I Pinoy Fixed It!

There are so many things that piss me off about this country that it’s difficult to pinpoint what annoys me the most. Very close to the top of the list is the habit of “Pinoy fixing” everything.

So what is Pinoy fixing, you might ask? Pinoy fixing is the practice of maintaining or repairing something in a manner which;

1. Has a highly sub-standard finish; and/or
2. Fails to properly rectify the problem; and/or
3. Is completed to such a poor standard that the problem will recur within a short time-frame.

Last weekend I moved into a new condo. I was of course aware that the tiles didn’t quite fit as they should and were improperly grouted. I knew that the paint on the walls and ceiling were applied too thinly, and were inconsistent in their colors and coverage. I knew that paint had not been properly cut-in (or cut in at all) where the ceilings met the walls, and around the door-frames. I knew that light fittings, sprinklers and cupboards had been carelessly (and inadequately) painted over. I knew that paint drops were on the floors and scattered over cupboards, closets and windows. I knew that none of the walls were straight. I knew that none of the doors were hung properly, and that there would be numerous leaks in the bathrooms and kitchen. I knew that some or all of the windows would not fit properly and may leak. I knew that everywhere I looked, evidence of ill-considered, skill-less, incompetent workmanship and absolutely mind-boggling laziness would confront me.

I knew all of this without even looking. It’s what I’ve come to expect, even in an almost new, multi-million Peso condominium, located in a high-end building, right in the heart of an exclusive precinct of Manila.

Before leasing, we checked that very high speed fiber-optic internet would be available to the condo, and arranged installation for the day that we moved in. Globe (to their credit) arrived on time and ready to install. When the technician touched the wiring for the internet, he got an electric shock. He quickly (and rightly) determined that somebody had been “Pinoy fixing” the electrics, and naturally declined to do any further work until the electrical problem was rectified.

Day 1 (Sunday)

  • You all know where this is going…

Day 2 (Monday)

  • National Heroes Day.
  • Just one more of the endless public holidays in this country.
  • Nothing happens.

Day 3 (Tuesday)

  • Report problem to building admin and leasing agent.
  • After contacting admin on three occasions, I finally go to the admin office and confront the maintenance manager about why it’s taking so long to get an electrician to look at the problem.
  • Brain-dead-zombie-creature (“BDZC”) is immediately dispatched to my condo and arrives with not so much as a screwdriver to diagnose the nature of the problem.
  • BDZC stands in front of power outlet, scratching head and ass whilst muttering incomprehensibly to itself in Taglish, and shaking head.
  • BDZC says “For a while Siiiiir” and leaves.
  • BDZC returns 20 minutes later with a hand written note (in Tagalog), trying to blame Globe for the issue.
  • BDZC leaves.
  • I call leasing agent and insist that he gets his sorry ass over to the admin office to sort it out immediately.
  • Admin office closes (early) and leasing agent misses maintenance manager.
  • Leasing agent locates duty BDZC electrician.
  • Leasing agent and BDZC visit condo together – this time with tools – after me threatening not to let another maintenance person into the condo who was not carrying proper diagnostic equipment.
  • Duty electrician quickly determines that we have a serious electrical problem (the whole electrical shock when you brush past the power outlet thing was a dead giveaway).
  • Leasing agent and duty electrician write detailed notes for the maintenance manager, and organize for an electrician to arrive at 8.00 am the next day.
  • Globe is called, and a technician is organized to arrive at 8.00 am the next day.
  • Still no internet.

Day 4 (Wednesday)

  • 8.00 am. 9.00 am. 10.00 am…
  • Wife calls Globe to ask where technician is. Informed that technician doesn’t even start his shift until 8.00 am and is “…in trapik”.
  • I visit admin to confront maintenance manager (clearly another BDZC). BDZC suggests sending “…somebody to have a look”. Has apparently completely dismissed the earlier request for an electrician, and hasn’t read notes. Tries to blame Globe for the problem (anyone recognizing a pattern here?).
  • I verbally attack BDZC and explain to it what a fucking imbecile piece of shit it is. Tell it to get a fucking electrician and come to my condo right now. Refuse to leave admin office until BDZC takes action.
  • BDZC gets BDZC electrician (I make it get tools first) and visit condo.
  • Both BDZC’s stand in front of power outlet, looking bemused, scratching heads and asses, muttering incomprehensibly in Taglish.
  • BDZC electrician touches wires and gets electrical shock. Seems surprised.
  • I see BDZC take out plaster saw.
  • I instruct wife to tell maintenance manager that we expect everything to be restored, exactly how it was before cutting anything open.
  • Wife photographs wall, and passes on my message.
  • BDZC electrician cuts huge hole in wall under power outlets to expose wiring.
  • BDZC electrician is unable to determine the cause of the electrical problem. Tries to blame Globe and make it their problem.
  • BDZC demands that Globe technician assists it to determine the cause of the fault, and insists it’s a Globe issue.
  • Wife calls Globe to get a technician over. Too late for that day. Technician is booked for following morning at 10.00 am.
  • Large hole now in wall.
  • Dangerous wires protruding.
  • No power in two rooms.
  • Still no internet.

Day 5 (Thursday)

  • 10.00 am, 11.00 am, 12.00 pm…
  • BDZC arrives with three other BDZC’s.
  • Globe technician (finally) arrives.
  • Much talk in Taglish.
  • BDZC determines it’s a miracle that the entire building hasn’t burned down.
  • BDZC’s all praise Jesus and Mother Mary for their good fortune, and lack of burns.
  • Globe technician (seems very competent) throws hands in the air and leaves.
  • Much talk in Taglish amongst remaining BDZC’s.
  • BDZC electrician finally (after three fucking days) admits that it is in fact an electrical problem, and that Globe is not the cause of the issue.
  • BDZC determines that half the condo needs rewiring, along with all of the “outside” wiring that leads from the condos power source.
  • BDZC electrician agrees to prepare an estimate of repair costs for condo owner and get them to leasing agent, for approval.
  • Admin office closes (probably early).
  • Leasing agent forwards estimate to owners.
  • Large hole still in wall.
  • Dangerous wires still protruding.
  • Still no power in two rooms.
  • Still no internet.

Day 6 (Friday)

  • Leasing agent contacts us early. Owners have agreed to meet repair costs.
  • Wife contacts maintenance manager, who advises they are purchasing the necessary materials and will commence work “…after lunchtime”.
  • BDZC’s commence “outside” wiring work.
  • Admin office closes (probably early).
  • BDZC’s finish work for the day and agree to come back at 10.00 am on Saturday.
  • Large hole still in wall.
  • Dangerous wires still protruding.
  • Still no power in two rooms.
  • Still no internet.

Day 7 (Saturday)

  • 10.00 am, 11.00 am…
  • BDZC’s turn up for work. Immediately ask wife for P500 to purchase items they “forgot”.
  • BDZC’s disappear to hardware store with P500. For two fucking hours!
  • Wife tells me (knowing I’ll go ballistic) that BDZC’s will be using plastic covering for all wiring instead of fixing the problem correctly and concealing the wires.
  • Wife tells me that is all that owner has authorized.
  • I open my ninth post-breakfast / pre-lunch beer for the day and take a double-shot of cheap, nasty Tequila. Feeling better already!
  • BDZC’s finally commence work at about 1.00 pm.
  • Wife books Globe technician to return – for the fourth time – to install our internet. Technician scheduled for later the same day (clearly not PLDT).
  • BDZC’s wander – apparently aimlessly – around the condo looking up at the ceilings and tapping on walls. Much head and ass scratching is witnessed, and much muttering in Taglish is heard.
  • Banging noises commence. As it turns out, mostly caused by pliers being used as hammers. I’ve seen them use hammers as screwdrivers, many times. I stand for a brief moment, contemplating what screwdrivers must be used for in this strange land of BDZC’s.
  • I knock the top off beer number thirteen for the day, and take a very long swig of Tanduay rum, straight from the bottle. It burns like a bitch on the way down, and probably lowers my IQ by at least 10 points. I start feeling more in tune with the BDZC’s.
  • A shit mess of holes in walls, exposed wires and cheap-ass plastic coverings slowly begins to emerge, completely destroying the appearance of what was a nice condo just a few days before.
  • BDZC’s complete work. Appear to be Pinoy proud of their astounding accomplishments.
  • Massive hole in wall now covered with reinserted plasterboard, not secured, plastered or repainted. Check!
  • Naked wiring visible. Check!
  • Cheap-ass plastic coverings visible. Check!
  • The electrics are now Pinoy fixed, and ready for Globe. Check!
  • The BDZC’s stand proudly, anticipating a tip for a job well Pinoy fixed. I agree that they each deserve a good tip, so tell them to look both ways before crossing the street [blank stare]. In my alcohol-infused haze, I contemplate for a moment how any living creature can be so fucking stupid – then remember where I am.
  • Globe technician calls. Concerned that security will not permit them to enter the building, as they do not have a work permit.
  • Admin office is closed, so wife calls BDZC maintenance manager to sort it out. Confirms that Globe will be permitted to enter.
  • BDZC electrician returns to condo to collect tools he had “forgotten” to take with him when leaving.
  • Globe technician calls again. Says he can’t make it because it’s now raining. Sets new installation time for 9.00 am the following day.
  • Massive hole in wall now Pinoy fixed and looking like shit.
  • Naked wiring visible in hallway and two rooms. Pinoy fixed.
  • Cheap-ass plastic coverings visible in hallway and one room. Pinoy fixed.

Day 8 (Sunday)

  • 9.00 am, 10.00 am, 10.27 am…
  • Globe technician arrives for 9.00 am start, at 10.27.
  • 11.03 Globe technician leaves. We have working internet (for now)…

As Scarlett O’Hara said at the end of Gone With the Wind (this post has been almost as long); “Tomorrow is another day”. Then, the negotiations can commence with the condo owner about putting things back to their original condition – instead of just Pinoy fixed.

I’d also like to add a huge thank you to Smart Communications, whose “up to 42 mbps” LTE pocket WiFi I used throughout this fiasco. For only 50 Pesos per day, I got unlimited surfing on a network with average download speeds under 100 kbps, and average upload speeds under 40 kbps. If I’d felt like speaking to one of the imbeciles in their call center, I could have listened to meaningless apologies, and endless blame-shifting to my computers operating system. I figured I had better things to do. PLDT (which owns Smart) are a criminal enterprise that operates on a grand scale. The have again – like I needed more evidence – proven their infinite incompetence and greed. Something else, which is Pinoy fixed.

“You can’t make anything idiot proof because idiots are so ingenious.”
― Ron Burns

I concur.

Published in Blatant Stupidiy, Filipino Stupidity, Low Standards, Rants


  1. Profile gravatar of Captain PFB
    Captain PFB

    Moving from one place to another is never a fun task. Moving from one place to another IN THE PHILIPPINES is always potentially deadly to you for coming close to having a coronary, or to the dumbshits call Filipinos for being so GOD DAMNED FUCKING STUPID.

    1. Profile gravatar of Fr. Bong Bong Jolog Jun III
      Fr. Bong Bong Jolog Jun III Post author

      During the move, the BDZC’s damaged the top of our dining table, dented the front of the washing machine and scratched the side of the refrigerator. These were pretty much the only items too big to completely idiot-proof with wrap and packing tape. It was imbecile stupidity in each case, which caused the damage. I wanted to toss the worthless fuckers out the window. Out of consideration for the appearance of the sidewalk outside of our building, I decided not to do that. They were if course “Sorry Siiiiiir”. Fucking, fucking, fucking imbeciles.

      1. Profile gravatar of Captain PFB
        Captain PFB

        I sympathize with you @cybergod

        I have a desk that is so fucking gouged, scratched, and marred up from going through 3 moves by Filipinos. I now only use it as a side accessory table.

        I have moved several times in my 12 years here. I don’t think I have a single piece of furniture that isn’t damaged from these moves. I have moved many times in the USA, and NEVER ONCE sustained any damage to my belongings.

        Just more proof of sheer and blatant “I DON’T GIVE A FUCK ABOUT YOUR SHIT” attitude of the “proud Filipino”.

        Fucking imbeciles is RIGHT!

        1. Profile gravatar of Fr. Bong Bong Jolog Jun III
          Fr. Bong Bong Jolog Jun III Post author

          I wanted to confront the fucking morons and demand that they make restitution. My wife wouldn’t hear of it, and got visibly upset at the prospect of me taking the BDZC’s to task. In the end, I just didn’t think it was worth the argument it was going to cause between us, and let it go.

          I can’t even imagine what causes somebody to turn a dining table upside down and drag it across the floor. If these idiots had even three brain cells rattling around in their otherwise empty fucking heads, it’s clear that they never, ever collide. I just can’t fathom how any living creature which claims to be human, can be so completely unable to consider, or grasp in any way the consequences of its actions.

          If it was one or two random people that you encounter – eh – whatever. In the Failippines, it’s like a an epidemic (a plague actually) of mindless, unthinking, imbecile-level stupidity. There’s just no escaping it.

          1. Profile gravatar of Angel


            It was actually the right move since they wouldn’t have compensated you even if their very lives depended on it. They would have just given you the infamous “blank stare”. Then scratched their asses, or farted, or something. They’d probably blame the floor for scratching your table in the first place.

      2. Profile gravatar of Captain PFB
        Captain PFB

        The average Filipino does not have the mental capacity to even CONSIDER doing things right. They don’t consider ANYTHING or ANYONE. They don’t know how to use care when handling other people’s belongings.

        I have never seen such non-consideration, and complete ABSENCE of manners within a culture before.

        You always hear them claiming to be so respectful. They think being respectful is just saying “sir” and “po” after they address you, and that’s where the respect ends. If they are in your house, they’ll help themselves, they have NO FUCKING MANNERS AT ALL, and they can’t even manage to pay attention to where they’re pissing in your bathroom. They piss all over the toilet and floor. For FUCK SAKE, it’s a huge opening and you’re tiny little dick is only a foot above it, and you can barely get half your piss INSIDE the toilet. Fucking disrespectful, mannerless idiots.

        I am amazed they even know how to clean their ass after taking a shit.

        1. Profile gravatar of Sarah

          I have often wondered why Philippine public toilets are perpetually wet, as opposed to toilets in the 1st world. Now you solved the mystery for me Filo!

          But then, it happens in the women’s toilets too! perpetually wet! Honestly, I am surprised that not more Pinays slipped on those wet tiled floor! I was shopping in a newly opened shopping Mall just outside Cebu city. Toilet was very clean and dry. So far.

          I was washing my hands when next thing I noticed was a flow of watery substance from one of the cubicles. WTF???? When I told my Aunt about it, she commented “oh, it’s probably someone from the mountains who has never used a toilet before”. Really? if she was correct, do they get them any stupid than that???

          1. Profile gravatar of BLX2

            They stand on the seat and squat, since many toilets (if they even have one) don’t have seats here the fancy new fangled ones with seats are just way too complicated to figure out. Maybe that’s where the term squatters comes from.

          1. Profile gravatar of Sarah

            I know squatting is imperative in any public toilets in the RP because of the sheer filth, and yes, no seats.

            But most Pinays actually “aim” properly. I have not seen any other “watery” substance in any other public toilets, including the very busy SM food court. Mind you, I try not use their facilities due to the sheer volume of people who use it, and only 2-3 taps are ever working to wash hands, and with that 2-3 taps, Pinays stand there preening themselves endlessly.

  2. Profile gravatar of Captain PFB
    Captain PFB

    For the past 15 months I have been dealing with one of those air cons that are wall mounted, and the condenser unit runs outside of the house so that it’s nice and quiet. Well, it started leaking water indoors. We call for service. They come, fix it, and I’m happy. 3 months later it starts leaking again. Call, they come fix, I’m happy. 3 months later it starts leaking again. Each time they come it costs me 1800p. So I’m getting pretty sick of paying 1800p every 3 months.

    There is obviously a problem. The air con should not do this every three months. I explain this to the tech, and suggest that maybe the condensation drainage line was incorrectly installed, or whatever. Bottom line, I would like the problem SOLVED, not just temporarily eased for 3 months (or PINOY FIXED). I would rather pay 5000p or 10,000p once now, than pay 1800p every 3 months for the many more years I plan to stay here.

    Well, the last time they came (which was 3 or 4 weeks ago), they claimed it’s properly fixed now. We’ll see……

    1. Profile gravatar of Fr. Bong Bong Jolog Jun III
      Fr. Bong Bong Jolog Jun III Post author

      These imbeciles have no idea what it is to repair something properly. With their goldfish like attention span, anything which extends beyond the immediate moment seems like forever – so if it works right now – everything is just fine. You’ll be seeing them again in about eight weeks.

    2. Profile gravatar of Johnny

      I’m sure your town has the spaghetti of electrical wire all over the place. How can they find anything in that mess and why don’t they remove the dead wires? Sometimes they are just dangling into the sidewalks where people can hit their heads.

      1. Profile gravatar of Mike

        We had a place in MM where the electric meter was a block away from our house, try and figure that one out. Well we had an a/c that ran almost 24/7 and our bill went to 5K a month before we used only when we slept but the bill still kept climbing. Then we used it for say maybe 4 hours out of 24 and yet the bill two months later was 9K so we traced the wire from house to the meter. You have to do that cause the asshole will tap into your electric to power their house. What they were doing was going out just after sunset and hooking into our wire then unhook just before dawn.

        Beside the house we had a large metal pole that Merelco set up to hold wires and one night I touched the pole and got a good shock. This pole was in a corner and pinoys would piss there so I said nothing, just kept an open ear for the scream when the piss hit the pole. Well later a wire up at top started sparking and popping so wife called the electric company who sent a truck out. So they climb up and and look at it then climb down without doing anything. They told wife it is danerous and needs fixed but they cannot do it. I asked why since it was their pole and their power line. The answer I got?

        “The wire causing the sparks and short is an illegal hookup and someone owns the wire. We cannot unhook the illegal hookup because the wire does not belong to Merelco.” So I pointed out that the wire it is hooked into does belong to Merelco, is illegal by their own admission and therefore were in the right to remove it. BLANK STARE. So they leave. How to solve it? I paid some pinoy to go up on top of my house and take down all wires not leading into my house. Then I found out who had the illegal hookup when they came around tracing their wires. See, we had a tv antenna on the roof and they were using the pole as a support for their wires. We could not see this from the street and did not know until sent the pinoy up.

        So here come the pinoys bitching and making threats to call PNP which I said go ahead. They never did. Few days later I was in the bedroom when I heard footsteps on the roof and went outside and there was a pinoy running the wire to his house again. Told to stop but would not so I sent for the PNP who did show up but refused to get him off my roof. After abiut 15 minutes of this bullshit I told wife to tell PNP what I said word for word. “You get him off the roof or I will. If I have to climb up there I will throw his ass off the roof so you better call the ambulance now.”

        1. Profile gravatar of Thunderhead

          I knew a guy who was stealing cable TV in the 60’s. He made a very large loop antenna and it was enough to get the leakage from the cables mounted on the pole. Pretty sneaky right? Well cable TV tech saw that and chopped the cable up in to unusable chunks. Guy gets pissed, replaces the antenna and that one gets chopped up. He digs out the platt showing where utility easements are at and lo and behold, the pole that power, telephone and cable are on is outside of the utility easements. He contacts them all and tells them that he is giving them a chance. Move the pole or it is coming down and he tells them why.

          Fast forward a bit and the cable people apologize for destroying his property and he has a new antenna up and in place that won’t get chopped up. Cable company goes into his neighborhood and installs high dollar double shielded coax in an aluminum armored outer jacket and he gets no more free television.

          Personally, if the jerk neighbors are stealing power from you I would cut their splice into 30 cm chunks and sell the damned copper to a scrap yard. Keep doing that until they can’t afford to buy any heavy duty cable. Cut it on both ends and chop away.

        2. Profile gravatar of Fr. Bong Bong Jolog Jun III
          Fr. Bong Bong Jolog Jun III Post author

          This has no place to go except for downhill. I’d just move to another neighborhood, before I was overwhelmed by the urge to take some direct action against the brain-dead-zombie-creatures. Archery practice is the first thing that pops to mind.

          1. Profile gravatar of Mike

            We did move a little later. But this was when first got here and like everyone else believed the bullshit about how great this place is and how honest the people are.

        3. Profile gravatar of Johnny

          They love to do that. If you have it, they want it. Your bill is going to double, but what do they care? All that Catholic, religious bullshit is just a mask to make themselves feel better for stealing.

          1. Profile gravatar of Sarah

            Because it is soooo easy to forgive sins in the Failippines. All you have to do is:

            1) commit the sin.
            2) whisper them to Padre who prescribes 20 hail Mary’s.
            3) give money to the church.
            4) you’re forgiven!
            Rinse and repeat the sin 7pm tonight.

        4. Profile gravatar of Angel


          Man, that would have made me so angry. I know the feeling ’cause we’ve also had that happen to us before. God-damned Flips think that if YOU have more money than them, then it’s your God-damned privilege to pay for THEIR water and electric, too. MERALCO is shit because they’d get paid either way, electricity “stolen” from their lines still get charged to the poor victims. PNP is shit because all they know is power-tripping and extortion, forget about actually doing their God-damned jobs! Cyber-God had the right idea, better get a gun and just shoot the motherfucker off your God-damned property next time.

          1. Profile gravatar of 30-30

            Meralco charges 5 % of the electric bill for ”system loss”. They are so innefficiet and lazy to go after illegal connections,

          2. Profile gravatar of BLX2

            The first time I lived here I rented a townhouse from a Filipino that grew up in the U.S. and was back for a couple of years. He was honest and actually helped me side step some of the crap that goes on here. One night he comes to my door all excited. The neighbors on the next street caught someone sneaking through the window of another neighbors house and everyone was having a good time beating the shit out of the guy. He was inviting me to come and join the party. Of course I said no.Why didn’t they just call the police to arrest him? I was so disappointed in my friend, he should know better, you call the police, you don’t take the law into your own hands and use violence. I just didn’t get it. Unfortunately now I do!

        5. Profile gravatar of BLX2

          That explains why my last landlord blamed me for the electric company disconnecting the power when I asked them to inspect the meter because I believed there was a jumper behind it. Stealing isn’t a crime, reporting is. Must be why they have the PNP come out when they find an illegal hook up, to witness who reported it.

          1. Profile gravatar of FHPS

            My friend went to his landlord to complain about something as you know Filipinos don’t want to really talk too much depth about things concerning money when they have to pay something back. The landlord simply told my friend to “f off” and produced a handgun gun aiming at him. Again another Filipino full of bravado and thinking they’re above the law.

  3. Profile gravatar of Mike

    We would take our car into Toyota for oil changes every 5K and never had a problem. Well one day we get this loud squealing noise from under the hood when the a/c is turned on and tell my wife the fan belt needs tightened but I don’t have the tools so she says we’ll take it to Toyota and off we go. At the shop they lift the hood and turn on the a/c and the noise starts up again to which they tell my wife the a/c needs a new compressor, price 12K. I pulled my wife aside and told her what they were up to, that would just tighten the belt and claim a new compressor was installed. She for some reason still believed them.

    So I suggested she wait for one week and I’ll prove it just needs the belt tightened to which she agreed. So Here comes an American who is a auto mechanic in the states that we both know. Soon as he walks in we greet him and I ask him to look at the car in front of wife and out all three of us go. I pop the hood and start the car then turn on the a/c when the noise starts then walk to front of car. Kano looks at wife and me and then gets couple of tools out of his car, bends over the engine and 5 minutes later no noise. I look at him and in front of wife ask what was the problem, “loose fan belt.” was his reply. Just looked at wife and said told you now pay the man. Then he asked me what was up and I told him what I told wife and what Toyota told and tried to do.

  4. Profile gravatar of BLX2

    “endless blame-shifting to my computers operating system.”, I once had a SMART call center “tech” tell me the reason for not being able to surf was my computer was infected with the DNS hijack virus that hit a few years back. Told me I would have to take my computer to a tech shop to have the virus removed. I knew he was full of shit. Wrote down the DNS addresses for SMART that I had given him and he said were wrong and caused by the virus that was affecting my computer. A few hours later the internet started working again. Of course checked the DNS addresses he claimed were hijacked and they matched, checked every now and then for months, same addresses. Just because he was so incompetent of a tech he easily told a customer to waste their time and money fixing a problem that he just made up to mark the issue “solved”. Blame 101 must be a mandatory course and no cheating allowed, they really are number 1.

    1. Profile gravatar of Angel

      Blame-shifting is an art form in the PH. Nobody is EVER responsible for what ever shit goes down. Shit would be half out of their asses and still they’d say: I DIDN’T DO IT!

  5. Profile gravatar of

    To be fair, you got “up to 42 mbps”. That is maximum speed. Not minimum. It is the same in other nations as well. The LTE service states: “Up to 42 Mbps. Minimum speed is 265Kbps. Minimum service reliability is 80%.”

    Have to be fair.

    But yeah, when I pay for supersurf50 and it does not work the entire 24 hour window, or cuts me off after an hour for using too much bandwidth, it does suck. They have way too many users per tower here. Also, the ss50 used to be unlimited. Does not seem to be the case anymore. And there are no refunds. I just got my Gcash Virtual AmEx the other day. Free until December 31, 2015. Costs me p250. No way to get a refund….

    They said “where did you see this SIRRRRRRR!?” On your website… I was asked to print it off. I did. Still no refund…

    1. Profile gravatar of Fr. Bong Bong Jolog Jun III
      Fr. Bong Bong Jolog Jun III Post author

      To be fair, if you make a claim that your service reaches speeds of up to 42 mbps, then there should be a time when it does reach that speed. In years of using Smart LTE I’ve never seem the device exceed speeds of 3.0 mbps. Ever. Even those sort of speeds are 4.00 am, dead of night when few people are using the network kind of oddities. AS a completely unaccountable, government sanctioned criminal enterprise, Smart doesn’t give a fuck.

      1. Profile gravatar of BLX2

        @cybergod Google: smart lte downgraded to 3g

        It may explain your problem. There’s a lot of bitching about the issue. One guy said if you call SMART they will reset it.

        “Smart Communications provides LTE signal to its millions of users but this service comes with a condition that users will not exceed 1.5GB usage per day once subscribe to any of Smart’s unlimited internet promos. Otherwise, their LTE (or 4G) signal will be cut off or blocked and they can only continue with their internet access using the 3G signal. Unlimited but with limits?! This is similar to Globe’s Fair Usage Policy (FUP) which allow their users to browse, download, upload or stream any internet content using their HSPA+ connection but within the 800MB data limit when registered to any of Globe’s unlimited internet promos. So, Smart’s is bigger with the limits but there’s still a limit. Smart monitors each user’s internet data usage and once you reached the limit, your SIM will be blocked from getting the LTE signal (#forever!) and your signal will be downgraded to 3G. This is called throttling but in Smart this will be forever unlike with Globe, you can regain your H+ signal after midnight.”

        “If your SIM Card is already blocked from the LTE signal, your internet will always be in 3G. But you can recover your LTE signal by calling the Smart’s Customer Service at *888 or messaging them at their Twitter account (@SMARTCares). You only have to ask them to unblock you from the LTE signal and they will surely do that. ”

        He also tells of a trick that he claims will give you LTE with unlimited download abilities using the SMARTBRO APN instead of LTEinternet APN. I tried it but it didn’t work for me, but we don’t have LTE, only 4G HSPA+. Then again I didn’t try it with the Student SIM. Your mileage may vary.

        1. Profile gravatar of


          Aaah that explain everything. Have Smart now. Everytime its saying 4G the internet is not working. I though that it was some special super pinoy 4G my laptop could not handle.

        2. Profile gravatar of Fr. Bong Bong Jolog Jun III
          Fr. Bong Bong Jolog Jun III Post author

          All that explains is their FUP. Reality is that in most places their network is so pathetically slow that you’d never reach their FUP limits if you tried. They can barely load Google or Facebook in many places. Thieving shit sacks.

          1. Profile gravatar of

            Their network is fast enough. Just too many users. I am not savvy with the technobable. But say for example, a tower can handle 10,000 users simultaneously, but there are 50,000!

            Would not be surprised if the towers are pinoy fixed too. Some packing straw up there holding it together…

          2. Profile gravatar of BLX2

            CG you’re right, unbelievably unstable and shitty service is the crux of the problem. You said LTE, is it actually LTE or is it 4G? I know none of us get it but fyi standard 4G has a speed capability of 21Mps, LTE is 42Mbs. Where they have true LTE the infrastructure should be better than anywhere else. Still can get shitty service, but not as consistently as what you describe. I’ve beaten 3Mps on 3G before any of the 4G came out. I’m confused about capabilities also. I have 2 dongles that are pre 4G yet they can connect as HSPA+ which from what I’ve read is 4G. One when I bought it claimed 7.2Mbs and the other 12Mbs if I remember right. And there were times that it did exceed 10Mbs for more than a quick burst, it would flux between 8Mbs and 10Mbs+ for several hours at a time. One caveat though is the higher speeds I see are single applications, streaming or downloading, not in an office type setting with multiple devices. Shitty service can cause routers, applications and computers to choke and not function correctly even if the service starts actually working correctly again. Sometimes disconnecting and reconnecting through the router interface is enough (I always wonder if a bad “line” causes that). Others restarting the application causes it to take off again. Others, pulling the battery works. And sometimes shutting down all devices connected and pulling the battery works. And sometimes nothing works. A real pain in the ass. Worse, you can do all that and it not work because of problems with SMART, but it’s possible that when the service does start to work again you would have to do all that in order for you to get it working for you again. In a multi device setting, poor service stability, and not the very top quality routers, it’s also easy for the router to become hosed, that’s the reason for pulling the battery out.

            Anyways, I experienced a problem last fall that sounds similar to yours. Service just went down hill and I finally gave up and tried the 10Mps plan from Sky that recently became available to my area. Sky did work well. A couple of times I tested SMART just to see, it still didn’t work. I ended up giving an expat neighbors gf one of my WiFi pocket routers. I later asked her how her service was and she said fine. That puzzled me. I just recently moved and there’s no Sky service available, Globe has really shitty caps on all their home plans and PLDT once again showed incompetence and bull shit before we even signed up. I tried my SMART
            Bro once again and it didn’t work. I called them and they said there were “enhancements” in the area, they’d give me credit for the UNLISURF50 and to try it again in 24 to 48 hours (their standard boxed answer). When I tried it the next day it did work, but it was really shitty. I put the SIM in multiple dongles and pockets and tried different computers so when I called then I could firmly tell them that all over bases had been checked out.

            When I called them the guy mentioned something about the SIM showing a “technical” problem in the system (whatever that means) and he was forwarding it to technical department to fix it. Since then my service has been working ok, nowhere as good as it was last year (getting up to 10Mps, running late night, early morning at speeds of between 3Mps and 10Mps most times, being able to stream HD from outside the country). I usually only see 3Mps or better after midnight, rarely up to 11am. I have had tracking software record burst in excess of 10Mps, but they are only very short bursts, I’ve never seen them, only that they were recorded.

            I now keep multiple SIMS and rotate them, when I found the 2GB cap I started a promo on a second sim and watched it take off with 3Mps to 4Mps while the other one had stopped dead at 2GB.

            My long winded point is this, I thought SMART service was just completely fucked since last year. And it might of been for awhile. But it looks like there was also something wrong on SMARTS side that they could fix (possibly my sim was not supposed to be getting 8 to 10Mps as consistently as it did and me being able to use 100GB in a month on a single UNLISURF promo, also sometimes the sim would keep going for as long as ten days after the promo expired. I wonder if they did something to stop it from being able to do that in their system and it hosed the sim to not work at all). I’ve read about sims with developed bugs that provide extremely GOOD service and speeds. I think I had one.

            Unfortunately you have to invest in at least one additional sim and WiFi or dongle to completely eliminate the problem being on your side. When you eliminate your stuff then you can prod Smart with your problem and extent of your trouble shooting to eliminate your stuff being the problem. And if it doesn’t improve the situation you may have to make a few follow ups to eliminate the problem being a service problem when you called and also masking your sim problem, or just plain incompetence of the first few techs you dealt with.

            This is a lot of work, effort and frustrations. But like you I thought the service was just seriously completely fucked in my area for a very long period, but it wasn’t completely fucked. There was a problem that could be fixed.

            I’ve also been testing pre pay plans. At least in my area SMART’s UNLISURF definitely provides better speeds by far then the rest. UNLI seem to do 240Kbs at best, Flexi seems almost as bad, I didn’t test Big Bytes and won’t, way, way too expensive per GB compared to what I can get out of UNLISURF. I tried the LTE SURF Unlimited, but it did cap at 1.5GB and was no faster than UNLISURF. Globe just plain sucks, at least in my area and the last time (2 years ago) I tried SUN that also sucked. Another thing, the sim SMART “fixed” for me is over 3 years old and is pre 4G, I have dongles that are 3G, mix, match, whatever, the speed is no better with the 4G shit that it is with my 3G stuff. And for some reason they report HSPA+ connections. I don’t need 42Mps or even 21Mps, a stable steady 10Mbs would be heaven and even a dependable, steady 3Mbs (including outside the country) ability would be very good and meet my needs nicely.

            The service sucks big time, but to be sure you are getting the best of the sucky service you have to be very methodical and persistent. Evaluate the promo’s. And be aware SMART does not publish their speed, throttle or caps for public knowledge, they also seem to change their policy. That means even if you figure out what’s best today, it could change tomorrow, or it could just be a local “enhancement”. GOOD GRIEF.

      2. Profile gravatar of

        There may be a time it reaches that speed. But did you try every tower in the nation at ever time of the day and every day of the year?


        I agree it is shittier here. But products are almost this shitty elsewhere. I have a friend in the USA that pays more for his tv/internet per month than my entire salary. And he tells me his crap is always down.

        It should be expected that a developing nation cannot do better than the mightiest nation on Earth.

        1. Profile gravatar of Fr. Bong Bong Jolog Jun III
          Fr. Bong Bong Jolog Jun III Post author

          This has fuck all to do with the Failippines being a developing country. It’s to do with laws which concentrate the wealth in the hands of a few, to the detriment of damned near everyone else in the country. PLDT makes staggering levels of profit, most especially when you consider just how defective its service. They only place in Asia with slower internet is war-ravaged Afghanistan. The shareholders and directors of PLDT are thieves. It really is that simple.

          1. Profile gravatar of BLX2

            CG, despite my advice on trying to see if you can get better service than you are now, they (PLDT) really are reaming the public royally. I bet Comcast and Verizon execs jealously drool over PLDT. Class action is the only thing that keeps those two in check.

        2. Profile gravatar of BLX2

          Is he getting it by radio frequency with T1 speeds? Or are you living on $150 a month? Anyways the U.S. isn’t even in the top ten countries for speed. Japan, Korea and Hong Kong are the top 3. I know Japan was kicking our ass over 5 years ago for speed. In 2013 Russia even had the U.S. beat for average speed
          (a lot less customers using, but that also means a lot less paying for it). In 2014 the U.S. rose from number 33 the year before to number 12:

          1 South Korea 25.3
          2 Hong Kong 16.3
          3 Japan 15.0
          4 Switzerland 14.5
          5 Sweden 14.1
          6 Netherlands 14.0
          7 Ireland 13.9
          8 Latvia 13.0
          9 Czech Republic 12.3
          10 Singapore 12.2
          11 Finland 11.7
          12 United States 11.5

  6. Profile gravatar of

    Which internet company here does give a fuck? Had SKY in Manila nd Globe and Smart here in Bohol and working on the internet. None of those company giving a shit. But they are qiuick to call you if you are 3 days overdue with your bill.

    1. Profile gravatar of Fr. Bong Bong Jolog Jun III
      Fr. Bong Bong Jolog Jun III Post author

      The telcos operate under the protection of the Philippines government. No real competition is permitted. The regulator (NTC) is a toothless tiger. The civil court system is a systemic failure. PLDT is permitted to run a phony backbone which everyone is forced to use (and pay for). They are completely unaccountable. People are forced to use these companies through lack of other alternatives. They provide sub-standard service, at a sky-high price, with no prospect of facing any consequences for doing so. Criminal enterprises just don’t get any better than that.

  7. Profile gravatar of Sarah

    Globe has the monopoly in provincial Cebu. My Aunt in the province pay P1200 a month for landline and internet. However, both services were off for about 15 days while I was there and that tends to happen more frequently. Do they get a discount for not having the service for half the year? FUCKING NO!!!! `

    In Cebu city, another Aunt has landline and internet with PLDT, pays about the same monthly. Same thing while I was there. Her phone was off for about 10 days, and every time the lightning struck or there was heavy rain, internet would be off for hours. Did she get a discount for not having the services she paid but never got? FUCKING NO!!!! PLDT…..acrnoynm for Philippines Land of De Thieves.

    1. Profile gravatar of 30-30

      Hello Sarah.
      When my interne tis off, I fone da theives and tell them to give a reference number for a discount.
      Destiny cable said there ccable service was being repaired. They did not tell us they were simply bought out by another company. Their price was 550 a month which was cheap. Liars!!!!!!!
      Give them both barrels.
      Shoot me dead Al

    2. Profile gravatar of

      Had Globe before for 1300 together with the landline, Every time it was not working wife always called their customer service and sound angry and demand to speak to the supervisor. Had that for 10 months. Both me and my wife working as CS online. We got 2 months for free and 2 months where we just got 50% discount on our bill. Its not always you will get what you want but its worth to try to call them and demand things.

      Another thing is how stupid Lazada CS is. But its another story.

  8. Profile gravatar of 30-30

    hahhaha,, Yes they claim that they had a different tax,, but put the gst in its place, Anyway, they are all a bunch of theives