The Tale of Poor Joe & The Frozen Filo Brains

Poor Joe is in his 60’s and hails from the West coast of America. Back on the West coast Joe is a mechanic for anything that has an engine, pretty good one too.

Now Joe has a woman in the philippines that has two kids from a pinoy who kinda took off, nothing new there huh? So what Joe does is go to the states for about three months every year to work then return and live the remainder of the year with his woman. So like most foreigners Joe wants to set his house up for comfort. Nice tv, cable, furniture and so forth. Well one day Joe gets the idea that a chest freezer would be a good addition to the household belongings, which I’m sure most of us here would agree is correct.

So one fine day Joe goes out and looks at said chest freezers, finds one he likes that is big enough, pays for it and it’s delivered (in filipino time of course). So now Joe is as happy as a caribou in a mud wallow. He can buy ice cream to enjoy as he sits in the comfort of his house taking it easy. Shortly after buying the freezer Joe decides it’s time to return to the states, work for a few months and then return and enjoy the easy life once again. So off Joe goes on the freedom bird back out of the rabbit hole and back into the real world. Now everything is going great, Joe is making money, spending time with family but still thinking of his woman back in the rabbit hole, I mean philippines.

After his usual three months in the states Joe returns to the philippines excited to see his woman. Who in the mean time has been going around town in a very low cut top that revealed a lot of cleavage, not that I complained about that though. So Joe walks into his house and notices right away that the chest freezer he bought brand new three months ago is no longer in the house and no where to be seen. So in line with normal thinking Joe ask his woman (who we’ll call Busty for good reasons, two of them) where his freezer is. To which Busty says she loaned it to her brother because he needed it more than she did. Out to the car and off Joe goes to get his freezer from Busty’s brother only to be disappointed as you shall see.

Upon arriving at the brothers house Joe ask about his freezer as he does not see it any where in brothers house nor on the property.

Joe: Where’s my freezer?

Brother: I loaned it to a friend.

Joe: Why?

Brother: He needed a freezer to store some stuff in.

Joe: Do I know this friend?

Brother: No

Joe: Get in the car and let’s go get my freezer.

Brother: Ok

So off they go in a hail of bug dust with brother showing the way. Yes the friend was at home and yes he still had the freezer so Joe tells him he wants it back. Friend of brother says no problem but they have to clean it out first and leads Joe to the freezer. There, In the corner shining like fresh snow in the sunlight sits Joes freezer looking pretty damn good. UNTIL,,,,,,,,,,the door is opened!!! What’s that inside of the freezer? Car parts, trash, rotting food and such. But look closer, look at the inside walls. SEE IT?? Look closer then, go ahead and lean over and look. Don’t mind the smell of rotting food. There on all the walls, see all the holes punched in it? See the steam building up on Joe face? WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED? yells Joe

Friend: Ice kept building up and we defrosted it with a screw driver.

Joe: What fucking moron uses a screw driver to defrost a freezer and then puts hundreds of holes in it?

Friend: So we would not have to defrost it again. The car parts were freezing to the side and bottom of the freezer.

Now see Joe walk off shaking his head before he kills some filipinos?

Published in Filipino Stupidity


    1. Profile gravatar of 30-30

      Sm is full of freezers w,,,with no frost free the frost free ones do not show the electricity usage per day on them… idk why???
      Oh yes,, SM delivers but for 300 pesos,, to find out if they deliver to ur area,, the salesmen disapper for 15 minutes,,, come back and say SORRRY SIR,, they do not deliver to ur area,,,,, B/S… i suppose they just throw them off the truck onto edsa and u pick up from there??????

      1. Profile gravatar of Spartacus_killingus

        How about that “We can deliver next week.” bullshit?

        I need my refrigerator now!!
        Then you see the sales person go over and talk to someone and he then tells you to go around the corner and leave 500 pesos hidden in one of the units so he can get it and make your fast delivery come to fruition.

        Skeptical I am. But if I have to pay a little extra to get shit done, I don’t know, I guess that’s just the way it is.

    2. Profile gravatar of Mike
      Mike Post author


      We all know they make frost free fridges and freezers. But what has not been invented yet is one that is filipino proof.

        1. Profile gravatar of Mike
          Mike Post author


          I did make a mistake after thinking about the filipino proof after I posted it. Pinoy Proof sounds so much better and same amount of letters as pinoy pride.

  1. Profile gravatar of Spartacus_killingus

    I am Joe’s silent rage……..

    The patterns are more and more than obvious. The beginning of your story had me laughing, then in the end had me pissed off and grinding my teeth.
    I have been done this way over exactly the same thing with my refrigerator which I purchased (FOR MY DAMN SELF) only to come back and find it loaned to who? The brother, only to ask for it back but guess what? Yeah it’s not there they traded it for a used laptop. Moreover, when I purchased a brand new laptop it was gone within a month the same damn way.
    Taken, loaned to another, to another, to the ether and gone!

    Your story touched a nerve.

    As far as frost goes, putting it outside in a high humid environment will build frost every time someone opens the door. I had to train my ex family to understand this basic law of physics. Otherwise out pops the 12 inch butcher knife to hack at the ice like a serial killer.
    But its not good enough to tell them, you have to do it yourself, because otherwise out comes the knife, screw driver, or other pointy fucking object.

    I stopped buying those horrible inner freezer door units after my second one broke the door from too much ice. So for anyone in the Philippines who needs a “ref”, remember you live in a hot and high humidity environment and freezers will frost the fuck up in no time. Instead opted for the freezer refrigeration separation type, i.e. what you are used to in your home country. It still frosts up but not 1/10th as bad and are easy to clean. They do costs a little more but well worth it in the end.

      1. Profile gravatar of Spartacus_killingus

        I tried that bro, didn’t work. LOL

        It was a GE too. It cost me a pretty penny at the time. But I agree it certainly did help, like probably once every two months I would start to get noticeable ice build up. The metal lined freezers are the worst, the ones without paint that is.

        But I think that may have been because:
        1. I prepare all my meals for the week, and put it in tuppeware and I’m constantly going back to the freezer like every 2 hours to get my meals. Also sometimes put them in when they are slightly warm (An obvious NO NO).
        2. Because I never had a sealed apartment. I kept windows open year round to let the air flow. I might as well have been living outside for all that’s worth. So every time I opened the door in goes a shit ton of warm humid air.

        Needless to say it wasn’t that bad once I got the GE ( think it was GE, might have been Samsung) But my first few were those really cheap deawoo or some other brand. I personally never really had issues with defrosting, but even when I did, common sense says don’t job the son of a bitch with a screw driver right? lol

        Hell there is even a warning label in ALL freezers saying don’t d this… Filipinos do not understand rules and label, they shall be summarily ignored.

        1. Profile gravatar of Captain PFB
          Captain PFB

          I have an LG refridgerator/freezer. Windows always open, no aircon in that part of the house, and I have never had ice build-up in it. It’s literally frost-free. I’ve had it for about 3 years. Never any ice build-up.

        2. Profile gravatar of Spartacus_killingus

          Well shit… Leave it to me to fuck up the simplicity of even a frost less freezer. Ha ha.
          I wouldn’t be surprised if I did something wrong in there somewhere, up to and including getting conned perhaps.
          Admittedly … ~___~ ( and with some shame) I did take it at the word of the sales person only, that it was “frost free”. LOL
          I mean, it didn’t “technically” say it was frost free anywhere on the unit. So….. ya know…yeah..
          I won’t and can’t blame a Filipino for this one. I may just have to bit the bullet and accept my failure to do my research on my merchandise, instead of getting a sales pitch.

          Was that my first mistake? lol

          1. Profile gravatar of Captain PFB
            Captain PFB

            Well Spart, I’m quite certain the sales idiot had no clue what “frost-free” was, but most likely, he didn’t even hear or understand your question. And what do Filipinos do when they don’t understand something? Well they have to save face, and pretend they DO understand. After all, he wouldn’t want to appear like the idiot Filo he is.

            So what likely happened when you asked him if it’s frost-free, he just confidently said yes, regardless of the fact he was utterly clueless.

            So your only mistake here was putting your confidence in the utterance of a Filipino. They’ll say yes to all your fucking questions if it will get you to buy. I can’t tell you how many times I have experienced that.

            Now I have fun with them. I have learned to research online any and all large appliance / electronics / TV’s, etc BEFORE going to the store to buy. So I am already aware of what I’m buying, and what features it has and doesn’t have. So I’ll ask them a question to which I already know the answer is no. They’ll say yes, then I will prove to them what a clueless idiot they are.

            They are so predictably idiotic. I learn from my frustrations, then I have fun with them next time. A foreigner needs to have a little fun here!

        3. Profile gravatar of Mike
          Mike Post author


          I just HAVE to ask. When a filipino puts meat, fish and such in the freezer have you ever seen them put it in a closed container or do they just chuck it in?

          1. Profile gravatar of Captain PFB
            Captain PFB

            Mike, I’ll take on that question, being I have 4 Filos in my household. Fridge or freezer, they don’t cover or seal anything. They just chuck it in. And a refrigerator is like a dehydrator. Being there is continual air exchange going on (which they are clueless about) something in the fridge can dry out as fast, if not faster than just leaving it out.

            I did an experiment for them to prove my point. I took on slice of bread, put it in the fridge. Another just sitting on the counter. The next morning we compared the two. Both were croutons, but the one sitting out still had a little bit of spongyness to it.

            Can’t tell you how many times I opened the fridge to find leftover chicken from last night sitting on a plate, uncovered, in the fridge.

            But you know what? Before they learned from me, they would leave leftover chicken, pork, or fish just sitting on the counter covered by one of those fly screens all night and eat it for lunch the next day.

            Told them if they want to get some kind of food poisoning that’s fine, but warned them to never ever ever serve me meat that has sat out for hours and hours, cooked or uncooked.

            The idiots are clueless.

          2. Profile gravatar of Mike
            Mike Post author


            If you think it is hard to get them to understand about the freezer and how it ruins uncovered food fast. I have a challenge.

            Your mission should you decide to accept it Mr. FiLo is to try to teach the idea of freezer burn to filipinos. As usual the agency will deny any involvement if you are caught. This post will self destruction in 5 seconds.

            Sorry, you have to play the theme song in your mind. As the filipinos would say,,,,no budget.

          3. Profile gravatar of Spartacus_killingus

            It depends.

            My old Family used nothing. I wold sometimes open the freezer and be greeted by a large pile of frozen pork half buried in the frost ice.
            Or a fish frozen into a death pose, again half frozen in ice, and meat placed haphazardly into SM shopping bags .
            I would say most everything from pork chicken and fish was always just thrown in without consideration.

            My new family is somewhat normal in my view in that they actually put everything into plastic Ziploc bags or Tupperware. They even have one of those vacuum sealers.

    1. Profile gravatar of Mike
      Mike Post author


      So you were pissed and grinding teeth at the end of the story. You plan on sending your woman to get a black candle with my name on it??? LOL

    1. Profile gravatar of Spartacus_killingus

      It keeps the parts newer, that way when you put them on the car they are still fresh.
      It is in the same vein as turning off your headlights and driving on the road at night to save fuel.

      Makes perfect sense right?

      1. Profile gravatar of Mike
        Mike Post author


        As for the headlights off. Maybe they are afraid of getting a bill from the electric company. I always loved it when they would whip up to wifes store in dead of night with no headlights. I have something I always say loud enough for them to hear: Anyone too stupid to turn on their headlights at night is too stupid to be driving.

        You guessed it, the blank look.

        1. Profile gravatar of Sarah

          Some brainless Pinay teenagers almost ran over me and my cousin last year. They were driving a motorbike with lights off at dusk. I doubt they were licensed too! They’re as stupid as they come. Just because their lives are cheap doesn’t mean mine is!!

          1. Profile gravatar of Mike
            Mike Post author


            How about when they do have their headlights on but have a RED plastic lens covering it?

          2. Profile gravatar of Sarah

            “How about when they do have their headlights on but have a RED plastic lens covering it?”

            Lights on with red plastic cover is better than no lights!!!

            My Pinoy Uncle do the same, try not use the lights even in the dark if there’s street lights. I asked him one day why he does not use his lights.
            “lights consumes gasoline. We’re trying to conserve the gasoliine”.

            How idiotic!!!

    2. Profile gravatar of Mike
      Mike Post author


      Who knows the mind of a filipino? Even the bravest among men shake with fear at just the very thought of treading in that dark, empty abyss.

  2. Profile gravatar of vinzz

    The day i discovered how they store stuff in fridge & freezer is another story.
    one morning i buy meat for 2 days, on the evening i discovered it was allready frozen in the freezer.Then when they decided to cook, they unfroze the piece of meat (the fresh meat of the day) in water and put back the remaining in the freezer to process this way many times all the week.
    They even dont understand it’s dangerous & can cause a germ intoxication !
    Since this time it’s out of question to eat meat there…
    I was amazed again and again : i plan to eat fresh stuff & they just freeze & unfreeze it.
    I dont know how i didnt get severe intoxication there.

    The way they got there fridge is another story ,it’ is said it was buy by an aunt to a sibling who sell it to buy something else, then used again to cancell a loan : that’s the way it arrived in this house.
    That’s their version and i just expect it’s not coming from another poor joe…

    1. Profile gravatar of BLX2

      For just over P100 I buy 8″ x 14″ bags that are a good thickness. They are great for freezer storage. When buying ref’s and freezers or anything, double check the model number they put on the sales slip, I got burnt on my ref, but at least it is frost free.

  3. Profile gravatar of Spartacus_killingus

    I used to when I first arrived in the Phillippines actually concerned myself about the state of food left out over night, germs, germs transferred to the freezer, etc.

    I got sick so many times over the years, and I mean really SICK…
    Then one day after a few years, I just stopped getting sick altogether. I could eat the food left out all day and into the next evening with no problem.
    I drew the line with anything seafood though, but fired foods were fine, and of course anything with a large amount of vinegar were okay as well.

    Naturally I don’t recommend someone attempt to titrate themselves to dangerous bacteria levels over the next couple of years, but it is possible to develop an immunity to all but the most serious of the bacteria.

    The trick is to not actually touch the food after you cook it, use chop sticks of a fork to get what you want. That goes a long way. The dryer the food the better, so anything in liquid that is not saturated in vinegar is fair game for some nasty germs.

    I developed a cast iron stomach over there, that much is certain.