The “Ber” Months Are Upon Us – You know what that means!

Get your earplugs out, lock your gates, and prepare for the dreaded 5 months of endless reminders by everyone that it’s Xmas time, requests for gifts, and horrible caroling being screamed outside your homes nightly by the same groups, getting your eardrums blasted out at store entrances blaring Xmas music through 4 foot long loudspeakers next to the door, and endless more ridiculous behaviors.

I suggest we make the best of it here at PFB and run some kind of contest for best photo or video of these “Ber” month annoyances. Or if you have any other ideas, let’s talk it up here.

Published in Humor


  1. Profile gravatar of emrys

    for sure filo, I’ll video the BOMBS going off at new years this year….couldn’t believe my chick slept through it last year. just dead she seemed hahaha. I wondered if some of the military expats were having serious flashbacks. we won’t be in the same place as last year, but I’m sure it’s going to be stupid crazy again this year. seriously,they wonder how to not have so many fires and kids blowing their fingers off….ummmmm, maybe make fireworks and anything else that pertains to bomb making illegal….but who am I kidding. in the phil…laws are allowed to be broken, especially at x_mas time.

    1. Profile gravatar of jgramsay

      There are laws for us mere mortals and foreigners! Living here for nearly 25 years, you can see that laws aren’t enforced as they should. Fireworks accidents are the regular event and hear that some DUMB FAILIPINO Family Member allowed for this BS to happen. As a former chaplain at hospital here, I would see fingers ripped and other gruesome wounds and January 1 was a day I didn’t look forward to every year.

    2. Profile gravatar of Don Quixote
      Don Quixote

      Can you believe its back on what a fucking joke.
      I had to visit a Govt. office last Friday. They were Watching TV and listening to Christmas Fucking Carols and I had to watch the lazy fucks sleeping on their desks and the rest of the cunts eating.
      Service took 30 minutes.
      But sir it is eating time.
      me. Fuck its a Govt Dept. who is working ???????????????????
      But sir it is eating time.
      me.God fuck me is there anyone here working ????????????
      Come back later sir after eating.
      me, When is eating over????
      In 15 minutes sir. we will call you and you can come back.
      me. Nope Ill wait right here in front of any line that will form as no one ever rings anyone here in the fucking country
      And this fucking country reckons they are ready for ASEAN UNITY.
      At least it was a Jose Felicaiano Christmas Tape!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
      The Don

      1. Profile gravatar of Angel

        I thought they were doing away with the “lunch break”? Seems only certain government offices are doing this, or only in Metro Manila.

        1. Profile gravatar of Sarah

          Lunch break? more like Siesta break Angel! In my mother’s province, the postal lady takes 3 fucking hours to have lunch. So she leaves at 12 mid-day, comes back by 3pm, shuts doors by 4:45pm. And I noticed she also had a basketful of clothes to be ironed/mended (?) in the office. Try going to any provincial offices. Half of the employees any time of the day are found in parks asleep under shaded trees. It’s more fun in the Failippines….but only if you’re a government employee. 🙂

          1. Profile gravatar of Angel

            From the lowliest government employee, to the highest official. It seems the only things they’re good at are sleeping while on the job, eating while on the job, texting while on the job, going on FB while on the job, making chismis while on the job. Everything except actually WORKING while on the job!

  2. Profile gravatar of jgramsay

    DAMN! Let the caterwauling begin and hearing horrible singing. What makes me laugh is Jingle bells and every FAILIPINO uses the same recording. It’s because the singer had improvised the hey section and the FAILIPINOS think it’s part of the original text. If I am here by myself, I just go to the front and don’t have to say anything. They just take off from me, when they see me and I still have a smile on my face.

  3. Profile gravatar of Kevin

    If you want them to gtfo on your lawn, I suggest that you give EACH one of them ONE candy . After a few days, expect them not to come anymore because they’ll only get candy instead of money .

    Works fine for me .

    1. Profile gravatar of Mike

      Better yet, box a few boxes of chocolate Ex lax, separate the bar into the little squares and then wrap each one up. One each to the little urchins.

      1. Profile gravatar of Mike

        After the little shits start shitting all over the place (watch your step please) word will get out. Then others will stay away.

    2. Profile gravatar of

      I live on the 4th floor of a crappy “condo” (that I made the RP government pay for).

      If they come caroling, I throw down open ketchup packs at them.

      They learn quick.

      And I know about cousins. I make sure no one sees me.

  4. Profile gravatar of Sarah

    I am sure I’ve got some really good photos to share also. Well, between my personal collection and insane photos that Flip families and friends posted on FB, I’m sure I can contribute a few.

    And Filo, I just loved that photo of Chucky you posted with this article. Well done! 🙂

    1. Profile gravatar of Mike

      You said have personal collection of photos. The guys and me were wondering if those involved the foreplay you mentioned earlier?

      1. Profile gravatar of Sarah

        Half your luck on the foreplay photos! But I do have some photos of a Kano who’s hit the hard times in Pinas. So careful guys, plenty of Flips to share your wealth when the good times are on, but when the going gets tough in the Failippines, you’re on your own.

  5. Profile gravatar of Hey Joe
    Hey Joe

    I was out in my workshop fixing the weed whacker and what do I hear on the radio??
    Walking in a winter wonderland. I wish! as sweat is running down my face.

    I moved here from the far northern parts of the US. I can tell you about a winter (-50f) wonderland in my winter underwear 🙂
    with frozen snot stuck to your nose stuck working out side.

    It’s only a wonderland looking at it from inside a nice warm house !

    1. Profile gravatar of BLX2

      Sounds like the U.P. or Wisconsin. Never got that cold where I grew up, but I do remember running out to feed the horses before getting ready for school, in a foot of snow, barefoot and in my underwear. Talk about lazy…. 🙂

      1. Profile gravatar of Mike

        look at the bright side man!!. Now t=you get to walk out in your flip flops, wade through the trash to feed the carabaos.

        1. Profile gravatar of Hey Joe
          Hey Joe

          The even brighter side is my house is on the far end of close to a 1 hectare lot. No trash in my yard, except for what blows in from from all the retards.
          My pigpen is cleaner than they are

      2. Profile gravatar of Angel


        U.P. Upper Peninsula? In Michigan? Been there, my aunt said it gets really, really cold in the winter months. Beautiful lakes though. But I’ll pass on account of the deer tick problem.

        1. Profile gravatar of BLX2

          “deer tick problem”, I grew up at ground zero for that, spent a lot of times in the woods just before it became national news. I know it’s not funny, but I sure was a Teflon kid, ah the luck of the Irish 🙂 I guess the Phils is pay back time as my luck has run out….

    2. Profile gravatar of Mike

      Hey Joe,
      You had it easy. I had to walk about 3 miles in that weather with full combat gear and what passes me on the right? A couple of trucks taking the women to the same place the men had to walk but they went in a HEATED trailer. Hot breakfast? What’s that? Here they come with hot pancakes, sausage and such, pull the pancake out of the heated box and see the steam. YEA!!! A hot meal. Then you hear the clank of a frozen pancake hitting your metal mess kit. Damn food froze that fast.

    3. Profile gravatar of Mike

      I think we all might be wrong here. I mean HJ, BL and myself know about cold weather. But let’s wait for our friend from the Great White North. I saw on tv where there was a place in Russia so cold the windows and windshields of cars were replaced with plexiglass to keep them from shattering. On the other side. I surfed Star World where they have the snow village. Now, who are filipinos who have never been in weather under 75F to tell us how to dress in cold weather?

      1. Profile gravatar of Hey Joe
        Hey Joe

        Learned the hard way to open a window when bringing a car left out in that kind of cold into a warm shop.
        Pressure/temp differential can blow a windshield out or just crack it.

      2. Profile gravatar of 30-30

        Back in the days,, we had to walk in 3 feet of snow uphill both ways to school!!! hahah
        The trick is to go to cold climates when it is spring time,, then your body gets used to the cold. Nowadays, there are special underwear (expensive) you can buy.
        All the motors were kept running 24/7..
        Also, you can get hypothermia in above zero weather too. They say freezing to death is the easiest way to die,, You want to go to sleep and never wake up.
        8 years ago they cut the roofs off the the overhead walkways on edsa. Because the street vendors were using it and had shade. Now they are putting the roofs back on,, Elections are sprouting projects all over the place, Even the lowly baranguay has blood pressure tests,, tesda school, massages but with no happy ending,,
        I will post some pics about cold weather on my profile.
        Bye and take care
        Container Al

          1. Profile gravatar of 30-30

            to hey joe,
            maybe we went to the same schools and climbed the same hills,, hahahah
            Take care buddy

        1. Profile gravatar of Mike

          Al and Joe,

          You had it easy! When I went to school the school was up hill both ways and 10 miles away. The snow was 20 feet deep and I had to use a 2 inch plastic spoon to dig a tunnel to school each day both ways barefoot. If I was lucky dad might let me use a spork from KFC. To this very day I still hate those cheap ass plastic spoons.

          1. Profile gravatar of Hey Joe
            Hey Joe

            But did you have to dig tunnels out to the cow pasture to thaw/feed them? then chop and haul wood?
            You do know about cow tipping right?
            Lightweight hehe 🙂

          2. Profile gravatar of Mike

            Sure did. So that was you I passed that one day huh? Never went cow tipping though. I think Florida has the dumbest cows though. Up North they know when it’s milking time and head up on their own. But in Florida you have to chase the bastards down and round them up.

  6. Profile gravatar of

    I went to Gaisano today, guess what they were playing? Santa Claus is comin to town. Un fucking believable. And at 5pm last night the first bang bangs. This is really fucking insane. Someone really needs to talk to Aquino, this is not a joke it’s insanity.

    1. Profile gravatar of Mike

      Same here but no music yet. National Bookstore did have xmas decorations out for sale though. As for Gaisano super market, they still have the rotton veggies on display trying to sell them. Fucking morons.

      1. Profile gravatar of noypi

        From what country are you victom2011 and Mike? each country has its own culture different from others. I accept other comments here, but not this…. stupid comments froms tupid people like you….

        and may I ask why you’re still leaving here? this is to both of you ,,|,, ,,|,,

        1. Profile gravatar of Hey Joe
          Hey Joe

          Oh, here we go again!
          “may I ask why you’re still (leaving)?? here?” How very “PC” of you.
          The real question you already answered is what country are YOU from??

          Culture?? In the phils?? you say. you are kidding right??

          1. Profile gravatar of Mufazzza

            Yes, I see your point Al;-) But the problem by injecting quality sperm is that the kids will be even more beautiful, and there will come people from all over the world to fuck these beautiful creatures and the 200 mill. mark will be reached in notime!

            The mentality however, will not change, so in this respect it will be pointless. Better be patient and letting volcanoes and tyfoons do God’s work!:-)

            Or maybe the pole-reversal can bring some advantages, like bringing down power-grids (a 5 year old with a coin can do that in the flips anyway!;-) This will make karaoke more difficult! (Praise the Lord!;-)
            What remains then are only dogs, roosters and flips. And then there would be peace!;-)

          2. Profile gravatar of Mike

            Your comment about implanting our genes sounds like a cross between alien abduction and Braveheart. The scene where Longshanks is walking around the table talking with the nobles about getting the Scots out of Scotland. “If we can’t kick them out, we’ll breed them out.” “If we can’t kick the stupid out of them, we’;ll breed it out of them.”

  7. Profile gravatar of 30-30

    To Hey Joe,
    I never heard of the cow tunnels or cow tipping,,, But a true story is to tie a rope between the house and barn in case of snowstorms.
    My dad used to have a team of horses and a sleigh to get wood of the National park. An old guy was mad at my grandpa becos my grandpa graveled the roads,, so they guy’s boots would wear out faster. He used to work to the neighbors for meals,,, He slept on those old empty 40 lb fertilizer paper bags.
    Buy Barry Broadfoot’s ”The pioneer Years” about the first pioneers in western canada…Good , short stories about a hard way of life.
    Sorry for off topic.
    Container Al

  8. Profile gravatar of noypi

    We all have differences. Your culture is different from ours. Period. that’s what you need to understand. I can accept some of the comments here but most are bullshit commnents coming from retard people who cannot make for a living on their own country and no other choice but to live here. Go fuck yourselves. What important for us is that we enjoy this “ber” months. If you don’t like it, then go let yourselves get stressed! hahahahahaha….FUCK Y’ALL. LOVE YOU!!!

    1. Profile gravatar of Captain PFB
      Captain PFB Post author

      Yes, we all have differences. You are very much correct! And the difference between Filipinos and the rest of the world is Filipinos are extremely stupid, incompetent, dishonest, corrupt, and ignorant on a grand scale.

      Yes our culture is different from yours. 100% agree. My culture believes in standing on our own two feet. Working hard and not lazy. Being honest, doing our best, instead of little as possible. My culture stops having children once we’ve had all we can afford to feed. My culture doesn’t abandon our children to the streets. Your culture does. My culture drives orderly, we stay between the lane lines, we stop for people in crosswalk. Your culture doesn’t. My culture believes that actions speak louder than words. Your culture believes words speak louder than your actions. My culture works to solve problems, offers solutions and help for the poor, yours ignores it’s problems and ignores the poor, while claiming to be so “god fearing”.

      Yes, you are so very correct in saying we all have differences. Yes you are right indeed! And I have just pointed out a few of those differences.

      I can, and DID make a living in my own country. But I’m here because I believed the lies of a person from YOUR culture. That was my mistake; to believe a Filipino. That was my only stupid thing: I believed the words of a Filipino. BIG MISTAKE!

      1. Profile gravatar of Mike

        Looks to me that noypi is doing the thing filipinos love to do, shift the blame. Notice how it’s our fault and not his or filipinos? Also he never did back any of his points up with facts as he knows we are right as he did admit to an extent. As you would say he is just another buut hurt pinoy. As I would say another fucking moron.

    2. Profile gravatar of Phil Doh
      Phil Doh

      Can you really call that a “culture”? Adopting another culture’s one week christmas holiday and turning it into a four month celebration. Somehow filipinos have managed to make christmas more noisy and tacky, and the perfect opportunity for more people to beg. Great culture, at least you can say it’s unique.

    3. Profile gravatar of Captain PFB
      Captain PFB Post author

      Noypi, read the “About Us” page. You will see that this blog isn’t here to help you or your people. This blog is here to help us foreigners cope with the filthy conditions, extreme Filipino stupidity, ignorance, and widespread dishonesty of your culture. We’re not here to help you, you’re obviously helpless. You cannot be helped, because you don’t recognize or address the things we talk about here, which keep you all impoverished and helpless. You deny the reality of your culture, therefore you cannot be helped. This blog is here to help foreigners cope with idiots like you.

    4. Profile gravatar of

      @noypi Hey Monkey! Filipinos don’t have an original culture. Y’all muthafuckas we’re easily SCREWED up in the ASS by the Spanish, Americans and the Japs. ADAPTED to their culture then y’all fucked it up and called it your own. Y’all Flips gladly bended over submissively, can’t defend your own country, always beg and ask help from other nations. And you call yourself and independent nation? how pathetic!

    5. Profile gravatar of Thunderhead

      Bull shit comments – check
      retard people – check
      go fuck yourselves – check
      get stressed – check
      FUCK Y’ALL – check

      Noypi, you should be nice to these old guys. One of them might be your dad and you not know it.

      Like it or not there is a substantial amount of truth to what they say about the Philippines and the people living there. When it goes overboard (as it sometimes does – people do get emotional) you’ve got to filter that out. As to not being able to make a living elsewhere and coming to the Philippines to live? Hmmm, doing rather well for an old guy myself. The Philippines would only be where I eventually retire.

  9. Profile gravatar of Captain PFB
    Captain PFB Post author

    On this sacred and holy night, 3 wise men came bearing gifts…then went out and STARTED BLOWING SHIT UP, having no fucking consideration whatsoever for the sleeping baby Jesus, thus waking him and sending him into a fit of fright and wailing. The only way to calm him was to drape him in a cape, adorn him in a gold crown and parade him around the streets of Bethlehem on a platform with a drum brigade pounding on drums, which only made him cry more. Turns out the “wise” men only PROCLAIMED themselves to be wise, but everyone looked, and saw them as fucking brainless, inconsiderate, stupid morons.

  10. Profile gravatar of Sarah

    “What remains then are only dogs, roosters and flips. And then there would be peace!;-)”

    You forgot the fucking motorbikes with deliberately destroyed mufflers! They’re worse than all of the above combined!