We’re Professional Because We Say We Are

You know how it is with Filipinos, they only have to state something proudly about themselves and in their pea-sized brains they stubbornly believe it to be true. At the BI in Davao they have a huge sign on the wall boasting about their integrity and professionalism, and whilst you sit there for hours waiting to get your passport stamped you get to witness just how unprofessional and stupid every single one of their staff are.

I’ve seen some asleep at their desks. If somebody brings food in everybody stops work. Everybody will stop what they’re doing to reply to texts. You have to adhere to their no sandals and shorts policy whilst the scruffy bastards get to turn up in jeans, trainers and baseball caps. I’ve seen plenty of foreigners complaining there, usually about the waiting times. The “professional” BI’s answer to this is to just take even longer, usually by putting that person’s application to the bottom of the pile. Petty little children.

Here’s a few pictures of the idiots at their christmas party, celebrating outside the entrance, courtesy of their facebook page. Bare in mind this is a few months after a foreigner managed to escape from the holding cells whilst they threw a children’s birthday party inside the building. They were so noisy they didn’t hear him sawing through the bars.


And this is actually one of their top officials. Just what the fuck is this clown wearing?


Just another day at the office.


Another party with tacky decorations.


I once talked with one of their top officials and asked if he had ever been outside the Philippines. He hadn’t, and I guess none of them have. If they had they may have had a chance to visit government offices in other countries and get to see what real professionalism is.

Your express lane fees hard at work:
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BI personnel witnessed the following momentous events to celebrate the diamond anniversary: unveiling of the marker symbolizing the 75th diamond anniversary, the signing of the collective negotation agreement, launching of coffee table book and awarding of long service awards.
It’s time to get this karaoke machine unwrapped… WTF is this shit?
Published in Bureaucracy, Delusional Filipino


  1. Profile gravatar of Captain PFB
    Captain PFB

    “But dis is dee Pilippines! Dats dee way we do tings!”

    My response is: “And dats why dee world looks at you as a bunch of clueless idiots…because of dee way you doo tings!”

      1. Profile gravatar of Pissnoy Allergy
        Pissnoy Allergy

        You know, there was I time, when cell phones started to become widespread among them, that I felt a certain hope that those gadgets would be educational, in the sense of teaching them that their way of doing things does not work.

        Technical gadgets are quite “unforgiving” to people who are hell bent on doing things their own way. Because you actually have to put up an effort figuring out how to work a device. You actually have to learn something. You can not lie, or manipulate, or put up a drama, or threaten a machine into giving you what you want from it.

        Today, almost 15 years later, I can not say that I have observed any sign that playing around with tech stuff have had any such effect on them.

        1. Profile gravatar of Phil Doh
          Phil Doh Post author

          Technology just makes them worse. Phones are a major distraction to people who are supposed to be working, as there never seems to be any rules about turning phones off during work hours. And social media feeds right into their narcissistic and boastful ways. The only ones who tend to stray away from FB are those who go in search of a scam.

          1. Profile gravatar of Pissnoy Allergy
            Pissnoy Allergy

            Yes, it makes me think about the Greek mythological story of King Midas, turning anything he touched into gold.

            Pinoys seem to be suffering from “Inverse King Midas Syndrome,” as they turn everything they touch into shit.

        2. Profile gravatar of BLX2

          “You can not lie, or manipulate, or put up a drama, or threaten a machine into giving you what you want from it.”, 🙁 Why can’t they see they do this? Why am I to blame that reality really doesn’t work this way, that doing it wrong means someone, somewhere is going to have to pay for it (usually me, at a high price)?
          Lie, manipulate, drama, threaten, just add hit and spit on me and you have what I have dealing with this morning.

          Leave. But she don’t want to. But I’m so terrible I deserve to be hit and spit on. Literally here’s spit in your eye. The deal was you hit, you leave. Well she hit but refuses to leave making threats and demanding P50,000. You want to stay? Welcome to the military. I’m the drill sergeant and you’re the trainee. You follow orders, you do not talk back. In the military you don’t listen to the sergeant you get immediately dishonorably discharged. I’ve tried doing it the adult way by talking. All that gets me is lie, manipulate, drama, threaten, hit and spit on.
          I’ve had one hell of a morning dealing with it all, rant off.

          1. Profile gravatar of Angel

            Sounds horrible. And the nerve to even demand money. Sigh, it’s all about the money….

      2. Profile gravatar of 30-30

        This is probably the only country in the world that has a bounty on illegal tourists etc. We are only worth 2000 pesos bounty money,,
        Can you imagine the demonstrations that would take place in merica, If they had bounties on illegals.???? They would have court cases in the UN.
        That woman with her empty bump on the desk looks to be pure evil!!!!
        Shipping to all four corners of the world, including ossie land

          1. Profile gravatar of 30-30

            To Mike… The social media would explode into a firestorm of pinoy pride butthurt and screaming!!!!!!!!!!
            Monstrous parades in front of the usa embassy would erupt. burning of usa flags and effigies!!!
            Rebel yells of racism and bigotry!!! The slums would be emptied of the 300 peso a day demonstrators and they would pillage the embassy!!!
            Americans would be hunted down in the streets of Manila!!!

            Is a link

          2. Profile gravatar of Don Quixote
            Don Quixote

            I visited the US Embasy Outreach yesterday with a Sepo mate, who wanted to take his wife on a visit to the USA , a Holiday. mind you His elderly mother would like to meet his child bride as she cant fly out here she is 90.
            But sir !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! It will take a long time and here are the papers.
            We asked why it was so hard their EXACT WORDS WERE.
            Because of all the Illegal over stayers there from the Philippines.!!!!!!!!!!!!!
            They are the second worse illegal immigrants in the USA after Mexico.
            So the good guys suffer because of the assholes who don’t want to return to their fabulous cuntry. pinoy pride

        1. Profile gravatar of Johnny

          That would be awesome if the USA did that just as a retaliation to the Philippines. There are plenty of illegal Filipinos in California.
          Just say, “hey, you government is doing it so we can do it. Don’t blame us, blame your country when we ship you back there. Ingat po.”

  2. Profile gravatar of Hey Joe
    Hey Joe

    Last month I had to go to the very same BI office to pay my rent for the supreme privilege of living here.

    So I am doing the paperwork at 8AM with only three others. In less than 20mn, done and handed over to the first flunkie and go plant my ass in a chair for the wait…and wait… So at about 10 they call me..whoot-whoot I say to my self.. I out of here… Whoops they forget to renew my I-card.
    Plant my ass again..tick-tock
    Now it’s noon and they call me again!! NOW I out of here for sure. Pay my rent, Passport with shinny gold sticker in hand but the flip tells me I have to wait a hr to get my receipt !!!
    All I could do was plant my ass again and wait. So seems it takes a OH so highly skilled person to hit the fucking print button????????????
    They had my rent money, I had my passport/visa in hand and the dumbass that took said money can’t hit print??
    45mn later (about 1PM)I get called yet again and at LONG last I’m free, well till next time.
    Oh, and I still need to come back in a month to pickup the new I-card

    Helpless, completely helpless.

    1. Profile gravatar of Captain PFB
      Captain PFB

      They will never ever ever ever ever ever ever ever never ever never never never ever never ever ever ever ever fucking figure out the concept of time. Time stands still for these brainless turds. I sometimes think they do it on purpose so they have this idiotic feeling of power or status over you. Why? Because deep deep down inside, they know just how unbelievably fucking worthless and pathetic they truly are as a people. They NEED that false feeling, so they conjure it up in ways that not only FUCK THEMSELVES FURTHER, but keep their pathetic, non-progressive, disgusting, petty, clueless country in the pits of utter failure.

      It’s saddening and maddening all at the same time.

      1. Profile gravatar of BLX2

        One time I asked someone why in the hell some drivers would get in the left lane of the highway and drive slow, causing traffic to back up and to pass on the right. It’s on the test, left lane is for passing. Slower traffic is to keep to the right.
        Their answer to my question, “They feel powerless in their lives, it is their way to have power over other people”. Sound familiar? The only real power most of us have is over ourselves. What we have we earned for ourselves and made sacrifices for, if we didn’t tow the line of responsibility we lose. We have to do what we have to do. And because these lazy, ignorant assholes don’t have a clue and they feel powerless in their lives they justify, lie, cheat, manipulate, steal, hassle, they make it hard for us while we are doing the right thing, what we are supposed to do, but they make it even harder because they want to feel power for their fail. Can you tell I’m sick of this shit?

    2. Profile gravatar of Phil Doh
      Phil Doh Post author

      “Oh, and I still need to come back in a month to pickup the new I-card”

      Good luck with that. Mine hadn’t arrived after 5 months. The last time I got fobbed off by five people, one being a girl who had eaten one too many potato chips that morning and fell asleep at – not her desk – but somebody elses. Each one had the same robotic answer, blaming it on “Hasn’t arrived from Manila yet, sir.” It would be too logical and efficient though to just have a card printing machine in Davao right? Too busy patting each other on the back for a job well done and onto planning their next party.

      1. Profile gravatar of Captain PFB
        Captain PFB

        These fucktards are masters of inefficiency. Simply because they’re just plain stupid. Period. I have never experienced anyone within a company have consistent information about the company they work for. You could ask 10 people in the same company the same question, and you will get 10 completely different answers, 10 completely different policies.

        These people go way beyond stupid.

      2. Profile gravatar of Hey Joe
        Hey Joe

        They sure went down hill fast. Last year renew i-card renew visa, I shit you not 1.5hrs and I’m out the door!. Pick up i-card in 2 weeks, and I got a text telling me it was ready.. WTF??? was that all about.

        Now ?????????
        Like a give a crap anyway about the I-card. It has never left my file since last year. Still have my old one with the receipt for the new one.
        Oh, had to LOL at the flip giving me my first i-card. He says “now you can get a bank account” LOL, I’ve had one for like 6years. The banks don’t give a shit about no stinking laws??? what is that?? law???
        Bank manager=Hey Joe!, you got cash to deposit?? USD”s?? OH better yet..we fix you right up Joe! Have a seat at my desk Joe..want some coffee Joe.. Okay Joe account all set-up. OH,they can move when cash is involved!

        Like the same deal with the new car plates…2 f-ing years I’ve paid for new ones NOTHING
        My plates are expired 2yrs ago and no one cares. I got my new window stickers no problem, and the receipt for the plates. So ???????????? are you EVER going to get around to giving me what I paid for?? twice!
        Guess as long as I got my receipt. If they don’t care why the hell should I??

        1. Profile gravatar of Johnny

          Yep, on my license plate, it says 2012. They can’t even provide a simple sticker. They can mark the registration with a Note, “No sticker available, LTO”. The registration costs like P1500 for a piece of paper and a non-existent sticker. I always think its cause they loot the budget so much, they realize too late they actually need to provide a service but the money is already gone. What a great business model though. P1500 for a piece of paper, cause the sticker would really eat into their budget.
          I actually thought about doing the fake business tax and permits. I hate to watch my local mayor getting richer stealing all he can. It drives me crazy.

      3. Profile gravatar of Hey Joe
        Hey Joe

        “It would be too logical and efficient though to just have a card printing machine in Davao right?”

        Ya, why the hell not. You can go across the street to Victoria and have a near perfect fake car plate or biz tax and biz permit made up on the spot. Right out in the open..fake plates, fake everything… LOL, gota fee sorry for em sometimes NOT!

        1. Profile gravatar of Captain PFB
          Captain PFB

          Here’s the deal with all that shit. All govt agencies, as well as business chains have their head offices in Manila. And any branch stores/offices in Mindanao and Visayas always have to be under the watchful eye of daddy in manila. Because Filipinos with authority either don’t know how to delegate, or refuse to delegate even the basic authorities to branch managers, etc. The “big boss” in Manila wants and needs that feeling of supreme power.

          So every little fucking thing needs to go across his desk. And so you have 190 fucking branches waiting for approval from the big boss in Manila to so much as wipe their own fucking ass. But it takes so fucking long because the big boss’ desk is piled 40 feet high with requests for approval or to print a fucking card, or to wipe one’s ass at another branch. So that’s why you get “we’re still waiting for Manila sir”.

          No Filipino wants to delegate even the slightest ounce of authority to anyone. The want to keep it all to themselves, thus completely clogging up their own fucking systems.

          Such fucking idiots.

          1. Profile gravatar of Hey Joe
            Hey Joe

            Makes sense if.


            from The American Heritage® Dictionary of the English Language, 4th Edition
            n. Obsessive preoccupation with the self.

            from Wiktionary, Creative Commons Attribution/Share-Alike License
            n. Excessive vanity, pride or arrogance; self-importance.

            from The Century Dictionary and Cyclopedia
            n. An exaggerated egotism, amounting to an actual mental disorder.

            from WordNet 3.0 Copyright 2006 by Princeton University. All rights reserved.
            n. an intense and irresistible love for yourself and concern for your own needs

            Check, check, check, and check
            Yup they are all nuts. Case closed. Nuke the island and start over. 🙂

      4. Profile gravatar of Fr. Bong Bong Jolog Jun III
        Fr. Bong Bong Jolog Jun III

        You’ll find that they do have a printing machine in Davao – it will just be broken. Probably been that way for at least five years. In the pin-headed quagmire that is “Pinoy think”, paying P200 each to LBC for hundreds of iCard deliveries is cheaper than the one time time P2,000 it might cost to fix the machine.

        There is also the issue of getting an approval to fix the machine, from Manila, where some brain-dead-zombie-creature presides over mountains of stampeded (and unread) paperwork, all being requests to fix non-working printing machines. The machines were bought cheap (at high cost) and no replacement parts are available anyway. Brain-dead-zombie-creature cares not.

        Fucking Kano. Go home!

        1. Profile gravatar of Johnny

          When I was getting the registration for my motorcycle, it took almost a year from the shop. They charged me P3,000 to get the registration and title switched to my name. They said it was going to take 2 months, but it took almost 9 months. I only realized it when the registration was about to expire. I had to go back 6 times and keep asking. The registration was always, “coming sir”. Finally, I issued a demand letter for the registration and if they didn’t do it by a certain date, I would charge them or file damages in the amount of P10,000 peso damage, P1,000 for each trip I made there, plus attorney and court cost. It got to me in 2 days and they were so proud of themselves for getting it done instead of saying, “sorry it took so long”.
          I guess between them and the LTO, they were losing the records over and over. Plus of course, they don’t really give a shit about doing their jobs to begin with.
          I remember asking the girl, “what is taking so long? This process takes 1 day in the USA.”
          Her response, “Well sir, in the USA, you have better technology than Pilippines”.
          I said, “A fucking printer, scanner, computer, and a database is better technology?! I could have that shit set up in 2 hours and 12,000 pesos and start processing registrations if I was in charge.”
          She gave me the blank stare. I guess that is another one of their excuses or lies they believe. The 1st world countries do things better cause they have the better technology, so the Philippines simply can’t do it.

    3. Profile gravatar of Johnny

      The best quote a forienger had when I first got here, “Time has no value here”. We all know this after a month or 2, but coming from the countries we are from where time is the most precious source, it still boggles the mind. Even if these people hate their jobs, you would think helping people or doing something would pass the time. I’ve had jobs I absolutely hated, but I noticed if I simply kept working my shift was over before I knew it.
      My family has a court case against someone for forgery. A very simple case since we have gathered all the documents, evidence, affidavits, inconsistencies, etc. However, we are now on year 4 of a simple case. It seems you have to schedule court cases 2 -3 months in advance cause:
      They can’t do multiple appointments in a week to solve it faster.
      they cancel for no reason,
      get sick,
      go on vacation,
      lose paperwork,
      forget something
      forgot to put something on the paperwork
      never recieved something (even though you have a received by date and signature from them,
      need another day to add something,
      want to leave early cause its lunch,
      don’t want to come back after lunch until 2 hours later
      want to cut the court session short cause its merienda time,
      need authorization from another dept,
      can’t schedule in November caue its some bullshit “all saints day/ holy week” catholic holiday,
      can’t schedule in December cause its Christmas,
      can’t schedule in January cause it will be too busy catching up after 2 months of no court.
      and other countless excuses.

      These excuses are not from the defendant, but from the actual court and judge!! You will be lucky to get 3 court sessions in 1 year. Then the defendant gets all kinds of excuses granted to him as well to delay. If you are guilty of a crime, you are just in love with the Filipino court system cause you will die before you’re ever found guilty. If you are found guilty, just appeal and drag it out another 5 years. If you are the victim, you are victimized twice.
      Here is the best way to describe when someone cheats you in the Philippines:
      Thursday: they cheat you
      Friday: They laugh about it
      Saturday: they tell their friends and drink to it.
      Sunday: They go to church without any conscience about it and cause they are good catholics
      Monday: You say, “I will take you to court”. They laugh in your face. They laugh some more and say, “you won’t spend that much and waste all that time”.
      Tuesday: You file a case.
      Wednesday: They tell everyone, “I haven’t done anything. I’m innocent and I’m the victim in all of this”.

      Think of that group of journalists or the 58 people murdered by a political family. 6 years later, not a single person has gone to jail for it and they have even killed witnesses as well. Even with the whole world knowing about this, the Fail-ippines still cannot get their shit together just one time to fake like they are finally progressing.
      When there are reports of a judge being murdered, I’m so happy to hear it now. I’m almost positive someone has gotten to their wits end dealing with the court system and an incompetent, corrupt, or lazy judge just made them snap. I actually get a smirk on my face anytime some gov’t person gets killed here. 9 times out of 10, he probably deserved it.

      1. Profile gravatar of Angel

        “If you are guilty of a crime, you are just in love with the Filipino court system cause you will die before you’re ever found guilty. If you are found guilty, just appeal and drag it out another 5 years.”

        This also works against those who are not guilty and who doesn’t have enough money to post bail. They will probably spend a quarter of their lives in jail before they are ever found innocent.

      2. Profile gravatar of Mike

        There is a guy I know who got sent to jail and could not afford bail or a lawyer. So he has a case number and sits in jail just waiting because the hearing keeps getting postponed,
        1.) Judge sick.
        2.) Lawyer sick. (Either defense or prosecutor).
        3.) BJMP vehicle broke.
        4.) No gas for the BJMP vehicle.
        5.) Court set the hearing but never sent paperwork ordering BJMP to bring the accused.
        6.) Vacations (anyone above except accused).

        So after months of postponements an court date is given for say November 15, 2015 two months down the road. On the morning of the court date Dong is told it was cancelled. Why? Then judge went to a convention/seminar or such in Manila so all hearing for that week are cancelled as are some for the following week so judge can rest from the long trip.

        Then there is the post office. I saw where one had a case in MM but in jail on Mindanao so have court in MM right? Well that was always cancelled because BJMP did not have budget for airfare for three because they did not file paperwork setting that up. Later the case is dismissed and the MM court sent the release papers 2 weeks later via registered mail in MM which took a week to get to the local PO arriving say first week of Aug but the PO did not plan on delivering it until mid October. Extra 2 and half months in jail because PO too lazy to do their fucking job.

      3. Profile gravatar of TightWired

        “9 times out of 10, he probably deserved it”.
        (Johnny not directed at you)…
        With all the dumb, stupid and SAD stuff that goes on in the this country, the only way you can justify it is (without being a racist…LoL)…”They deserve it”…
        Typhoons, Ferry sinking, murder, crimes, kids getting hit by cars while playing by the road, etc, etc etc.. Because anything else than “They deserve it” would mean having to admit that this is one Sorry Ass Country.
        The natural disastors that hit this country on a yearly basics…”Why don’t they learn to clean the trash in the gutters, why doesn’t the gov’t manage the transportation system (bus, ferry jeepney) better. Why do people think they can murder a Judge, kill journalist, whistle blowers…”They probable deserve it”.
        The average citizen after they say “ah that’s too bad”…can then say some tihing like..”They deserve it”…or “Gods will”. and not take responsibility for the failings of their country.
        News Announcer: Today another ferry sunk after sailing into a rain squall (they probable deserved it), 8 fishermen missing after major storm (they probable deserved it).
        How else can you survive in this country without blaming someone for all the dumb shit that happens on a daily basics…???? You can’t blame yourself.
        Oh well…

        1. Profile gravatar of Mike

          I read in a paper about an official talking about being prepared for a typhoon. His grand strategy was this, ” The best preparation for a typhoon is prayer.”

          1. Profile gravatar of Mike

            Maasin, Leyte. If go there by ferry you will see a BIG statue of the virgin on a hill. Was told Maasin got hit by a typhoon real bad years back so they built this statue. Now they believe that the statue keeps the typhoons away. Fuck building better roads, schools, hospital. Let’s build a fucking statue!!

        2. Profile gravatar of Johnny

          Agreed on the not-guilty part. Again though, I say 9/10.
          If I was innocent and I spent even 1 week longer in jail due to a lazy judge, or incompetent court office handling the paperwork, you better believe I would be writing the names of all the people who wronged me.

          The sad thing is the journalists who die each year reporting on their local politicians. I truly feel bad for them. In the mindanao massacre, I don’t think they deserved it (both the journalists and candidates going to register), but when I hear a judge or councilor got killed I pretty much just assume the guy was dirty and really pissed someone off.
          With the people, I did develop a very callous attitude towards them. I don’t think they deserve it, but they don’t do much to prevent any disaster. The flooding is so bad cause of the garbage in the rivers and drainage, yet they never do anything about it but cry when it floods. The mudslides happen when the illegally log the mountainside or log it in an irresponsible manner. The homes are always destroyed cause the gov’t allows them to build shanty towns on the water so the death toll is always so high. Emphysema and other lung illnesses are bad anywhere in Metro Manila, but they don’t do anything about it. In my town, there is a city-wide smoking ban cause “they care about the health of the citizens and those who might be exposed to 2nd hand smoke” while jeepneys and buses spew black smoke all day. And finally, are there any activist or community groups that speak out? There are the NPA, but they are just corrupt and retarded.

          1. Profile gravatar of Johnny

            Here is a Locked Up Abroad story in the Philippines of a UK guy who was charged with adultery. Imagine having to navigate the fucked up system of the Philippines for such an archaic law that obviously no one in the Philippines actually follows.

    4. Profile gravatar of Don Quixote
      Don Quixote

      They write that you have an I Card in your passport,
      I just show them that , NOT that I have ever been asked,
      When I went to renew my visa at the BM, they didn’t notice it, They got real tough going to hit me hard with all the fines etc.
      I let them do all the work, write receipts etc,
      But SIr , My turn,
      I have an I card here it is in the passport, you told me to carry the old one.!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! In case asked.
      Back to the files they checked maybe 500 I cards.
      Mine NOT THERE !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
      My previous visit was twelve months ago when I renewed.
      So good luck getting one in a month !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  3. Profile gravatar of TightWired

    I’ve done the BI trip twice (2 hour wait, come back the next day to pick up), but usaully I just pay a travel agency/fixer to turn in my paper work (600p).
    I’m too young for a retirement visa (LoL) so I still do the 30 – 59 day visa stamp. Or…I just plan a “Breath of Fresh Air” holiday to reset my counter. Yes the budget plane ticket, hotel and food costs are more than the BI charge…but I would rather pay for a holiday, than feed the coffers of this monkey run gov’t.

  4. Profile gravatar of

    More of like acting as professional MONKEY’s on the job. I wonder if a FLIP knows the definition of ETHICS are. 🙂

    1. Profile gravatar of Mike

      After years here I can answer that question. They know nothing of ethics, honesty, time, manners, courtesy, integrity just to name a few.

      1. Profile gravatar of Johnny

        No, they have heard the words before and use the words to describe themselves or their departments. So, in their minds, cause they say it, its true regardless of their actions. They just have no idea you have to do something to actually show you have ethics, honesty, time, manners, courtesy, integrity

  5. Profile gravatar of FHPS

    Doctors especially are professional are swipes that talk down to people, patients, nurses etc and become so hubristic to the point where their word is unquestionable and they try and make everyone beneath them look belittled.

    Little do they know that nurses in western countries would have more knowledge than them and that there are probably many driving taxis around the streets of Canada as I post.

    There are so stupid here, no one knows even what off-the-shelf medications are like Coloxyl and Senna.

    1. Profile gravatar of Johnny

      The doctors are bad and definitely have an ego. The attorneys are another group that have an ego. However, I don’t think there is a worse ego or shitty attitude that the typical gov’t office employee. They have an attitude for whatever reason and really just love to treat the people like complete assholes.

    1. Profile gravatar of Johnny

      Yeah, the guy wasn’t locked up for cheating, drugs, deception, murder, forgery, stealing, or even littering. He was locked up for adultery and he wasn’t the one cheating and sat in a jail cell. Then he is told the BS that adultery is a serious crime in the Philippines. Imagine Bernie Madoff telling you he takes embezzlement very seriously and it isn’t tolerated. That is how insane it must sound.

  6. Profile gravatar of Phil Doh
    Phil Doh Post author

    Today is the BI’s 75th anniversary and they’ve been counting down to this moment for weeks. Just like they spent 12 festivity filled days leading up to thanksgiving last year. Check out their FB page, always celebrating something or pronouncing some greatness. Their statement today marking this historic event really is quite the read, never come across such delusional bullshit in all my life. How can you introduce an application form for tourists with more requirements, more photocopies, an extra referee required, a new ID picture, higher fees and longer waiting times and then claim this:

    “Despite being an enforcement agency, the BI was able to post its highest revenue collection of Php 3.022 billion in 2014—mainly for its efforts to simplify processes, thereby attracting foreign nationals to stay longer in the country and comply with BI regulations.”

    There’s plenty more of these nuggets in their long-winded boastful post. Enjoy!

    Manila, Philippines—The Bureau of Immigration (BI) shines brighter and stronger as it celebrates its anniversary today, September 3, 2015, 75 years after it was established under the Philippine Immigration Act of 1940.

    As the country’s gatekeepers, the BI grew with the nation’s economy—from a division under the Bureau of Customs when trade was the main purpose of travel, to an attached agency of the Department of Justice today as people traveled for various purposes, necessitating an enforcement arm to protect national security.

    The BI did not waver in its mandate and acted in favor of public interest when it issued the deportation order against Thai national Koko Narak, who posted disrespectful comments against Filipinos in his social media account, and Marc Sueselbeck, a German national who committed disrespectful acts at Camp Aguinaldo in October last year, following the murder of his fiancé, Jennifer Laude. The BI was also keen on enforcing immigration laws when it apprehended 733 foreign nationals who violated immigration laws in 2014—an increase of 379% from 2011.

    Due to close coordination with counterpart agencies abroad, immigration officers are keen on excluding and blacklisting sex offenders who try to enter the country. Through the same coordination with local agencies, BI authorities were able to detect and cancel improvidently issued visas which were obtained through fraudulent documents and false claims. Through information verification with the National Statistics Office (NSO), marriage visas were revoked after it was discovered that no marriage records existed in the NSO database.

    Despite being an enforcement agency, the BI was able to post its highest revenue collection of Php 3.022 billion in 2014—mainly for its efforts to simplify processes, thereby attracting foreign nationals to stay longer in the country and comply with BI regulations.

    Over recent years, the BI, through its BI C.A.R.E.S. (Courtesy, Accountability, Responsibility, Efficiency and Service) program, provided a better immigration experience to travelers, thus leaving a better first and final impression with our visitors. Balikbayans likewise appreciate the fresh and happy faces who welcome them upon setting foot in their motherland. This is also due to the merit-based selection plan observed in the selection of its new immigration officers, most of whom are honor graduates and licensed professionals.

    One satisfied client even posted the following comment over social media: “I had a pleasant experience at the Bureau of Immigration today. This is one Bureau in our government that is not only running smoothly but also seems to have rid itself of red tape a.k.a. graft and corruption.”

    The BI took significant steps to improve its services in recent years—from paperless transactions for the annual report requirement for foreign nationals, to cashless payments, and more secure visa stickers. It even took an extra step to reach out to the public by moving its offices to the malls.

    These achievements prove that BI indeed has a reason to celebrate. The diamond anniversary, in the opinion of the men and women who comprise its workforce, is also a time to extend further service to the public. Thus, the BI organized activities to the year leading to its 75th year—including two Medical and Dental missions benefitting more than 3,000 individuals from neighboring barangays, the Handog Edukasyon Program, with more than 15 participating schools granting scholarships to deserving relatives of its employees, Shootfests and Mr. & Ms. BI beauty pageant to benefit our less fortunate brothers and sisters at orphanages in the amount of more than Php 50,000.00, a Job Fair with more than 30 applicants hired on-the-spot and more than 500 participants, and a Fun Run to raise awareness on human trafficking.

    As it celebrates its culminating activity at the National Museum on Friday, with Senate President Franklin Drilon as the guest of honor, the Patriots of the Bureau of Immigration remain strong in their campaign to let the “Good Guys In, Bad Guys Out.”

    1. Profile gravatar of Johnny

      I got to think those FB responses are complete fakes as well. Have you seen the responses to the bullshit they spew. It’s all the same as, “job well done”, “great job___”, “we believe in you ___”, or other senseless BS. Basically, its all a propaganda machine that helps them fell better at the same time.

      1. Profile gravatar of Angel

        “One satisfied client…”

        Wow. Just, wow. I am utterly amazed and convinced.

        They’re all just basically patting themselves in the back.

        Ding: Good job, Dong!
        Dong: Awesome job, Ding!

        Their campaign slogan should be, “Guys With Money In, Guys That Ran Out Of Money Out”.

        1. Profile gravatar of Phil Doh
          Phil Doh Post author

          I’ve been following their page for just over a year and that is the only positive comment I’ve ever seen from a foreigner. Plenty of negative ones.

  7. Profile gravatar of Phil Doh
    Phil Doh Post author

    To be fair, it’s not all self-congratulatory back slaps at the BI. Sometimes they have educational posts, by lazily copying and pasting the most basic facts about other countries off wikipedia.

    Salient Facts: Kyrgyzstan
    Capital: Bishkek
    Demonym: Kyrgyz
    Currency: Som
    Reference: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kyrgyzstan

    They did that for a few days, then either got bored or didn’t receive enough likes to feel it worth continuing.

    1. Profile gravatar of Johnny

      Is there any truth to this story with the mayor putting a gun into someones balls and threatening to shoot?


      They love this guy Duterte cause they think he will be a no-nonsense president. They think he is going to kill all the corrupt politicians, but I have my doubts and if this guy is president, the international community will boycott him and have their human rights issues for him to deal with. Is he really a good mayor like they make him out to be?

      1. Profile gravatar of Angel

        I don’t think so. He’s a hard man, I’ll give you that. But that also means he’s tyrannical. He’s Ferdinand Marcos waiting to happen.

      2. Profile gravatar of Johnny

        The story says he put a gun to the guys balls, threatened to shoot or gave him the choice to eat the cigarette butt. Just wondering if there are local stories of him like that. The stories I hear are he give drug dealers 3 chances and then he kills you. From what I hear, he got tired of the jail system letting everyone out so quickly and without any real punishment so he had to take matters into his own hands.
        Is he corrupt? Like is all that “ruling with an iron fist” just a mask for him stealing?
        The guy is a strong contender for the next president so these morons might be sorry for what they wish for. It’s gonna be Binay, Marcos Jr., and Duterte running for the Philippines or going after the majority vote so I am just wondering whats in store if Duterte wins. The funniest part is Binay has offered to run with Marcos Jr as his VP or Estrada as his VP!! If that ever happened, the UN should just nuke the Philippines and hit the reset button.

  8. Profile gravatar of Phil Doh
    Phil Doh Post author

    When you look at the candidates and their history, you just gotta think wow, only in the failippines! Duterte as president is just a disaster waiting to happen.

    1. Profile gravatar of CantFixStupid

      If you look at the candidates, i think Duterte elected as president, is like picking the kid in a class of failures that got that D average… Just barely made it, but at least he’s not the dumbest one in the class.

      1. Profile gravatar of Phil Doh
        Phil Doh Post author

        The best of a bad bunch whose only claim to fame is stamping out smoking in public areas and executing drug dealers. When you look at how messed up the country is and how many obstacles are in the way to fix it, smoking and drugs are the least of their worries..

          1. Profile gravatar of Mike

            So when they gonna crack on the singles with no plates, fucking up traffic and such? Biggest problem with traffic is in the order of the worst:
            1.) Any filipino that has control of a motor vehicle.

          2. Profile gravatar of Thunderhead

            They don’t seem to be very serious about it either since only two guys are assigned to deal with it. Why not add other people to the task force and enforce it? Maybe corruption.

          3. Profile gravatar of Don Quixote
            Don Quixote

            GOD FUCK ME !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
            It cant be true.???????????????
            You are just messing with the Don.
            AHHHHHHHHHHH, Now I can take another mersondahl Forte and relax again.

  9. Profile gravatar of CantFixStupid

    First hand experience with the BI in Davao. Damn those fuckers are lazy lol. Thank God i left that shitty country. Only reason I’ll ever return is to pick my lady and kids up, and get the hell back to the modern world ASAP. never have to deal with the BI as i’ll never be there beyond 2 weeks at any point in my future. Feel sorry for all the people that will deal with the con artists, extortionists and straight up corrupt assholes that infest that cockroach country.

    1. Profile gravatar of Hey Joe
      Hey Joe

      Absofuckinglootley. If Mindanao Bob says it, it has to be true. He says right on his adds he is the answerman.
      Truth in advertising right?? right?

  10. Profile gravatar of D-Dogg

    After living here for 5 years I’ve observed that Filippino’s always want something for nothing. Take jobs for example, everyone here has a story about going into a business or government office and seeing all the workers just sitting around picking their flat noses. They want the job because they want money, but they don’t want to actually work for it and they get offended if you ask them to actually do something. I know you all know that look; that kind of turned head side eye expression. Merely suggesting that a paper stamper actually stamp papers warrents the look. They have pride yes but not in the right places. Instead of having pride in dedication and workmanship, they simply have pride just for being lucky enough to be born Filippino. That is enough to earn a pride parade for them. I’ve been to McDonalds in Japan and even those workers have pride in what they do, that’s why my big macs look just like the photo and taste retaurant quality.

    Anyway, point is Filo’s all believe they are owed something simply because they’re Filipino. They’re poor so you owe them a job, but you’re not allowed to expect them to actually work, that’s offensive. The nation of The Philippines will never progress as long as Filipino’s live in it.

    1. Profile gravatar of Sarah

      And don’t ever expect gratitude for any/every good deed you do for them. It is never returned. If they have a chance to make money out of you, they will do so regardless of how much you’ve helped them in the past. And that is regardless if you have family ties or not. The last 8 years has been a real learning experience regarding the true nature of the Failipinos….and I don’t even live there!

  11. Profile gravatar of 30-30

    To Mike.
    I sent u message.. Oh,, i forgot,,,,, all that hunting i did,, that is why i have arthritis in my trigger finger today!!!
    Container al