Poor Us. Poor, Poor Spike

Well here’s the story. As you all know I’m not a computer geek and tried to switch the pic at the top and deleted my last article. Still trying to figure it out but I still claim the filipino defense and blame it on someone else. Al, Sarah, Angel, Random, 86,,,, any volunteers to take the blame? Now back to the drawing board and do a Lazarus on the article.

    Bath time at my pad and how to do it. As most I have a container that holds about 25 gallons in the cr for my “shower”  and here’s what you do.   First check to see if water is even on as it’s off half the time. Put container under faucet and turn on, wait 2 or three hours for container to fill. Get hand pail and wipe the thin film of slime that has form in the short 2 hours it took to fill the container. Check to see if  you can see the bottom of the container, if you can is it a light brown, dark brown or clear? Undress and get in and get wet, get toilet plunger and clear floor drain. Lather up hair and rinse, plunge floor drain. Lather up with soap and like your mother always said “Make sure you wash behind your ears”. Why do they say that? I mean not once has anyone ever looked behind my ears except for my mother. Now rinse the soap off and plunge floor drain.  Put container under faucet and hope it fills sometime in your lifetime and is somewhat clear. Get dressed and go pay the water bill before they turn the water off. That’s when it is actually on that is. Our place has 2 CRs, one downstairs and one upstairs. This just in, when you turn the water on in the downstairs CR to fill the containers the water is useless even if on and clear. As if all of the above was not bad enough when you run water for a shower in the lower CR small worms are in the water. Remember, don’t forget to pay the water bill.

   So wife is on a G Shock watch kick and asked me to go online and search about them, which I did. I even contacted G Shock in the states and asked where to buy their watches in the philippines. Their reply was that there are no authorized stores in the philippines, closest place is Hong Kong or Japan. I passed this info on to wife and told her any bought here are most likely fakes and guess what happens. Yes, a few days later she walks in with a G Shock watch in the container but no manual. So me being me I search for said watch online and noting adds up so I contact G Shock again and they decode the numbers on the back of said watch and turns out the watch is a fake, imagine that. So I show the email to wife and show her on the watch what is out of place that proves it’s a fake. Her reply “It is a real G Shock watch. I know because I bought it at a pawn shop and they would not take a fake in on pawn nor sell a fake watch.” That settles it, even G Shock is wrong.

     So I was in a comment section regarding an article about duterte when a pinoy said his dad took him and his mother to the states. He goes on to that what is going on in the philippines is wrong and he will never go back to the philippines and the U.S is his homeland. He said all of this without insults or name calling when another pinoy chimed in. New pinoy said that he was ashamed to call the U.S pinoy a fellow countryman because he did not support duterte. I just told U.S pinoy something straight forward which was “which is better someone being ashamed of you because you stand for law and order or you being ashamed of them for supporting a serial/mass murderer?” Case closed.

    NEW MEAT FOR THE SHARK POOL!!!! I have a website I go to daily and do a trivia and read military news. As you might imagine there is a comment section below the articles when someone mentioned the philippines. This guy said that kanos can go to the philippines and stay as long as they want and same with filipinos going to the states. Filipinos just buy the air ticket and go. So I went ahead and told him about the SRRV and how the philippines requires $25,000 – $50,000 cash deposit in a bank or open a business equal to that amount. He said
thanks for the info and that he was going by what the rules were when he was here in  the 1970’s. He then goes on to say he will open a business to meet the requirement. At that point I told him about the 60-40 law and he came back a day or so later and said he had the 60-40 figured out. His plan was to get 4 filipinos and give each one 15% and he retains the other 40% and the 4 filipinos share in the labor and profit. I told him what will most likely happen then is the 4 filipinos will band together and vote to sell the company or kick you out of it and nothing you can do about it. After all their combined 15% does give them majority ownership. Any I the only one who sees disaster in his future? But, he cannot say he was not warned.

    Wife went out and took driving lessons  so as to get her drivers license. The class was 8 hours total at 2 hours a day. She got her license with just showing LTO her paperwork for completing the driving course. She figures that since she got the license that means she knows how to drive, yea, I know. So she will practice driving around the sub by herself and one night was gone for hours and it was dark. What took her so long, an accident, visiting someone? No, she did not know how to turn the headlights on and had to inch along. So now she just hires a driver as needed to driver her around in our car. Now she called the driver yesterday to run her around on errands and such. I’m sitting upstairs when the driver shows up and wife jumps into the shower, please refer to the bath story. So I’m sitting upstairs and driver is sitting in the car with engine running while in the car port. Now since the house windows are all open he fills the house up with car exhaust.  I go down to check on the situation when wife comes out of the cr wrapped in a towel and I told her what was going on, her reply “He just got here”. I can see the “defend the filipino shield” going up and just walk back upstairs. Few minutes later wife comes up and picks out her clothes and then looks at me and ask “Why does it stink up here?” I could only give her the famous filipino blank stare. Did it sink into her that it was exhaust from the car? The world wonders.

     We have all been there, done that and heard that and have the tshirt to prove it but questions still remain unanswered regarding some filipino habits. So now I’ll rant about those if you don’t mind. Why is it that when filipinos sneeze they have to yell and make it louder than it really is? Mom in law sits downstairs and damn near blows me out of my chair upstairs when she sneezes, same with wife. Is this a pride thing? Then you go out to eat, does not matter where and have you ever noticed something? As soon as a filipino is done eating they whip out the combs, brushes and makeup kits faster than Wild Bill Hickok could draw his pistols and start grooming themselves while seated at the table.  Makes no mind if other people are still eating. Why do they do that? Did they shovel food in their mouths so fast it created gale force winds and messed their hair up and stripped makeup off faster than a sand blaster? If this does not happen at your table then it will at a table near you. Speaking of eating, why do they chew with their mouths open and talking at the same time? I know when wife is downstairs and can tell just by the sounds if she is eating, her speech gets slurred from the food shoved in. Now there you are at the table eating your meal when every time someone at your table or one nearby will make the announcement so everyone within a 20 foot radius can hear it,,,,,, “I HAVE TO GO POOP!” Yes just the image you want to have in your head while dodging floating hair from the grooming and trying to eat. Then their is the blowing of the nose, what you have not seen that one yet? Allow me to enlighten you. So there’s a filipino wearing a tshirt and has to blow their nose so what to do? Simple, use the front of the shirt you are wearing and blow your nose on it, not once but several times. Then hours later you happen to cross paths with the booger man and they are still walking around wearing the same shirt plastered with snot all over the front of it. If anyone knows the answers to these mysteries please let me know

   As you all know filipinos promote the philippines as a paradise and they are right, it is. Well at least it is until you’ve been here a year or more or go native. We often ask ourselves ‘How could it possibly get worse, I know I ask myself that more than any other question. So I was surfing YouTube where I watch documentaries so to learn something new when one caught my eye. Now this is a story about Spike and his run of bad luck. Now Spike is in Africa but I think we men will agree Spike does have it worse than we do.  So I’ll provide the link to Spike with a warning. If you have a weak stomach I advise against watching the video.  I often wonder if Spike sneaks into the philippines as a sex tourist and picking up GROs off the street and the bars non stop. Maybe Spike is hornier than a 2 pecker billy goat.  So the next time you think you have it bad, remember Spike. One other thing. When I research what caused Spike to get this condition one cause is people pissing every where.


Published in Filipino Stupidity


          1. Profile gravatar of Mike
            Mike Post author

            DAMN IT! Either too much beer or not enough. ww.youtube.com/watch?=pjkLf_X88WM