Should I Marry My “Very Filipino” Fiance?

Ok I have read a lot about foreigners getting married to a Filipina & regretting it later. It is easy maybe for foreigners to divorce or separate but being “Filipina” myself, I look at marriage as something permanent, that I’ll do everything to keep it. So hearing about these horror stories & somewhat ‘relating’ to them since I am marrying a Filipino guy now I am actually having 2nd thoughts! You see there are a lot of things, irresponsible things about my fiancé that bothers me greatly especially now w/ all the wedding planning stress. Let me enumerate these ‘qualities’ that is ‘typical of a Filipino:’

  • His parents are spending for the wedding (at least his share, w/c is 50%), for my share I am spending on it myself
  • Even if his parents are already spending on ‘his share’ of the wedding he has the audacity to ask more money from his parents whenever he falls short, w/c is all the time, because he refuses to commute, always takes the taxi, buys expensive clothes he can’t afford, etc.
  • Every now & then he talks about all the things he wants to buy & I keep on reminding him he can barely afford daily necessities, he said he has “the right” to give himself these luxuries as he is still young & he is “working hard”
  • He borrows money from me promises to pay it in a couple of days but never bothers to pay it at all, then he tells me he lends money to other people
  • He is actually a doctor and he goes out of his way to please other people, giving free checkups, spending all his money on transportation just to visit patients then charges all these expenses to his parents or to me, he also relieves for senior doctors who doesn’t bother paying, he says he can never say no (I guess that’s being Filipino?Even if you have no means of doing it???)
  • He is never on time, I actually do not expect that he will show up on any appointment until it is a couple of hours before, as he always cancels, he always gives the excuse that he is a doctor & it is his job but it is ‘very rare’ that his reasons are work-related, he believes I have to wait for him at whatever time he “believes” it is convenient for him to come, like 4pm in the afternoon for a 10am meeting time — I guess this is TOO MUCH of Filipino time?
  • He constantly reminds people that he is a doctor, w/c is something embarrassing & I shrug off but lately I’ve realized that this goes beyond cockiness, he believes he is above everybody else including me (I don’t know why as I’m earning 4x as much as he is!) & that I should simply understand all his irresponsibilities & tardiness because “he is a doctor”
  • He does not have as little as 2k pesos to spare & I was the one who paid all the downpayments on our wedding suppliers, his family also doesn’t but they promise they will be able to deliver the other 50% (his family also asks him to borrow money from me when he needs it, they said he shouldn’t be ashamed since we are in a relationship)
  • He always says his salary is too small that’s why he always runs short but I have some staff who are earning as much as he does, supporting themselves & at the same time able to buy condo units on mortgage
  • He is never able to submit any documents/requirements of wedding suppliers on time and he boasts he can ALWAYS negotiate the deadline
  • He is delaying wedding preparations as he said he doesn’t have the money yet to pay for them yet he books random things like program hosts & photobooths, prioritizing these over necessary wedding aspects like documents/invitations/etc..
  • He will not allow me to be stingy on choosing wedding suppliers, he will choose the “known” suppliers of celebrities even if the products are the same or even less appealing as long as they are the most expensive, but then asks me to pay as he doesn’t have the money & his parents hasn’t “produced” the money yet for their share
  • The only supplier he has actually shared payment for is the church for w/c he asked if he can keep the receipt (he has to show it to his parents as they don’t trust that he will use the money for the church/wedding, they want to get assurance he didn’t spend it on shopping instead)

Well I guess after re-reading my article I feel very stupid myself. I guess my brain has shrinked…

Published in Blatant Stupidiy, Delusional Filipino


  1. Profile gravatar of Captain PFB
    Captain PFB

    Alicia, just the fact that you recognize these things and acknowledge them puts you well above the normal Pinoy/Pinay mindset that keeps Philippines in the depths of depravity and failure.

    If you decide to go through with the marriage, I wish you the very best of luck. If you are moving forward with the marriage, I hope it’s not with a mindset that you can change him over time. Your decision to marry him should be based on the person he is now, not the person you think you can change him into.

    Maybe you should consider postponing the wedding and share your list of concerns with him as the reasons you wish to postpone the wedding. But that is your decision.

    If you believe marriage is permanent (NOTHING is permanent in my book, and divorce should ALWAYS be a freedom. Because people can change for the better, and people can change for the worst. If one is not happy in a marriage, life is way too fuckin’ short to spend being unhappy) then that will also make misery permanent if the marriage becomes the source of your misery. Be prepared to deal with that.

  2. Profile gravatar of Penance

    I’m not going to be as nice as Filo was. Sorry, Filo.

    Lose the guy. Run far, run fast, run deep…just keep running. Even the most mind-blowing sex can’t make up for everything here, and I highly suspect that these aren’t all of the issues you’re dealing with.

    What I see is a guy obsessed with the titles of things, of which you will be included, rather than the reality of commitment and responsibility. I’m not just talking about marriage here. I’m also talking about his job. Being a doctor takes a LOT of commitment. It’s a calling, and any real doctor that gives the excuse of work getting in the way is someone you can easily believe because you know how seriously they take their job. And, as any doctor from any 2nd or 1st world country will tell you, their time is valuable….which is why they charge for it at every turn.

    It seems to me that this guy is the very typical Filipino male. Over time, you will see the traditional Filipino marriage of you doing everything while he sits around telling you to do everything, and making you feel inferior for not having done so already. Your life, your career, your wants and wishes…all of them will become secondary to his whims (aren’t they already?)

    As a final point, I’d like to remind you why so many Filipinas date foreigners. It’s because we show respect to those who deserve it. If a Filipina is reasonably intelligent, works hard, and has a mindset outside of the Filipino box, then she gets treated with the respect she deserves. Pinoys hate foreigners for “stealing” Filipinas from them, but that’s because they’re too stuck in their master/servant mentality to treat women with respect once they’ve gotten down a woman’s pants. Getting them pregnant, married, or both is just their way of sealing the deal for a permanent maid.

    Get out now while you can.

    1. Profile gravatar of Captain PFB
      Captain PFB

      No need to apologize Kaine. I you said what I was thinking, but somehow I decided to go the non-intrusive, more passive route (which is very uncharacteristic of me).

      Anyway, bottom line, you’re 100% nail on the head correct.

  3. Profile gravatar of 30-30

    To Ms. Cummings.
    Please read this very carefully so you will have the benefit of experience.
    If you have issues with him before marriage,,, imagine the problems you will have when you are married!!!!
    Losers usually run in packs,,, his like minded friends will come out of the wood work after marriage.
    BANKS ARE IN THE OF LENDING MONEY,, YOU ARE NOT IN THE BUSINESS OF LENDING MONEY… My mom used to tell me ”my bankbook is my best friend” In my old age, i believe that…
    We all know love is blind,,, but really you shoul drun away from this guy. cut your losses and move on,, life is too short to waste it.
    I am 63 years and ”friends”, have cost me millions of dollars
    shoot me dead

  4. Profile gravatar of Spartacus_killingus

    12 years of my life I can’t get back from being involved with someone here. Think it over, and remember, there is a reason these people have an international reputation for fucking others over.

    There is a reason why so many web sites and horror stories exist.

    Finally, there is a reason we are all here telling you to reconsider the situation.

  5. Profile gravatar of mother teresa
    mother teresa

    Alicia most of your complaints of him are related to money. The number one cause of divorce in USA is fighting over money. Wait till he starts spending YOUR money on his much younger queridas.

    Read this:

    Another sickness many filipinos have is the affluent ones(at least thats what they think) rudely make people wait and wait and wait.

    If you do marry him you might start saving money for his much needed penis enlargement surgery and his antipremature ejaculation therapy. All my Filipina Gfs never had an orgasim with their previous Filipino bfs. Maybe its just my dumb luck.

  6. Profile gravatar of Captain PFB
    Captain PFB

    Marrying him is like willingly and knowingly walking into a den of permanent misery (most people call it “hell”).

    Secondly, if you DO marry him, then I will say that I was completely wrong in saying you are smarter than the average Pinoy/Pinay. You will be just like him. Marrying him so you can call yourself a doctor’s wife.

    Enjoy the “prestige”.

    1. Profile gravatar of Penance

      Well, I don’t know….give the girl a chance to “see the light”. She found her way here and didn’t go all “Pinoy Pride” on everything. I’m going to hold out hope that common sense will reign supreme.

      Yes, I’m ready for my “mercy abduction” now, Mr. Aliens!

  7. Profile gravatar of constantino

    seems to me you got yourself an irresponsible fiancee, if you’re still going to push through with the marriage it might b in your bst interest to get a pre nup just in case things go south.

  8. Profile gravatar of MC Klopa
    MC Klopa

    Relax your mind for a moment.Now,what is the reason you want to marry him?What is the reason he wants to marry you?Why are you having doubts?Is he having any doubts.

    Think about it vey deeply.It is much deeper then,”im marrying him cause I love him” or “i’m not marrying him cause he is a terrible filipino on paper”.It is so much more than that.

    Doomed lives of women and insta divorces are caused by so many factors from things like money arguments to lack of intimacy.Marriage is very complicated.You must apply common sense and Logic to it but it also requires something bigger but more harder to identify.

    I aint pressuring you but you must thoroughly and i mean THOROUGLY think about all of the factors most importantly the factor that dictates how much you know him psychologically,emotionally etc.

    Maybe you need to postpone any wedding plans to evaluate everything.
    Think clearly,deeply,slowly and surely while maintaining all logic,objectivity and that lil ole hugely secret ingredient.

    I you do everythinh right at perfect,there is a chance of an all throughout happy family i the pacing ia right but if you end up doing wrong,the worst that can happen is instant HECK.You know what Heck is right?Besides the depressiin and pain,it will also include.abortions,slavery to the extreme and lots of thing that I must not write anymore.

    Analyze please ,ANALYZE DEEPLY.You are the only one that can truly answer your own question.If you are smart enough,you will arrive at the correct answer
    I hope that helps

    ^ to all that previously gave comments,I guess your advices are missing the “ingredient” factor .Then again,how should I know?I still have no experience