I Though I was Dead, But Just Woke Up And Found I Was In The Philippines.

Ok, so I have not been on for a few weeks or so and some think the tribe took me back into the jungle never to be seen or heard from again. No, not by naked sexy, sex starved native girls. Well to the dismay of Filipinos I still breath, kick and vent. But before I go on it is only proper to send kudos to Capt Filo for keeping PFB up and running despite the hardships it causes on him.

So here is where things set on the “home front”, both good .bad and WTF. So where to start, maybe at the beginning? Well I checked my ebenefits for the first time in 4+ years and found out VA increased me to 70% over 4 years ago but have only been paying me at a lower rate, so 4+ years back pay tax free. There the good news, now onto anything that involves Filipinos, the Philippines and other worldly events. We moved (again) into a new place because the caretaker of our last place attacked me without cause or provocation. Now since it was within the boundaries of his property I did not fight back as I had no witness and did not want to give him the excuse I struck first. So we go to PLDT to get internet installed in the new pad. Two weeks they say and no longer, ok says I let’s do it. Then 13 days later still no PLDT pinoy at my door to install my internet. Further questions revealed that it took them 13 days just to write out the install order. Then I’m told another two weeks to install what should have been installed within the last two weeks, go figure. Now there is no fibr in this subdivision so we ask for the 8mb which they say they do have where we are. So into PLDT to transfer our internet at the 8mb, better than nothing I figure. PLDT then tells us that 8mb is very slow and then sets us up with,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,5MB!  Wife threw a fit and they did install it within a few days AFTER our first 14 days and before the second 14 days.

So after waiting two weeks and expecting another two week wait one Sunday I lay down for a nap, boredom you see. Soon as I fall asleep PLDT is knocking at my door to install the internet they should have installed over a week ago. So I show them where I want it and right away they say it will take more cable, I say how much, blank stare. So I tell them to install it which they do in about 45 minutes always talking about the extra cable. So it’s installed and I have paperwork to sign, ok no problem and I sign as it just says it was installed and we paid in advance. Then it comes, one comes up asking about the extra cable and again I ask how much. His reply, what ever you think it’s worth. PLDT must lose a lot of wire/cable through this scam. Then to top it off we had a landline which includes a phone. The PLDT guys used our phone from the last place instead of using the phone that came with the package. So looks like they sell phones on the side as well. Now you might be asking why I did not get the phone out of them, Well that is simple. The Filipinos who lived here before had PLDT landline and left their phone, so I’ll just take it. Now get a load of this. So far the DSL works pretty good on the laptop and desktop but the problem is with the tablets. Open the tablet  and all is fine but it keeps disconnecting from the net so have to open setting and sign back in. What does it say under wifi settings for the sign in? “Authentication Error Occurred”, it is not uncommon to get this several times throughout the day.

Here is the other thing about PLDT. When I moved into this house there was a PLDT wifi and phone already set up but the wifi/dsl was disconnected due to non payment but PLDT never disconnected the phone, just the wifi. So if I wanted I could call Sarah and flirt with her for hours and it’s on their or PLDT bill. Sarah, what is your number again? Sorry Al.

God’s gift. We have all seen that on cars, jeepneys, trike and so forth during our time in the Philippines. Well god struck in my house. I walked out front and there sat a brand new car with less than 40km on the odometer. A gift from god but the bastard also left the payments with it too, what a cheap bastard huh? Here are Filipino officials with mansions, cars, yachts and such that have millions and billions of pesos that have “gift from god” or “god’s gift” Then he gives me a new car and the cheap fucker leaves the payment book on the dash. How can it be a gift if I have to pay for it?????????

So I walk down the stairs the other day and there sits mother in law (79) on her bed naked changing her clothes with the door wide open. AL, PLEASE SHOOT ME. SARAH PLEASE BRING THE LETHAL INJECTION! Damn, no eyes should ever see a 79 year old woman with sagging tits, pot belly and a hunch back. I have been considering calling the CIA and suggesting this as a torture method of terrorist suspects. Maybe I could outsource her? Speaking of mother in laws and new place to stay. Well like most houses here there are bars on the windows and dead bolt locks on both doors going outside. The locks are the type that require a key to unlock even from the inside and the doors are a heavy steel, so that is the picture. I went to the new place first while the rest stayed at the old one and packed things up, yes it WAS nice and quiet during that all but too brief time.

So after a week or so mom in law comes over to the new place and has no problem locking or unlocking the dead bolts with the key. So later here comes the child bride and the stay in helper so everything falling into place. I stay upstairs as that is where the pc is set up along with the biggest tv. So there I sit stirring up shit online when the screaming for me starts. How come Filipinos think they have to yell for everyone when they want to talk to them? I was raised if you want to talk to Capt. Filo you don’t yell for him, YOU get up and go find him. You don’t keep yelling for him to come to you, common manners. What did they want that was so important? Well it seems mom in law and the rest of them have suddenly forgot how to lock the dead bolts with the door. Three full grown and mature (ok, as mature as a Filipino can get I guess) that forgot how to use a key even after doing so for years but our 7 year old son has no problem with the locks.

So now I wait on one of two people to show up. Al to just shoot me or Sarah with her lethal injection.

As always I look forward to comments from members. Free 79 year old mother in law to good home.


On Dirtyturd. I just opened my sons Ipab, tab or what ever the hell it’s called and found a game he installed called “Duterte Fighting Crime” you can find it on play store. Damn, they are making out like this guy is the savior of the country. Have one on Youtube telling me vote buying does not matter and others saying Dirtyturd has his good points but never list them. Filipino mindset, always defend another Filipino no matter how fucked up they are. So here is the point I made. Filipinos threw a fit over MJV going to be executed in Indo saying killing was wrong. Then they protested when China executed Filipinos drug mules, Middle East executing Filipinos for murder and so on. Now since they elected a self confessed mass murderer who says he will kill thousands more without when president, how can the legitimately protest the execution of a Filipino by a foreign country after found guilty in a court of law? They can’t without appearing like the two faced, double standard hypocrites they are.

Again a very sincere thanks to the capt for this website.

(Ok Filo, I said it. Where’s my $5?)

Published in Blatant Stupidiy, Rants


  1. Profile gravatar of FHPS

    ? They can’t without appearing like the two faced, double standard hypocrites they are.

    Yes, theyre cut and runners.

    They will stand together as a group, but underlying that filipinos are gutless and will run as soon as you break up the group.
    Analogy being. They will be all noise and bubble as a group but when the finger is pointed to an individual they will run
    and cover their arses and burn those around themselves to save their own arses.

    POINT IS Filipinos by nature are untrustworthy, unreliable and never ever ever trust them, what they say and what they say they intend to do.
    If they ay they will pay you back, im not like the rest, not all filipino are like that sir etc
    They are all tarred with the same cultural brush – full of shit in other words.

    1. Profile gravatar of Sarah

      Do not ever send a Filipino on an errand with your money.!! He will spend your money and not care how important that errand was for you! And if you’re a brother in law, fat chance you’re getting an apology! If you’re the brother/sister and you send him/her on an errand, the chances of you not seeing your money and the errand not completed magnifies to 99.99%!! And don’t even expect an apology, you won’t get it. Or if you get one, it would be because his needs are more urgent than yours. Example, sorry Ate/Kuya, but my rooster run out of vitamins and there’s a big cockfight this coming Sunday, I needed the money to buy him vitamins”.

      1. Profile gravatar of FHPS

        That is so accurate @sarahfin
        I had some unbelievable situations similar to yours even.
        To save time I said get a taxi – not a jeep, I will pay.
        Taxi was just over 90 pesos.

        1. taxi turns up, meter is 392 pesos.
        ME – WTF? whats going on here.
        FILO – Oh i borrow money from the taxi driver. (yes 🙂 so who do you expect to pay)
        ME – so where is the money
        FILO – It was my cousin, we stopped at the chemist they needed medicine. (FUCK I HATE THAT WORD – “MEDICINE” (if you live in the Philippines and hear this word you will know what I mean, you have a sniffle – out comes the medicine – drugs for everything)

        Ive had that done twice to me and my friends also
        where they will borrow money without asking and expect you to pay
        and of course,
        not say sorry
        no remorse
        just dumb, blank looks
        no offer to pay back

        1. Profile gravatar of FHPS

          My friend did a good “fuck you” reply

          He had his date come over and was in the room working.
          It was breakfast time and his last day in the country.
          He said – go to the restaurant and get breakfast and hang out
          ok ok, so he goes down later and FOOL-apina there has her cousin AND orders food for takeaway.

          He ended up eating but only paid his meal.
          she had been doing something prior too like deleting some files of the two of them shared – photos?
          He paid his bill and left –
          leaving the girl and cousin stranded with the bill 🙂
          well, the fuckers wanted to take all the food they bought back to the family.
          He got a tonne of messages when he was waiting for the plane
          from the girl and aunt – heehe and they werent good bye messages.

          Another friend who had a date with a girl
          “lets get Pizza to takeaway”
          pizza ordered ..
          oh … girl says – family emergency
          all looked orchestrated to buy pizza
          and take back home
          – ummmm no sorry and took the pizza.
          PEOPLE NEED TO STAND UP to these fuckers.
          They are freeloaders and will make no apologies to their actions
          and try and take advantage of the situation.

          1. Profile gravatar of Phil Doh
            Phil Doh

            They should add one more line to the end of the national anthem – “Give me money!”

            Read a story the other day from an expat, which summed up how every situation always seems to be a shakedown. He’s sitting at home and hears a loud crash outside so goes to investigate. Two tricycles have collided, overturned and passengers lying injured all over the road. He sees the two drivers run off in opposite directions so goes inside to call the police. Their response – “We can’t come right now sir, no gasoline”.

            Easy to think this is just pinoy stupidity, but any time you hear “No money, load, gas, food, medicine etc” it just translates as “Give me money”.

        2. Profile gravatar of Captain PFB
          Captain PFB

          “Medicine” ……Aaahhh yes. That word.
          Tell a flip you’re feeling a little under the weather, they’ll always say, “Don’t forget to take medicine”.

          Thing is, they are as clueless about medicines as they are about pretty much everything. They have no idea what medicine to take for what ailment.

          Then if you (or they) don’t have “medicine”, their cure-all is “drink Kalamansi juice”

          Clueless idiots.

      2. Profile gravatar of FHPS

        NEVER NEVER THINK that by helping a Filipino you will get respect.
        My friend helped a guy who was struggling with his daughter who had a physical handicap.
        He paid her school, food, etc literally covered everything
        plus gave this guy a job.
        MY FRIEND – bent over fucking backwards for this guy and his situation.

        Oh! thats right. Filipinos tend to think in the moment and
        1. forget the past help
        2. think its a gift of god, answers to their prayers – not you helping them.
        3. take advantage of nice people – give something they want more (ungrateful fucking shits)
        4. grab mentality – grab as much as they can while they can
        5. dont say sorry
        ..the list goes on.

        Anyway, while he was away – he was held up 2 fucking days!!
        he comes back and some of his stuff was sold in his garage, part of his business equipment
        he had there.

        wheres my fucking tools he said.

        “i sold the tools to buy food!” – no apology.
        This is my situation sir foreigner, you have to understand your living in the philippines
        only in the Philippines. This is the whole fucking stupid mentality.

        1. Profile gravatar of Sarah

          “NEVER NEVER THINK that by helping a Filipino you will get respect.

          To a Pignoy, anything you give is an entitlement to him/her. You must share your blessings because he/she is entitled to everything that you have!! Don’t ever think that just because you built him a house, sent his kids to school, saved his life, etc, that he would be grateful. No, no, no, no!! In fact, he’d ask for more and if you can’t give, be prepared to get labelled “kuripot”, “yawa” (devil), bastard, etc.

          “That is so accurate @sarahfin
          I had some unbelievable situations similar to yours even.
          To save time I said get a taxi – not a jeep, I will pay.
          Taxi was just over 90 pesos.”
          1. taxi turns up, meter is 392 pesos.
          ME – WTF? whats going on here.
          FILO – Oh i borrow money from the taxi driver. (yes 🙂 so who do you expect to pay)”

          It’s not just me FHPS, it’s everyone who’s had anything to do with Pignoys. My former baby sitter sent P12,000 to her brother to buy her family some mattresses for her family to sleep in. They arrived in the islands and …. no mattress!! Pinay asked “where are the mattresses?”. Brother said “I spent the money”. No remorse, no apologies, nothing. What did he spent the money on? Buying food and drinks for his friends. My former baby sitter had to send someone else to buy the mattresses, so that’s P12,000 gone, blown away by her low life brother. I asked her “did you scold your brother?”. She said “what’s the point? Money was gone”. It’s that defeatist attitude that perpetuates such inappropriate behavior.

          Another Pinay friend sent money to her mother to renovate her bedroom in the Philippines, to add a toilet. She was going home to give birth in the Philippines. She arrived and…. nothing was done!! She asked her mother “what did you do with the money?”. Her mum said “I paid bills with it”. So I asked Pinay GF, “what are you going to do now?” she said “we have a saying that if the blanket is short, then we have to make do by bending our knees”. Mother was not scolded, no consequences to the mother, and mother was still in debt.

          On a personal level, last year, my jeep registration in the Philippines was due by 2 months before my arrival. I asked 2 cousins and offered them a generous allowance of P1000 for fare and food. First cousin would not do anything, (despite him borrowing P250K from me the year before) because he was apparently busy. Second cousin, the bakla was at college at the time. He spent my money but made excuses why he could not make it to LTO. I arrived and my jeep was not registered, I was out of pocket because the bakla spent the registration money, as well as the allowance!! I got penalized for late registration. Bakla said “sorry Ate, but I had to use your money for my tuition fee”. Now, bakla is working but no sign of my money. Never again. So 2 months ago, heavy hints that it’s his birthday and it would be nice if I can send money for his birthday cake. I ignored him. I don’t even buy cake for myself, why should I spend money buying cake for a dishonest, unreliable, lying Pignoy?

  2. Profile gravatar of Mike
    Mike Post author

    Here’s one you all will like, I think it shows the Filipino mindset regardless of where the Filipino lives.

    I watched a video on YouTube about the sinking of the Dona Paz back in 1987. As you all know they have comment section which I posted a comment. I said that lack of enforcement, overloading and corruption played a big part in the sinking which the video verified. So I go a reply back from a Filipino living in Illinois who said corruption was everywhere and he knew from first hand experience. How you ask? He got a speeding ticket and said he never had one before and most he ever got was a parking ticket.

    So he was given a ticket for speeding through a school zone during class hours which he admitted to doing in his comment. According to him here is why it is corruption:
    1.) He had to go to court for the ticket.
    2.) Everyone in court with him were there on speeding tickets.
    3.) After court he went back and looked at the sign which had the speed limit when children were present. He said since classes had not been dismissed and the children still in class he should not have gotten a ticket.
    4.) His son was going on a field trip with ROTC to an air force base and the bus driver got a ticket. Dong never said why the bus got pulled over and was not in the bus.

    I just find it amazing that Filipinos think it is corruption if the police actually do their job and issue tickets. In typical Filipino fashion he found a way why it was not his fault and justify his speeding classes had not been dismissed. I noticed he did not consider children were present although he admits classes were not yet dismissed. Logic failed again, if classes have NOT been dismissed then children ARE present.

  3. Profile gravatar of Mike
    Mike Post author

    Speaking of driving. As you know by the article we have a new car, which is kind of scary if you think about the way they drive here. So wife signs up for driving class so she can get her license, the class is 8 hours long divided into 4 classes. So now she has had 3 classes and walks into the house and tells me she knows how to drive now. Now me being me I just had to ask her how come the driver parked the car in the car port instead of her. Today is the last course, yes, LTO gave her a drivers license after only 6 hours of class and no driving test. Go figure that one.

  4. Profile gravatar of Sarah

    “So I walk down the stairs the other day and there sits mother in law (79) on her bed naked changing her clothes with the door wide open. AL, PLEASE SHOOT ME. SARAH PLEASE BRING THE LETHAL INJECTION! Damn, no eyes should ever see a 79 year old woman with sagging tits, pot belly and a hunch back. ”

    Don’t be a damn pussy! Do you realized how many naked bodies I’ve seen in my lifetime? 🙂

    1. Profile gravatar of 30-30

      Yes u get paid big dollars to see all of that!!!!!!! You may even see a Canuck hunk once in a while if u r lucky>> hahahah BUT I can ship justin beiber and Turdea free of charge to ur doorstep. hahah
      On another note,, did u ever notice how much bling they have in their house,, 30 bottles of lotions, etc. Maybe Mike can remember when a house was empty when we were dirt poor!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  5. Profile gravatar of 30-30

    Why would Sarah want an old kano when she can have a hot Canuck??????? hahaha….. what about about the ones who leave the bathroom door wide open and they are not hot either?????????????????

  6. Profile gravatar of Rice Ganda
    Rice Ganda

    I have never understood why Filipinas go for number two’s with the bathroom door open, and can’t even put the mobile phone/facebook down when they’re taking a dump…. Good grief.

  7. Profile gravatar of Raiders16

    @filofail so this morning I got into the lift and there was a middle aged man wearing a NASA T-shirt . I told him ” hey nice shirt” and he replied ” yeah Filipinos where the first man on the moon” ( his exact words) . Me being a smartass and not knowing if he was joking or not said ” I didn’t know the Philippines had a space program? :/” he said “yeah we’ve had one for many years and its called NASA”

    I just had to share this because I’m utterly blown away.

  8. Profile gravatar of Raiders16

    @filofail I actually have a legitimate question and maybe you’ll have a good explanation . Why is every Filipino I meet here an engineer, doctor or lawyer ? Most of these people I wouldn’t trust to change oil on my car let alone operate on me . Are education requirements here that low ?

  9. Profile gravatar of Mike
    Mike Post author

    Here it is June 2016 and all the commercials on History channel promoting Rizal. I don’t know about any of you but am I the only one sick of hearing this filipino bullshit? Consider if you will all the commercials on History channel relating to philippine independence day.
    1.) Rizal was a role model for what filipinos are.
    2.) It is unique for a person to lie down his life for his country any where in the world. Now this was said about Rizal and they make it sound like he is the only one to give his life for his country. I hate to bust filipinos bubble but laying downs one life for their country is not unheard of and quite common in the U.S, Australia, Canada and UK just to name a few. The French and filipinos are exempt from this of course.
    3.) Edsa 1. they are making it sound like Edsa 1 brought major changes to the philippines for the better. I have been coming here since 1982 and I still don’t see any change for the better.
    4.) Philippine airline commercials. They show nothing but pristine beaches, rivers and a great airport with filipinos dressed in button up shirts, slacks and dresses. No flip flops, shorts, long lines, pushing and shoving, BB boxes, bribes, bullet scam and shake downs. It even show filipinos standing in line waiting their turn, being well mannered and caring.
    Time for a short break so you can go throw up over the bullshit above.

    Ok, now that you have cleaned the stomach. It seems FB deleted all accounts or pages that had anything negative to say about D30. Only after a fit was thrown did FB put the pages back up. FB claims it was a “mob action of D30 supporters” complaining that brought the said pages down.
    As you all might have guessed I am alive and well, at least as well as you can be in the philippines. No I did not have that fatal heart attack last night nor did Al shoot me or Sarah give the lethal injection. But don’t worry about me, there is still hope for the heart attack tonight or tomorrow night.

    “And that’s the way it was.”
    “Now you know the rest of the story.”