After being married to a Pinay for almost 21 years and reading other posts at this site, I’d like to warn those considering marriage to be aware of mood swings and especially tampo. When we married in the Philippines, she was 20 and I was 37. I really wish I had know about the manipulative silent treatments then, and especially the Filipino tendency to never take responsibility for conflict and to project everything back upon you, combined with the penchant to never forget a wrong and hold a grudge forever. They will accuse you of the very thing they are guilty of! My ex accused me of being emotionally abusive, early on, when I reigned in her spending. She would repeat the word “budget” as if it was a curse word: “Budget, budget!!”
Looking back, I see that it was part of the unearned entitlement she felt, and was reinforced by other Filipinas whose husbands bent over backwards to send money home, or lavish them with expensive but undeserved gifts and accessories.
One day soon after we wed, we were playing around, flicking water on each other, laughing, and I got a little carried away and poured the rest that was left in the glass on her. Sudden tampo! She didn’t speak to me for a whole week. Do not tolerate this, you need to nip it at the bud, or else she will continue and escalate it to get her way and punish you. Show your gf or spouse the door, and tell her it’s over if she does it again. Otherwise, you will wind up walking on eggshells for the rest of your relationship or marriage, especially if you ever have children. Which brings me to the next point. If you have a boy, many Pinay mothers will molly coddle them. And this will expand the conflict in your relationship, maybe even to the breaking point like it did with mine. Last, but not least, is that some Pinay are extremely touchy, or overly sensitive about almost everything, even good natured joking. Take this as a warning sign and stay away.
The thing that most attracts us to them, I believe, is their capacity to make us feel loved and desired. The affection and sweetness of Pinay can be like a siren song, and that’s not necessarily a bad thing. Just be careful not to let it lure you in. I think some who have posted in here have said this before: that you have a better chance of having a good relationship with an OFW than a native Filipina. Of late, this has been my experience as well.Published in