You have all heard of my greedy, low life Uncle, Mum’s brother, who we shall call Uncle Dave. Uncle Dave and Mum used to be very close, Mum even paid for his house, even though she herself could hardly afford it because she had us to support while Dad was in and out of jobs in Australia. Mum was kind hearted, Dave was only a Police trainee at the time, and just got married. So Mum thought it was not fair to make him pay for his debt. Big mistake no. 1! Never give a Filipino something for nothing because they will expect it all the time. Three years ago, Dave borrowed P200,000 from Mum so he can renovate his house, same house Mum paid for. Mum told him it’s money she’ll have to take out from her fixed term deposit therefore, she will have to charge him interest. Greedy Uncle complained, stating that he was borrowing from Mum so she won’t charge him interest since “you’re my sister, and I will be paying you back when you come back”. Mum asked him where is his P1million? “Oh, we are lending them at 5/6 rates and they’re due next year”. So, like a dutiful sister that she was loaned him the money….except she was not paid in full. P25,000 everytime we come for a visit.
The main characters in this family dynamics are; Mum (in Australia), her 2 sisters Diana (here in Cebu city with me), Aunt Daphne (In Germany), myself in Australia also but on holidays in the RP and….greedy asswipe Uncle Dave.
The setting is the ancestral family land in provincial Cebu. After 20 years, Mum decided to return to the RP in 2008 With us. Greedy Uncle thought he hit the jackpot. Pasalubongs galIore for him. Plus he demanded Mum buys him various stuff. Printer, designer label clothes, fed him and his wife in expensive restaurants, plus fill his car up full tank, plus he expected us to leave him money, lots of it to pay for his hospitality. Pig in a trough came to mind. Even then, I could see he was taking advantage of Mum’s generosity. But Mum could not see this at the time. See, Mum and Dave were close when they were young.
By 2011, Uncle and his equally greedy, demon wife inherited a goat from a Priest who died. They accepted the goat even though they don’t have land to pasture it. Stupid fuckwit believed goat will bring him luck.
Soon enough the goat became a pest around the neighborhood eating everyone’s plants. But the neighbors were too scared to complain preferring to suffer in siĺence. Those who could afford it spent the money and fenced off their property. Those who couldn’t just put up with it and gave up trying to grow plants.
In the meantime, Uncle Dave’s goats were breeding like the Pinoys. Now, remember uncle Dave don’t own any other land. So guess where he was pasturing it? Yep, on our land and the 2 Aunts. Aunt Daphne (German Aunt) growled at Dave’s telling him that since Dave don’t have any lands, he should get rid of the goats. Result? Massive tampo and ignored Aunt Daphne anyway, denying to her that he’s still got the goats. By 2011, we were sleeping at Auntie Diana’s house because she mortgaged her house to mum, so we used that as pretext so Dave and demon wife won’t get upset at losing the goose that lay a golden egg.
In 2012, we concreted an area underneath a huge mango tree for the family gathering. What did Dave do? Tied the goats under the mango tree so goats will sleep in clean concrete. This pissed mum off coz the goats were shitting on the newly concreted area. Mum told him off several times but he kept doing it. You are probably getting the picture by now, of how stupid Dave is, trying to provoke a sleeping dragon (my mum). Towards the end of our 2012 visit, Mum walked out of the backyard and onto her newly concreted area and what did she see? Fresh, wet as in runny goat shit! By then mum has had enough. Told uncle Dave that if he loved the smell of goat shit so much, why does he not tie the goats inside his yard? Result? Massive tampo. We return to Australia with Dave not talking to us.
We returned in 2013 for the fiesta, Mum & Uncle reconciled. Towards the end of 2013, massive typhoon hit the Visayas, all our trees, including 20 year old mango trees fell. Our garage that housed our SUVs were partially damaged. Mum sent P12,000 to fix the garage. Uncle Dave complained not enough, so I sent P6000 to have new timber doors put in the double garage. I went back in 2014 when it was raining, garage roof had several holes.Turned out Uncle Dave merely salvaged other people’s roofs to fix our garage, bought a few bags of cement to fix the damaged posts and he pocketed the change.
I returned early 2014 to re-plant the mango trees. But since Uncle was still letting loose his damn goats, we had to individually fence off the mango trees so the goats could not get to them. All 20 trees! Did asshole Uncle offer to contribute to the fencing? Not a fucking peso!
You might ask why did we not just fence off the whole property? Because we were trying to keep family cohesion. Fencing the property would destroy the view of uncle’s house from the street. But we all know that in the end it’s not gonna work out.
One day, I returned to the province early in the morning….to find 2 fucking goats tied on my mangoe fence. Furious, I untied the goats, dragged them towards uncles fence as I was going to tie the the little shits onto his fence, when he emerged from behind his house. I angrily asked Uncle who tied the goats to the mango fence and he said he did. See the stupidity of this man? I told him not to do this as one pull from the goat and the whole fence will come out as the fencing posts has no strength, they don’t have roots. Stupid idiot merely replied, “oh, I was not going to be long”. I told him “just don’t!” and emailed mum about it. I told Mum I am sick and tired of us having to accommodate Dave all the time, his way is you give me, you agree for me to screw you and I get away with it and despite that, you will keep showering me with money and gifts. Fucking not!!
During the last few days of my holidays, last year, I again returend returned to the province early in the morning…to find one of the bamboo fence posts fell over….and goat all around the mango tree. I was furious! Told my mum I’ve had enough and I want the property fenced off. Mum said please yourself, then told her asswipe brother this is what’s happening. Next day, asswipe uncle gave me and the BF the silent treatment. BF tried very hard so that ass wipe, unc and I will reconcile, I said don’t care, I’m sick and tired of him abusing our generosity. In any case, asswipe Uncle stuck to his stupid Pinoy pride even though he was at fault.
We did not have enough time to do the fencing, so we returned to Oz by September. November, I asked cousin if uncle returned the goats to our property. Cousin said yes. I then asked to take photos….and it showed the goats nibbling on the leaves of the mango trees. I forwarded the emails to mum who confronted asswipe uncle. He tried to deny goats were eating our trees. When mum pointed out the evidence on the photos, asswipe threatened to break the skull of whoever took the photo. The dumb fuckwit just kept hanging himself. So Mum told him “you continue to disrespect me and disobey me, you have until end of December to move your garage and your gate away from my land” Asswipe fuckwit still couldn’t get it, he tried to blame another Aunt whose husband was using our land to let his chickens roam. Dumbass just could not understand that there is a big difference between chickens and goats in terms of destructiveness.
I returned in January to oversee the fencing….a 12 feet high fence. Think the Berlin wall 🙂 Uncle and his evil wife got the shocked of their lives. They thought that Mum would only put a knee high fence. By the time the fence was finished, only the roof of their beautiful house was visible from the street.
On good terms with us, Uncle had the following as priviliges:
1. He could park on our land for free. In fact, he built himself his own garage next to mine.
2. He could use our land as his throughfare, parking for his guests and easy delivery for water, etc
3 . They sit in their balcony and they can look at nice greenery, or whats left of what the goats did not eat.
4. Free and unlimited use of (ex) BFs tools, all shipped from the US.
5. Free to use BFs military style Jeep (uncle loved that jeep and his wife started telling everyone Jeep was theirs).
6. Pasalubongs galore, designer clothes every time we visit and meals at expensive restaurants.
What did he have to do to keep such privileges? Just keep the goats away from our land. Simple, right? We did not even demand an apology. But this moron kept pissing off those who can hurt him most – us! He kept gossipping about us, trying to destroy our reputations, accusing us of looking down on them because they are not from abroad (his words).
This, coming from a man who boasts they have a million pesos. Yeah right. As if we did not know some of that money were corrupt money from drug busts. Apparently, if they confiscate P1million from these drug busts, they only declare P500,000, the Mayor takes his cut and the rest gets declared. However, dumb uncle here is hated by his colleauges because a lot of the times, he takes more of the money than others! Not to mention he’s got a “foot and mouth disease”, one of his colleagues almost shot him last week. And those are just the good guys! I’m surprised really dumb uncle Dave is still alive and breathing!
On top of that, dumb fuckwit has involved himself with my ex-BFs issue – I hate meddling! My Aunts already warned him to desist. Mum already brought him down to his knees, I will bury him! You see, uncle took so much land from all of us as his road right of way. There is only one problem…none of us signed anything that he could do this. Without that road right of way, he has no access to his house and he can’t sell it coz no one wants to buy a house with no guaranteed access road.
Because of Flipino pride/amor propio (stupidity really) and sheer greed, uncle destroyed his good relationships with the people he needed most….us! He spent P150,000 concreting a new access road, moving his gate, moving his main water meter (was on my property), and building himself a new garage, he lost parking spaces for his visitors,he lost the nice views from his verandah, and is even in danger of losing that access road. During fiesta, his house was like an oven because my fence blocks the flow of breeze to his house which backs onto the western side. Furthermore, his guests were limited to those without cars since there was nowhere to park anymore.
So c’mon guys, let’s give Uncle a diagnosis. BLX2? For sure Uncle has anti-social personality disorder for starters. Sheer stupidity is another. And compulsive liar is another, I am tempted to give him a diagnosis of Delusional Disorder even. In the meantime, I told everyone to tell uncle that Sarah and her mother does not “forgive nor forget!”.Published in