Well here I am again to spread some sunshine into your life. Soon you will see my not so smiling face on tv. Not it is not a most wanted either. The other day I went to Smart and was offered a job to make a tv commercial, yes I know. So here’s what you’ll see, picture my not so smiling face.
Welcome to Smart Communications where we pride ourselves on customer service. Why an American making a commercial in the Philippines? Well I have white skin which they love and they are the only English speaking country in Asia, so they claim. Here at Smart we offer a variety of services for our customer, some of which I’ll detail here for you. One you may well be aware of is our cellular service for mobile phones. But since you know about that I’ll just go straight to our wifi.
Yes we offer the widest wifi coverage in the Philippines but it’s so much more. Let’s look at our most popular package which is called Smart Bro Pocket Wifi. Under this plan you will get unlimited internet access for 30 days, with a daily limit of 800 mbs then we are going to cut you down. Our wifi comes in the following speeds:
Double Dead Caraboa
It goes without saying that no matter which package you pay for, we will stick you with Double Dead Carabao speed. Take it or leave it. Yes we know before we were the only one who did not put this 800mbs limit on you. Why did we change that? Well instead of keeping an edge over our rivals we decided to go down to their level rather than they come up to ours. If you can think Filipino you will see our reasoning. Now instead of taking 20 minutes to open a website it will now take hours, if you can get it to open.
But even with this we have you, our customer in mind. To keep you entertained during the long waits to open a web page we have this little blue circle in the upper left that spins around. Bad eye sight? Not to worry. Go to YouTube for a video and the circle is bigger and in the middle of the screen. We at Smart highly recommend this form of entertainment. If you find it boring, just show it to your cat, if you have one. Why one of our customers was complaining that it took 3 days to download 9.5GB last week. A fact we are very proud of, that it took that long and we annoyed the hell out of a customer. Then just when your web page is about done, we will throw up our sign in page which you have to sign into for no apparent reason. Other to annoy you that is. Then after you sign out you get the honor of starting to open the web page from the very beginning.
But we are involving our customers in our company. We are pleased to announce a slogan contest. So far the entries submitted are:
No network connection
Bad network connection
Waiting for network
Since we are talking customers now is a great time to cover our customer service. Again we take pride in our web page customer service always being down. Want to send us an email? FORGET IT!!As is the custom in the Philippines with customer service, that ends not only after we have your money but BEFORE!! So rush on in to your nearest Smart Center and prepare to get screwed, I mean the package that suits your needs. Thank You
So there you have the commercial I made for Smart. They told me to wait and see it on tv! Pacman,,m move over there’s a new big dog in country.Published in