I am half Filipino/half German who was born and raised in the United States.
Many father was in the Navy and my mother clung to her Filipino culture for dear life. We were the odd family out (even among other Filipinos!) because my mother could not change from trashy to classy, no matter her financial status. She remained unapologetically ignorant and despised Anythjng American.
I hated being around her other Filipino Navy wife friends because all they did was talk about money! Every 1st and 15th they’d gather round to complain about how they’d have to have sex that night because it’s payday. I grew up thinking marriage was the highest form of prostitution; trading of goods for services. They also ragged on anything American. I always thought, if America is so dirty/greedy/unhealthy, then why did you marry a guy you didn’t love to come here?
My father began molesting me when I was four. I know in my heart of hearts that my mother knew. She once walked in on us in an inappropriate embrace and yelled at ME; telling me that I was too old to be sitting on my dad’s lap like that. I truly believe my parents strategically chose each other to feed some perverted symbiotic relationship. My dad must’ve known that being Filipino, she wouldn’t care if her kids were abused. And my mother must have seen me as a sacrificial lamb; some small price to pay for the “American Dream.”
I stumbled on this blog completely by accident (Google) and am so glad I did. This site has confirmed for me so many ideas I’ve had of Filipinos for so long: that they’re greedy, uneducated low lives who’d soon sell their own flesh and blood up the river before doing a honest day’s work.
When I told my mom (8 years later) about my abuse, she dragged me to my father and forced me to forgive him. Then we prayed the rosary together because “the Devil had gotten in him.” She told me I provoked lust within him. For all the Virgin Mary statues we had lying around the house, my mother was the least Christian person I’ve ever met. Needless to say, I am no longer Catholic and really despise the religion.
While reading a post on the Pope, someone commented on how incest in rampant in the Philippines and how no one cares. To all the other readers of this blog, do you mind elaborating? There’s still a part of me that wonders if my mother didn’t like ME and that’s why she did nothing. Maybe if I knew it was in her genetic DNA, I could let go of the notion that I was some bad child who deserved what I got.Published in