The German Cut!

After reading ‘More Manila Experiences’ I thought I would post this anecdote for your delectation.

Another Scam Story That Ices The Cake For Me!

You would think that, other than the chance of your chosen medical professional having a bad day and removing the wrong kidney, someone who had sworn the Hippocratic Oath would be above scamming a patient? Well not in the Philippines! How about this for a tale of sordid manipulation and outright dishonesty?

Our hero, a long time expat resident of Manila, attends a clinic after reading an advertisement in the local press that this place deals with ailments of the nether regions. He knows what he has been afflicted with and he definitely knows what it isn’t but he feels he needs medical treatment beyond the scope of what you can safely self prescribe.

The clinic appears to be fairly clean and decent, although it does give off the feeling that it had its hey day back in the 80’s. The doctor welcomes the hero and asks what ails him, but before he can offer his prognosis, the doc starts telling him how he was trained in the USA and was once the leading doctor in his field in Manila. He then proudly whips out a photo album and declares how he was the originator of the famous “German Cut”. The photos are a collection of before and after shots of a procedure known as circumcision and clearly extolling the benefits of the “German Cut!”

Our hero is then examined briefly, gives a urine sample and has a swab. He returns to the doctor’s study to be informed he has a vile and loathsome disease, is very ill and so very lucky he came to this particular clinic for treatment. Apparently he hasn’t what he thought he had but instead a “gonorrhoeal infection”. Since he had absolutely no symptoms and little opportunity to have contracted this malady, it was quite a shock. But surely such an eminent physician as one who brought relief and the “German Cut” to the lads of this country wouldn’ make a mistake?

So, somewhat stunned, our hero asks…..”How much?” The doctor turns to the lady who has been present (completely un-introduced) during the entire consultation. She is introduced not as a fellow medical professional as the hero envisaged but rather the clinic’s accountant! All matters relating to money are her domain owing to the philanthropic nature of the doctor who, if it were up to him, would perform his miracles absolutley scott free and thus soon be destitute, no doubt.

The doctor does outline the treatment which consists of a series of injections (no doubt into the buttocks) with medicine only the doctor can obtain but which will clear the hero of this dreaded and vile, loathsome ailment for sure. And the German Cut of course. Can’t forget that!

Our hero stumbles after the accountant and sits in her office. She calmly steeples her fingers and tells him the German Cut is a mere six thousand peso. The life saving injections will be a little more, say twelve thousand? Our hero is aghast. Eighteen thousand pesos! Over US$300! He tells her his girlfriend had a baby born for half that amount not so long ago and that treating gonorrhoeal infections by injection went out twenty years ago. Current treatment is a single oral antibiotic, or at the most a course of oral antibiotics. He asks for a prescription for same, pays P500 for the consultation and leaves. The prescription includes a cream he later discovers was found to be useless over twenty years before. He takes the course of antibiotics which cost a couple of thousand, just to be on the safe side, but he knows he hasn’t any gonorrhoeal infection.

Finally he goes to see the number one urologist in Manila to be diagnosed, as he originally believed, to have a mild but very unsightly yeast infection called Balinitis, caused by diet, humidity and so on. That is treated by an effective cream within a few days for P500 consultation and P245 for the cream. When he mentions his experience to the specialist, before he can name the doctor involved he is told by the specialist who it indeed was! In fact the doctor’s father is a known sleeping pill addict who will try and get a dozen prescriptions of Demerol or whatever it was and the doctor himself has been known to circumcise anyone he can lay his scalpel on to pay for his gambling habits!

His diagnosis of gonorrhoea was totally false and the course of injections would have been totally unnecessary not to mention painful and expensive. In other words, he was a total charlatan. Since he had survived so long it was probably not worth the effort to try and have him struck off. Even if successful he would simply hang up his shingle somewhere else. Our hero was glad he finally received proper treatment but wonders how many unsuspecting people with no knowledge of medicine have been ripped off and carved up by the discoverer of the infamous German Cut?

(Be wary of any Doctor offering the ‘German Cut’, especially if they have a practice in Cubao.)

Published in Corruption


  1. Profile gravatar of jimmy smith
    jimmy smith

    hahahahaha funny almost to the point of tragedy. Was reading your how to survive the PI cebubear. was great reading. Many good advice there and I will be buying more books in the future. Dont stop writing. Surely there is alot more for you to give the world with your litterature.

  2. Profile gravatar of TheD

    come anywhere near my privates with a knife and the only thing cut will be your throat!
    I had an experience where I was convinced I had appendicitis. The practice was a shambles, the guard was asleep on duty, the nurse who took my blood did not wear gloves and when I went to give a urine sample in the toilet, the whole floor was covered in piss.
    How did they solve the problem of the floor being covered in piss you ask? They put down rubber mats. PROBLEM SOLVED! YEY PHILIPPINES!

    They then told me that they needed to keep me in for 3 days so I could be hydrated. I went home and drank water and other liquids that would help. Consumed an heroic volume of garlic which unblocked my appendix and went for a scan at a better clinic who found nothing.

    How the hell are they allowed to practice medicine? They should lose their license. But no one gives a fuck.