I’m Your USELESS Filipino Traffic Enforcer

Stupid Filipino Traffic Enforcer

“I think it’s time for rice. My arm is getting tired. I hope these people will know to keep going straight if I’m away for my after breakfast, before lunch snack.”

Hello! I am your friendly but useless dumb-as-fuck Filipino Traffic Enforcer.

You will usually find me sitting in the shade on the side of a highway or road.

Sometimes I’ll get up and direct traffic. You will usually find me at a location where I’m not at all needed and essentially useless, such as a straight, non-congested part of a highway with no intersection at all.

I am very much like the traffic laws (and most laws in Philippines), I’m essentially there as an ornament. I am a decoration; present and in-place but fucking useless as a dog turd, and ignored.

I’ll just stand there and direct the other idiot Filipinos who will ignore me anyway to go in the only possible direction they can go. Filipino Traffic EnforcerI am like one of those roadside clown statues you sometimes see outside of businesses that pivots right and left and waving it’s arm in a feeble attempt to attract customers. What I do is a feeble attempt at knowing what the fuck I’m there for.

You’ll see me in my spiffy uniform looking so stout and professional as I stand along a straight part of the highway where there are no turns, no intersections, just waving and directing cars in the only obvious fucking direction they can possibly go anyway. Gosh! What would they do if I wasn’t there to wave them and direct them to go straight on a straight highway with no turns? Possibly stop and sit there? Maybe throw the vehicle in reverse and slam into the car behind them? Stop and wait for someone to wave them in the only direction they can go? Definitely possible, but unlikely. That would require thought. But at least it gives the ILLUSION that I’m earning my keep, right? After all, the goal of the Filipino is to get the job. After we get the job, do as little as possible, and JUST ENOUGH to keep the job and get a paycheck. Work ethic is certainly NOT in our vocabulary.

You will seldom find me directing traffic in a consistently problematic and congested fucked up intersection. Nope, you won’t find me where I’m most needed. You’ll just find me where there is least amount of work and least amount of thinking to do. That’s where I’ll be. After all, I’m a filipino, thinking is very much a challenge.

Philippines stupidity in traffic congestionAnd when the unmanned, undirected intersection about 80 meters to the north of me is all jammed up in a clusterfuck gridlock of ignorant dumbfuck disorderly uncooperative selfish “me first, I’ll pretend I don’t see you” idiot filipinos, you can count on me to be at least 100 meters before it or beyond it, useless as a steamy pile of smelly dog shit.

You can count on me to be down the highway a bit where I’m completely ineffective, completely useless, serving no purpose whatsoever.Stupid Filipino Traffic Enforcer Clown I’ll be there to mindlessly wave all the mindless ignorant Filipinos forward in the only direction they can possibly go.

I am your typical dumb-shit Filipino traffic enforcer. I get paid for this. Thank you for your tax dollars that are thrown away by paying my salary.

Published in Filipino Stupidity, Traffic In Philippines


  1. Profile gravatar of Fr. Bong Bong Jolog Jun III
    Fr. Bong Bong Jolog Jun III

    You forgot to mention that these useless pricks serve another valuable function; when your useless fucking Pinoy taxi driver doesn’t know where he’s going (after swearing he knows exactly where the place is), your useless Pinoy traffic enforcer can direct your fucking idiot taxi driver to the wrong place. These worthless sacks of shit are made for each other!

    1. Profile gravatar of Spartacus_killingus

      Can also stop traffic for your worthless taxi driver, so he can pull over and take a piss by the door while leaving his meter running. No.. Its cool bro, I’ll pay for your public traffic piss, no problem. *thumbs up to the traffic enforcer for having his back.

  2. Profile gravatar of mike-test

    greatest fuckin site ever! i couldn’t resist not to register and say hi! im a tri-racial, born and race in da shithole! but now temporarily leaving abroad. i feel your sentiments dude! keep it churning! the country is just a fuckin shithole infested with stupid retarded garbastic pieces of shits. Failippines indeed!

    1. Profile gravatar of Captain PFB
      Captain PFB Post author

      Finally! A native that knows it! But then again, it’s only the ones with a bit of intelligence that can even get out of the country unless they are 8 years old and can carry a tune and invited by Ellen DeGeneres or Oprah.

      I can just hear the families of the children who get discovered on YouTube and brought to a US talkshow to sing; “Oh our baby will get rich now and send money home and support us!” I can guarantee you they are not saying, “Oh my baby is so talented and I hope he/she has a great life and success!”

      The disgusting chain of failure, ignorance, and dependence never ends.

      1. Profile gravatar of mike-test

        for the life of me, i just can’t comprehend why pinoys are so proud of their singing ability?! yet their as dumb as fuck!

        of course its a failure. the land breeds ignorance. it eats ignorance for bfast, lunch, dinner. and of course there’s no ounce of hope. not unless someone with greater power incinerate the 7100+ islands.