Jokers Corner

What do a filipino and a bad light bulb have in common?

Both are burnt out and neither one knows it.


What does the sun and filipinos have in common?

The Earth revolves around one and the other thinks the Earth and Sun revolves around them.


How are filipinos and filipino internet alike?

Both are very slow and have trouble connecting.


A big gator sitting on the bank of the river sunning himself when a little gator comes along and sits next to him. Admit=ring the size of the big gator, little gator starts talking:

SG: You sure are one big gator.

BG: Thanks

SG: How old are you?

BG: I’m 15 years old

SG; I’m 14 yet you are so much bigger. How do you do it? What do you eat?

BG: I eat filipinos who go in the water or too close to the edge.

SG: So do I but your still a lot bigger.

BG: How do you eat your filipinos?

SG: I wait for them like you said, then grab them real fast, shake them side to side, roll them around until I knocked the shit out of them then eat them.

BG: There’s your problem. Once you shake the shit out of a filipino there is nothing left.


Four corners at an intersection. At the first corner stands Santa Claus, the second corner stands the Easter Bunny, the third corner the Tooth Fairy and the fourth corner an honest filipino. Which one is real? Easy, everyone knows there’s no such thing as an honest filipino.


Are filipinos like the mufflers on their scooters? Yes. Both are loud, proud and useless.


How come filipinos don’t go to heaven?

God got tired of them telling him that he is sitting in their chair.


You can always tell a filipino. You just can’t tell him much.

Published in Humor


  1. Profile gravatar of Mike
    Mike Post author

    One fine night Dong is sitting outside his nipa hut enjoying a cool breeze when his son comes out and sits beside him. After a few moments the boy starts to speak:
    Son; “Father, can I ask yo a question?’
    Father: “Sure son, what is it?”
    Son: “Father, I was wondering how filipinos get their names?”
    Father: “That is a good question son. When a new baby is born the father walks outside and first thing he sees is what the new baby will be named. When your older brother was born the first thing I saw was a strong carabao so your brothers name was Strong Carabao. When you sister was born first thing I saw was a stray cat, so her name was Stray Cat. Now tell me, why do you ask Two Dogs Humping?”

  2. Profile gravatar of FHPS

    i could never get the punch lines of the filipino jokes. they are typical of that
    “of your own understanding” style of dialogue they have amongst each other
    like cebuanos “koan” the listener makes up the answer
    all head fuck stuff.

    so im hearing hoots of laughter when the joke was
    with jesus on the cross and someone said and the nails?
    “made in China”
    hehehehehehehehehehe …hahahahahaha…hohohoho

    and then someone said and your english is apple english
    and i speak guava english (relating to the size of an apple and a guava)
    the amount of english spoken

    1. Profile gravatar of Mike
      Mike Post author

      I have to admit that when a filipino tells a joke, I’m the one standing there with the blank stare or WTF was that about look.

      1. Profile gravatar of FilamboredinthePH

        It’s their payback for all the times westerners have used satirical jokes or sarcasm on them as humor. Equally blank. Except one form of humor has complexity to it while theirs relies on saying things in a silly way with a key English word thrown in to make it “complex”.

    2. Profile gravatar of Tacitus

      Good humor requires intelligence and effort. Like everything else in the Philippines, Philippino humor is cheap, stupid and often down-right offensive in their absolute ignorant disregard for what is and what is not appropriate. Irony, sarcasm, puns, metaphors, timing…their puny monkey brains are incapable of understanding such concepts of humor.

      And to add insult to injury, they actually think they’re funny when in reality they’re being vulgar, obnoxious and making fools of themselves.

  3. Profile gravatar of 30-30

    Jesus is walking down a road.. meets a blind man,, JC cures him. Then meets meets a beggar,, JC gives him a pile of cash,, JC meets another man and asks \\who are you?? Man says I am filipino. JC says ”sorry cant do nothing for you!!!!!!!!!

  4. Profile gravatar of FAFI

    I fuckin love these jokes Mike, but the problem is that they seem to be more like true stories than jokes, but what a hilarious way to relay them to us. Yeah we all know that there is no such thing as an honest pinoy, after 3 years here I have yet to find one, but I almost did see Santa Claus, but that was at a mall, so that probably would’ve been my answer 🙂

  5. Profile gravatar of Mike
    Mike Post author

    Facebook, a portable life support system for filipinos.

    Who ever said God is perfect and does not make mistakes has never lived with filipinos or in the philippines.

    Why is a man a thinker and a woman a talker? A man has two heads and a woman has 4 lips.

    Why is a womans asshole so close to her pussy? So you can fold her over and carry her like a 6 pack.

    Why do women has legs? So they don’t leave snail tracks everywhere they go.

    Why do women have periods? To tell men not to fuck with something that can bleed for three days and not die.

  6. Profile gravatar of Sarah

    Question: What do Pinays and Porcupines have in common?
    Answer: female porcupines are interested in sex only about 8 to 12 hours in a year (look it up, it’s true!) 🙂

    Question: What do male homo sapiens have in common with male macaques?
    Answer: Male macaques pay in the form of fruits to get a peek at the back side of a female. Male homo sapiens, especially Kanos pay lots of $$ indefinitely to take a peek at the back side of a Pinay (and hopefully hump her if she’d let him 🙂

  7. Profile gravatar of Mike
    Mike Post author

    What do filipino officials and filipino internet have in common?
    Both are slow.
    Both are unreliable.
    Both get paid more than they are worth.

    I have come up with a way to become super rich in just a matter of months if not days. With my investment plan I should replace Bill Gates and God as the richest in the world. In fact I will most likely become the richest man who has ever lived in the history of mankind. The plan is very simple, I will invest in filipinos. Now I know what some of you are thinking “Mike, you’ll lose money on that.” How does my plan work? Simple. I buy filipinos for what they are worth and sell them for what they think they are worth. A brilliant idea if only I could find buyers.