Filipino: A Culture Rewarded For Stupidity and mistakes
A Satire Story:
William died the early age of 62. Didn’t even make it to retirement to enjoy the expected remainder of his years. Instead those years were nipped off, suffering from heart failure and now in Gods hands. Afterlife was his plea and God granted him that wish, but needed help from William for deciding his destiny.
William cried, “I worked hard all my life, had 2 wonderful children and lived in a “free” country as a high ranking citizen in England, but yet I didn’t get to even retire. Children were an expense and trying to raise them and handle the costs of living was difficult and not to mention my wife, who wasn’t the perfect person I imagined, but I pulled through and made the best of things”
God replied, “so you worked hard all your life, supported your family and provided well for your children? Check, OK…..continue”.
William answered, “I was a smart individual with a 140 IQ. I was also giving. I ran charity organizations and paid heavily to support those in need. I over worked myself and all the stress of working more than likely contributed to my heart failure. I wanted to retire early and not have to worry anymore. I made all the success I wanted earning a large salary and gaining respect from my peers but it seems as though I worked myself into a grave. I need something much different than this past life…..I feel as though my only reward for all my good doings was an early grave, God.”
God sat their on his big holy cloud of bullshit and pondered. *hmmm. Successful, giving, providing for his children, devoted worker and none of this really served poor William in the end*
God arose from his holy cloud of bullshit. A light bulb had gone off in his head. “William, I know a perfect place for your after life. A place that will grant you what you truly need and desire”.
William kneeled down before God and pleaded, “Please, almighty one, give me an easier life! I don’t want to work myself into another grave! I made mistakes, in fact, I made far too many bad decisions in my life. I don’t want to make those bad decisions again”.
God replied, ” what If I were to give you a life where you would get rewarded for your mistakes? What if I told you that you no longer need to learn from your mistakes?”
William asked, “why, I don’t know if I want to live a life where I don’t learn from my mistakes, why would I want to live like that? Wouldn’t it stress me out more living like that?”
God laughed, “muahahahah, in this afterlife you won’t even have the intelligence to care! In fact you won’t even feel shame! You’ll be able to excuse all your wrong doings with the word “culture” or simply not giving a fuck.”
Williams eyes widened, “uh, what the fuck, God did you just swear?”
God coughed, “why yes, now where was I? Oh yes, I will give you the ability to live cost free even! You will have to do a little work for a portion of your life, but the rest of it paid for! I’ll make you so entitled to other peoples success, you won’t even need to worry about working much. I can guarantee you retirement by at least age 50, probably earlier. “
William asked “that sounds good, but how and why will I be retiring at such an early age? What’s the catch?”
God coughed and paused for a moment, “I see I have a bright one here. Well first of all I’m going to give you a life where you can fuck all you want and have babies. Then what you’re going to do is invest in the babies until they are about 17, send them off to work the rest of their petty lives and and have them pay you for all your bills, housing, expenses, booze, gambling, you name it! It’s the culture where this is respected and admired so don’t worry about shame and feeling guilty, you’ll be suffering from too much dumb fuckery to have those feelings anyways”
“What about mistakes I make, like finding the wrong women and having babies with them? What about mistakes Of spending too much money when I shouldn’t be or being dictatorial and demanding with my kids? I don’t want to exploit them and be dependent on them?”, replied William.
God tilted back on his holy cloud of bullshit and laughed, “hahahahaha, all the mistakes you make will be excused and rewarded, you will have plenty of other women to pursue and impregnate, and your gullible, weak minded children will never feel exploited because all of this is just a part of the culture! Hell, your kids will worship you like a king and die with eternal debt and guess what? They will be happy doing it because the majority are dumb as nails! Don’t worry about it, they are mostly catholic and worship me more than just about any other culture. I take great care of them! They’re a little over populated and I have to send some typhoons there once in a while to cut the numbers down but other than that, you’re gonna like it. Trust me. “
William sat back and pondered,”so early retirement, very little stress, free money, as many girls as I want, and rewarded for dumb-fuckery? Can’t you just give me an afterlife where I’m born into a rich family?”
“Oh boy, I thought you’d ask that one. See, all those fucking Pinoy’s took that afterlife, and considering they die off as much as they procreate, the fuckers first wish is to become a rich white man/women and end up first in line ahead of everyone else.”Published in