Let Me Massage That Broken Thumb

A few days ago I was in the gym and had a little mishap with a couple dumbbells that resulted in me pulverizing my right thumb. I figured I went to “snap city” on the bitch right away, and the damage was already done, so said Fuck It and threw some iron for another hour. Probably not the smartest move on my part, but an “A” in determination for sure.

The next day, I was over in Glorietta to grab a couple things, and stopped by the little supplement store I always shop at. I have a pretty good time always chatting with the clerks in there, and they know me pretty well (have even picked up a little of my more “colorful” use of the English language). They saw the thumb, and asked what had happened, and if it was broken. I’m no doctor, but when a digit is damn near twice the original size, and looks like something out of a cartoon, there’s probably a pretty good chance something is snapped. (As of this morning I still haven’t bothered to go to the hospital – it’s only a thumb) I told them I wasn’t sure, but that a doctor visit is on the “to do” list.

Chime in some little pear shaped bitch off, just to my right, that has been just standing there like a shrub for the entire conversation – “Maybe you should get a massage”. I turned and looked at her with the “are you fucking stupid” look in my eyes, and said, “Excuse me?” “Oh, yes Sir, maybe a massage would help it.” That was it – zero to red in .12 seconds. “When would you ever, EVER massage a fucking fracture?” “What do you do for a living?” Lil Miss Bobolicious looks at me, like I’ve got a dick growing out of my forehead, and states, “I’m a licensed Physical Therapist, Sir.”

I didn’t even know what to say, so “Fuck me” just slipped through my lips and I turned and walked out of the store with the two clerks chuckling…

**Pictures available upon request ;-)**

Published in Filipino Stupidity, Health, Humor


  1. Profile gravatar of Sarah

    Believe it or not, Flips massage anything that is broken before they even get to see a Doc. In fact, if “massage” can fix it, they won’t see a Doc.

    The “massage” is actually called “hilot’, not quite the massage as we know it in the west, but a gentle rubbing of the area. I fail to see how a fracture can be fixed with a “massage”. Amazingly, they have several diagnoses for ailments discovered during a “hilot’ which has no English or scientific meanings. One that particularly fascinates me was this condition that was causing me chronic back pain. It is apparently called “panuhot”. I asked massage lady what caused it. I was told “bad wind”. OK, so what is a bad wind? “you have to stop having showers at night Day, it’s bad for you”. What can I say? 🙂

    1. Profile gravatar of BoboTheNoun
      BoboTheNoun Post author

      Oh shiiiiittt – maybe it’s not the showers at night, but it’s the mumu or the aswang going to get you, and that’s what is really behind the back pain! I can help though, have a lot of shit that goes “bang” here to scare away the bad spirits…

  2. Profile gravatar of Mike

    My son’s doctor said it’s not broken, your allergic to eggs, chicken and hot dogs. A picture huh? COOL!!! Is that a pic of the thumb or Bobolicious?

  3. Profile gravatar of Mike

    Have you heard the one “Don’t sleep with the fan blowing on you. It will force air into your skin and you’ll get sick.”? OR get a massage and they light a smoke and blow the smoke on you as they rub trying to get it into the skin. Don’t know about your experience with filipinos but ones I served with in the navy were a lot better than the ones I see here.

  4. Profile gravatar of BoboTheNoun
    BoboTheNoun Post author

    I’m pretty familiar with how shit works (or doesn’t work) here, just past my 7 year mark with boots on the ground, and have been hitting the “Ole PI” since the early 90’s on liberty / vacation. So yeah, I know about Hilot, and also other great medical practices such as the midwife sitting behind a woman while she’s popping out a kid and basically giving her a bear hug, to help of course. The list is long and distinguished, and since I’m in a pretty good mood right now, I’d rather not discuss other FINE home remedies. I’m actually all for helping oneself when injured, and have basically rebuilt myself over the past two years.
    My point is that I live in what is considered the epicenter of business, professionals, and medical practices, not in the damn jungle. The blatant ignorance and stupidity experienced, even here, just goes hand-in-hand with why mediocrity is the standard in the Philippines, and there honestly is no hope of shit EVER changing. People have to want to change, and that takes ambition. Pffft.

    1. Profile gravatar of

      I thought their new tourist slogan should be either one of the following:

      1. The Philippines: Good enough.


      2. The Philippines: Better than Africa!

  5. Profile gravatar of Thunderhead

    When I get to the Philippines, will get a black dog and name it Aswang, a cat named Kapre and a bird named wak-wak. Let them try to figure it out. GF is okay with it.