our next electric bill, which was pretty fucked up. My buddy and his Filipina wife is planning to visit me again, and my idiot wife is already thinking about telling them same lie again. OK, just because she is a fucking idiot, it don’t mean that my buddy is a fucking idiot to believe an obvious lie. It wont be long until he gives me the same ‘NO AIRCON’ treatment when I visit him next time in Mindoro because my idiot wife wants to save a few a pesos, at the cost of my buddy suffering miserably through the night.
3. Counting Change – Have you ever made a purchase at any retailer with a large bill, and after the cashier had already took her sweet-ass-time tying up and bagging your groceries, she counts counts your bills ONE-BY-ONE as she hands it to you as if you don’t have the mental capacity to automatically count a stack of 4 or 5 bills. There was a time when I made a purchase amounting 590 pesos. I paid with a 1000 peso bill. Then she hands my (4) 100 peso bills to me and started counting,”One, Two, Three, Four hundred, and here is your Ten Pesos sir.” Just because she is too stupid to look at a stack of FOUR 100 peso bills and can’t automatically tell it’s 400 pesos, it don’t mean that I can’t either.
4. Clothes/Shoe size – As you know, most Filipinos are petite, tiny, and small. Alright, I admit, I’m not anywhere near as small as them (but I’m not a fatty either). I like to call this one, “I am small Filipino, so you must be a small Filipino too.” It’s absolutely frustrating that more than half the time I go out clothes ans shoe shopping, I can’t FIND MY SIZE! I wear a size 38 in pants, and size 11 in shoes, but the majority of the time they don’t freakin have what I want in my size! I saw these fuckin sexy-ass shoes I wanted, but size 10 was their largest size, checking for 4 weeks straight, they never had it in 11’s. Rarely I do come across a chubby Filipino, and of course some foreigners too (which some of us are not Filipino size), so is it logical to keep a stock of larger items of the same brand in their inventory for customers like that? Or do they believe that EVERYONE is as tiny as they are?
5. Religion – I really didn’t want to touch on this topic since it has a tendency to severely offend some religious freaks out there. But as blunt and cruel we have been on this site so far, I assume we can all grow a pair and hear me out. In my first few months staying here, I am always asked what religion I am. I tried to be honest the first few times by saying, “I don’t have a religion.” Knowing how religious-driven Filipinos are, I’m sure you all had already predicted the rest of the conversation. Next they ended up asking “why,” then they try convert me to believe in their god, then it turns into one big fucking unwarranted discussion that is totally deemed pointless. So lately, I have been using “Christian” as my ‘cover-up’ religion to avoid prolonged discussions of why I don’t believe in god. It was the religion I was raised (brainwashed) to believe in, until I grew up and applied logical reasoning and common sense into my life. So because they believe in god, they think I have to believe in god too. I’m sorry, but once again…. “I AM NOT FILIPINO!”
So to sum this all up, just because they; make up obvious lies, eat rice 3x a day, wear small clothing, can’t count simple change, believe in imaginary beings. They think we must; believe in obvious lies, eat rice 3x a day, wear small clothing, can’t count simple change, and believe in their image of god too.
It felt so good to get that all out, and it feels even BETTER to be back!