Friendless in the Philippines.

I think everyone here will understand this. After 20+ years of visiting the Philippines, I have never had a friend. Of course, my wife is Filipina and we have two kids. I love my wife, and enjoy my kids.We live in the Midwest USA. My family members don’t like me because I’m kuripot. I have “borrowed”, money to my wife’s family. They have never paid it back.That doesn’t bother me so much because the first thing you learn in the Philippines is that borrow means give or charity.

What gets me madder than a cowboy with a blister on his ass,is when they get money, they purchase an I-phone, singing lessons, shopping spree at the mall etc.Then some emergency comes up, and we get hit up for money. By my instructions, we send money sporadically so they are not too comfortable, and can’t buy stuff on credit. My wife strayed from that rule once and they quit cooking and began eating fast food everyday. Mom, a sister and some kids need ,”support”. Now the interpretation of support in the Philippines means you send money every month forever. I won’t accept that, and they don’t really like me much.

You might think you made a friend in the Philippines. The sad part is they will hit you up to borrow money.The good news is they won’t wait long to do it. I once had a buddy for a week, and guess what? I actually think that might be a bonafide miracle on par with Jesus turning water into wine that a  filipino went an entire week without asking the kano for kwarta. It’s hard to explain, but there is a sixth sense I’ve developed. A squint of the eyes and a certain body movement, and you know it’s coming.” Life is hard in the Philippines”, “my mom died”, or just some sort of emergency they lay on you that is urgent. Same old shit, makes me tired.

I’m actually very generous. I’ve sent three family members through these private colleges. None of those careers ever amounted to anything. The rule now is university only. The Philippines is full of school scams/bogus schools. People say the Philippines is the land of smiles.Well, for me it is the land of long faces because I am kuripot. You should see those somber faces when I come around.

Published in Relationships


  1. Profile gravatar of tambok

    This whole fucking country is leeches. You shouldn’t be giving anybody anything. I also don’t have any Filipino friends and don’t want any. It’s been seven years here for me.

  2. Profile gravatar of Idiotocracy

    Have they done the “counting” accusation on you yet? Hadn’t met the parents yet after over threeyears, moved her 200 miles from home right off the bat. Employ a couple of siblings and a few cousins of hers, putting one sibling that lives with us through school, other than that no workee no moneyee. Heard right off the bat that her dad was ashamed that his daughter is dating a kano and the family isn’t getting anything. Glad he has something to keep him occupied.

    Oh and wages. Told them they would get minimum wage and benefits. Sad look in their eyes, why not pay more sir? Because none of them were making more than 2/3rds that before and no benefits. Told them I could fill the damn place with college graduates at the same wages if they thought I wasn’t being fair.

  3. Profile gravatar of FilamboredinthePH

    Given my username I have a bit more of an “in” with locals here given that I’m actually related to some and that In my mother’s hometown we are an established family in all levels of government there and with all that said, I’m still just every bit of an outsider as you white guys are when it comes to making friendships. A LOT of people here in general just don’t feel comfortable trying to relate with you or befriend you at a personal level due to language barrier and that inferiority complex that is so widespread. I’ve stuck to my guns though and in anything I do, I am NEVER covering anything more than what I take/consume. Once you’ve established your stance that you give no fucks and that your money is only for yourself, yeah it gets lonely.

    1. Profile gravatar of Johnny

      Yeah, I’m a Fil-am as well, although I look more foriegner than anything. I made a few good friends in the Ph. You can hang out with the local chinese business owners or the OFW’s. There are a lot of OFW’s coming back to take care of their family or even Fil-ams moving to the Philippines as their parents get older or to take over property. I have made friends with some of the foreigners as well and since beer or food is so cheap, they always offer to pay.
      Just sad to hear cause I know the Philippines (especially those smaller towns) can get lonely.

  4. Profile gravatar of FilamboredinthePH

    The only non-related Filipinos I can ever just talk to without any pretenses are those who have been overseas or the rich ones but personally I don’t like befriending the rich around here because many of them tend to have some serious ego or behavior I just don’t agree with.

    1. Profile gravatar of Johnny

      With the “rich ones” you can actually see another reason the Philippines is so fucked up. Most have the attitude, “I’m doing well here so everything is great!”. The poor could care less about community or society while the rich could care less cause its an easy lifestyle for them. Again, NO ONE in the Philippines has any motivation to change it for the better.

  5. Profile gravatar of 30-30

    Well, I have only 2 friends in my whole life and they are Native Canadians. I used to hang around with older people,, but they are long gone to the other side..
    I have one friend here,, he and his wife are old age pensioners and most of the family works….
    If you dont drink and throw money around ,, you will get lonesome fuck them and the horse they rode in on

  6. Profile gravatar of Barry Smyth
    Barry Smyth

    Mate you seem to have worked it out and understand what the drill is good on you and do not change charity begins at home with your family and nobody else.
    I was lucky my wife’s mother was of the old school wise and understanding a wonderful lady I admired her then as I do now sadly she passed away around 7 yrs ago and even today I think of her she left a impact on me and is sadly missed.

  7. Profile gravatar of Warlord

    I as a pinoy, this is my own basic rules:
    1. Never give money, unless you are a super duper kind of a person and don’t mind the money not returning to you.
    2. If someone is asking you money, either they should have proof else, they are just trying to use you and extort money from you.
    3. Always give a benefit of the doubt.
    4. Avoid Filipino Families, me and my entire Family hates the other Families due to how they expect everything from their sons & daughters and their sons & daughters husbands & wife to afford them everything.
    5. Trust is hard to find here, it is so scarce you might die from old age just to find someone not on this site, to be trustworthy. So never trust any Pinoy anything, even if it as small as a handkerchief. Yes seriously I can’t count how many times I lost my handkerchief after I left it on someone.
    6. What you give them, will boost their ego and their thinking that you can be easily fooled.
    7. Anything you gave them will be used to brag on other pinoy that they are rich and they are in the higher order than them. And they won’t even acknowledge that it came from you.
    8. Lies. They will lie on anything to boost their status.
    9. If you request money from them, they will not give anything regardless if they have a debt on you.
    10. If you ask them about payment they will tell next time until 15x+ and then they will get angry at that point. Never ask them, it will never come. back.

    These are the most basic, advance tips are created thru experience.

    1. Profile gravatar of Johnny

      “What you give them, will boost their ego and their thinking that you can be easily fooled.”
      – I was just telling this to someone the other day. It seems the biggest thrill Filipinos get is cheating someone. Its one thing if someone is starving or their family is starving to steal or cheat, but most times they are cheating just for the thrill of it. I don’t know why.

  8. Profile gravatar of loco_loco

    when i am in a good mood and no one ask me for money , i give some kids a few burger stuff from delicious (ironic) Jolly Bee. But i give only to those which have not ask the famous question *give me moneeey

  9. Profile gravatar of Phil Doh
    Phil Doh

    6 years in PH and I never made one filipino friend. Many aquaintances yes, but the kind of mate who you’d look out for because they’d do the same for you – not one. I actually came away from there with a few good friends, none filipino, only foreigners. The more time you spend there the more you realize it’s a you give/they take relationship, even a pet gives more back in return, so it’s never an equal footing friendship. Real friends have deep and meaningful conversations. My chats with filipinos were almost always over within a few minutes because after the pleasantries there was nothing left to talk about.

  10. Profile gravatar of dpjb2923

    My rule of the street in the PI is I talk to no one, do not respond to anyone who talks to me. I may say a pleasent hello or No Thank you but thats it.
    I would not want any Pinoy friends and will not loose sleep over it.
    these Pinoys i work with here in japan seem to be civilized, but back in theircountry everyone is 10 hairs away from being baboons

  11. Profile gravatar of 30-30

    To dpjb
    I live near a market and enjoy talking to the vendors,,,, sometimes I buy a merinda for them if they talk decent
    well,, you can thru life like an old grouch,, but sometimes you break down and have a laugh

    1. Profile gravatar of Mike


      Your a good man. When they say that to me I say I don’t know you and I’m not your friend. Then if they say “happy new year”, “Merry christmas”, “good morning” and such I just ask them what’s so fucking Happy, merry or good about it.

    1. Profile gravatar of Hey Joe
      Hey Joe

      @[email protected]

      “The bigger the smile, the sharper the knife.” – Ferengi Rule of Acquisition #48

  12. Profile gravatar of snakebitbytheflips

    If you want to have a friend in that poor-excuse-for-a-country–especially one that will be ever faithful, loving, and loyal to you–here is my advice:

    Get a dog.

    Even the nastiest, most fearful, ugliest mongrel over there, once they realise that you will not hurt them, but instead will love them and care for them, will love you forever and be your friend for life.

    Just make sure they get “The Big Snip” after you adopt one LOL

  13. Profile gravatar of

    5 years visiting and everyone is my friend got money you got friends.all joking aside I don’t consider I have any trusted or true friends…they just want and take without giving.everything I do I pay for them without thank you or kiss my ass nothing.same blank stare.I never set my expections high in the phillipines.I don’t spend or give what I can’t afford to lose.