Irritating The Irritators, Volume II – Reasons To Be Cheerful


I know, I know. Stop rolling your eyes and get reading.

  1. Get in. State destination. Prepare for battle.

2. If the driver does not know destination then ask him to consult his map (BLANK STARE) and get out…

3. If the “meter is not working sir” hit the 2nd buy to the left and claim you’re the son of Dog and its their day for a “miracle”….You only do one “miracle” a day, so therefore the “miracle of a tip for good service” will not be forthcoming.

4. If the driver states, in their customary graciousness, the fare is “one fifty sirrrrrrr” (for a journey that is normally one hundred), READILY ACCEPT and thank them. When you arrive at your destination give them the  ONE fifty peso note that they asked for and watch their confused little perfict spiiking inglish faces get all bitter and twisted.

5.  Get in. Driver drives off……. Then, 500 m up the road the demand for 500 or whatever silly figure they come up with. Reply without accepting. Continue journey for a short distance and look for a petrol station, 7/11 or other. Ask them to stop for a cola, get out and tell them you do not require their services further, but thank them for saving you money by getting you closer to your destination.

6. And my favorite. Get in. Get immediately asked for an outrageous fare. Get out. When getting out leave the door open. If you get further abuse, open the back door as well. If the driving professional continues his verbal torrent, open the back door on the driver’s side. At this point of the proceedings look around and acknowledge the laughter and merriment of the locals by taking a bow!! 🙂


Published in Cultural Rudeness


  1. Profile gravatar of Mufazzza

    The door opening is a splendid idea!

    But maybe you’d better be prepared for …a bolo to the head? 😉
    I wouldn’t expect the driver to sit idly as you open all his doors?;-)

  2. Profile gravatar of FHPS

    i had a friend who got in a cab. the guy stopped said he needed to get change.
    surprise surprise at a shopping centre close to the door.
    he waited …waited
    45 minutes later … he was starting to kick in the guys back seat
    the prick (driver) walks out .. with his fucking xmas shopping!!

    he was just using the excuse and having a passenger waiting in the back
    that he needed to get change.

    1. Profile gravatar of Mufazzza

      In Thailand supposedly a big whitie started quarreling with a trike driver. Driver gets ….irate…15 thais jump the whitie….intensive care….

      Asian rage and whitey irritation,,,,bad combination! 😉

        1. Profile gravatar of Don Quixote
          Don Quixote

          I haven’t seen any trikes in Thailand , so probably an URBAN MYTH to make the Philippines sound a better.
          Just watch the flips go nuts if a whitey scratches a piece of shit trike , That would be more like it , not Thailand.
          In Thailand, Singapore and Malaysia.
          Taxis from the airport are run from within the terminal.
          You go to taxi stand with your accommodation booking inside the Terminal, they advise you what the fare will be, and escort you to the available taxi, and tell the driver where to go.
          This has happened on the last three times I have gone to Thailand twice in Phuket and once in Bangkok.
          I had one dispute in Thailand with a taxi driver who even after that took us to the WRONG FUCKING TOWN??????????
          He tried to get more money when we got to our right destination I asked him to call the Police we paid ONLY the quoted price from the Terminal Office.

          Even at CLARK the Taxis are run from inside the Terminal, all the Taxis are new and they are owned by one Company, but that doesn’t stop the assholes drivers ASKING FOR A TIP for doing their job.
          You ask you don’t get, is just not understood in the Philippines

          1. Profile gravatar of FHPS

            Clark sounds like a shit place for transport
            the trikes apparantly charge 100p for a short trip … is that true?

            fucking free wheeling tourists spoil things for the long termers.

            I hate seeing people feeling sorry for filipinos
            and dishing out 1000p tips,
            buying a drink and pulling out around 20 x 1000 p notes from pockets
            and walking into shops and i heard a guy
            saying “this is cheap, so cheap”

          2. Profile gravatar of Random Numbers
            Random Numbers

            They have taxis at Clark now? Last time I was there, I took the aircon jeepney, only 50 pesos from the airport, but 100 going to the airport – figure that one out!

            In Bangkok, as long as you don’t get in after midnight, take the train, it’s cheap!

          3. Profile gravatar of Random Numbers
            Random Numbers

            I meant taxis at the airport, I have seen the line of them going to the airport near SM Clark. But those are all privately owned vehicles with a set rate of 300 pesos last time I was there

            As for the trikes, yes, they charge like a taxi, at least they did last time I was there, because there were no actual taxis, just trikes and jeepneys. Paying more to ride a trike in Clark than it would cost to take a taxi in Manila, now THAT’S insulting!

          4. Profile gravatar of FHPS

            1. clark trikes – its a rort
            2. they know foreigners will pay
            3. i told my friend
            The Philippines has standard schedule of fees
            if i go to Mindanao, Bohol, Cebu, Boracay
            for taxis AND TRIKES
            what you pay 100p is only 8p in the province
            if you want to hire a whole trike its
            8p (or whatever the leg is eg. 8, 15, 25 etc)
            x the number of seats (usually 7 passengers for southern trikes)

          5. Profile gravatar of FHPS

            There is a LTFRB schedule of fees for trikes by mileage as there is FOR BUSES, Van hires (UV vans, GT express), taxis etc in the Philippines.

          6. Profile gravatar of

            7 p in the Bohol if you dont want the trike to go with the others on the way.

            But if you are the first timer it will cost you 500 to go 2 km, or like me first time in bohol for some years ago paying 600 for 2 km drive… stupid me huh?

            The good news is that Im getting lower price that my wife that cant speak Bisaya 😀

          1. Profile gravatar of 86andBelow
            86andBelow Post author

            Bangkok has nailed it for ease of travel in such a crowded city
            Motorbike taxi
            Tuk tuk or sam lor (three wheel)
            Green (Very cheap was 3php) buses non ac
            Red (Very cheap was 5php) buses non ac
            Aircon buses
            Underground train
            Klong taxi (canal boats)
            River boats on the main Chao Praya river
            Pvt hire boats a la James Bond 007 (and speeds and prices to match)
            Song Thaew (two bench) a converted pick up truck with two bench seats.
            Taxi that always put the meter on

            If you know what you are doing it is very easy to make the journey without too much delay and cheap too

          2. Profile gravatar of Mufazzza

            Thanks Wombat! 🙂 some times it gets confusing with different expressions in different countries! 🙂

      1. Profile gravatar of Random Numbers
        Random Numbers

        Not a trike, a tuk-tuk. It’s like a faster golf cart that goes on the roads, 3 wheels, easy to get into (unlike trikes), no set fare, lots of them will offer you a great deal then take you to a tailor instead of where you want to go. After the first time that happened to me I didn’t use a tuk-tuk again, they have good bus service and taxis there.

        1. Profile gravatar of Don Quixote
          Don Quixote

          I know that, that wasn’t the point of the post. the point was that a tourist was beat up by 15 Thais in their trike, not likely. but possible I suppose
          Tuk Tuks are more like miniature jeepnees
          You are exactly right, those fucking tuktuks are hell, fucking seats are uncomfortable as you get thrown around in the back, or the fucking driver is a one man Joe the Gadget Man, trying to sell you what he thinks you need.
          I get the trains or buses all over Bangkok or the river ferries, but that’s after I’m safely ensconced in my Hotel with my money and passport in the safe, luggage unpacked.

          1. Profile gravatar of Random Numbers
            Random Numbers

            I only took the river ferry one time. I usually don’t stay near the river, and when I did, I often went out after dark and the ferry was closed for the day. But it was cheap, fast, and cool. If I wasn’t such a vampire I would have taken in more, I really liked it. Couldn’t do it in Manila, the garbage in the rivers would foul the engines!

          2. Profile gravatar of 86andBelow
            86andBelow Post author

            Thais will protect their workmates and they do so with numbers. It is known as soi dog fighting (soi is a side street). Like a pack of dogs setting on another single dog.

            Thais are very placid by nature, internalise (jai yen yen (heart cool cool)). However, once they reach their tipping point you will rarely see any western style escalation, you will see placid to berserk in a nanosecond. Doesn’t happen very often, but when it does watch out.

            I only ever had one violent confrontation in BKK in my ten years of living there and that was from a drug dealer that was certifiable. After he got (deservedly) launched by me (I was protecting a girl from his violence) I was protected by the Thai locals when he came back for me with a knife. The police also got involved and placed a restraint order on the guy and an eminent politician friend of mine offered a “final solution”, which i declined very promptly.

  3. Profile gravatar of FHPS

    dont piss taxi drivers off overseas
    foreigners have been beaten up
    but… in Manila (also dangerous but having lived in PH for 10 years i can read those pricks)
    fuck i hate it when those bastards don’t turn on the meter
    and when your trying to get a cab and they wanto to find out
    where your going ..and then speed off

    they must waste a lot of time picking up people
    and then having them jump out when the cunt wont turn on the meter

    1. Profile gravatar of Don Quixote
      Don Quixote

      You have to break the connection between Angeles, and Clark they are two different places.
      Yes the trikes were rip offs , I would not know anymore, but I have heard yes its the same. I heard it was 100 peso to Dau , from Perimeter road, but who knows now.
      The issue is, getting from Clark Terminal to Angeles can sometimes take a long time due to the FUCKING FACT they only have TWO FUCKING GATES , you have to drive for kilometers sometimes when it is a stones throw.
      The original fences are still in place, NO GENIUS has even thought to open up a couple of more gates, this would reduce, nothing can stop the fucking traffic, but it would reduce the TWO FUCKING choke points.
      I was talking about Clark and Taxis,
      There is a Franchisee there, it appears, they charge 300p to a close hotel or 400 peso to the far hotels, I think thats fair.
      They have no trikes at the airport, for the real cheap fucks there is a jeepnee stand 100 meters away from the Terminal, but you will wait until he is full.
      I have had no issue with the taxi, just the fucking driver too smart for his own good, the taxis are all modern probably 2 years old, with fuck all miles.
      They even have a rate to Subic or Manila posted so you know how much it is.

      1. Profile gravatar of Idiotocracy

        There are more than two gates out of Clark. SM gate on the South East side, Friendship gate pretty close to SM or Main gate, Mabalacat gate, then one on the far West side of Clark, one gate on the north, then one at the NE corner that leads to the turnpikes, then you can take the turnpike itself from SM or Main gate or from the NE turnpike exits and come out about three miles south of Mabalacat Gate. The turnpike will cost you 21 pesos from Main gate, 4 pesos from the NE turnpike gate. There once was a Dau gate between Mabalacat gate and SM or Main gate but it has been closed for some time.

        If you have vehicle with good ground clearance you can even take dirt/sand roads East of the college on the North side of Clark right past the sand pit and come out on the perimeter road near the North turnpike exits. No gate, they have a gate up just North of the Clark Highlands. They are putting up a fence though to close that route off so in a few months or a year. Silly buggers bring out the steel posts with a concrete footing already poured in place, dig a damn trench, stand them up in place, and back fill it to hold the posts up.

        Trikes away from the sucker zone, Fields Ave, are reasonable for short legs, if you get Kano taxed it is because you don’t know what the fare ought to be. Yes, no trikes on Clark, they won’t let them inside the gates, plenty of jeepneys taking in the dongs and dongettes to work.

        1. Profile gravatar of Don Quixote
          Don Quixote

          Alright y genius.
          I drive there all the time too, Read what you described as directions. My point is the stupidity of the road system, and you verified it without knowing you did.
          Who gives a fuck about going to Dau .and dirt roads.
          There is two gates into Angeles proper. and perimeter road. Friendship and Main Gate. If you want to go to that shit fight on MacArthur Hwy all the best to you.
          Why have they not put a couple of exits onto Perimeter road??????????????? That was my point, I don’t need someone telling me about fucking directions I have the child bride for that.
          There is no fucking duty free on the base anymore or it is bullshit duty free anyway , so why the fucking gates,NO ONE IS EVER SEARCHED !!!!!!!!!! Correct me if I am wrong
          Tell me why is the exits have stickers and sticker free exits??????????????
          No one fucking knows ????????????????
          But they are fucking manned by morons.!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Who do NOTHING !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  4. Profile gravatar of

    I haven’t had any bad experiences yet but I rarely use cabs. If I do I photograph the driver id and cab rego and text to wife.
    SM south mall take your name, destination and taxi rego before you get in. That has to say something. ?.

  5. Profile gravatar of kalbo

    Yeah Uber is great. I’ve even met some honest AND intelligent taxi drivers! It’s almost like a life changing experience to travel around Manila with someone with a brain who isnt trying to fuck you over!

    Im still trying to figure out a way of using Uber at NAIA though. I tried last time but they wouldnt come into the arrivals area. I could see plenty of Uber cars on the app but they were around the perimeter of the airport.

    By the way I’ve just had an idea! If any taxi you are in pulls into a gas station or if the driver goes off for change, why not just sneek off and get another one? That will show the fuckers! The Vanishing Kano trick gets one over on these fools and provides some free entertainment and laughs!

    1. Profile gravatar of Johnny

      Yes, that is the best way I can describe it, “a life changing experience to travel around Manila”. It is actually very refreshing and you can sometimes look forward to a pleasant journey instead of cringing at the thought of what corrupt, scamming driver will pick you up.

  6. Profile gravatar of FHPS

    I wouldnt risk in places like China and Thailand unless i been there a while.

    I could take on local taxis as i knew the scene in places i was at.
    one time i started kicking the cars bumper as people around knew what was going on
    and even all the guards cheered and clapped.

      1. Profile gravatar of

        Agree with that 100%…. You cant compare Manila to Bangkok if you are talking of commute. The MRT over there if there is arush over the max watiitng time I exprience was 5 min.In Manila sometimes it can be up to 1 hour. Generally Thailand is much better in my opinion just their visa system is shit.