I incited 4 flips to start a physical fight with me. They’ve been trash talking at and about me since i first arrived in the philippines, The first time i trash talk back they start throwing beer bottles and swinging punches.
Yeah so i was visiting my good friend, a doctor, at his home in the suburbs. I come around fairly often so the usual idle drunkards recognize me as “bobo kano.” I walked around to the sari-sari store to purchase some soda for the dinner i was having with my friend and his family, There were a group of 4 of them jobless drunkards loafing around the store, said something along the lines of “stupid american go back to your country.” in tagalog, i replied with “why? im banging your wives while you are out here getting drunk in front of the sari-sari store.”
One of them stood up and shouted “tangin na aka!” then threw an empty bottle of beer at me with the force of a plastic bag floating to the ground, then abruptly tripping onto his face, i caught the bottle and rolled it on the ground tapping the top of his balding head. While saying “here i believe you belong to this beer bottle.” The security guard in his man sized hut shined the spotlight in our direction. The faceground guy gets up shouting “tangin na aka” again then more anti kano nonsense after. His friends stand up and stood behind him giving me some goofy drunk flip look that nearly made me laugh out loud. Mr.faceground picks up the bottle that tapped his head and he throws it again at me. I dodge and said “that all you pussy foots got? throwing beer bottles?” then i hear the bottle land and break somewhere near the security guard’s hut.
Then the brawl starts, these guys were incredibly drunk, i spent less than 10 seconds (that felt like minutes) blocking their punches and hooking their heals with my feet and tripping them on their asses and face into puddles of water and piles of dog shit. The security guard grabbed my shoulder, pulled me back a few feet and started shouting and looking at them then looking at me. The lola of the sari-sari store interrupted the guard and started pointing at the drunkards laying on the ground “lasing eto, oi eto, aggressors eto.”
Things wrapped up with 2 other security guards coming and handcuffing the drunkards and telling them that they would call the PNP if they kept disturbing the peace. The drunkards kept shouting that they wanted to call the barangay and put me in jail. One of the security guards could speak english and said “if anything they will put them in jail not you” I snickered as i knew they were building the walls to their own prison.
My friend came out started walking to the scene, i met him halfway with the lola holding my arm. Lola and my friend talked briefly then the lola tugged my arm and said “good man” pointed at my friend then pointed at me. She knew my friend is a charitable physician. My friend said “its about time those jobless drunks got their asses kicked.”
The drunks live in the subdivision just opposite to where my friend lives and the sari-sari store is within a house that sits right on the border between the two. The security guards have assured me that the drunks wont be allowed into the subdivision. No night time creeper revenge either because the dividing gate is closed past 24:00 with a security guard at that hut 24/7. Though they were so drunk they probably wont even remember, other than tripping onto their faces accidently. Anyways, i endured the “bobo kano” trash talk over 8 months of visiting. So satisfying and i didn’t have to swing any punches.Published in