Have Some Food With Your Tape

Scotch Tape. What would idiot Filipinos do without it? I’m sure a significant portion of Scotch Tape profits come from the massive use of it in Philippines. Order a meal to take out, and you get home with everything sealed with tape, even the fucking paper bag it’s in.

scotchtapecrazyI used to love to play with Scotch Tape when I was like 5 years old. I used to tape everything! I loved getting my hands on a roll of Scotch Tape when I was a child. But I grew up. Seems these complete Filipino idiots just never grow up. I have to always keep a pair of sissors by my bed (that’s where I eat most of the time), because the food always arrives taped up as if it was shipped halfway across the planet.

It’s become a ritual. Get myself all comfortable, ready to eat. I got my fork, spoon, and sissors all set up. I start by ripping the 3 strips of tape that’s holding the paper bag closed. That bag isn’t re-usable anymore. It’s all torn up. Then I pull out the soft drinks with the criss-crossed tape over the lids and straw hole. Snip snip….. Then out comes the burger. I could almost toss it across the room and if it didn’t have tape, it would still stay shut. That’s how good they make the burger boxes these days. But Filipino idiots love to tape things like I did when I was 5 years old. You would think about a 1 inch length holding the top and bottom closed would suffice. NOPE!! The stupid fucking Filipino has to wrap the entire box around North and south and east and west with Scotch Tape. Then the little side order cups with snap lids are all taped together in a stack too. What the fuck?

The stupid fucks can’t uphold anything resembling corporate standards. The fries are ALWAYS either undercooked or overcooked, the bun stale, obviously been sitting under the warmer for at least an hour. And they’re ALWAYS out of something. I can never place an order without a “Sorry sir, we’re out of stock on that item.” But boy they sure do focus a lot of attention on sealing every-fucking-thing with wads of tape tape tape tape tape!! They NEVER run out of stock on Scotch Tape! Fucking idiots!

By the time I’m finished UNTAPING everything, I have a baseball size ball of spent Scotch Tape. There’s nearly as much tape as there is food.

The plastic twine isn’t enough for the pizza boxes. The imbeciles have to tape all 3 unhinged sides of the boxes closed as well with a 12 to 15 inch long strip of tape on all 3 sides. Then they string it all together with that plastic twine shit they use and tie in a knot that my mother couldn’t even get out.

What the fuck is it with Filipinos NOT WANTING YOU TO GET ANYTHING OPEN???

Published in Blatant Stupidiy, Filipino Stupidity


  1. Profile gravatar of FAFI

    I do recall eating a stale Big Mac at my local McDonald’s a few months back. I just figured it was just that one McDonald’s that was fucked up, but I was wrong. After resisting the urge to return to the same McDonald’s, I went to the McDonald’s at my local SM. Well the burger was ok, but the fries had a lifeless taste to it as if they were just microwaved after sitting in the freezer over night. Only about half the times all my food comes out right. Oh yeah I didn’t forget about the drinks either. In their tiny regular cups where they dispense their ALREADY COLD beverages, they have to fuck it up by adding an excessive amount of ice to decrease the volume of Sprite I had ordered. I figure that this was a sales tactic to save money on beverage expenses because at most formal restaurants here it’s the complete opposite. for instance, if I were to order a bottomless beverage, I would get as much as 2 or 3 ice cubes which helps keeps my drink chill for up to 10 minutes. Who likes warm drinks right? Well they figure if my glass didn’t have any ice, I wouldn’t demand another refill… WRONG! I simply requested for more ice first. There was a time when I was denied more ice due to them running out supposedly.
    On the bright side, my best friend in the states had sent me care package of American food items. I fuckin missed Chef Boyarde Ravioli and Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Sorry if I made any of you jealous, should’ve kept that to myself. 🙂 I almost feel like I’m back in America again!

  2. Profile gravatar of jimmy smith
    jimmy smith

    I dont eat those places for several reasons. But sounds to me like you should pay in coins wrapped up in equally much tape !
    I prefer to dine at the restaurants here its alot more fun. I never know whats out of stock or in what order I get my meals. Sometimes the icecream first followed by the main dish and then the salad. Its also fun checking the bill after, maybe I got the neighbourgh tables bill and they only ordered for 150 peso. Not so much fun when you get the bill from the family who held a birthday there. But its all part of the excitement of dining. Its starts with a “welcome sirrr” from the security guard and then having to clean the chair before you sit. When the waitress comes the true fun begins ! Especially the times when I told my ex gf NOT to translate and just ignore them when they adress her. “My cat lost its tongue, you have to speak with me” oh its priceless that look on their face. I love the way things get repeated 3 times, its like dining in a cave where there is an eccho. I dont go to the kitchen to check on the hygene there, if I did the guard might think I was going to rob them or something and shoot me. But I would like to try one time. Been eating many places in the world and in a 1st world country you can usually say “I am not eating, nor paying for this shit” and then go talk to the chef. Trying that in the PI would get you in alt of trouble I am sure so I dont bother. And if I did it it would only hurt the next poor costumer who orders something similar to my order as it will be reheated and served for that person. Nothing goes to waste here, never had so much stomach trouble and the runs over food served in whats supposed to be a restaurant. Now the remaining days I am here I eat cakes and tuna from can, not even bread. Found a hair in a bread I bought yesterday, almost swallowed it lol.
    If you are going for a long time to this place then I advice you to eat rat poison in your home country before you fly to get the stomach used to the food. I didnt do that and now I am feeling sorry I didnt, oh if only I had taken some rat poison then there wouldnt have been these days in the CR. Its my fault…why didnt I prepare properly ??? I must be enviromentally damaged by these many trips here !

  3. Profile gravatar of TightWired

    When ever I order fast food, or some pre-set meal (lunch/diner special) I make it a habit to request some type of change to the food I order…”No mustard on my Quarter Pounder”, or “No salt on my French fries”…I’d like to think this forces the food preparer to make my food a bit more fresher than normal.
    I usually order Take Away/Take out a couple times a week. If I have to repeat myself more than twice for directions where I live, or what I just ordered, I cancel the order.
    I never have the delivery driver bring the food directly to my apartment door, but instead I meet them at the security gate/guard…I see no reason to broadcast to the average honest pinoy exactly where I live, or what my furnishings ($$$) might be in the apartment.
    I always tell person on the phone/text to make sure the delivery driver has change for 500p – 1000p…”Sorry Sirrrrr, I have no change”.
    Last but not least…The 3 strike rule. You fuck up my food or food poisoning more than 3 times (I’m too forgiving) I never go back again.

    1. Profile gravatar of FAFI

      I’m surprised you are crazy enough to order your food by delivery. Since these idiots will often fuck up your order in person while trying to order ‘Dine-in’ or ‘Take-out,’ I’m sure it will be just as fucked up when they deliver it. And think about it, if they forgot something, do you think they are willing to drive all the way back to get your fries? I bet not! If anything, they might charge you another P40 delivery fee, despite the fact that it was THEIR fuck up, but they will probably save themselves the burden of by not driving back and forget all about it, and if you complain, they will deny forgetting a piece of your order. This hasn’t happened to me, but i can imaging this scenario happening to me in Philippines. Another reason to not order by delivery because as we all know, fuckin Filipinos are always late to EVERYTHING! I know most of us had heard about the ’30 minute guarantee or it’s free’ deal when referring to their delivery service in Philippines. According to a few of my buddies who had actually placed a delivery and had their food come to them after 30 minutes, even 45 minutes one time, that 30 minute deal was never honored. They only got an excuse saying that there was too much traffic by the delivery driver, and not once got their food for free. Besides, the words ‘FREE’ and ‘Philippines’ don’t belong together in the same sentence anyway, so I don’t even get why he thought he would get his food for free anyway…. (This comment was originally one of my article ideas, but posting this as an article seems to be more work. IDK, I think I’m just feeling lazy and decided to post this as a comment instead, plus this somewhat relates to this Post anyway)

      1. Profile gravatar of TightWired

        I’ve been at the same address for the past two years, and I’ve had a couple bad deliveries, but overall it hasn’t been too much of a hassle. But, I also make it a point to be very direct when ordering voice/text. I’ve sent the delivery driver back a couple times especially when it’s 100% clear they fucked up. If they give me the pinoy stare, or “But Sirrrrrrr”…then I mark them off my list of Regular places. Additionally…They know I’m a pretty consistent 10% – 20% tipper if the order is good, that’s improves service a lot. I don’t tip sub-par service.

        1. Profile gravatar of Captain PFB
          Captain PFB Post author

          Yeah, I make sure now that I specifically DEMAND that my order be made fresh and hot and not taken from the STALE CRAP they’ve left sitting under the warmer for the past 45 minutes. And I don’t want my order made until there is a delivery driver there ready to take my hot food as soon as it’s packed up and overrun with a mile and a half of Scotch Tape.

          1. Profile gravatar of Captain PFB
            Captain PFB Post author

            To the idiot Filipino, food left sitting for 45 minutes after it’s been cooked is “fresh”. Seems it is customary for any leftover food that was cooked in-home to simply put one of those screen domes over it to keep the flies off, and let it sit on the table for 4 or 5 hours until dinner time and it will be eaten as-is. They won’t even warm it up to kill the bacteria that has been growing on it since lunch time.

            I can’t tell you how many times when visiting my partner’s folks, there is the last meal’s leftovers sitting under a screen dome, and I’m invited to the table to partake. I simply say, “Thanks, but I’m not really hungry.” as I look at the cold, coagulated fried fish and other meats and cold clods of rice they’re all preparing to chow down on without a thought. Idiots.

            They have a refrigerator (I bought it for them), and they don’t even use it except to chill soft drinks. If they do put food in it, they don’t even wrap it up, it sits on a plate. Any idiot knows that a refrigerator works by constantly exchanging air. Old air out, new chilled air in. What better way to dehydrate food than leaving it unsealed in a refrigerator. It dries out even faster than if you just left it sitting on the table. And I have told them this many times, and every time I go there, I see unsealed leftovers in the fridge. Again, idiots.

            Just add “no concept of food safety” to their enormous list of ignorance and stupidities.

          2. Profile gravatar of Joe

            Tomain poisoning, botchalism, and e coli festers throughout the fast food (and street food) chain in this country. Filipinos are immune to this since it runs through their veins. I guess I learned the hard way to shop in the grocery store only, but fresh produce is touched by a hundred hands-many who likely have visited the CR that has no TP, so it all needs to be boiled here.
            Where’s the beef? Another question-Those are cows along side the road?

  4. Profile gravatar of 30-30

    I wont eat their bread,,, tastes like moldy wheat,,, pancit canton 2 days sitting in the ref.. or spaghetti cold and a day old,,,,,,, ewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww