Mail Fail

Have you ever been sent a letter from anywhere on earth by standard mail to your address in Philippines? What was your age at the time the letter was sent to you? How much older were you when you finally received it, if you even received it at all?

These lazy, incompetent, imbecile Filipinos just can’t do anything.

Philippine Postal DumbshitsI had a Mastercard credit card sent from USA back in November of 2013 to replace the current one that was due to expire December 31. How did I know it would never make it before the current card expires? Here it is March 6th, 2014, and I am to receive via UPS Express the replacement of that card that was sent in November, but has STILL not arrived. 2 weeks ago I just gave up and called the issuing bank and told them the card is lost in the mail. I’m sure they hear that a lot from people in the Philippines. So anyway, it cost me $7 to have a replacement card printed, and $95.00 to have it shipped Express UPS with tracking.

I really shouldn’t have been such a cheap ass to begin with. I should have known better and had them ship the first card UPS Express with tracking. But I guess trying to save $95 isn’t really being that much of a cheap ass. I knew it would take many many weeks to get here, so I was willing to play the odds. I took a gamble and had it shipped standard mail. Had the same thing happen 2 years ago. But I actually did receive the card (took 3 mother fuckin’ months to get here, but it DID get here) so I thought there might be a fair chance of eventually getting the new one. And who knows? With my luck, the original card will show up tomorrow. I would actually feel much better if the original card would not show up here at all. I’ll feel much more justified in paying the $95 Express shipping with tracking.

But it’s now been 3 months, I gave up. I shelled out the $7 replacement fee and $95 to have it shipped with some kind of accountability (tracking). This card is the only way I have access to the money in that particular account, so I HAVE TO HAVE that card, otherwise, I wouldn’t have bothered. I just feel better about keeping the bulk of my money in US Banks, and as little as possible in Philippine banks for obvious reasons.

But I just had to rant. Filipinos are so fucking stupid. In the place I live now, the association lets the resident make up their own address. HOW MUCH FUCKING SENSE DOES THAT MAKE?????? An address should be static, and recorded, and on record. NOT DYNAMIC TO BE CHANGED WITH EACH NEW RESIDENT!! HOW THE FUCK ARE THOSE WHO NEED TO DELIVER THINGS SUPPOSED TO KNOW WHAT THE ADDRESS IS ON THIS HOUSE THIS YEAR???? Fucking god damn dumb fucks, I swear to GAWD!!! Christ allmighty, the fuckin’ postal service can’t even wipe their own ass, much less deliver the mail before you die. How much more if you keep changing the address on houses????? Fucking imbeciles!!!

But back to the mail. The Philippines postal service (It should be called “Philippines Postal DISSERVICE) is utterly and completely pathetic (shocking to hear, I know).

But you mark my words, as they are written right here. Now that I have my replacement credit card, which cost me $102 dollars to get, I bet the card that was sent way back in November 2013 will arrive within a week from now. It’s just my luck. But damn, I couldn’t wait any longer. I’ll let you know if the original card arrives. If it does, I wouldn’t want to be the postal carrier who will be delivering it. Because he’s going to get an ear full from me. I know it won’t do any good at all for them, but it will sure be good for me. And why not? That’s the way people operate here anyway. Do only whats good for yourself.

Published in Filipino Customer Service, Filipino Stupidity


  1. Profile gravatar of FAFI

    I’m surprised that you even have a bank here, but after being here for a while and conducting business in the Philippines, I’m sure you had valid reasons which required you to open up an account here. I am in a little predicament and I can use some advice from a Philippinologist like you (an expert at knowing Philippine shitty culture). My laptop I had since 2008 has been malfunctioning lately and I plan to buy a new one, but I am down to two choices…. they are:

    A) Buy a great quality high-end laptop off of (I don’t use Amazon, sorry)). Of course I will order it after I move on March 14th, no way it’s gonna come to this address on time, even if the estimated shipping arrival date is before I move.

    B) Pay about double to get the same quality laptop here in Philippines. I’ve been looking on, but even when I browse the new laptops, some of them I even doubt are new.

    Technology is so overabundant in other countries that they mark the price down to try and get rid of them, so it’s obviously easier to get a pretty decent laptop from ebay at a reasonable price. On the other hand, Philippines being famous for imports, since they lack the creative mind to manufacture quality goods, they would naturally re-sell an item higher than the MSRP. Actually much higher since they had to pay for all the import and shipping fees. Plus Philippines mainly receives the unwanted lower generation technology models other countries are trying to get rid of, and that especially applies to computers. I even saw a saw computer last week with a floppy disk drive, who the hell uses THAT anymore? The only way I can get a…. lets say HP Pavilion with decent hard drive space, processor speed, RAM, and up to date operating system (Vista or better) with all the basic hardware necessities is to pay about triple the price I would normally pay if I bought it at a WAL-MART. Philippines is full of Acers, Toshiba Satellites, compaqs and other unwanted computer models.

    I really want to purchase my next computer on ebay, but judging from your experience with just regular mail, I might want to think twice. What do you think is the likely hood of me receiving my laptop through the mail if I purchased it from ebay? Would you even recommend me using ebay while in Philippines? If you have a better suggestion, I am open ears. If anybody else is reading this comment, I am open to hearing your suggestion too, or if you have any other input on my predicament. Thanks in advance.

    1. Profile gravatar of Captain PFB
      Captain PFB Post author

      Hi FAFI,

      I think the only roadblock to buying from a retailer here in Philippines is the possibility of them finding some shady, lame reason to not honor the warranty. And if they do honor the warranty, then you’ll go through this stupid shit of them having to “send it to Manila for repair” which then you will not have your laptop for months because of course it will take 3 weeks for it to get to Manila, then it will sit on their self in Manila waiting for you to call after 2 months bitching about how long it’s taking, then it will take them another week to find it on their overcrowded shelves, and then a month to actually fix it or deem it unfixable, at which point instead of the retailer just giving you another new one from their stock, they will make you wait for them to order another one from the manufacturer, which will take a few days to get from another country to Manila, then once it gets into Filipino hands, will take 3 to 4 weeks to get from the original receiver to the retailer, who will not bother to call you, but will wait until you call them to bitch why it’s taking so long.

      But if you’re willing to pay dearly for shipping, and avoid it getting into a bunch of shit-for-brains Filipino’s hands, I would go with e-bay and have it shipped UPS Express with tracking. You’ll still surely pay more that way than just buying from a retailer here, even though they are more expensive because of importing costs.

      If you have it shipped through any normal shipping method, there’s a fucking good chance you won’t get it at all. I have resorted to NEVER having anything shipped to me from outside of Philippines and even INSIDE Philippines by anything other than a private reputable courier like UPS, FedEx, DHL, etc. Even a simple letter. I warn all my family and friends who want to ship or mail ANYTHING to me to send it by one of those methods. Yes, I have received mail before, but it took a ridiculously pathetic amount of time. I’d say you have about a 50/50 chance of receiving anything shipped by normal mail in Philippines. And if it’s something in a box or of significant size/weight, you have about 8% chance of receiving it at all.

      So rule of thumb: If you want to be guaranteed to receive anything in a reasonable amount of time from anywhere on earth, ALWAYS use a worldwide reputable courier, and with tracking. It’s expensive, but that is one of the costs of living here. Rely as little as possible on any Filipino owned and operated services and enterprises.

      (This reply is getting very lengthy, sorry)

      But on the other hand, I have not had problems with the computer equipment I buy from retailers in Philippines (and I buy A LOT of computer equipment and accessories every year as I maintain several computer stations in my business). Though the computer stuff is more expensive than many other parts of the world, it’s still much cheaper than buying outside and paying the shipping via reputable worldwide courier.

      I know very little about laptops. I don’t use them. I’m a desktop guy all the way, because I’m hardly EVER mobile. I leave my house maybe once every 2 to 3 months. My partner and hired help does all the “going out” for me. And I don’t buy computers, I buy the components separately and custom build my own. And that is the absolute cheapest way to go.

    2. Profile gravatar of Captain PFB
      Captain PFB Post author

      On the subject of Philippine banks: Yes, doing business here does require me to have a bank account here. And I only keep enough in my accounts here to maintain minimum balance and working capitol. If I loose every penny of the money in my Philippine bank accounts, it won’t hurt me. The bulk of my money sits comfortably in US bank accounts. The business dollars received go into my US bank accounts, and I routinely do simple transfers to my Philippine accounts when needed.

      Can’t trust a fucking thing if it involves Filipinos. NOTHING.

      1. Profile gravatar of FAFI

        Transfer you say? Well since being ignorant in the Phiiippine banking system, I am unable to assist my buddy in the problem he has. He is fed up with the international exchange rate charges and ATM fees, and he likes to know if it’s possible to transfer money electronically from an American bank account, to a Philippine bank account. I told him no since both bank systems are different, like how we have routing numbers and Philippines uses swift codes. When you routinely do transfers, is that electronically, or do you manually transport it yourself by ATM withdraw and re-depositing it into your Philippine bank account? I researched about it once, but didn’t find the answers I was looking for, but since this situation doesn’t directly affect me, I am reluctant to search any further about it, since that is his responsibility, and not mine. But it seems that you already have the answer. In time, this may benefit me if I ever were to apply for Philippine bank account, but for now, I don’t mind dealing with the ATM charges.

    3. Profile gravatar of HawkEye

      here’s what I do. I purchase goods online for example from budget golf for my golf needs then have it shipped to Johnny air cargo New York (contact analyn diego). Johnny Air Cargo then ships to the Philippines within 8 working days. No duty, no nothing except VAT on the cost of their cargo rate. Greta value!!!

  2. Profile gravatar of Fr. Bong Bong Jolog Jun III
    Fr. Bong Bong Jolog Jun III

    I once had my mother post me some earrings that I had purchased for my girlfriend. After about a month of waiting for them to arrive, I received a notification from Phil Post telling me they were available for collection at the Phil Post customs center, in Pasig City. Of course, the notification did not contain an actual street address for this place, nor any phone number where they could be contacted to find out where the earrings were. An online search revealed four possibilities, and after about two hours of speaking with Phil Post employed imbeciles, I eventually determined their most likely whereabouts. I jumped in a taxi to go there…

    Upon arrival, I queued up at a window and was eventually led into a room to meet with an “assessor” – a fat, greasy, stinking pile of dog shit whom I’ll refer to as Mr Dong. Mr Dong asked me the value of the earrings, then without referring to a single computer screen, written publication, calculator, or even an abacus was able to instantly determine the exact amount of import duty I had to pay on the item – something in excess of 50% of its capital value!

    I calmly asked Mr Dong to provide me with a breakdown of how the fee was calculated. Angered, he proceeded to list off a range of items including a “service fee” and “insurance”. I thanked him for being so considerate as to insure my import, but indicated that since I had already paid an insurance premium before having them sent to the Philippines that I would not be requiring it. I then asked Mr Dong to show me the Act and the Regulations governing imports, and point to the specific sections dealing with “service fees” and “insurance” as well as the sections detailing the basis of calculation of import duties.

    At that point, Mr Dong literally exploded into a rage, and started screaming at me that I was obliged to “obey the laws of the Philippines”. His face started to turn purple, he was coughing and spluttering and wheezing, and I became genuinely concerned that Mr Dong was going to have a heart attack – thereby making it difficult for me to get the earrings that day! When I still insisted on seeing what I had asked for, Mr Dong pulled out a completely irrelevant, photocopied piece of paper and presented me with that. I dismissed it by throwing on the desk and demanding to see his manager. At that point, Mr Dong threatened to have security remove me from the building.

    I made the festering sack of dog shit provide me with an “official receipt” – something which Mr Dong wrote on a book that he pulled from a bottom drawer of his desk – and forced him to break down the charges. I then told him it would not be the end of the matter and that I would take the receipt to my lawyer for further investigation. I then payed Mr Dong his extortion money, collected the earrings, and left.

    Understanding the corrupt and inept nature of all things bureaucratic in this country, I of course didn’t bother with a lawyer, or pursue the matter any further. I thought I’d post this here as an example of what you’ll have to confront if you import a computer, or anything else. The country is full of Mr Dongs.

    Like FiloFail has said FAFI, it’s just as easy to purchase computer equipment here. Relative to the equipment you can purchase overseas it is certainly going to be low grade and overpriced. Just remember, you’ll be using it on an internet connection that is so slow and unreliable, that probably won’t matter. You also have to remember that if your computer equipment id too modern, you’ll struggle to purchase usable accessories for it too. Try purchasing a decent USB mic, for example. Plenty of plug in garbage available in he Philippines, but you have to LOOK for something decent. Pinoys just don’t have enough modern equipment to produce a viable market for decent accessories and peripherals.

    OK, rant for today over!

    1. Profile gravatar of FAFI

      Wow, that is quite an unpleasant experience you had there with Mr. Shit-bag Dong. It’s messed up, because ebay already includes the import fees in the shipping price, I wonder if there is a way I can get that waved considering the fact that I will be forced to pay an additional corruption fee. I C-O-U-L-D get a low brand computer here and pay double price for it, but I need a new high-end computer to replace my main laptop. Yes, I have two laptops…… A travel notebook/laptop 10′ and my home laptop which is 17 inches. I ofen get questioned as to why I don’t just get a desktop instead of a laptop as my primary computer, and that is because I travel a lot, and there are times when I need to drag my 17 incher along with me.
      But the real reason why I have it (this is an irrelevant story not relating to PFB, so feel free to ignore if you like): My first laptop is my 17′ HP Pavilion, and I had it since 2008, but ever since working at Time Warner Cable as an On-The-Road cable installer, it was required to have computerized communication devices with us, via laptop. This HP is too big and bulky for the road, and just like the other technicians, they all used 10′ laptops. Plus I had way too much information on my laptop to just be carrying around like that, if it gets stolen then I am fucked, so that’s how I got started. Now that I have 2 laptops, I kinda wanna keep it that way. OK, I think I said enough, I’m getting tired.

    2. Profile gravatar of HawkEye

      I had similar problems at Makati post office some years ago. you, as I did, should take you complaint to the department of finance. We now have a very clean and honest assessor at Makati post office, a wonderful and sometime too fair a lady!!! that’s the way you get rid of Mr Dong’s

  3. Profile gravatar of volksair

    Question Filofail, $95.00 to ship a card, did they kiss you before, during or after, because you got “FUCKED”

    Over the past 10 yrs i have had several credit / Debit cards sent to me here in “heaven on earth” and i have always had it shipped Fed- Ex letter at the cost of $40.00, with tracking number and got it within 3 days.

    Just recently i had HSBC send me a card, they sent it DHL at the cost of $12.00

    1. Profile gravatar of Captain PFB
      Captain PFB Post author

      They didn’t kiss me at all. I am well aware of the ass-fucking I got. This was a Paxum Mastercard. They charge fucking crazy fees for shit like that. But for my business, Paxum is a necessity. It’s one of many options I have for receiving money from customers. The sales generated because I have Paxum as a payment option for my customers far outweight the fees charged by Paxum. And the card is the most convenient way of accessing the money that ends up in Paxum.

      All in all, though the fee they charged for shipping the card was outrageous, Paxum still profits me.

  4. Profile gravatar of Spartacus_killingus

    I had some bank account information sent to me in the regular mail. That was June 2013. I assumed it lost after a month, not showing up. Then May,12 2014 I received it, nice and crumpled, opened and read.

  5. Profile gravatar of TheD

    Here is an example that is not international. Manila to Masbate. 4 weeks later, many lies and excuses and the bank claims the delivery company has it in Masbate and will deliver it any day. The delivery company PROVES that the bank never dispatched it.
    I complained. What did they do? Did they resolve it? No, they threatened to lodge a case against me, have me arrested and deported. My response was “You dont know who you’re fucking with. I would take down your entire system and take all the card details and publish them”. Who the fuck do they think they are. They lie, they knowingly provide false information and when they are found out, they make threats against you. FUCK YOU. I own websites and hire hackers to make sure they are hack proof, you think I couldnt do a DDOS against you. Fucking idiots.