There I was, going home, back to the future! My journey went to Butuan where my flight with Cebu Pacific was going to take me to The Gates of Hell. A place where many demons feed on the tourists who are easy prey. But lets begin with the arrival to Butuan “international” airport. Nothing international about it, but it sounds fantastic saying that word “international” !
When I entered the passenger entrance I noticed the sign “Out of order” on the xray machine which scans the luggage right away. I had just thrown my buck foldable knife (made in the US) in the garbage outside as they wouldnt let me fly with a weapon. I could have kept that one, because since these people here are related to the man of steel, aka superman, they didnt need to check the luggage. They just xray it with their eyes, or maybe its because actually checking the luggage would require work and then they cant just sit on a chair and wave the passengers on. In any case I was as others waved on. Could have had 5 kg. of TNT in my bag or my knife and nobody would have known until I blew up the plane or hijacked it using a knife.
I am not a violent man, never was and dont think I will ever be. Never served in the army and never been to a war zone. But the thought that someone COULD get on a plane and do that doesn’t really back up the words I heard when on the flight “your safety is our concern” give much credibility.
While I was waiting for the flight I was sitting in the passenger area, looking at lcd tvs promoting PI as a fun place to be. And saying that jesus died for us so we could live. God gave his ONLY son to us and all the same crap you hear everywhere here. Also a large painting of Mother Mary with the text “the mother of all nations”. Made me think if someone from Japan, Thailand, India or the muslim coutries would agree with that statement. Probably, since pinoys are NEVER wrong !
Then there is the voice on the speaker saying what I ALWAYS hear when flying with Cebu “your flight is delayed due to blah, blah, blah.” I fly with them like 24 times now and not ONE time have they been on time, I would honestly say if just 1 or more times they had been on time. But I havent experienced that yet and never will since I am not going back to this place again ever.
When the plane finally arrived it only took them 1 hour to unload and board the waiting passengers. The way that happened was all started moving to the gate making a human traffic jam of bodies and carry on luggage you would have to see to believe. I stayed seated, tried that before and the plane wont leave without me when I can sit and look at it not being 25 meters away from me. I guess the pinoys think maybe someone will take their already booked and reserved seat.
Ready for take off ! Fasten seat belts, stewards walking the isle and still had to get luggage from some who didnt understand that it needs to be stored and sitting hugging your backpack isnt the kind of storage they accept on any airplane. Once in the air Cebu has this quiz called “show and tell” and its the steward giving some clues to an item which if you can guess it then you win a shopping bag. Oh I wanted that bag so much, I was determined to get it ! Bring on the questions and it will surely be mine !!!
But first the usual thing. I always get parked at the emergency exit and the stewards ALWAYS comes and asks “in an emergency will you be willing to assist us by opening the hatch?” That question confuses a simple man like me. What will I answer ? “No if the plane crashes I wanna stay seated and burn with the rest of you” or “yes I will assist you and I will also require some sort of payment for this job, even if the emergency never occurs, since I am kinda like a guard on duty.” Or “yes I will assist you and I been studying the construction of this airbus 320 all night and I been taking pilot simulation lessons for weeks so I am fully prepared for this 1 hour 25 min flight mam !”
Now the “win a shopping bag” Quiz !
Steward : what was the reason this flight was delayed
I raised my hand and another steward came and said “yes sir ?”
Me : Incompetence
But that wasnt the right answer. ggggrrrrrrr I felt cheated, it was traffic delayed I was told !
Next question : What sign is on the door to the lavatory on this flight
Again I raised my hand and was asked “yes sir?”
Me : Out of order
But they said it was a no smoking sign. I felt the bag being very far away since that was the last question of the “show and tell” quiz….I forgot for a short while in my hunger for the shopping bag that being a foreigner in this country wont ever get me anything of value, not even a bag !
When we arrived the usual chaos, all wanna get up and move out of the plane as if it was on fire. I had no hurry, still 12 hours waiting for the flight back to freedom and sanity. Once outside I smoked and had the taxi mafia approaching me. They run this scam to get you a taxi for 3 times the regular price.
I felt like fooling around with them as I was going home and now didnt feel like taking more crap from these brain dead idiots. I will call them Tmob, short for taxi mafia people.
Tmob : taxi sir
me : where ?
tmob : taxi sir, over here
me : yes you are right, it IS a taxi there
tmob : blank stare
me : blank stare
tmob : You want taxi sir ?
me : can i have a taxi ?
tmob : you get taxi 650 peso sir
me : thats cheap, I dont want driver, just give me the keys
tmob : blank stare
me : nevermind, I go upstairs and get jeepney for 30 peso
Many get scammed like this, they can go upstairs and get regular taxi for 200 peso or jeepney alot cheaper and even guards, police and airport staff allows these taxi mafia people to operate like that. It is truely more FUN in the Philippines! But there is one requirement. You need to be a retard to see the fun.
Wrote this waiting for my flight out of this hell, away from these devil worshippers, away from the smell, away from this “sick man of Asia”, Away from all the FUN !