Wet And Wild

  So here I sit with slight headache and listening to the neighbors 4 dogs throw a fit over the slightest thing that last for hours. So bear with me.

As you all know, we had Cignal satellite installed along with PLDT Home DSL and here’s what has been going on. It took Cignal three weeks to install what they said would do in 2 weeks max and when they did the signal box upstairs, it would not work, another week to get them to correct that. Now we have 2 boxes connected to 2 tvs connected to the same dish. The tv downstairs never lost signal. So all fine, for a while. Then last month signal stopped on both tvs for about three weeks, yes we paid our bill. But it seems Cignal did not pay their bill.

    Now we get tv back after about 3 weeks and all fine right? WRONG!! Saturday I walk upstairs to watch the news, turn tv on and all fine for about 5 minutes when signal box shuts off all channels again but the tv downstairs still getting the the cable channels. As of this post still no tv upstairs. Try to figure that one out if you can.

 You all know that we have always had a maid or two working for us around the house. No, not a hooker like some would hire. So wife talking on phone about son’s birthday and stays where and what we will do in front of the maid. Later maid outside when wife walks out without maid noticing. Maid was on the phone to her tribe telling them not to go anywhere because son’s birthday was coming up and we were going to such and such. She told them to stay close to house because she was inviting them to go with us. Did she ask wife or me? No, just got on the phone and sent out invites. This last Saturday was maids time off and we were planning on taking a trip to another island for two days. Wife said not to tell the maid because she gets jealous when we go somewhere and do not take her. It gets better.

      Mom in law cannot get around very well so maid stays with her when we are gone. If we go on a trip and do not take maid she throws a tempo with mom in law, refuses to do what she is told and so forth. She even refuses to cook for our son. I suspect wife will be looking for a new maid soon and she asked me about it. So I gave my 2 cents worth, “This maid is butt ugly. Get one that pretty and sexy. At least I have some eye candy. Don’t hire a hooker.” That’s not my cup of tea and I’ll leave them to the truly desperate, my gift to VD research.

    Friday we did go to a resort so to relax when a big busted pinay walked past our table with a kid.  Who cares. But in the pool is a Kano and the pinay changes into a sexy bathing suit and starts swimming around him showing off her breasts. He leaves the pool and goes to stretch out on a lawn chair pool side when she goes over by him still in pool and shaking breasts.  She leaves the pool and I go get in when she shows up again and starts swimming around me flashing cleavage and such.  Yes, she was the type of woman certain members brag about getting. Wife did have some choice words for her which she pretended not to hear. No, wife did not try to get her for me THANK GOD!!

  Back to the Kano that was in the pool. He said he was from Chicago and arrived at the beginning of July and leaving at the end of the month. He said he came her to meet a pinay and yes she brought the tribe with them to the resort. He said rooms were costing him $12,000 USD a night for the whole tribe. Maybe he got pesos and dollars mixed up.  Then within 5 minutes he’s is telling us, perfect strangers that his dad died and left him $2 million in life insurance and a couple more in stocks and bonds. He went on to say his monthly income was $8,000 which he was working to make $10,000 a month then retire. Now if he told wife and me all this within 5 minutes then you know he told the pinay. Anyone else see a problem yet? He said after he left the philippines he was flying to HK to meet another girl. Anyone want to bet it’s a pinay?

    Wife and I talking more and trying to warn him about somethings that go on I was informed that filipinos are the most honest people he has ever met. Anything wife said fell on deaf ears. Odds are that the pinay is pushing for marriage before he leaves. He was also talking about going to Davao because it was the safest city in Asia. Told wife to watch news for an American from Chicago getting arrested or killed, missing atm card of course.

    I have decided that I will open a new business that caters to the walls and gates that most houses here have. In this thread you will see one of the designs I offer. Be advised I do not take hookers as payment, cash only. The fish smell and creamy liquid comes with additional charges. Yes, it’s a shameless joke at someone else’s expense and hope it will not be the last.

  Been thinking about each time I write an article at the end  ask a question for your consideration.  So Here we go. We all know filipinos can never ever be on time for anything. So how in the hell do the actors and singers get thier lines in on time?


Published in Low Standards


  1. Profile gravatar of DingDong

    I had similar problems with Cignal. When I built the house, I made sure that there were additional conduits (with slow bends) to take Telephone, Internet and Television Cables. However, Globe, PLDT and Cignal refuse to use them! Their instruction manual says ‘Surface Fix’ and that is all that they will do! I watched the guys install the Television Cable, and told them explicitly NOT to bend the cable! I also told them to use a proper connection when joining cables (Otherwise the Shielding Braid with ‘Bounce the Signal’ back!) The Picture Quality was far from 100% and phased in and out! They said that they would return in 2 Days. No one returned! So, it was time to get out the Ladders, and replace the Cable! – Cable Clips had ‘Flattened’ the Cable! Rather than using 1 Piece of Cable, Four Pieces had been joined together! – Badly with Insulating Tape! Little wonder there was no fucking picture on the TV! As the saying goes, “If you want a job doing properly . . . .”

    1. Profile gravatar of DingDong

      I did a handover inspection yesterday morning (Camella Homes). Water leaking on the Lounge Wall! This morning, the pipe had been exposed. God knows how many pieces of Water Pipe ‘Swaged’ one to the next, and sealed with a Blow Torch! The whole lot was then buried in the wall, and Plastered! – This morning, every excuse under the Sun was made! Builder refusing to replace pipe with a Single Piece – He just wants to do a ‘Pwede Na Job!’ Therefore, NO HANDOVER = NO PAYMENT! I can see this lasting at least a week! It appears to be more important to avoid using a new length of pipe (P 200) than release P 4m!

      1. Profile gravatar of 30-30

        why do they bury the water pipes in concrete?????????? Then why do they screw a 1/2” water valve into the pipe and concrete,, why not use a small peice of pipe then put the valve on?? so it is easier to repair????
        Then,,, they never have an inspection plate on their ceilings,, just a small manhole to look at the roof??

        1. Profile gravatar of DingDong

          A: The National Plumbing and Sanitary Code! – Written by the same idiots as the National Electrical Code, National Fire Code, and National Building Code! I only follow the Building Code for Floor to Ceiling Heights – Will NOT follow it for anything else!

        2. Profile gravatar of DingDong

          Much of it is based on Cost, and ‘Blindly’ following the Building Code. Commonsense says put a Trapdoor for Roof Access, but it is not part of the Code. There are 1001 anomalies and contradictions. Every Tread and Riser can be different on a Staircase! There is no requirement for a Toilet Cistern, so Low Specification Housing relies on a ‘Pail Flush!’ No requirement for Hot Water (Mandatory in the UK since 1936) The first thing most purchasers of new homes do, is to rip-out the Kitchen and Bathroom. And, as we all know, the Kitchen and Bathroom are usually ‘Selling Points’ in the First World.

          1. Profile gravatar of 30-30

            They must have let a bunch of drunk tumbuays loose with survey tools when they planned the cities here,, Not a sqaure lot in the whole country,,,,, of course as luck would have gi sheets, beds, and plywood are sqaure

          2. Profile gravatar of DingDong

            Considering so many of them are Overt Freemasons, the use of a Spirit Level and Square has yet to be discovered! I can always tell when the Cleaner has been! – Pictures are crooked on the wall, Dust has been ‘Moved’ rather than ‘Cleaned’ and there is the all pervading smell of ‘Dirty Mop!’

          3. Profile gravatar of DingDong

            Unfortunately, they do! But sensible people do not follow it! It contains wording such a ‘May’ instead of ‘Shall’and ‘Must.’ That is why Staircases are Death Traps if designed to Phils Building Code. I only use it for Floor to Ceiling Heights – Everything else is to UK Building Regs.

          4. Profile gravatar of DingDong

            I should have said, they have 2 Building Codes (The same as Constitutions) the lower standard (BP220) is for Social Housing. This assumes that all Poor People are under 6ft tall (Upper Mezzanine Floor to Ceiling can be 6ft), and staircases can be at an angle of 52 Degrees – Not so much a staircase as a ladder!

            BTW next time you are in a shopping mall, try and find a piece of Toughened Safety Glass! Building Code does not cover it, so they do not use it!

  2. Profile gravatar of Mike
    Mike Post author

    Due to the nature of the picture accompanying this article I feel compelled to add a disclaimer.
    DISCLAIMER: Neither I, the owner of PFB nor any member of PFB shall be held liable for any charges/expenses for hookers that you or your wife procure as a result of said picture or computer repair for wanking off at said picture.

    1. Profile gravatar of Raiders16


      I have Sky Cable/Turd-Internet package that only works on Monday,Tuesday and Wednesday afternoons. Have you ever noticed you get less MBPS between the hours of 10 PM to 3 AM??? All the flips wake up at that time…

      1. Profile gravatar of Mike
        Mike Post author

        Get a load of this. Cable box upstairs and down hooked to 2 different tvs right? Well cable up went out and company told wife because bill not paid. But cable down stayed on. Now both boxes installed on the same day by same company. Try to figure that one out.

  3. Profile gravatar of Raiders16

    @filofail A Filipinos resignation letter when he’s already been fired.

    (This should make you laugh this guy was late to work almost everyday and missed 1-2 days a week)

    To whom it may concern,
    First of all, I would like to thank you all for the opportunity you have provided me. It was really a great pleasure working here with you guys.
    It’s been 6 longs years that I have not worked in this business in fact just have not worked at all. However I was convinced to try it out again because I need to work now.I started again back in August, and since then I’ve worked for people I should be a manager to.
    I can honestly say that when I first arrived here sometime in April, I felt genuine potential to earn real money as I found the job and the environment a breathe of fresh air compared to the rest.

    However, I will say that from the very beginning nothing was ever smooth.The work hours didn’t accommodate my life style and made it very hard for me to show up on time. I tried to address this to upper management but I was ignored.
    Secondly I was told that I was to receive a $200 Bonus for showing up on time for work. I only received $100 to last me a month while I found out that the rest of my colleagues all received $200 Imagine my first impression with the company. But ok, I let it go for a while but have not forgotten, since my objective was to come here put my head down and graft and earn money. Which, I most certainly did! I gave 100% every single day I was here!!

    Day by day things just got worse and worse. I’ve been in this business since 1999 and since then I’ve worked as manager with 200 Employees an assistant floor manager, thrice a floor manager and finally became an owner. So I can confidently say that I do have intricate knowledge and extensive experience.

    Through years of experience, I realized my worth the quality of my work . Otherwise, I would have never been offered to run big companies with 30-40 Employees.
    In which case, I regret to inform you that I no longer want to work for this company.
    All that I ask for in fairness to what I have accomplished and endured with company is:
    1. My full months pay
    2. My lunches and dinner paid
    3. My past 3 weeks rent paid.
    5. $200 on time work bonus.
    All the best and kind regards,

    1. Profile gravatar of Rice Ganda
      Rice Ganda

      LOL “The work hours didn’t accommodate my life style ” read: “The work hours didn’t accommodate my not actually wanting to get put of bed and go to work”. Also note how he went from managing 200 employees to 30-40 in the same paragraph, and also numbered his points 1,2,3 & 5. Dumbass

      1. Profile gravatar of Mike
        Mike Post author

        I said the same thing to Raider. Told him I never showed up for work at his place and where’s my on time bonus, paid rent, meals and full month pay? But seriously, you know what’s missing from that letter?
        1.) Demand of 13th month pay
        2.) Demand for Christmas gift

        1. Profile gravatar of Rice Ganda
          Rice Ganda

          I’m surprised the letter doesn’t start “Dear Sirmam’… These people are so dumb that they took the ‘Sir/Madam’ from their SM/Jollibee training manual (whereby they are supposed to use either ‘sir’ or ‘madam’ depending on the gender of the person they are addressing) and read it as “Sirmam” by which they address everyone…. Dumbasses. Give them a choice of only two words and they still fuck it up.

          1. Profile gravatar of Mike
            Mike Post author

            See, the philippines is the only country in the world that calls a blackout a brownout. I asked them why and was told because when the electric goes out it is brown outside. So I told them the rest of the world calls it blackouts. Their reply? “The rest of the world is wrong.” What fucking egos filipinos have.

    1. Profile gravatar of Mike
      Mike Post author

      That picture is from a movie “Patch Adams”. You can see the video clip on YouTube, just search Patch Adams at your cervix.

  4. Profile gravatar of JanIIISobieski


    ” Wife and I talking more and trying to warn him about somethings that go on I was informed that filipinos are the most honest people he has ever met. Anything wife said fell on deaf ears. ”

    Some people will listen and try to verify. Some people have to learn it the hard way. And some people will never learn.

  5. Profile gravatar of 30-30

    Aw Yes,,, the old dirty mop in the resto floor. The best thing I found is to use a vacuum cleaner,, but get a wet/dry one… The brooms here just raise the dust up 2 feet in the air,, and settle some place else,,,,????
    I found a mop and bucket where you push down on the mop handle and it spins in the pail to dry out the mop, perfect!!!
    I wonder when it is going to out of stock??????????????

    1. Profile gravatar of Mike
      Mike Post author

      It’s out of a movie titled “Patch Adams”. If you go to YouTube and search Patch Adams at your cervix it will bring up the clip.

  6. Profile gravatar of Don Quixote
    Don Quixote

    Ding Dong,
    Is the witch dead yet??
    I was mistaken when I asked about the building code, there MAY BE one I just have not seen any evidence of one.
    What I meant to say was there is NO DEVELOPMENT CONTROL PLAN for the Philippines which is why the build shit anywhere and everywhere they want.
    So they can tell you how to erect a building, they just cant tell you where to build it???????????

    1. Profile gravatar of DingDong

      They have ‘Zoning’ which is rather like the US System – Merely ‘Zones’ for Industry, Residential and Agriculture. However, if you pay someone at the Monkeypality the Zoning can be changed. Agricultural Land at a few hundred Pesos/m2 suddenly becomes Prime Residential at PHP 4,500/m2! The Building Code is just a joke!

  7. Profile gravatar of Anglo-Irish

    As my dear departed granny used to say ‘a fool and his money are soon parted’.
    I’m now happily married to a nice Filipina with a poor but proud family who never ask foranything.
    She’s not the typical young, all tits and teeth, legs that go on forever type, nor is she very young. But I trust her not to stray or empty my bank account.
    I had a couple of money-grabber type gf’s before I met her. Found out the hard way that beauty is only skin deep.
    Some of the expats who complain about being taken for a ride have really only themselves to blame it they’re going to think with their dicks instead of their brains.
    I speak from experience, I made bad decisions in the past, acting on impulses that originated from the groin area rather than the cranial area.
    Ah well, we live and learn.

    1. Profile gravatar of DingDong

      It’s strange how we use the same expressions as our forbears! My father gave me two wonderful pieces of advice.

      1. On going to work in France after University he told me “Never trust a Nation that cheats at It’s a Knockout!”
      2. On going to work in the Middle East “Never trust a Man in a Dress!”

      i hate to think what he would say about this place!