Filipino Retail Filogic: Opening and Testing New Products Before They Let You Buy

Have you ever departed a retail store in Philippines with your new product unmolested by their idiot employees? Buy an air conditioner, or a refridgerator, and these brainless imbeciles will drag the big heavy box out onto the showroom floor, completely block an isle, unbox the fucking thing, cutting all the packing straps, shipping safety stuff, pull it all apart just to plug the fucking thing in and see if it works.

“See sir, it’s working.”

I reply,

“Well why wouldn’t it work? IT’S A BRAND NEW PRODUCT FROM THE MANUFACTURER, SEALED IN A BOX WITH TWO WARRANTIES, ONE 7 DAY UNCONDITIONAL BY YOUR STORE, AND A 1 YEAR WARRANTY FROM THE MANUFACTURER. WHAT WAS THE POINT OF OPENING IT AND TESTING IT????! But it’s not new anymore, because you just opened it and messed around with it. Now you can just put that one back and go get me an unopened one that hasn’t been molested by you idiots.”

And what’s worse is, after they have wasted 45 minutes of your time by unpacking, assembling, testing, disassembling, and semi-repacking your product, they seal it back up with 10 times more tape and plastic twine, thus costing you additional minutes at home trying to get the box back open.

Filipino Retail FilogicMost manufacturer’s products come with a warranty. Some of the big name stores also have an in-store warranty for 7 days. So what the fuck is the point of opening your new product and testing it, if you’re guarantying it to work when you get it home? And you’re guaranteeing it to work for 7 days, which says “whatever may go wrong in 7 days, bring it back for replacement or refund.” So again, what does opening it up and testing it prove other than it’s working at the very moment. It proves NOTHING ELSE.

So here’s the reason they do it, and it’s the epitome of FILOGIC. In the event you do bring it back, they can say they tested it, and it worked, therefore you must have broken it, and therefore warranty is void, regardless if there is no sign of abuse to the product. I have had that scenario take place many times when I have returned a product that stopped working after a couple days.

If you’re going to offer customer satisfaction, HONOR YOUR UNCONDITIONAL WARRANTY! But just like everything in the Land Of Lip Service, “customer satisfaction” is simply that, lip service.

When you warranty something to work, THERE IS NO NEED TO TEST IT!

But here’s what I do now. When I buy a product, I just allow them to break the “new” seal, open it up, put their grubby little hands all over it, and put it back in the box. Then I happily let that cute, well groomed guy with the perfect hair, perfect posture and flawlessly pressed uniform vest sporting his shiney well polished name tag escort me to the cash register with his professional smile and helpful nature. I thank him kindly, then turn my attention to the cashier.

“Your total is two thousand thirty-three pesoaaaaaaaas sir” says the cashier with a plastic smile and lifeless eyes.

I reply, “Why am I being charged the new product price for this? It has been opened, molested by your fellow employee, and repackaged, and resealed. It is no longer a new product, therefore I require a used-product discount.”

“Sir, we have to test it before selling it to you.”

“Well that is your choice.” I reply. “It doesn’t change the fact that once a new product with a manufacturer’s seal has been broken, it is officially no longer a new product, therefore I should not be charged a new product price.” I didn’t ask you, nor did I give you permission to open the product and make it officially NOT a new product by breaking the seal. That is your choice. I was not offered a choice. Something could have broke during the disassembling of the product by your finely manicured associate, and when I get it home to assemble it myself, it may not work. Then you’ll accuse ME of breaking it, when it was actually your prim and proper associate that could have broke it. So if that is your way of offering an in-store guarantee, then not honoring it when when it stops working after a few days, it’s pretty fucking obvious. Now go get me a new, unopened, manufacturer-sealed product if you want me to pay the new price. If it doesn’t work when I get it home, or at any point within the 7 day store warranty period, I promise I’ll bring it back and allow you to give me another unopened, unmolested product, or a refund.”

And I usually walk out with a new unopened product. Occasionally I walk out with nothing, and just go buy it at another retailer.

Filipino retail managers will usually rise to the highest levels of filogic and stupidity to avoid honoring a warranty. This shows one of two things (or both); Why they are concerned about honoring a manufacturer’s warranty is either because they are too fucking lazy to go through the procedures needed to get their money back from the manufacturer. And/or, they are incompetent to have a process and follow through, and usually end up eating the return. Therefore they will find any dumb reason to not honor it.

I once bought an emergency back up lighting for brownouts, the kind that you mount on the wall and plug in, and if the power is cut, the lights go on. Well the product had a 1 year warranty. It stopped working after 3 months. The battery would not charge anymore. I brought it back to Ace Hardware (prepare to laugh), and the manager instantly said, “The battery is not covered”. He didn’t review the written warranty, didn’t think, just INSTANTLY replied with the first dumbshit thing that came to his dense mind.

The product IS a battery dumbass!!! It’s basically a battery, a relay switch, and a couple of light bulbs. But the core of the product, the whole function of the product is the battery! If the battery is not covered, WHAT IS?? THE HANDLE? THE CASING? THE ELECTRICAL CORD? And this typical shit-for-brains Filipino just mindlessly blurts out, “Sorry sir, the battery is not covered by the warranty”.

Fully expecting this, I equipped myself with the written warranty and as I was calling him a dumbshit while laughing, I pulled the warranty from my back pocket and showed it to him. My next question was, “What qualifies you as a customer service manager? You’re obviously just a dumb-fuck crooked idiot to me. But nice that Ace Hardward hires the mentally retarded.”

Published in Filipino Customer Service, Filipino Stupidity


  1. Profile gravatar of Hey Joe
    Hey Joe

    Being the die hard Trek guy I am, I came to notice one thing not long after moving here. Pinoys ARE Ferengi. Period the end. At least when it comes to business anyway.

    Watch this video, and just replace Ferengi with Pinoy and tell me I am wrong.

    Rule #1 is #1 for a reason and burned into every Pinoy’s heart.
    Numbers 6/10/(111 and 211 has pinoy all over it)/239 and a good one 285

    Pinoy Rules of Acquisition.

  2. Profile gravatar of Fr. Bong Bong Jolog Jun III
    Fr. Bong Bong Jolog Jun III

    I recently went to SM to replace my coffee maker. Dumbfuck Pinoy sales assistant of course goes through the ritual of pulling everything out of the box and plugging the device in. The orange active light comes on, and Dumbfuck Pinoy points to to it saying “…it works Sirrrr”. I thanked Dumbfuck Pinoy for showing me that the orange light does indeed work, then invited him to go get some coffee and water, and brew me up some coffee – just to make sure that the actual fucking coffee maker works. You just can’t fix stupid!

  3. Profile gravatar of FAFI

    I hate how they think that because they half-ass test a product, it is guaranteed to work, but there are some positives and negatives about this experience, and the good does outweigh the bad. Let me start off with the bad.

    The BAD:

    They test the product, but only does not fully test it. When I take it home, the untested part of my product seems to not function right. Example: I bought an electric stove 3 months ago with 2 hotplates. He turned on one hotplate to low heat, we both felt it to make sure it was working. But when I got home, yes they were both working, but the hotplate that was not tested would not turn off by itself. Only way it will turn off is if I unplug it completely. Well my idiot Filogic wife hates it when appliances are left plugged in over night anyway, she prefers everything to be unplugged after not in use, so I end up keeping the electric burner anyway.

    Another bad is that the product loses its value. If I wanted to give a friend a gift for XMAS, I find it highly unorthodox to give him/her an used item, that would make me feel cheap and despicable on my end.

    The Good:

    If the product ends up not working, I can get a replacement immediately instead of having to travel all the way back to the store for a refund or my money back. This only happened once on one occasion while buying a microwave. It was the last one of it’s brand in stock and it was the display product. I don’t like buying display models, but I really wanted that microwave. After plugging it in, it turned out to not work after all. I would’ve been more pissed to take it home, have it not work, and waste more time bringing it back for a replacement. And get this, I forgot to mention that my local SM Hypermarket doesn’t give refunds. I tried this once with a rice cooker, but instead of giving me the refund I requested, they just replaced it for me.

    I’m not saying they are right for not honoring their warranties, but I can say that I do understand why. When you live in a country who are as corrupted as their politics, you have to be careful. Some customers here would buy a product, take it home and replace it with the identical non-working item that has already been personally refurbished to appear new. Take that product back for a full refund. I would hate to run a business in Philippines that deals with selling products, because this is the kind of shit you would expect. Not honoring warranties because they know the Filipino’s mentality is understandable, but it does kinda fucks it up for honest customers like us.

    1. Profile gravatar of Captain PFB
      Captain PFB Post author

      That’s what serial numbers are for FAFI. There is absolutely no logical reason to open your product and test it. The ONLY thing it proves is that it worked at that very moment.

      As I stated, who know what they can break during the disassembly and repacking of the product. The product can malfunction in a few days, so what good is testing it at the store?

      No other country I know of does this. It’s idiotic. There is nothing good about it.

      1. Profile gravatar of FAFI

        I hate to contradict you, but it is possible to conduct a fraudulent return being that most the time these idiots only scans the packaging or the box the merchandise came in, and not actually the product itself. I bought a pair of shoes one time where the price was 1,299 on the actually shoe, but 1,099 on the box. Luckily they scanned the box, and not the price tag that was on the item. So if I were to return the product, they are just gonna scan the box again for the return process right? This method may not be effective on unpackaged items. Also, even if they did scan the product, and they scan the bar code, which has the serial numbered embedded, why can’t I just replace the price tag on the old item?
        I’m not stating that I do this, or have any intention of doing this. Just thinking of any possibilities of what the Pinoy might do. They practice is corruption, and they specialize in it. This is just what I would expect a Pinoy customer to do.

        1. Profile gravatar of FAFI

          I’m not encouraging anyone to swap out the product from the packaging with an old item, but this is possible since some retailers may not re-verify the serial number on the product, since they refer to the bar-code most the time.

        2. Profile gravatar of Captain PFB
          Captain PFB Post author

          Shoes are one thing. You can’t really “refurbish” old shoes to look new. so your analogy doesn’t really apply. I’m talking about larger items like appliances, things with serial numbers. Of course they don’t put serial numbers on shoes, nor do they plug them in to test if they work FAFI.

          Know what I mean?

          1. Profile gravatar of FAFI

            Yeah I know, I got ya. But I was only using shoes as an example for replacing a price tag since I have personally bought shoes here before. But for an example of a situation I have never been in. Lets say I bought an iron. I pay for it at the cash register. They don’t scan the price tag on the iron, they usually scan the box it came in. So when I return it, what do they do? They scan the box right? I could’ve swapped the iron with an old one of the same brand that I have previously purchased before a year ago. If there was a price tag on the new iron, I can easily remove it and place it on the old one. It sounds corrupted, but I’m sure it will work. If my example of the iron is as irrelevant as my shoe example, I’m sure a T.V. or Electric Fan can work in this example. I just know that when I buy any appliances, they usually scan the bar code on the packaging, and I never see them check to verify if the information on the bar code matches any engraved numbers on the product. Sometimes these idiots don’t check the product description! Hahaha! I bought a pack of fresh fruit for 1.50 pesos, and I have the picture to prove it! LOL (I’m aware that fruit is irrelevant to this story, but I had to bring it up)

          2. Profile gravatar of Captain PFB
            Captain PFB Post author

            bar codes will usually have the unique serial code of that product integrated in the barcode FAFI, they don’t need to open and check, unless it’s coming back as a return. Then the receipt should have a code on it which references their database, wherein there is the serial number of that product.

          3. Profile gravatar of FAFI

            Hahaha, you got me beat on this one. I’m quite ignorant in this category and didn’t know how far in depth the description of bar-codes entails. I underestimated the primitiveness of Pinoy technology, didn’t think they could catch that in this country. 🙂

  4. Profile gravatar of Captain PFB
    Captain PFB Post author

    I have bought light bulbs that work during testing, and blow out 3 days later. So what did the testing do? It only proved it worked at that very moment. Period.

    Most appliances and things have a serial number which is integrated in the bar code that is scanned. There are very easy way’s to prevent fraudulent returns. It’s just that these dumbshits don’t want to be bothered with it.

  5. Profile gravatar of montreal_dude

    This is really why I love this site. I`v only stayed 2 months in the Philippines and noticed so many none sense stuff that was killing me. I was like: What the hell that man (or woman) is doing? And why? I can`t understand! There is no logic in this…

    Well you guys are there since very long time. You saw way more filipinos doing crazy things then I did. It`s really entertaining to see how a population can be stupid. (It`s all right anyways they`re always happy and smile all the time).

    Here is a random example of the filogic and complete lack of common sense: I don`t know if you guys saw the 30 minutes documentary about Angeles. The amateur journalist is in a police car while the filipino police officer is touring in the streets of Angeles. The Filipino police officer points a bunch of hookers and tell the journalist: You can have sex with them you know? You can have sex with them for very cheap you know!

    1. Profile gravatar of jimmy smith
      jimmy smith

      Very professional saying that to the journalist. Cop acting as pimp.
      There you have it all you wanting to see pinoyland. If you need a Hooker then go to the nearest policestation !

  6. Profile gravatar of jimmy smith
    jimmy smith

    I ask why they open the item and test it. and they will ofc reply “to see if it Works ssiiiiiiirrrrrr”, took me awhile to figure out why, but I think I figured it out now. They do it because they dont think it Works when its made abroad, its part of their “trust nobody” culture. The paranoia is everywhere, even in the sealed package containing a tv made in Japan. I once bought a remote controlled fan. The pinoy selling it to me wanted me to buy another fan type. this is how the conversation went.

    Me : I would like to buy this fan
    Pinoy : we have better fan over here
    Me : This one is awarded “Winner in Singapore quality test 2013”
    Pinoy : Its just a sticker siiirrrr
    Me : The Award Means nothing then ?
    Pinoy : ssiiirrr its just a sticker (it was a sticker on the box saying that)
    Me : Well I want the sticker then
    Pinoy : I will open it and test it for you
    Me : No I trust Japanese products, so no need for testing
    Pinoy : Okay siiirrr, I will open it and test it for you
    Me : just test the sticker, thats why I wanna buy it
    Pinoy : *blank stare*

    Makes me think when I see pinoys here in my country and they buy something like tv why they dont Wonder how come the sales guy doesnt test it…..
    I am sure its something like “its better in the phils, there we have better service and they test the item before selling it.”

  7. Profile gravatar of TheD

    I had the same with my Local Brand Pinoy Pride mobile phone. Within a year, the battery was so swollen that the screen was bending. I took it back and they said “you are not supposed to use it when it is charging and that is why it is broken”. I asked them “show me where it says that in the manual” because as a technophile, I had read the manual front to back and the only manual provided was an andoid manual.
    They couldnt show me where it said that because… IT FUCKING DIDNT!

    Result: 400 pesos for a new battery!
    Ok fine whatever, here is 400 pesos.
    “we dont have the battery in stock, there is a 4 month waiting list for the battery” she informed me.

    Well doesnt that tell you that there is clearly a fucking issue with the battery?

    Give no logic and expect none in return!