Hello! I am your friendly but useless dumb-as-fuck Filipino Traffic Enforcer.
You will usually find me sitting in the shade on the side of a highway or road.
Sometimes I’ll get up and direct traffic. You will usually find me at a location where I’m not at all needed and essentially useless, such as a straight, non-congested part of a highway with no intersection at all.
I am very much like the traffic laws (and most laws in Philippines), I’m essentially there as an ornament. I am a decoration; present and in-place but fucking useless as a dog turd, and ignored.
I’ll just stand there and direct the other idiot Filipinos who will ignore me anyway to go in the only possible direction they can go. I am like one of those roadside clown statues you sometimes see outside of businesses that pivots right and left and waving it’s arm in a feeble attempt to attract customers. What I do is a feeble attempt at knowing what the fuck I’m there for.
You’ll see me in my spiffy uniform looking so stout and professional as I stand along a straight part of the highway where there are no turns, no intersections, just waving and directing cars in the only obvious fucking direction they can possibly go anyway. Gosh! What would they do if I wasn’t there to wave them and direct them to go straight on a straight highway with no turns? Possibly stop and sit there? Maybe throw the vehicle in reverse and slam into the car behind them? Stop and wait for someone to wave them in the only direction they can go? Definitely possible, but unlikely. That would require thought. But at least it gives the ILLUSION that I’m earning my keep, right? After all, the goal of the Filipino is to get the job. After we get the job, do as little as possible, and JUST ENOUGH to keep the job and get a paycheck. Work ethic is certainly NOT in our vocabulary.
You will seldom find me directing traffic in a consistently problematic and congested fucked up intersection. Nope, you won’t find me where I’m most needed. You’ll just find me where there is least amount of work and least amount of thinking to do. That’s where I’ll be. After all, I’m a filipino, thinking is very much a challenge.
And when the unmanned, undirected intersection about 80 meters to the north of me is all jammed up in a clusterfuck gridlock of ignorant dumbfuck disorderly uncooperative selfish “me first, I’ll pretend I don’t see you” idiot filipinos, you can count on me to be at least 100 meters before it or beyond it, useless as a steamy pile of smelly dog shit.
You can count on me to be down the highway a bit where I’m completely ineffective, completely useless, serving no purpose whatsoever. I’ll be there to mindlessly wave all the mindless ignorant Filipinos forward in the only direction they can possibly go.
I am your typical dumb-shit Filipino traffic enforcer. I get paid for this. Thank you for your tax dollars that are thrown away by paying my salary.Published in