Have you ever departed a retail store in Philippines with your new product unmolested by their idiot employees? Buy an air conditioner, or a refridgerator, and these brainless imbeciles will drag the big heavy box out onto the showroom floor, completely block an isle, unbox the fucking thing, cutting all the packing straps, shipping safety stuff, pull it all apart just to plug the fucking thing in and see if it works.
“See sir, it’s working.”
“Well why wouldn’t it work? IT’S A BRAND NEW PRODUCT FROM THE MANUFACTURER, SEALED IN A BOX WITH TWO WARRANTIES, ONE 7 DAY UNCONDITIONAL BY YOUR STORE, AND A 1 YEAR WARRANTY FROM THE MANUFACTURER. WHAT WAS THE POINT OF OPENING IT AND TESTING IT????! But it’s not new anymore, because you just opened it and messed around with it. Now you can just put that one back and go get me an unopened one that hasn’t been molested by you idiots.”
And what’s worse is, after they have wasted 45 minutes of your time by unpacking, assembling, testing, disassembling, and semi-repacking your product, they seal it back up with 10 times more tape and plastic twine, thus costing you additional minutes at home trying to get the box back open.
Most manufacturer’s products come with a warranty. Some of the big name stores also have an in-store warranty for 7 days. So what the fuck is the point of opening your new product and testing it, if you’re guarantying it to work when you get it home? And you’re guaranteeing it to work for 7 days, which says “whatever may go wrong in 7 days, bring it back for replacement or refund.” So again, what does opening it up and testing it prove other than it’s working at the very moment. It proves NOTHING ELSE.
So here’s the reason they do it, and it’s the epitome of FILOGIC. In the event you do bring it back, they can say they tested it, and it worked, therefore you must have broken it, and therefore warranty is void, regardless if there is no sign of abuse to the product. I have had that scenario take place many times when I have returned a product that stopped working after a couple days.
If you’re going to offer customer satisfaction, HONOR YOUR UNCONDITIONAL WARRANTY! But just like everything in the Land Of Lip Service, “customer satisfaction” is simply that, lip service.
When you warranty something to work, THERE IS NO NEED TO TEST IT!
But here’s what I do now. When I buy a product, I just allow them to break the “new” seal, open it up, put their grubby little hands all over it, and put it back in the box. Then I happily let that cute, well groomed guy with the perfect hair, perfect posture and flawlessly pressed uniform vest sporting his shiney well polished name tag escort me to the cash register with his professional smile and helpful nature. I thank him kindly, then turn my attention to the cashier.
“Your total is two thousand thirty-three pesoaaaaaaaas sir” says the cashier with a plastic smile and lifeless eyes.
I reply, “Why am I being charged the new product price for this? It has been opened, molested by your fellow employee, and repackaged, and resealed. It is no longer a new product, therefore I require a used-product discount.”
“Sir, we have to test it before selling it to you.”
“Well that is your choice.” I reply. “It doesn’t change the fact that once a new product with a manufacturer’s seal has been broken, it is officially no longer a new product, therefore I should not be charged a new product price.” I didn’t ask you, nor did I give you permission to open the product and make it officially NOT a new product by breaking the seal. That is your choice. I was not offered a choice. Something could have broke during the disassembling of the product by your finely manicured associate, and when I get it home to assemble it myself, it may not work. Then you’ll accuse ME of breaking it, when it was actually your prim and proper associate that could have broke it. So if that is your way of offering an in-store guarantee, then not honoring it when when it stops working after a few days, it’s pretty fucking obvious. Now go get me a new, unopened, manufacturer-sealed product if you want me to pay the new price. If it doesn’t work when I get it home, or at any point within the 7 day store warranty period, I promise I’ll bring it back and allow you to give me another unopened, unmolested product, or a refund.”
And I usually walk out with a new unopened product. Occasionally I walk out with nothing, and just go buy it at another retailer.
Filipino retail managers will usually rise to the highest levels of filogic and stupidity to avoid honoring a warranty. This shows one of two things (or both); Why they are concerned about honoring a manufacturer’s warranty is either because they are too fucking lazy to go through the procedures needed to get their money back from the manufacturer. And/or, they are incompetent to have a process and follow through, and usually end up eating the return. Therefore they will find any dumb reason to not honor it.
I once bought an emergency back up lighting for brownouts, the kind that you mount on the wall and plug in, and if the power is cut, the lights go on. Well the product had a 1 year warranty. It stopped working after 3 months. The battery would not charge anymore. I brought it back to Ace Hardware (prepare to laugh), and the manager instantly said, “The battery is not covered”. He didn’t review the written warranty, didn’t think, just INSTANTLY replied with the first dumbshit thing that came to his dense mind.
The product IS a battery dumbass!!! It’s basically a battery, a relay switch, and a couple of light bulbs. But the core of the product, the whole function of the product is the battery! If the battery is not covered, WHAT IS?? THE HANDLE? THE CASING? THE ELECTRICAL CORD? And this typical shit-for-brains Filipino just mindlessly blurts out, “Sorry sir, the battery is not covered by the warranty”.
Fully expecting this, I equipped myself with the written warranty and as I was calling him a dumbshit while laughing, I pulled the warranty from my back pocket and showed it to him. My next question was, “What qualifies you as a customer service manager? You’re obviously just a dumb-fuck crooked idiot to me. But nice that Ace Hardward hires the mentally retarded.”Published in