SM Mall Security is more hilarious than any episode of Seinfeld or Golden Girls. One of my favorite forms of entertainment in Philippines is spending at least 15 minutes or so watching foreigners go through SM Mall security. I just wait and watch for them to pass through the “frisk” and bag check. I don’t know why, but the stupid fake pointless frisk is god damned fucking hilarious.
I love to watch the foreigners roll their eyes after passing through, and honestly, about 70% of them do roll their eyes, and it cracks me up to the point I nearly laugh out loud. I’ve never NOT seen at least one foreigner roll his eyes when passing through SM mall security. It’s because I know they are thinking exactly what I am thinking when I pass through,
“What the fuck was that? Was it a security check or a pathetic attempt to grope me, or was it just a mindless random motor action? If you’re going to touch me, let it serve it’s purpose, do a full frisk, otherwise, why frisk at all?? What a bunch of idiots!”.
I roll my eyes and shake my head and giggle every time I pass through SM Mall security. You know, when they ever-so-lightly and quickly slide their gloved hand across your waist line, often either only the back, or only the front, but seldom both front and back.
There is virtually NO CHANCE they will do a real frisk. I mean, anyone who would want to bring a gun or other weapon into the mall would know to just strap it to their ankle, and wear long pants to cover it. They don’t frisk there. And to be honest, I would even take a bet I could get a gun tucked in my waist line on my side, being they only slightly touch the front OR back, seldom both. Never sides. Oh it cracks me up, I’m laughing now as I write this. Such fucking idiots I swear to god!
They don’t even do a pseudo-frisk at a bank! You just get handed a number. No check, no fake frisk, no poking a stick in your bag, you just get the door opened for you. But how typically stupid and ass-backwards of Filipinos. You can walk right in to a bank unmolested, but at SM Malls, you’re going to get touched and poked in your bag with a stick. Oh how completely idiotic, random, mindless, and stupid! There’s just no logic or reason behind it.
Now I would understand if it was somewhat of a real security check. It would serve a purpose, and would make the mall a bit safer. But they don’t check, they just pretend to check like some 1st grader playing security guard! It’s so insanely hilarious!
So I ask…Why frisk at all? I mean, it’s beyond human stupid. It’s more like tree stump stupid. A brick has more intelligence! The frog that hops around my carport at night possesses much more intelligence than the average Filipino.
If you have a bag, a quick dip of their stick in the main part of your bag will suffice. No need to bother checking (or even poking with a stick) the large side pockets which could easily hold enough C-4 explosive material to take out Starbucks. I just have to laugh my ass off at this idiot practice. It’s like a bunch of 5 year olds playing pretend security guard. And that is almost an insult to 5 year olds.
The only REAL purpose those idiots disguised as security guards serve is to inconvenience the customer and slow down traffic at the entrance to the mall. And you know damn well a 5 year old (at least one who grew up with even the slightest amount of common discipline) would know to form a line. But here in Philippines, the Filipinos just crowd, push, and nudge their way to the front if there’s a slow down at the entrance.
Such pathetic morons without the slightest clue about common courtesy and civilized behavior, and certainly void of any measurable level of simple logic and reason. It’s truly mind-boggling.Published in