I made an appearance last week here on PFB and I’m here again. When it comes to this site, I can’t just ‘hit it’ and ‘quit it’ like a Filipina hooker, and besides, I’m heavily encumbered by stupidity within my proximity and I need somewhere to vent it out before I go absolutely berserk! After living so long in the land where they repeatedly confuse; he from she, left from right, and spicy for sweet, I eventually have to get some of this stress off my hairy Russian chest….. for the record, I’m not Russian.
Just very recently I’ve been having some shitty luck buying and selling online on sulit.com, which is now known as olx.com. Or should I say olx.com.ph to be politically correct. I never understood why they always gotta add the dot PH at the end of everything; it causes a great deal of hell emailing the correct recipient. Well anyways, back to the story.
I’ve been posting items for sale on olx.com dot PEE AYCH, and had very little success due to the rapid growth of stupidity blossoming online in the Failippines. I believe there are a few common unwritten rules in life that we all follow, which is just human nature, like answering a phone call, even if you are already engaged in an ongoing conversation, or flushing the toilet after taking a deuce while you are at your buddy’s house. Well shouldn’t it be common sense that when you read an ad in English, that you should reply to it in English?
I’m well aware that I am within the jurisdiction of Philippines, and being here I should take the initiative to have some level of Tagalog fluency, yet it appears that Filipinos take a liking in their frequent use of Tagalog, and at the same time make these false claims of having the world’s best English. I’m sure a number of you had heard this false claim a few times before.
I’m having one hell of a hard time posting my ads in English, yet EVERY fuckin pinoy wants to make inquiries in Tagalog. Being a frequent browser of the site, I noticed that the majority of pinoys are also in favor of posting their ads in English too? So what’s the deal? Is it an underground rule in Philippines to post in English and text in Tagalog? I fail to see the logic here, but as of now I had over a dozen of inquiries, and 100% of them had text me in Tagalog. Some had even called me and I couldn’t understand a hint of what they are saying!
Thanks to Tagalog being an incomplete language (the fact that English is substituted to complete some of their sentences since Tagalog doesn’t have a translation for some of their words or phrases), I was able to make sense of some inquiries. The issue at hand that makes this blogworthy is the fact that I often receive inquiries of Pinoys who would either want to meet at a location other than the ones I clearly listed, or they are requesting a huge price break from the price posted.
I even had a guy who demanded that I bump the price of an item I had posted for 2,500 pesos down to 1,000. It was an item I slightly used that Lazada is currently selling for 5,000. I had similar bargainers like that, but this one was by far the worst.
On the upside, I was able to sell out 1 out of the 9 items I posted online in the past 2 weeks, which is accomplishment enough for me, but of course that did come with some bumps and curves as well. I had recently sold a gym belt online to a pinoy who had inevitably bargained the price down a bit, but it wasn’t by much. I met this pinoy at my desired location in the middle of the night. As a good salesman, I had of course tested it for defects prior to selling it. It was working as fine as the day I bought it. I only stopped using it because I realized I had something much better that I bought in the states, and I don’t settle for shit quality products when I know I can get better. That’s like trying to settle for a generic brand of cereal when you already had the real deal, like eating a box of Cinnamon Toasters when you know how Cinnamon Toast Crunch taste like.
Well anyway, I met up with the guy. He was on his scooter and looked like he was ready to commence with a quick and speedy transaction. Out of courtesy, I gave him the opportunity to test the item and inspect it himself, but he neglected the opportunity to do so. This fellow appeared to have a whole lot of trust in me being that he quickly handed me the money in exchange for the item, without even as much as to open the box to ensure that the item was what I said it was. For all he knows it could’ve just been a box of rocks. Box of rocks, haha, now I’m remembering my first post on this blog.
After the exchange, he took off on his scooter and disappeared into the night. 45 minutes later I got a text, and I bet you wont guess from who? Well if you guessed correctly then it was my buyer of the gym belt. He launched a complaint that it didn’t work. I know that all of us are infused with being at least 1% Pinoy, but the scammer part of a Pinoy isn’t part of me.
I know for dear fact that it worked perfectly since I tested it nearly minutes before selling it, so it must’ve been that he didn’t know how to operate it. I tried to coach him through text on directions on how to operate it (lets keep in mind that I did include the original manual, but like I said, some pinoys don’t even understand a hint of English….. world’s best English my ass!). I even had my wife translate but his tiny little prehistoric brain just couldn’t grasp it. Yeah, I could’ve been a total dick and just ignored him. Sales were fair and final and I had no obligation to communicate with him even further, but then again, we know how vindictive pinoys are. The only reason why I agreed to a discount was because I had him meet up at the nearest landmark to my house. I didn’t want this pinoy to hunt me down and kill me in blind rage because he deluded himself to believe that I sold him a faulty item.
I offered to meet up with him again to give him lessons, and he agreed to it and requested that I meet up with him in the morning. I didn’t want the guy to accidentally (or purposely) break the belt overnight and then blame me for the malfunction, so I demanded that we meet up again THAT NIGHT. It was damn near midnight, we met up at 7-Eleven. I didn’t bring any cash on me to alleviate any chance of their being a refund (because he wasn’t gonna get it). I gave him a crash course on how to use the belt then he was on his merry way back home. This whole thing could’ve been avoided if Mr. Dumbfuck just would’ve tested the belt in the first place when I asked him to at the initial meet up.
That’s how my ONLY sale went, and trust me the hell doesn’t end there because it’s just as bad on the ‘buying’ end as well. I’ve recently taken an interest in buying sim cards (for special reason) and had hell trying to get all the information from these sellers. On my first few attempts to contact these sellers I would ask for all the information in the initial text, but my dumbass forgot how a Pinoy’s brain would overload with too much information and malfunction. I’ve done this a few times, and in return I would either; 1) Only receive part of the information I requested, while the rest is completed ignored or forgotten, or 2) Their brain can’t comprehend a barrage of massive data and will just lock up in neurological failure, resulting in ‘no reply’ at all…. even if the ad was posted within an hour ago.
I figured my questions were quite simplistic. All I normally ask is; What is the expiration of the sim cards, confirming the price, minimum quantity to avail the wholesale discount, and meet up location. 10 times out of 10 I will NEVER receive all the information at once, which requires me to expend more load (electronic load, not the kind of load you are thinking of….. giggity!) to get through the text conversation. Due to that judgment, I had automatically ingrained in my mind to ask each question ONE by ONE so they have enough time in the world properly deliver my answers. For the average pinoy this usually takes about 10 minutes, and for the even slower ones out there it would take up to 30 minutes, but eventually I would finally get to the punch and down to business…… if it takes any longer than that then I usually just fuck off because it’s not even worth my time.
Recently I had the worst attempted buying experience ever. This seller refused to sell the item he posted due to some weird ‘trust issue’ he had. It’s almost as if he wanted me to fill out an application to purchase 3,000 pesos worth of sim cards. The conversation started off with me making my general inquiries that I stated above, then he completely forgot that I was texting him (he had literally said “hus dis?” in the middle of the conversation, then followed by “I don’t know you.”). At that point I completely lost it and had enough of his stupidity, at which point I had text him to BUY A FUCKIN BRAIN, from there it had escalated into an argument where he was finally actively texting me by the minute (when before, he would only text me once every 5 or 10 minutes while I was making my inquiries).
Yeah, I got him really rowdy and fired up. I said some things that caused him to make death threats against me and claiming that he is a policeman. I honestly think I made him cry, but I would never know that. Its experiences like these that makes me reluctant in conversing with Pinoys. I think I am done with the whole ‘buying and selling’ thing on olx.com.ph, I’m utterly frightened to deal with pinoys anymore. I don’t mean to sound like a bitch, but this had entrenched me so much to the point that I want to isolate myself like a pearl at the bottom of the sea. Free from feeble-minded pinoys. The only time when I’m not enraged in this country is when I’m surrounded by intelligent people, that’s why I always lurk around Bureau of Immigration or the International Airport, which is heavily populated by foreigners. The pervs on Burgos Street don’t count; those whore-hunters aren’t quite the conversationalists. I tried to spark a conversation with one and he talked about pussy more than basket of kittens.
Well that about wrap things up and you all heard it first from me, DON’T SHOP on OLX, that includes buying, selling, and trading items too. I’m not gonna be a total jerk, some of you may have a better experience than me shopping on there, and I sure hope that it’s not worst or as near as bad as mine, everyone’s experience may vary. Just remember that Philippines is a buyer beware market. Just a few last minute tips before I close this up.
- Never expect a REFUND, that word is just as non-existent as their beloved sky fairy (sorry to drag religion into this)
- Do meet ups instead of shipping, there is no guarantee they will actually ship your product before paying for it. It’s just like with a Filipina prostitute, never pay first, always pay after the job is done
- Brush up on your Tagalog because you will mostly receive inquiries in Tagalog, even if your ad (and even ads posted by pinoys) are in English.
- If you are a seller, ALWAYS have the buyer come to you or nearby your location. You know how noncommittal Pinoys are and you don’t wanna find yourself traveling out miles away for nothing.
- If you are a buyer, inspect your items…. If you are a seller, have your buyer inspect their items, unless you want the same shit to happen to you that happened to me.
- Inconveniences are inevitable……
Well that’s everything; I still have more experiences I want to share. I just wanted to hurry and get this one out of my system before I get overheated and unleash a total meltdown on this country. I know some of you would enjoy seeing that, I know I would. Anyway, I gotta get back to doing nothing.Published in