How Does Anyone Find Anything In This Country? (They Don’t!)

So, I was referred to Lazada by a friend as I wanted a specific piece of computer equipment that was impossible to find in the stores locally.

Amazingly they had it on Lazada and it says CASH ON DELIVERY so I place my order and figure I’ll get it in a few days. Their website actually works (of course it does, they’re not a Failippines company after all which I learned later when I saw they also do business in Thailand and Vietnam).

I also ordered an expensive (for me, all foreigners aren’t rich after all!) TV set for P15,000 that I saw on the site, so our total order here is P15,500.

Now, online shopping is something that the civilized world has had since the 90’s, and in my native country, the USA, we perfected the mailing system before I was even born, and it’s just an established fact.

Not in the Philippines!! Of course as soon as it gets referred to the local courier company 2GO everything breaks down spectacularly.

You would think that armed with the name of my condo, a cross street, a “landmark”, the name of the fucking barangay (don’t laugh, those of you who are experienced probably know yours by heart I had to actually ask my landlord for this as it had not come up before, and he just gave me a blank stare and finally mumbled something after I asked again and after ten minutes I had it correctly spelled and written down), the exact unit number and my phone number they could find the place.

For two days he just drove past the place according to the shitty online 2GO tracker, and I call up their “customer service”. Lady told me “Sir according to our system you weren’t there po. You have to be home for acceptance of the packages.”

“I’m retired! I was here the entire time.”

“Sir system says he checked and you are not home.”

That’s impossible because the concierge desk in the condo would have called me. I live in an upscale building, they don’t just let random morons “check” if I’m home.

A full seven days after I placed the order I finally get a call from downstairs and he trudges up with ONE package, the TV!!

“Where is the other package?”

“Sir one package po”

“When is the other package being delivered?”

“Sir it is just one package po 15000 pesos cash po.”

I pay it and I tell him I want the other package tomorrow.

I called 2GO every single day and eventually the lady told me “Sir you miss too many delivery date, other package is returned to Lazada.”

Of course I was here every day, I tell her I want to speak to her supervisor, “Sorry sir we don’t have” (WTF?) and then she disconnects me.

Can these people do anything right? How did the one with the more expensive item find it and the cheaper one didn’t?

I have a feeling they just decided not to BOTHER with the cheaper item as there’s not as much MONEY in it for them with the same amount of WORK.

Published in Filipino Customer Service


    1. Profile gravatar of Balikbayan Box
      Balikbayan Box Post author

      The only silver lining in this is that I didn’t pay anything.

      It really makes me wonder though how they stay in business failing so many deliveries. I asked other expats in my building, same story, half their shit gets delivered, sometimes none…

      Meanwhile the Filipinos in my building just consider it as normal. “Well you’re not out of pocket so why complain?”

      Oh I forgot. “THAT’S PINOY!”

  1. Profile gravatar of Mike

    Philpost, here’s one for you. I helped out people in jail before and saw this first hand. An order was issued in Makati court to release someone from jail on Mindanao as charges dismissed this July of 2011 I think that was the year. The court had it typed up and mailed registered within two weeks, fast for filipinos huh? Well travel to the post office that had to deliver it was about a week so it hits second week of Aug at latest. There it sits until the second week of Sept! Why? Because the local post office decided they would wait to deliver a registered letter until they had more to deliver and they said that it MIGHT be delivered by second week of Oct!! So here you have someone sitting in jail for 2 months plus because Philpost too lazy to do their fucking jobs.

    1. Profile gravatar of Sarah

      Mike, I once sent a post card from my mum’s province for my colleagues here in Oz. We got it alright…..2 weeks after I return from my holidays!!

      Another occasion, same town. I wanted to post a letter to the US. Turned up at 1pm, post office was still shut. Where is the post office lady?, I asked the guy sitting outside. “still at lunch ma’am”. OK, what time does she normally come back? “should be anytime now Ma’am”. By 1:30pm, no show. I decided to go to the internet cafe next door. Told the guy minding the cafe to call me when post office lady comes back. She did come back….3PM!!! A three hour fucking lunch break!!

      1. Profile gravatar of Mike

        Wife would send me letters when I was in the states and would take them month or two before I got them. They had no stamp and were sent to Malaysia. Seems the filipinos take the money, don’t put a stamp on it pocket the pesos and throw it in the outgoing where it goes to Malaysia and Malaysia gets tiffed with delivering it.

      2. Profile gravatar of Don Quixote
        Don Quixote

        I have had this happen to me in Australia, I was in my office at the computer looking down the road , I watched the mail man drop something in the letterbox and drive off.
        I walked down thinking I had a letter,
        I had a fucking card,

        1. Profile gravatar of Don Quixote
          Don Quixote

          To finish I rang the local post office and asked what bullshit that was , told them I watched the lazy prick not even get off his bike, the front door could be driven to in a fucking truck never mind a fucking bike.
          The idiot told me I had to come down and pick it up.
          Still haven’t gotten that letter to this day, don’t know what it was for and wasn’t expecting any parcel.
          I forgot all about that until I saw that blog post.
          Usually here in the PI, I get them to deliver to a local 24 hour resort where I frequent, they can sign and hold the mail for me at any time.
          Saves me from going into that shitfight PO. in Olongapo.

  2. Profile gravatar of

    Online shopping in the FAILipines is a total failure. Amazon just leaves our orders in front of our door back home. I don’t know why they can’t just leave it inform of you door? Oh yeah FLIPS might steal it! What about cash on delivery? These monkeys don’t even try to call you if they are near or even ask if you’re in the house. They try to make simple tasks over complicated or try to make it look complicated, pathetic!

    1. Profile gravatar of BLX2

      They can’t do anything without their fucking noses buried in cell phones. Yet they NEVER even try to call or text before showing up for anything. They can’t even give you an exact day they will show up, but never call to check if you are home or tell you they are coming. It is like they expect you to sit beside your gate day after day after day in hopes that they might show up. P10 for unlimited texts per day, but no, waste gas and time on surprise deliveries and appointments.

        1. Profile gravatar of Sarah

          Because that is all they know, Kalbo! Noticed how they do this at such a young age? Noticed how the pre-pubescent girls dance provocatively even during innocent birthday parties and fiestas? I am sure that that is all they get taught at such a young age, that your ass is your capital out of poverty, so use it!

          1. Profile gravatar of snakebitbytheflips

            I remember, a few years ago, the aswang’s grandniece (who is a bastard child that does not know her father, surprise surprise) dressed up in some provocative clothes, wiggled her hips at me, and said, “I’m sexy!” And she was only FIVE YEARS OLD!

            ‘Nuff said. Sigh….

          2. Profile gravatar of Phil Doh
            Phil Doh

            I remember seeing this on the TV, girls younger than ten in skimpy outfits dancing like strippers. Real perverse shit imo. Weird thing was it was at the wife’s auntie’s place who is a strict methodist and they’re all laughing like it’s normal entertainment.

  3. Profile gravatar of Hey Joe
    Hey Joe

    Several years ago I ordered some items from Lazada. At that time it was shipped via LBC. All went well.
    BUT now 2go is a 100% clusterfuck
    I waited 3 f-ing weeks. call after call after call….. Gave me the same lame bull as everyone. You were not home? Oh yes I am, I’m retired, I am always home. PLUS I have a motion activated alarm and video cam at the gate.
    If you were there I have a recording of it. I have vids of birds..cows..dogs.. Nope, no 2Go, because you were not at my gate you POS 2Go.

    1. Profile gravatar of BLX2

      Thanks for the info, I had considered Lazada in the past, but was able to find what I want at a slightly better price at RJ Homes. Now that I know about the 2Go problem I will only use them for price comparison and never consider actually purchasing. If they’re the only place I can get it, I will do without. Wonder why they switched from LBC to 2Go? Oh well, their problem, not mine.

      1. Profile gravatar of Hey Joe
        Hey Joe

        I don’t have a problem with Lazada it’s self. 2Go can go to hell. I will never spend another peso with them till they dump 2Go.

        I mail order often, I get my e-cigarette “juice” every other week or so with almost zero problems via LBC or JRS.
        Honest, JRS has been damn good. Always on time or ahead of time and saves me the trouble of going downtown with the crazies on the road and the same price delivered… what’s not to like.

          1. Profile gravatar of Hey Joe
            Hey Joe

            I have have been vaping for about a year. LOVE it. Plus it’s a fun hobby along with a way easy way to quit smoking.
            I make most of my own juice now. But the #1 best place IMHO is
            The juice is all good quality. I have tried all of them. If you buy one form the premium line you get free shipping on everything else. p200 for regular line 30ml is the same price as the local shop, with the added bonus of not needing to go driving with the nut cases. And they deliver to my door in about 2days.
            Don’t buy any gear from them, way over priced crap! I get my gear shipped in from overseas for about 3/4 or better less with shipping. The mark-up these guys get is crazy, but the juice price is fair.

        1. Profile gravatar of Captain PFB
          Captain PFB

          I have bought many thing via Lazada also, never a problem. I just bought a toaster oven with rotisserie, but after it arrived, I discovered it was a vertical rotisserie (which is fucking pointless. A rotisserie should be horizontal, so that the juices continually baste the meat as it rotates. A vertical rotisserie, the juices simply drip down into the pan.) and I want a horizontal, so they said just pack it back up and take to LBC and give them this account number….and I don’t pay a dime to send it back. Ordered one with the proper horizontal rotisserie and there was no problems at all with Lazada or delivery, ever (so far).

          1. Profile gravatar of Balikbayan Box
            Balikbayan Box Post author

            Seems like this is a common trend…

            @hey-joe here said that LBC is good but as soon as they switched to 2GO things went to hell and fast!!!

            In Cebu it seems like LBC is still in use. If they switch to 2GO in Cebu too RUN AWAY! 2GO couldn’t find you if you launched fireworks as the driver approached, incompetence EXTREME.

          2. Profile gravatar of Captain PFB
            Captain PFB

            Yes I’ve ordered tons of ejuices from Fast processing, fast shipping. But they are expensive compared to the juice I get at the Vape shop I get all my gear at. I now get “Premium Blend” brand ejuice for p150 for 30ml bottle whereas vapetime’s 65ml bottle is OVER 700P! And I actually like “Premium Blend” better at HALF the price of Vapetime.

            I used to buy gear through, but I’ve never seen such slow shipping, slow processing, and utter failure when ordering through them. Takes 2 fucking months! But the vape shop I now buy from in Cebu is right next to SM Mall where I go anyway for things, so I will just pop in to the vape shop when I need something. They give me good price since I frequent his shop.

          3. Profile gravatar of Hey Joe
            Hey Joe

            For me I can see little difference between the premium and the regular line.
            In this back water town there is only one vape shop. So p200 for 30mil from them or p200 direct from vapetime. Think it’s p250 for 18mil of VT’s premium. Plus our little shop in town does not carry the full line. AND they (local shop) fucked me over on a WAY expired one. They just did what one would expect from a pinoy…. oh well..that’s the way it is, was what I got. Fuckem ,I make my own now anyway at a even lesser cost. But I still do order from VT from time to time.

            Several of my own recipes kick-ass on everything I have tried. I have no idea WTF Demon vapes put in their juice, but they suck. Prob China radioactive shit. Bet that is what caused the now up to 3 explosions 🙂

          4. Profile gravatar of Captain PFB
            Captain PFB

            Yeah, me either, very little difference. But I sit here at my desk and I’m always puffin’ on my tank, and it’s always foggy in my office hehehehe, so I go through ejuice like crazy. I fill my Subtank Mini about 3 or 4 times a day.

          5. Profile gravatar of BLX2

            @filofail, @hey-joe
            You guys peaked my interest. I see a big price difference in starter kits.
            What’s important to get for the e cigarette features?

            How do you make your own juice Hey-Joe?

    2. Profile gravatar of Angel

      The 2GO thing is so damned true. US Embassy in Manila sent me some documents before, so I took the day off work, when they said the delivery was gonna be made, because they needed my signature or they won’t release it. So I wait and I wait and I wait. About and hour past the supposed delivery time, I get a text from the delivery guy, saying that he tried to make the delivery, but I wasn’t there. I call him back right away, saying I was standing right in front of the house, waiting for him, and that I didn’t even fucking see him “try” to make the delivery. Turns out, he went to a different street, to a different house. I guess the address I gave 2GO went up his ass. Figures.

      1. Profile gravatar of Balikbayan Box
        Balikbayan Box Post author

        LOL the real problem is that the Failipinos can’t even agree on ONE common way to write an address.

        This country technically HAS zipcodes but how many people use them for anything but looking “MODERN” on the letterheads?

        So there’s millions of ways to write an address and even with all information you can think to give they’ll find something you forgot.


        One time I was at one of the pawnshops around the country, I notice the address line for the “Payment Record” is two inches long, how the fuck am I supposed to fill that in when my address takes up half a page for these assholes to find anything?

        I wrote in huge letters “QUEZON CITY”, took up all 3 lines and they accepted that without a second glance!! LOL

        When Failipinos can’t even think of something as simple as:

        You know why things are so fucked up here!!!

        1. Profile gravatar of Captain PFB
          Captain PFB

          Why the fuck this country REFUSES to implement a standard address system, I’ll never know.

          They’re still on the “go straight down the main road and turn left at the big Papaya Tree then right turn at the big rock shaped like a penis. My house is the bright fucking orange one with a purple fucking gate. Just start shouting TAO PO! TAO PO! TAO PO endlessly until my maid wakes up and opens the fucking door” system.

          Fucking god damn idiots.

          1. Profile gravatar of Sarah

            Filo, don’t rely on the maid to open the door. If she’s having sex with the driver, you’ll miss your parcel! 🙂

          2. Profile gravatar of Mike

            Filos maid is not having sex with the driver. She’s having it with me. Don’t tell Filo.

          3. Profile gravatar of Captain PFB
            Captain PFB

            Mike, my maid is a cute young man of 22 years old. I’m sure you know by now he gives a great blow job!

        2. Profile gravatar of Thunderhead

          Got to have some semblance of a grid for postal delivery to work. 15 nipa huts crowed together and the willingness of people to scrap out the mailboxes for a few pesos, means poor to non-existent delivery services.

    1. Profile gravatar of Captain PFB
      Captain PFB

      It stopped me from smoking deadly tobacco. Vaping delivers the addictive nicotine through the vapor. The vapor is 99.9% harmless, whereas smoking cigarettes is deadly and harmful to your lungs. Many smokers just can’t stop smoking (like me) until we found out about e-cigarettes. I have been smoke free for over a year now, thanks to vaping.

      What so special about it? It saves lives. That’s pretty special.

      1. Profile gravatar of Captain PFB
        Captain PFB

        If you have never been a smoker, you probably will have difficulty understanding. Besides the physical addiction to nicotine, there’s also a psychological addiction to the act of smoking. The draw, the inhale, the exhale of smoke, etc…

        Vaping not only safely delivers nicotine into your system, but it also satisfies the all the psychological addictive acts as well. When you have been a smoker all your life since teenage years like I have, it just becomes a part of your being. I have tried to quit so many times, and I always go back to smoking. I feel naked without it. I feel incomplete without it.

        Vaping has been a perfect surrogate to smoking. Medical experts have documented that vaping is by far ENORMOUSLY less harmful than cigarettes, if not totally harmless.

    2. Profile gravatar of Hey Joe
      Hey Joe

      YUP, what @filofail said. Been doing it for about a year and never looked back. Plus I can vape most anyplace I want because it’s NOT smoking. Wife loves it as it smells good. If momma is happy, everyone is happy.
      Blowing huge clouds is fun some times, makes the flips go nuts wondering what that crazy kano is doing!! Humm smells like strawberry 🙂

  4. Profile gravatar of FHPS

    “over there…points” — when they know it’s a lie

    Have you had that Filipino thing where you asked for directions and they just randomly point over their even if the road is a dead end.. I don’t tolerate that shit any more and say you don’t know do you? So why did you bother answering me then when you know that what you’re telling me is a lie….. Fuck I hate people and make things up in this country.

    People like our idiot mate in Dumaguete that haven’t been here long can tolerate that shit and put down ‘s local culture but after many years he had a little bit tired of just sheer laziness and not bothering in life and roping you in to not only their stupidity for wasting your time

    1. Profile gravatar of Sarah

      FHPS, the ex-BF and I once asked a Pinoy who owned a large house by the beach. He told us the name of a Pinay working in a beauty salon, apparently married to a Kano. He then asked for some cigarettes and we gave. However, when we went to the said beauty parlor, no such Pinay worked there and no one had any idea who owned the beach house. The bastard lied so he could get some cigarettes!!

    1. Profile gravatar of juan

      well, if your goods are coming from the overseas, then even the most honest delivery service is out of question, remember those goods will pass BOC (A.K.A Bureau of Corrupt) 🙂

  5. Profile gravatar of Esteban Magtaka III Jr
    Esteban Magtaka III Jr

    Lazada is owned by German e-commerce giant Rocket Internet. Here in Malaysia, they are pretty awesome. I’ve used them for 4 years without incident….. Unfortunately – like everything else – it all went to ratshit when they introduced the concept to the Philippines.