It’s election time in the Philippines. So the Filipino people have a choice between an idiot whose done absolutely nothing positive except not be openly corrupt, an openly “corrupt and I don’t give a fuck” 73 year old, and an openly homicidal megalomaniac 70 year old.
It’s going to be election time soon. After Christmas, I expect it to just get insane here. Like I always said, the Philippines should just build a huge fence around the place and call it the insane asylum of Asia. That would make more sense compared to when they say its an actual society or functioning country.
So, the inmates are choosing who will now run the insane asylum for the next 6 years. One of the funnies comments I read or hear from time to time as an excuse why Filipinos are so corrupt or have such a corrupt country is, “well we learned it from the Americans and the Spanish”. First that just a stupid excuse (or pinoy excuse). Next, when did either or those countries teach them election violence, vote-selling, electing the same thieves over again, vote-rigging, etc.
How many people are actually going to die this election cycle? 50, 100, 200? I say we start taking over/ under wagers with Price Is Right rules. Closest without going over wins. I say 95. I know its low so if there are 2 more Mindanao Massacres I lose. I’ll give you the vote-money my mother gets shortly before election time as your win. We expect the local Barangay Captain to do something every 3 years don’t we? (Btw, can we upload some pics if any of our family, us, or wives get “envelopes” with money inside?)
I’ve been going back and forth to the FAIL-ippines for over 15 years now and I sadly lived there for 5. I never paid too much attention to the politics of the country, but I always heard the same names over and over. For instance, the first time I arrived and took a taxi in Manila I saw a protest and I asked what was happening. The driver said, “oh, they just removed the president for corruption. He has many mistresses and he puts them all in mansions”. That was Estrada in 2001. And of course, we all know how his story has progressed or digressed from there.
After about a year of living here, I started to pay attention a little. Like when my local “leaders” seemed to own all the businesses in the area. Then I started following the news a little to see what was happening in my new country. If you don’t mind watching satans disciples ruin the world, then the news and politics of the country is really entertaining. Some of us have been here a little while and some have lived here for way too long. Regardless of how much we pay attention to the news, as foreigners we can pretty much see through all the bullshit and say, “my god, that guy is so corrupt. Why would you morons vote for him?”. We know they are all corrupt. In fact, I have a saying, how do you know a politician is corrupt. #1 Is he filipino #2 Is he in Gov’t #3 Is he Catholic. Well if you have answered yes to any one question, then you have a corrupt politician. However, there are some of these Filipino politicians who are just the worst of the pinoys. Just downright evil to the core, have been in gov’t for 30+ years just watching it get worse. If we have all seen it in the short time we have lived here, then what excuse does the typical Filipino have whose lived here his entire life?
Here is a list of them and their (ahem) accomplishments:
1. Imelda Marcos: Her and her husband Stole billions for 2 decades in a dictatorship, crashed the country, put it in heavy debt, fled in the middle of the night. died in exile. His wife returned, became a congresswoman, bribed her way out of jail, claims she never stole a dime, but has billions stashed away they keep finding. 1 daughter is a governor, other daughter is a congresswoman, and only son is a senator running for VP. And their area is rampant with poverty, corruption, and Romauldez cronies running the smaller offices (Imelda’s family. Imelda Romauldez Marcos). Kinda shows why the place was a shithole before Typhoon Yolanda even struck and why its still fucked up 2 years later.
2. Enrile – Like 90 years old. Plundered for the last 50 years and was Marcos loyal crony. Probably has a couple billion $ stashed away. Been a senator for like 30 years now. He went to jail under heavy evidence of stealing, but was able to go to a medical prison cause of his age. Then got released from prison cause of his age and some legal BS (bribes) and went back to being Senator.
3. Binay – Been mayor of Makati (their wall street) for like 3 decades now. He’s like 72 years old. Bascially he’s super corrupt, doesn’t even try to hide it and doesn’t bother to show up for congressional hearings. Of course nothing happens. Oh and his wife is the former mayor, his son is (was. goes back and forth cause they remove him from office, but he finds a way to come back, lock himself in his office, refuse to acknowledge the sitting mayor, confuses the city greatly, gets removed, and the cycle continues) the current mayor, his daughter is a senator and she is very corrupt as she helped Binay filter out all kinds of money from the city to their own accounts.
4. Estrada: My personal favorite! A drunken womanizing politician. Had like 11 illegitimate kids with various mistresses or he had 11 mistresses he put up in nice homes each. Plundered and put cronies in all the time. Never woke up before 10am to you know, run the country. Stolen billions, got listed as the 10th most corrupt world politician. Got removed from office, actualy got convicted, went to “house arrest” for like a year, paid the sitting president at the time to pardon him, got pardoned, then almost won presidency again, but finally settled on being the mayor of Manila cause the dummies (aka Filipinos voted for him). Oh, and as mayor he shut down the ports, demanded bribes, and pretty much caused economic havoc on anyone who relied on imported good (which is like everyone), and Filipinos were actually somewhat surprised by his behavior.
5. Arroyo: Stole lots of money when she replaced Estrada, then ran again for office and won with a rigged election. Recordings of her rigging the election actually became public, but nothing happened. Her husband stole anything he could like World Bank loans for roads and infrastructure the World Bank and IMF cut them off and blacklisted them. Of course they did not care cause they were personally rich now. The infrastructure in the Philippines is laughable and Filipinos should be embarrassed. Stashed millions away
Wait, she actually got arrested while faking an injury in a wheelchair,, in the airport,,, trying to escape. Well she’s on trial,,, for like 5.5 years now. She’s under arrest of course, but under hospital arrest and like a nice hospitacl where her friends, family, and other corrupt politicos come to visit her.
Wait again! She actually ran for congress from hospital arrest and wait for it,,, she won. Of course, she hasn’t really done anything as congresswoman cause she’s sitting in a hospital room,,, under arrest.
6. Singson: Been in power for like 30 years. He’s that yellow glasses guy always with Pacquiao after the fights. This guy is probably the biggest gangster in the country,, when he’s not preoccupied with his job as governor.
Well, he runs drugs, gambling rings, gets kickbacks on all kinds of worthless projects he implements. Like the personal airport he built for himself cause it was so remote no one else uses it.
Then his son is a congressman, Well he was a congressman until he got caught smuggling cocaine in Hong Kong. So he had to step down for a bit while HK convicted him and he had to serve a year in jail. Of course, he got reelected after he was released from jail.
It seems like if the morons would stop voting for the same names Marcos, Arroyo, Enrile, Estrada, Revilla, Singson, & Binay the place would be much better off. Instead these fucking idiots vote the same names again and again no matter if its the original evil person, their son/ daughter, cousin, illegitimate kid, or whoever. Again, if we’ve figured it out in our short time here, what is their excuse? Where the fuck did they learn this stupidity?
So, now an admitted homicidal, narcissistic, megalomaniac mayor of a town is running for president and Filipinos are cheering. His whole campaign and appeal is he murdered all the criminals and that is appealing to Filipinos why? Cause they think he is going to kill all the corrupt politicians or gov’t workers? Well, has he ever done that? I highly doubt it if he has no faith in his own judicial system of Davao. Plus I think the only people that are going to get killed are suspected criminals who just happen to oppose him or report negatively on him.
So, when Filipinos get mad for saying they are stupid, I have to ask, “well what behavior shows you’re intelligent”? If you are trying to have the worst country in Asia or set the lowest standard, they mission accomplished. Soar High! Pinoy Pride in the lowest standards!
(Just a side note: Has anyone ever noticed how old some of these characters are? I mean, it seems like these guys are all like 70, 80, or even 90 like the devil’s side-kick Enrile. Seriously, can the job of being a Filipino politician actually be that difficult? On a scale of 1-10 with 10 being the most difficult, I give it a 2.)Published in