The Idiot March of Cebu

filipino-religious-idiotsGranted, observing acts and rituals of sheer idiocy and brainlessness can be seen anywhere and everywhere in Philippines (just step out your front door and you’ll see one within 10 to 15 seconds), but I think my favorite idiot ritual is what I call the “Idiot March of Cebu”.

It would not surprise me if Monty Python came to Philippines for comedy inspiration for many of their little skits. Because every time I see the noisy, mundane, incessant drum pounding march which is comprised of at least 30 Filipino and Filipina morons with blank stares, completely unaffected by the eardrum splitting percussions from the off beat drummers right behind them, and several more carrying that Chuckie doll thing with the crown and cape. This happens 2 or 3 times per month, often every early in the morning before sunrise.

Sto Nino, that Chuckie doll thing that the idiot Pinoys violate one of the Ten Commandments by bowing down and worshiping.

And the first thing that comes to my mind is, “what the fuck do these brainless, inconsiderate religious idiots do? Do they wake up at 3am and gather and say, “Lets go marching around and pound on drums this morning, because we have nothing better to fucking do. Let’s go marching around to show everyone how religious we are!”

And that reminds me of a skit from Monty Python’s movie “The Meaning Of Life”. I swear they must have thought of this skit after a visit to Philippines.

The idiot march was very late today. 2pm! Normally it’s 4am. It started about an hour ago, I heard the faint mindless childish drum beat far off in the distance. It ever so slowly got louder and louder over the period of about an hour. The mundane mindless drum beat never stopped as the idiot march drew closer and louder. And by the time it was right outside my window, I began writing this article.

The drummers have stamina. They have been pounding that childish, mundane beat incessantly for a good 90 minutes now, non-stop. God must be really impressed with them. But at least that is 90 minutes they have chosen to NOT be scamming or lying, or cheating someone. This is devotional time. It would be sacreligious to scam cheat or steal during such rituals. So good for them.

Now, I can surely think of something else I RATHER be doing than marching up and down the street. Apparently these idiots can’t.

That’s why it’s called “THE IDIOT MARCH”.

Happy Sunday everyone!

Published in Filipino Stupidity, Religion


  1. Profile gravatar of FAFI

    There are times I witness these idiot marches down my street too, fortunately for me living in a condo guarded by irresponsible guards who loves to sleep on the job at night, they don’t pass anywhere through my gate. If on a given day at the wrong time I choose to go out and do my shopping, I find myself merging in the mess-crowd of pinoys dressed from head to toe in a white garment on a hot sunny day. If religion was real, all I care about is not being stuck in the same fuckin place as flips in the afterlife. They are already a nuisance on Earth, do you wanna deal with them in heaven or hell? Pinoys in heaven is just another form of hell, so allow me to correct myself, “Hell or Hell.” Good thing that religion bullshit is all made up, or else I would really be worried!