I Don’t Understand My Filipina.

Good day guys I am shadowcow, and I am a long time fan of this site. Like many of you guys I too have my fare share of crazy stories in this land. For today I will share with about my soon to be ex. This is part one of my story. The second half will be here soon.

My story:  Although things are happy with lots of joy there are some… ‘issues’ that quite frankly make me scratch my head. They are as followed.

  1. When we first met she thought I was gay and not American (due to my light colored hair, very pail skin, and gentle nature.) The other Filipinos at work had the same opinion too.

  2. Everything that I did was apparently wrong or not done properly. This included walking (not fast enough for whatever reason), eating food with fork and spoon, my style of eating food with my hands (I eat it like how Indonesians do which is only with the right hand using just several fingers, not scoop style Filipinos do), how I ‘cleaned’ things (even if I did exactly as she said it was never proper), and other very minor and trivial things that don’t matter in the long run. I never received any complaints like that from either Americans (I’m American) or Indonesian people.

  3. She would dismiss almost all of my ideas when it came to dates or get together (before we moved in together.) She was adamant about us doing what she wanted. Even complained that I am not good at planning things. Despite the fact that I make in dept itineraries and such for our trips to places across Indonesia and later in the Philippines.

  4. When we went to places in public or visited my Indonesian friends she got mad or annoyed that I spoke Indonesian with the people there. She said I am foreigner, and shouldn’t always cater to the locals needs. Ironic in a sense because she speaks decent Vietnamese (she worked and lived there for almost two years), and when we visited her family and friends in the Philippines she speaks only in Tagalog (with the occasional bit in English.) When I ask what they are saying she translates briefly and says I should study Tagalog. Plus she mentioned in Filipino culture it is rude to speak in a language that not everyone in the group understands. Hypocritical?

  5. She was vocal in her dislike for how ‘Indonesian’ I was. Explaining to her that in my opinion adapting as much as you can when you live abroad in another culture is a form of respect she thought that was weird. Over time she hoped that I would forget my Indonesian language skills and such. Unfortunately for her my Indonesian language skills are still very sharp,and no matter what a part of my soul will forever be a part of the Nusantara (Indonesia.)

  6. Whenever I made any tiny mistakes such as if I dropped something, or nearly tripped she would insult me and say horrible things about myself. For example I am very tangga, or bobo and then at times smack me. She probably got that habit from her mom (saw her mom smack her niece and god daughter because of similar antics.) I confronted her about it, and even though it’s been a long time she she smacked her vocal criticisms remain.

  7. She told me flat out she ‘gambled’ on me since she could of very easily have a rich or successful man (she dated an UN lawyer before, and a football player in Vietnam.) However she chose me, since she thinks I am a patience and faithful man.

  8. She threatened to break up our relationship due to lack of money and her dislike of working in the Philippines. So to keep our relationship alive I applied for jobs for the both of us. We got an offer from China, but to make along story short (my background check got lost in the mail) we are still here and she is looking for a good agency to get a job in Dubai or so. She doesn’t believe in long distance relationships, so this is her way of saying you screwed up shadowcow.

  9. She keeps on implying that our financial problems and such are because I always mess up and I am not taking enough ‘initiative’ to make things better. Which is funny since I am the one who always applies for work and look for solutions while she just plays on facebook or lounges around.

  10. When it comes to family even when we are in debt she will always pay or give them money or assistance. That was especially bad when we left our job in Tagaytay and the whole family begged for school supplies and new clothes. She obeyed without disobedience despite protests from myself (since our budget couldn’t accommodate any additional expenses.)

  11. She always tells her friends and family that she really loved her Vietnamese boyfriend and he was the gentiles and sweetest man alive. When it comes to myself she is very neutral, or tends not to go over any real positive aspects of our relationship.

  12. In regards to the Vietnamese guy: during the first few months of our relationship she said that they broke up. I found out that they were still in a relationship sort of (they never properly broke up), and the man still kept on messaging her and such even when she ignored him completely. I felt sorry for the guy.

  13. The UN lawyer guy she still kept asking him for things even though he doesn’t send anything. She was still in close contact with him even through the first few months of our relationship.

  14. After a co worker of mine discussed about his brother’s fiance visa (his bro and a filipina wanted to move to America) my gal asked me how we can go about and get a fiance visa and start a new life in America. She says that she doesn’t want to feel any regret when it comes to marriage (one of the reasons why she didn’t get married with the Vietnamese man), but all of a sudden she is telling everyone we are engaged.

  15. She doesn’t like it when I do my hobbies, or go out with friends. She says I should just focus on making money or finding us work abroad so we can earn abroad to pay off her house and for us to save for America.

  16. I came home on Saturday morning last two weekend. I was busy preparing for my new work place’s visit for Korean students. Because I forgot to send her or her mom (we live at her parents place) a text she went ballistic and thought I was banging other chicks. Even though I had proof that I was working overtime. She says if I ever stay out late again she will toss all of my things outside, forbid me from returning to the house, and tell my parents and people close to us about my ‘cheating ways.’

  17. I received pictures from my co worker from her trip to coron. Harmless pictures, but girlfriend sees it and gets very angry. She assumes we are banging each other. I said no, and she was just showing pics from her trip since I asked her to show me pics of Coron. Now she keeps on going on how I am not faithful, and she will tell my co workers about our ‘affair.’ (she has friends who work at my office.)

  18. She refuses to get intimate (even during the beginning of our relationship she had issues.) Even while being passionate she would check her phone and such even when I took it away. Her excuses are due to stress, overweight, and etc. However she told me some pretty naughty stories about her past.

I apologize for any grammatical mistakes or mishaps. Just trying to make sense of things. I will end our relationship of course, and despite these occurrences things were not so bad. She had her nice moments and was loving and caring. Yet we all have our limits.

Thank you guys for listening.

Published in Filipina Wife


  1. Profile gravatar of Mike

    Someone once asked me if I knew what a woman was so I gave him my answer. He told me I was wrong, the correct answer to “What is a woman?” is “A life support system for a pussy.” Well if that’s the case then Facebook must be a life support system for pinays.

  2. Profile gravatar of Fr. Bong Bong Jolog Jun III
    Fr. Bong Bong Jolog Jun III

    What a complete asshole bitch. If you stay, you’ll be getting exactly what you deserve for being such a stupid fucker and sticking around. Grow some balls and tell this disgusting piece of shit to FUCK OFF!

    Seriously dude, you need somebody to kick the fuck out of you, and knock some sense into you!

  3. Profile gravatar of Angel

    At least you are now in the “soon to be ex” stage. Realizing that you’re in a toxic relationship is a very big step . Grats! Here’s my take on the things you’ve shared so far:

    1) Well, a lot of Filipinos see being gentle as a “sign” of being gay. Stereotyping is very common.
    2) Not exactly a Filipino trait. More like her being a control freak.
    3) The all too common narcissistic tendencies. She’s always right. You’re always wrong.
    4) Sadly, hypocrites abound. Specially the ones who takes pains to show people how “good” they are.
    5) Be yourself. You don’t need to change the good stuff. Knowing how to speak a foreign language is awesome.
    6) You make it sound like she treats you as inferior to her, instead of as an equal. Not good. Not good at all.
    7) It’s like a carrot and a stick. But in reverse. She makes you feel bad, THEN she compliments you. She’s trying to lower your self esteem, and make her out to be the only person who appreciates you. This is so you’ll become more dependent on her for emotional comfort.
    8) The thing is, I am a firm believer that love crosses and survives all boundaries. ALL BOUNDARIES. No exceptions. I’m also currently in a long distance relationship (with a Filipina), and yes there can be problems. But if you really love and care for each other, you can work things out.
    9) Basically the same as with no. 3.
    10) It’s the mentality of who has more should give to the ones who have less. And that refusing to do so would forever label you as a heartless, cheap asshole.
    11) Again, trying to chip away at your self esteem.
    12) This is you. This is your future. Get out now while you can.
    13) Well, that guy got wise to her then.
    14) THE one thing that Filipinas want the most (besides your $): The K-1 US Visa.
    15) This is so you’ll feel more sorry for yourself, and feel more withdrawn. Depending more and more on her for guidance and emotional support. Eventually, she’ll be asking you to wear a tutu and dance like a monkey (yes, that’s a good boy!).
    16) You know, this is actually some sort of psychological “projection”. Oftentimes, the cheaters would insinuate that the non-cheaters are the ones cheating so they wouldn’t feel so guilty.
    17) Again, a continuation of my point in no. 16.
    18) I know that sex isn’t everything. But it’s a big thing. A big part of a healthy reciprocal relationship. And checking her phone while your getting down and dirty is just plain RUDE! I don’t know how you survived her for so long.

    Hope you’re able to move on from this bad experience soon. Cheers!

  4. Profile gravatar of PWYFYB

    I’ve known and read about women like your soon-to-be ex, Shadowcow.

    My sister-in-law (who was almost my brother’s ex before he died) did very similar things (and worse).

    You’ve noticed that everything is your fault. if you breathed in when she expected you to breathe out, that would be your fault, if you didn’t work 15 hours a day to support her, plus cook meals and mop her fevered brow whilst she’s playing all day on FB, that would be your fault. sex ? forget it, unless it’s the one time to produce a child ie meal ticket for life. Want to meet up with friends (unless their her Filipino friends? Forget it. Dare to go out without her? You’re having an affair with a 14 year (material to store up for when she’s decided she’s had enough of you and wants out , so she’ll concoct all sorts of stories against you- but she’s not had enough of your wallet,).

    Shadowcow, get away from this leech and all her add ons. You are well rid.

  5. Profile gravatar of Sarah

    Seriously, Shadowcow, do you actually believed that this woman gives a rat’s ass about you? Which part of your story indicate that she has an ounce of feelings for you at all?? She sounds like majority of trashy women here. I can smell major NARCISSISTIC PERSONALITY DISORDER from this distance. Please read and take note of BLX2’s posts on Narcissism. It might just save your life!

  6. Profile gravatar of kalbo

    This is a truly shocking story! You have to get out now. BUT dont stop being gentle. You can pack your things gently, move out very quietly (like a gay) and then softly tell her she’s DUMPED! Ha! One thing I learnt from the Philippines is that Mr Nice Guy can do some pretty nasty things in a NICE way!

    OR, as she keeps telling you youre GAY, why not ask her if she thinks you are, then what the hell does she think are you doing with her? Throw it back in her case.

        1. Profile gravatar of Mike

          Shame on you!!! If your going to use slang then do it right. It’s DICKHEAD!! And I’m proud to say Beavis and I are members of the same club.

  7. Profile gravatar of kalbo

    A quick comment. Seems that she said she’s with you because youre faithfull but she treats you as if you arent.

    That’s because no matter how you behave or treat her, nothing will change because ITS ALL ABOUT HER.

    These narcissistic PIGNAYS are so obsessed with themselves that they wont even realise WHY you left them or that it had anything to do with their behaviour.

  8. Profile gravatar of Phil Doh
    Phil Doh

    “Everything that I did was apparently wrong or not done properly. This included walking (not fast enough for whatever reason)”
    You’d have to be a statue not to be able to keep up with a sauntering slipper-scraping pinoy. On the few occasions I saw one moving fast I automatically presumed it was a thief on the run.

    Your comments of her dislike of all things Indonesian is a good example of how jealous and insecure pinoys can be over the most trivial things. In her childlike mind this is an aspect where she has no control over you – how dare you speak a language she does not understand and embrace a culture which is not hers. She probably also imagines all the chicks you were banging in Indonesia and doesn’t want to hear another word about the country as it just drudges up her insecurities.

  9. Profile gravatar of Sarah

    “You’d have to be a statue not to be able to keep up with a sauntering slipper-scraping pinoy. ”

    So that explains the Pinoy waddle. I was very, very, very tempted to kick the ass of a Pinay blocking the pathway with Pinay waddle on my flight to Manila this morning. Why do these people walk like this? Damn slow even on international flights, as if they’ve got all fucking time in world!!!!

    Then as the check in counter closed from the previous flight, a Filipino couple came rushing, wanting to check in as the boarding was announced. Really, do these Flips don’t know how to calculate travel time, give allowance to traffic time, security checks, and check in. Arrrfggghhhh! Am glad I’m heading back to Oz!

    1. Profile gravatar of Johnny

      I live in the province. It’s amazing how much free time they have and how slow they walk. The slipper-scrapping is so annoying. I hate being stuck behind them. They have all the time in the world, nowhere to be, no books to read, and no community to clean up.

        1. Profile gravatar of Sarah

          Yes Johnny, please enlighten us. It just dives me nuts to get caught walking behind a slipper scraping Pinoy!!!!!! Worse when they block the whole exit tube off a plane when the rest behind are running to catch connecting flights!

  10. Profile gravatar of Kay

    Yeah, just leave her behind and cut off all connections with her. If she begs to have you back, shut her out completely and never look back.

  11. Profile gravatar of FHPS

    You know when there is going to be a money request when e.g. Skype

    Person says hi use a high back and there are lots of missed calls.
    But when you ask a question your questions never addressed like how you? It’s always just “hi” back because they want to get a meeting and ask for a money demand face-to-face. If they were asking for money they would leave a message for you off-line in response to your hello as well as not contact you so vigourously.

    This week I said.
    “My fortune teller set for the next 30 days it would be bad luck to discuss money with anyone and that I would get bad luck onto myself as well as pass on bad luck to the other person if I did so”.

    She replied do you believe that?
    And I replied “yes I do”

    hey guess what!!
    Never was bothered by the moneygrubbing filipina again.

    1. Profile gravatar of Sarah

      On the way to exit the plane, middle aged Pinay barged in front coz she wanted to use the toilet. We both told her the toilet was occupied. She ignored us and proceeded to rattle the toilet door till someone yelled “it’s occupied!”. Aussie and I looked at each other, he said “stupid!”. I said “thick as a plank”. He said “they’re all like that mate, they’re all like that!”

      So we started talking…Aussie Guy has been coming to the RP for 15 years, and he swore that this visit was his last. He just broke up with his last GF (no. 20 in the last 15 years) after he found out she was working at a massage parlor giving “happy endings” to male customers while he was sending her P25,000 a month. He said he’s given up trying to find a decent Filipina in the last 15 years. I told him to read this site and to read up on Personality Disorders. He said as we parted “wished I’d met you 10 years ago!”. 🙂

        1. Profile gravatar of Mike

          Me jealous?? Never. Why? Well Sarah and I went out driving in her Jeep when she pulled over at a private, secluded spot. She then got out and spread out a blanket, undressed and said to me “That anything you want.” So I drove off in the Jeep.

      1. Profile gravatar of Mike

        Did the pinay hear what you and the Ozzie said and act like she didn’t hear it or turn you both the blank look? What was her reaction?? Don’t leave us hanging!! Next time start talking to the person like you did the Ozzie but with a twist. Tell him/her loud enough for the filipino to hear ” I wish they would hurry up, there’s free food at,,,, (The far end of the terminal or place of your choice). Then watch them beat feet.

        1. Profile gravatar of Sarah

          I am sure she heard it. But look, she saw the red sign indicating the toilet was occupied, several other people were telling her the toilet was occupied. She tried to open it and it won’t open, so she proceeded to rattle it so it’d open. How thick is that???

        1. Profile gravatar of Sarah

          I think it was more for the information content than anything else. Fancy getting scammed over and over and over in the last 15 years before quitting? Me, I would have given up if I got scammed once! But yes, I have met guys who have had up to 5 Pinays scam them, but they kept going back!

          1. Profile gravatar of Angel

            Yeah, i kinda figured that AFTER I made the comment. Thought he was knocked out by your wit, charm, and good looks. What gets to me, is that after the 3rd time, I’d probably rethink the Flip dating plan he had. But 20?! Seriously?

          2. Profile gravatar of Sarah

            The guy was not too bad looking, Ang. He was not fat or bald. He was lean and tall too. So dunno. Maybe he was picking up women at the bars? I did not ask if the last GF was already a massage “therapist” when they met or she went into it coz P25,000 a month was not enough. Which it won’t be if she’s got a tribe to feed!

          3. Profile gravatar of Mike

            Not bad looking huh? But not as good looking as your friends at PFB.

          4. Profile gravatar of BLX2

            But giving P25,000 a month? Even if someone made that mistake the first time why would they do that a second time? After X1 (and I only sent P5,000 a month) I sent little more than to cover internet, tryke, if there was something I wanted them to do I sent that too, but no more. But if you really think this is the one and you really want to support her, P10,000 is more than enough. If it isn’t enough than you know she really isn’t the one (not that any of them really are anyways).

  12. Profile gravatar of 30-30

    did you ever sit beside a flip who moved his leg up and down all the friggin time,,,,, ??? i never saw this behavior b 4 ,!!!
    must be flip thing to drive you nuts!!

    1. Profile gravatar of Sarah

      Yes Al!!! Worse in NAIA 1 or any metal seats for that matter. I usually choose empty seats for my peace of mind. Then Flip loser comes along and sits next to me, jigging his fuckin’ leg!!! I can’t fuckin’ stand it!!!

  13. Profile gravatar of 30-30

    Do they train them from birth to do that??? I seen a flip in abu dhabi with 2 hand carry bags, The stewardesses were up in arms about the 2 bags. this teenager acted as if he was on a jeepney or something??? He kept his 2 bags though. I guess they figured it was not worth the trouble of getting him off the plane.
    What used to amase me,, they would come to the desert in Libya with one little bag. But going home, it took one on each corner to carry the junk home.
    One time a female reporter was sitting in economy class on a trip from the middle east to manila.Well, she wrote in her newspaper about the bad smelling perfume the maids were wearing and how she suffered from being with them. She got her sorry ass fired from the newspaper because there was a media storm about her.
    If she was so high class,, what was she doingi n economy.???

    1. Profile gravatar of Sarah

      I remembered that one Al. But the reporter herself was a PORKER!!! Never mind the perfume, but she was a porker! I would rather sit next to someone with bad perfume rather than a porker who would overflow her ass onto my seat!

  14. Profile gravatar of 30-30

    I never saw her picture. So, she was heavy duty, eh. In all my years of flying ,, I never sat beside a good looking woman.. The one time that i had a stunner sitting beside me ,, my buddy asked if he could sit beside me and kicked her to the back of the plane,, awwww,,,

  15. Profile gravatar of Sarah

    “But not as good looking as your friends at PFB.”

    Definitely not as good looking as you guys *wink* 🙂 Hell, he could be reading this site as we speak, like I suggested to him 🙂

  16. Profile gravatar of Sarah

    “But giving P25,000 a month? Even if someone made that mistake the first time why would they do that a second time?”

    Dunno Biggie, maybe some guys are just slow learners? Mind you, you gotta give it to the Pinays. They’re the expert at “Bola-Bolas”.
    Very effective when accompanied by tears flowing from those doe eyes, pleading innocence, accompanied by rubbing and stroking in the right places. Especially when you’re heart (and wallet) has already “fallen”.

  17. Profile gravatar of chloroform

    This was posted 7 months ago. Oh I hope It isn’t too late. Shadowcow , your filipino girl doesn’t love you. I repeat SHE DOESNT LOVE YOU AT ALL. She only stayed with you because of your citizenship. Because you are American! Most filipinas would prefer to get married to an american than any other nationalities… Idk, there’s something about americans that they truly crave for. One, is your passport and citizenship. Typical filipinas wanted the american citizenship right away and most esp the american passports because of its benefits, and what easy way to get this is to marry someone from america. You don’t have to be handsome or really rich… hey as long as you’re an american citizen, you can pick up these bitches anytime! Do not propose to her! Pls don’t. A woman who’s truly involve with her man won’t ever contact her exes nor entertain any other men. They won’t be embarrassed to tell the whole world they love you or they are with you. They will stay loyal to you FOR RICHER OR FOR POORER. Get out of this relationship right away. It’s obvious that she’s only using you.