The Stupid Lunch – Part 1

I recently returned from the Philippines, having been invited by my brother and his wife (Filipino) to come and attend her nephew’s wedding.  Having never met her family, I decided what the heck and went for a few weeks.  I caught the tail end of my brother’s trip which included participation in the wedding, but then they left to go back to the states and I went to live in “the compound”. 

Well, sure enough I had a little fling with my sister in law’s niece, that became way to serious way to quickly, and in my defense, having recently lost my wife (of 27 years) to cancer  I was somewhat emotionally needy and vulnerable….Well we went out, had fun, did the kareoke thing, ect….then the last day came….and suddenly I was getting this invite to lunch from her mother’s side of the family.  I was told that they were inviting me to lunch at their apartment.  Well, a car came to pick us up and took us to an apartment. 

I noticed straight away that the tv was on and it was not turned off when I arrived, that there were these two squatter looking guys hanging out at the entrance, and there was no lunch on the table….hmmm…next thing you know we are all going out to eat, an expensive restaurant right on the bay overlooking the city….well, you can guess what happened next.  As soon as I arrived there I got an inkling of where it was headed…about 12 people all together, 8 of who I had never met before…so I ordered a salad and a glass of water, while the rest of that lot proceeded to order goat, expensive fish, lechon…you name it they ordered it….and sure enough…you guessed it…the bill was passed to me without a word…

Shit, I didn’t have enough cash on hand to pay for it…so thankfully they accepted my visa card…but I was in a hurry to leave and left without comment….I was hot….when we got back to the compound, the girl and her transvestite brother got an earful, including quite a few cuss words….and I told the rest of the family (my sister in laws side) and they were also outraged….

Well, that is part one of the story.  it may be so basic to the rest of you, but the PI was a relatively new thing to me and now I am all the wiser.  After returning home I did my detective work and found out the girls’ Auntie runs an internet cafe, that there are about 5 white guys that are all getting fleeced on a regular basis by these folks, and that I was not the first this girl had tried to grab.  In fact, this girl was still friends with the ex and I sent him a facebook message and we became fast friends. 

If this story is interesting enough, I will share what he experienced and how it was so much worse than mine….anyway not sure if this is a good topic for this site….thanks

Published in Common Discourtesy, Filipino Stupidity, Rants


  1. Profile gravatar of Nik

    same old story. the only thing new is that you knew where this is all heading to but still you paid for these fucktards. that’s a defeat man.

  2. Profile gravatar of Sarah

    NOTHING is FREE in the Failippines whatsoever! You all have to pay for the fun (and even not so fun) one way or another. You’re lucky you did not get coerced into marriage. One thing you should never do…. never ever meet a girl and her family on her own turf. You were lucky that they took you out to the open, a public restaurant where escape was easy.

    1. Profile gravatar of Don Quixote
      Don Quixote

      Shame you could not of slipped out the back door whilst they were watching the front.
      Or put in the wrong pin number, so there is no money, then say I Will pay for mine and my girls you all will have to pay for your own.

    2. Profile gravatar of djbuett
      djbuett Post author

      Sarah..well just remember that this was my sister in law’s compound, and I had stayed there for about 6 days already and was having a blast…the surprise lunch came from the girl’s mother’s side of the family, a somewhat mysterious bunch that my sister in law knew little about….well I know about them now..

      1. Profile gravatar of Sarah

        DJ, one thing to keep in mind when going to the Failippines as a single foreign guy. You are always a target. Think of yourself as being a white chicken in a dog’s yard. You are prey. You were in the sister in law’s compound. SHE WAS FAMILY of the girl. As Johnny said, they have everything to gain and nothing to lose. Worth a gamble. At least you had the foresight to get ‘nicked’ earlier. Others, (like one of my Kano friends) not so lucky and are saddled between the devil (Pinay) and the deep blue sea.

  3. Profile gravatar of Idiotocracy

    My GF started in on the previous trip, just the family members that work for me, but once was enough. A trip to the museum turned into lunch and a trip to the museum for two extra mouths to feed and pay admission for. This last trip I made it butt clear before I took them anywhere, GF and her younger sister that lives with us and no one else was invited. Then the night I arrived I was asked about the employee’s “pasabulong” (sp?) and was told I would lose face if I didn’t bring the employees chocolate too. The hell I will… ungrateful dongs are easily shamed and run off on their own after a few written warnings. Yes you gotta be careful firing one of them but I have yet to find that necessary.

    I’d of walked on these dongs in a heart beat before the meal started after asking who was paying the bill. Remember dude, there is a difference between a nice guy and a doormat.

    1. Profile gravatar of Sarah

      First time we went to the Philippines, ass wipe Uncle decided to take us to a resort. The party was supposed to be for 10 people, all family members consisting of Aunts and cousins and my family from Oz. We chartered a van. Come morning and we were boarding the van ready for the trip and I noticed three extra faces I have not seen before. Turned out they were the nieces of the Uncle’s evil demon wife. I asked Mum if she invited them and she said “no”. I asked if she knew about them coming and she said “no”. So off we went, all expenses paid by us, including the uninvited tag-alongs. Rude? bad manners? Absolutely! But these Neanderthals don’t know that! Nor care. It’s a free lunch, so why should they care?

      1. Profile gravatar of djbuett
        djbuett Post author

        I will mention it in my forthcoming part 2, but what is stunning to me is that if they showed a bit of wisdom, held their horses and played nice, the girl could have fooled me a bit longer and they could have garnered a bigger prize…but alas, the Fat Aunt and the rest couldn’t resist the possibility of a free lunch…kind of like the beginning of the Miyazaki’s Spirited Away anime movie when the parents can’t turn down the unguarded bewitched food and get turned into pigs for their efforts…

  4. Profile gravatar of Johnny

    Just be happy she didn’t get pregnant and you’re not married.
    My advice to all men going to the Philippines, get a vasectomy before you arrive. The last thing you want is a love child with a selfish Filipina with no education, no skills, and loose morals. It’s like having 2 children to take care of.
    Never get onto a relationship with a Filipina who has nothing to lose and everything to gain (same with the family).

  5. Profile gravatar of djbuett
    djbuett Post author

    thanks to all…yup..Nik…you are right…it was a defeat…didn’t have the you know what to walk away, which now I see I should have done…but it was a pretty isolated area and it would have been tough to have found the taxi from there…but yes, my day dream includes me walking off while extruding a middle finger salute…and Johnny, the dirty deed has been done already, so no worries there…

  6. Profile gravatar of

    Hi, i had a friend who is engaged with his new filipina gf.. She took the girl out and surprisingly the whole family went with them. Unfortunately, the girl is not allowed to go out without any companion no unless they are already married.
    Bloody annoying but he is putting up with all this bullshit. Im pretty sure that the girl’s family jst want a free dinner. I told him to get out now and go back to australia before its too late

  7. Profile gravatar of tomas

    Welcome to the Philippines! You aint seen nothing yet bud!

    I thought taping a picture of an ATM pin pad to my rather large forehead and walking into my in-laws house.

    Think they would get the message? Naw… too bloody dense!