Some Giggles To Help You Through Your Day!

To all you who have to deal with the immeasurable pride, stupidity, pride, insanity, pride, ignorance, pride, stubbornness, pride, theft, pride, empty promises, and pride from these smooth-skinned Neanderthals on a regular basis, I offer up a few giggles.  Only problem is, you might laugh first, but then you will cry when you realise that these are all true:

Q:  How is a flip like a Slinky toy?
A:  Neither are good for anything, but it will put a smile on your face when you push one down a flight of stairs.
Q:  How is a flip like a sperm?
A:  Both have a 1 in 100,000,000 chance of becoming a human being.
Q:  How is a flip like a beer bottle?
A:  They are both empty from the neck up.
Q:  What do pigs and flips have in common?
A:  You will not be able to turn either one into a civilised human being.
Q:  How does a filipina try to change a light bulb?
A:  She will insert the bulb into the socket and wait for the entire world to revolve around her.
Q:  What is the difference between a flip and a leech?
A:  The leech will eventually get its fill and drop off of you.
Q:  What is the difference between a feral dog and a flip?
A:  You can domesticate a feral dog.
Q:  What is the difference between God and a flip?
A:  God does not think He is a flip.
Statistic:  99.99% of flips give the rest a bad name.
Q:  You are driving down a road and you see a flip riding a bicycle.  Why should you swerve to avoid hitting it?
A:  Might be your bicycle.
Q:  What is the best way to hide something from a flip?
A:  Put it inside a book.
Q:  Why do no flips desire to be white?
A:  Because they would then need to act intelligently and responsibly.
A doctor in Australia calls his Aussie patient into his office.
“Mr. Jones,” says the doctor, “I’m pains me to give you this news, but the lab tests came back and you have been diagnosed with a rare incurable disease.  You only have six months to live.”
“That is a very short amount of time,” replies the Aussie, “What should I do?”
“Marry a filipina,” says the doctor, “It will be the longest six months of your life.”
The Philippine government wanted to build an addition to a government building.  The government official in charge of the bidding process was under orders to open the bidding to contractors from other countries as well as flip contractors.
     Three people show up to place bids–a Vietnamese contractor, a Taiwanese contractor, and a flip contractor.
     The Vietnamese contractor says to the government official,  “I did my estimations of materials, labor, and my profit for this project, and my bid is 10 million pesos.”
Then the Taiwanese contractor goes to the flip government official.  “Based on my costs for materials, labor, as well as my profit, I will bid 15 million pesos for this project.”
Finally, the flip contractor goes up the government official and whispers in his ear, “210 million pesos!”
The government official was aghast.  “210 million?  How do you arrive at such a large figure?”
“Very simple,” replies the flip contractor, “100 million pesos for you, 100 million pesos for me, and we hire the guy from Vietnam!”
Joe the expat is driving down a Philippine road when he sees a red light and stops, but Dong the flip, driving a jeepney, is too busy texting on his phone and rear-ends Joe’s vehicle.  A police officer comes, surveys the accident, then turns to Dong and says, “Mr. Fabela, can you please tell me how fast you think the Kano was going when he backed in to you?”
Published in Humor


  1. Profile gravatar of Sarah


    A judge was interviewing a Filipina woman who had moved to USA regarding her pending divorce, and asked, “What are the grounds for your divorce?”

    She replied, “About four acres and a nice little home in the middle of the property with a stream running by.”

    “No,” he said, “I mean what is the foundation of this case?”

    “It is made of concrete, brick and mortar,” she responded.

    “I mean,” he continued, “What are your relations like?”

    “I have my mum and dad , three sisters and two brothers living here with us, and so do my husband’s parents.”

    He said, “Do you have a real grudge?”

    “No,” she replied, “We have a two-car carport and have never really needed one.”

    “Please,” he tried again, “is there any infidelity in your marriage?”

    “Yes, both my son and daughter have stereo sets. We don’t necessarily like the music, but the answer to your questions is yes.”

    “Ma’am, does your husband ever beat you up?”

    “Yes,” she responded, “about twice a week he gets up earlier than I do.”

    Finally, in frustration, the judge asked, “Lady, why do you want a divorce?”

    “Oh, I don’t want a divorce,” she replied. “I’ve never wanted a divorce. My husband does. He said he can’t communicate with me!”

    1. Profile gravatar of snakebitbytheflips
      snakebitbytheflips Post author

      Oh, that one is a real hoot! Still laughing! And oh, how so true–one of the warnings I got about that poor-excuse-for-a-country is that we “speak the same language, but you cannot communicate”

      BTW, I like the picture that Filo posted at the header of this post. Two prideful, “the world revolves around me” cats. Which reminds me about the difference between “cat theology” and “dog theology”: Dog theology goes, “You feed me, you house me, you pet me, you love me, therefore, you must be God!” Whereas, cat theology goes, “You feed me, you house me, you pet me, you love me, therefore I MUST BE GOD!”

      And flips are not much different than cats–prideful, independent, self-serving, and feel that the world revolves around them. Sigh….

      1. Profile gravatar of BLX2

        That’s just not fair!!!! I have two wonderful cats, it’s only a third one I no longer let in the house cuz I just can’t get the pinoy out of him.

        1. Profile gravatar of 30-30

          0504 hr in da shit hole capital of da feelippines.
          That third cat must be 2nd cussin of the cats we have.. I just nicely got to sleep when 2 of them started howling in da hovel we live in…
          Of copurse the savages I live with can sleep thru a hurricane, Why r u angry??? Because I love to get woke up to the sounds of howling cats. The noise puts me in a good mood.
          I banged against the cage with my favorite mop, fucked up the mop!! Karma!!!
          So, peace and quite at last, noooooo the friggin church next door starts their yodeling. Who the fuck wakes up at 4 am in their hovel, gets dressed,, just to yodel in a church????? That church has 5 idiots in a row to collect the loot at the front door. Of course, they dont trust each other, because there is a pile of paper work to go with that donation. But I am poor!!!!!! God will bless me with money and I will go to heaven!!!
          Chris Brown got a small taste of the Christian charity in this country. I wonder if he will come back for ”more fun in da feelippines”…
          I have become a ”real prick” in this country. You have to be a prick to survive here.
          Ever notice the post pics of saints and churches in face book,, next post is a pic of a pile full of cash!!!!! So, I know what their main concern is,, MONEY!!!!!
          Well, I am getting out of the container business and start my own church. Free room and board,, free apartment, no land income taxes,,, blimey,,nobody can complain about me,, ”It is the Lord’s work!!!!!!!!!!! All I need to do is hang a sign out front and I am in business!!!!
          I can even launder money too,, hmmmmm..
          I never seen so many leaking roofs in my whole life. Has anybody got any good ideas on how to stop water leaks on concrete walls and steel roofs,????? Any ideas, products gladly accepted. That crappy Vulcaseal is no good. But the massa use it becos it is cheap.
          End of rant, TRY to have a good day!!!!!!!! That means locking urself in a noise proof room and not seeing any flips.
          P/S. Donations gladly accepted for the work of the Lord!!!!!

    2. Profile gravatar of

      This is very silly and funny.

      But it should also be a reminder that as hard as relationships are, they are even harder when you do not speak the same language.

      It seems there are a lot of foreign men here that take up dating or marrying Pinay, without learning Filipino…

      Do not believe Mindanao Bob. I live in the N.ational C.omfort R.oom and rarely encounter Pinoy that speak English. I think it is another one of those things that they have been saying since the 1950’s and pretend it still exists today. “The Philippines is the second largest native English speaking nation in the world!” lol

  2. Profile gravatar of FHPS

    I’m sure there’s some real examples out there take these real examples of the stupidity of Filipinos:

    Example 1: I went to a burger shop and everyone was sleeping on the ground I asked are you open and the burger shop said sorry sir we have no buns. I went to a restaurant and was also told sorry sir we have no rice. I went to a cafe and asked for sandwich and they said sorry sir we don’t have any so the a running up and down the road and came back all flustered and said the burger store has run out of buns so I can’t sell you any sandwiches.

    Example 2: Filipinos think that they can speak English but they really can’t they just block remember like parrots words in English but don’t understand the meaning take this, do you have vitamin C no sir, pointing to the vitamin C bottle in the chemist? I said what’s that – that’s C vitamin sir.

    Example 3 – any other nation knows variants of the English words like gas petrol, soda is soft drink, trunk is boot but no not here in the Philippines because they are so stupid. I asked you have any lemonade, no sir we don’t then I spotted what’s that? That’s seven up which technically is lemonade in anyone’s language

    example 4 – was the band that you have playing here is that acoustic music? No sir – it’s not. What’s the name of the band? It’s the XXX sos (I forget the name of the band). What sort of music does X play? Acoustic music sir. So go figure I’ve just asked a person do they play acoustic music and like parrots or monkeys that denied it and then they come back and tell me.

    I just find so many Filipinos are tuned out to reality and a total dream – many new foreigners coming here find it quite funny but after living for so long in the country you just don’t find it funny and in fact he find it downright disgusting, rude, a total lack of respect of you as a person to be not given the time enough to even give you a straight answer

  3. Profile gravatar of FHPS

    There are other forms of stupidity which are absolutely hilarious as to the level of education in the country and the stupidity of people and respected even basic services like performing mathematical task. I’ve been to shops and have people in front of me calculate 20 pesos less 14 pesos to workout change and gotten that wrong

    So there comes a time when it moves beyond just accepting it, thinking that what wonderful people to be so basic and simple thinking are these people ever gonna get themselves out of the toilet of Asia known as a Philippines