Wild Monkeys On The Loose

I have a Korean friend who flies to the philippines one week each month from Korea to see his family, nice guy. This he does every month, spend a week then work three in Korea. Well every time he come there is a trip to one of his two favorite resorts which my wife, son and I get invited to go with them. Yesterday was one of those days so my cooked up food to take along for everyone to enjoy then everyone piles in his Chevy and off we go with his Filipina girl driving on an hour trip to the mountain resort. Nice scenery when we got out of town and away from the assholes, but it’s the philippines. So driving down the FOUR LANE road, as usual the only lane they will use is the left then wait to pass using the oncoming lanes while the right lane clear for miles around. Well his woman waits, have to admit she is a better driver than most I have seen here.


So after a time the road narrows to two lane but less traffic and what do you deal with then? Tarps spread out taking up your lane so the can dry their rice, FORGET about using the empty lot next to the house. So we get to the resort and have it all to ourselves when I notice something I have RARELY seen since arriving here. TRASH CANS all over the place!!! GREAT!!!! It’s gonna be clean!!!!! Then I see the signs, “Watch for loose wild monkeys” “Not responsible for wild monkeys”. OK, now I had the same thought that you are having this very moment about the signs but go on my way. Well we get a little hut and start up the BBQ and start enjoying the fresh air with no sign of wild monkeys as the signs warned. About an hour after we arrived a group of filipinos show up and occupy the hut next to us and start the yelling and loud music, then the wild monkeys show up as soon as the hear the yelling and music. So next hut decides to feed them. Please remember you first thought about the wild monkey signs. So one chubby pinay goes over to the tree, starts scratching her head, making monkey sounds, beating her chest and doing the ape walk. What did the monkeys do? They just sat their with the “What is this dumb bitch doing”? look on their face. I could see the monkeys look at each other as if saying “And they are suppose to be higher on the ladder of evolution”?

This went on for well over an hour by several filipinos. I even told one group now we know for fact which is smarter only to get the blank look from the group. Yea, I know. Imagine that. As for the trash cans, that was a waste as snack wrappers thrown every where including the crystal clear river that was there for swimming. I will never figure out why filipinos have a severe aversion for trash cans. As to the “Wild monkeys on the loose” feel free to make up your mind whether the group in the trees or the next hut was the wild monkeys on the loose. I have.

Published in Blatant Stupidiy


  1. Profile gravatar of Pinay Lover
    Pinay Lover

    Hey Mike, (or any other expat)

    You seem to have a pretty good grasp on what’s going on in the Failippines. I’m trying to get a handle on this land that my sister in-law has been paying for over there. Her scamming parents have been receiving the money and I wouldn’t be surprised if they are pocketing a lot of it. Anyhow, she said she got a “deal” on this land. Something like 250,000 peso for 2 acres. She has 50,000 peso left to pay, but then she tells me she has to pay “title of land” for 25,000 peso as well. Does this add up to you? In Bani (near Alaminos city) is the location and I’m wondering if this title of land is just extra money they want. Wouldn’t 250,000 peso account for everything?

    I just smell scams here. She doesn’t even sign anything. They sign it all, and they give the money, so she literally doesn’t have any possession. It just makes me sick. She will be going there to hopefully talk to the land owner and get some answers.

    1. Profile gravatar of Kevin

      It’s obvious, how can you own something if you don’t have any papers or proof ?


      scam here in PH is like a traffic .

      common .

    2. Profile gravatar of Hey Joe
      Hey Joe

      If it’s 25k for title transfer to you’re name. Then that is about the right fee. We have paid as little as p22k. Some of the fees are depending on price you paid for the land.

      God I hope you saw and checked the title BEFORE you paid. Please tell me you did not trust them to have a free/clear title.Please…

      I/we own several parcels of land in the phils, and I will tell you it has been my experience that it’s a 60% shot that the “owner” of the land/car is not the owner, or it is encumbered (pawned) in some way that they have no legal right to sell it. Fake photoshop titles are all over the place, fake plot-maps, fake car titles…. the list goes on and on.
      It costs less than 200p to get a real duplicate car title from the LTO. Hummmm what would a pinoy do with 2 car titles???????

      Neighbor of a Brit friend of mine sold his house twice and left town with the cash. Now you see 2 people fighting over the same house, when they should be joining together to track down the SOB that robbed the both of them. But no…. we get to watch them barricade the door, cut power/water to each other. pinoys….

      1. Profile gravatar of Mike
        Mike Post author

        I like the newspapers ads from the banks trying to sell foreclosed land and houses. They have the little letters beside the listing and it boggles the mind
        J= squatters
        R= informal settlers
        C= Illegal settlers
        E= Occupied
        And this from the same bank listing different properties in the same add. Why the hell don’t they have just one letter that says the place is infested with squatters instead of having three or four that say the same damn thing. Good luck getting the squatters out.

  2. Profile gravatar of Mike
    Mike Post author


    I wouldn’t know about the title of land. But if math right then the land cost 250 pesos a square meter. Here’s a site that might help that you can contact. They usually answer my questions. http://www.islandsproperties.com

    I do know that if owner has clear title then it is a little easier. But some only have what they call rights to the land (yes even squatters). If they have rights and sign it over then the buyer can get a title. by applying. BUT a lot of times some kin of the seller will come out of the woodwork and claim the seller had no right to sell it and demand the buyer pay them as well.

    In addition if the seller did not pay taxes on the land for years then the buyer stands a good chance of getting stiffed into paying the back taxes.

    1. Profile gravatar of Pinay Lover
      Pinay Lover

      Thanks, Mike.

      I’ll look into it. God, I swear I have to monitor this whole fucking family and I’m the only one doing it….it’s just extra baby sitting which I really don’t have time for! I shouldn’t give a fuck, but I can’t help but to care, since I don’t want to see her sister getting scammed for all that hard work.

  3. Profile gravatar of emrys

    the best thing to do is to get a lawyer to double check things. I know what people might say, it would be a waste of time. however, if you were going to buy land in your own country,you’d get a lawyer. my gf’s aunt and husband from the uk spent 50,000 euros on a piece of land that was beach front property. the guy they were buying from produced the land title which looked above board. they paid him in cash. 5 years later they decided to sell the land since they haven’t been back to the Philippines. wouldn’t you know it, the guy who produced the land title wasn’t even the owner of the land. they gave some guy who didn’t even own the land 50,000 euros.

    of course I ask If they had a lawyer check the guy out with a security check and check who actually owned the land, and she said no they didn’t. all I could say was “WTF is wrong with them”. even renting a place in the phil you can get scammed and have to pay for an overdue water,electric,internet bill. you might even sign a lease to a place and when you go to move into it, some other guy shows up saying wtf are you doing in my place?

    definitely contact a professional real estate agent that is certified and ask every question you can think of.

    1. Profile gravatar of Kevin

      “you might even sign a lease to a place and when you go to move into it, some other guy shows up saying wtf are you doing in my place?”

      this is gold .

      1. Profile gravatar of emrys

        thanks kevin.

        I met a guy my last trip that this actually happened too. it’s the old “rent a place and then rent it to as many people as you can in a weekend” scam. just because you can ask for the equivalent of 3 months rent up front. I can see how it would be pretty profitable.

        the guy I met said that 3 other guys showed up while he was moving his stuff in. the real funny part is that the guy who was renting it out,was a white guy….ouch!

    2. Profile gravatar of Fr. Bong Bong Jolog Jun III
      Fr. Bong Bong Jolog Jun III

      The licensed real estate agents here are generally, fucking idiots (and I’m being really polite). I’ve never had one of these morons produce a lease that I was willing to execute, without significant changes being made first. I’m not talking about changes to the general terms and conditions like the rent payable either – I’m talking about items like the wrong address for the property being on the document, incorrect owners names, terms and conditions which contradict one and other, etc.

      I recall signing one lease, and leaving the agent to have it notarized (let’s not even go there with all the illegal notarization that goes on here) – only to see white out all over the lease when I got it back. I confronted the agent, and the moron admitted to making changes to the lease after notarization was complete. I might add that the landlord failed to return the rental bond when the lease was over – just normal, thieving Pinoy practice.

      I remember when I first visited the Failippines, being fascinated by all the properties I saw with signs saying “This property is not for sale. Contact owner on #”. I now realize that is about protecting themselves (and others) against the frequent property transfer frauds that occur in this country. The high fences around empty properties are to keep squatters out. Once these vermin have a established occupancy, they have a legal right to remain there – whilst you keep on paying all the property taxes, etc.

      There is NO WAY that I would even consider purchasing a property in this God forsaken land of imbeciles and thieves.

      1. Profile gravatar of emrys

        I was more saying that talking to a reality agent about how to obtain documentation and other forms. I wouldn’t go to a real estate agent for an apartment. most “agents” are just brokers, and a broker is just some person who said they would rent the place, paid the fees, and is trying to flip the rental to someone else. that’s how you get ridiculous rental rates like 65000 peso for a 1 bedroom condo.

    3. Profile gravatar of Pinay Lover
      Pinay Lover

      Apparently my wife’s sister knows the guy and the family has known him for decades. She also has Filipino friends who have bought land from him and hasn’t received any bad information about him and his land, so that’s a good sign, but I totally agree. I ‘d want a fucking contract, I’d want to talk to the guy directly, I’d want a lawyer to check if it’s legit, but these people are fucking dumb when it comes to that.

      For instance, my wife just gave her pocket change away from some random soliciting pinay who approached us in the mall asking for money for charity. I didn’t see this happen, and If I did I would have stopped her, but she just went ahead and gave her money.

      Then later on she wanted to get something to eat. “well, you spent that one ‘charity’ babes, just eat something at home”. She was upset, but wtf? How did you know she wasn’t just some random pinoy trying to rip you off?